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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1818
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

Discussion Forum

5 months and I'm feeling so down. Is this normal?

Started by love,cookie. Last reply by MidsLuke on Wednesday. 5 Replies

Hi all, I have so many things on my mind and am having such a hard time. My love died of acute heart failure in March. I am struggling with PTSD from it and depression. I am seeing a therapist and on…Continue

Companionship in Pets

Started by LorraineS. Last reply by shelley on Monday. 3 Replies

I know you're not supposed to make major decisions for a year. I just made one. I really need a companion pet and there was a specific cat breed available for a rehome from a breeder. So I decided to…Continue

Ideas that may help yourself heal when your spouse dies

Started by jlsrdh Sep 4. 0 Replies

I'm not a professional, just another widow on this site. 8/20/18 was my husband Tom's  death day. In the scope of healing I'm still in the beginning at 2 years, but sharing some items that continue…Continue

Missing my husband, best friend and soul mate

Started by jpann39. Last reply by jlsrdh Sep 1. 11 Replies

My husband unexpectedly passed away May 15, 2020 and I have been lost since.I got through the first few weeks by putting one foot in front of the other and doing the things that I needed to get…Continue

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Comment by Tess on August 30, 2020 at 5:33pm

Good advice Frank. I guess what it comes down to is to use whatever resources that are available to you. Some will be harder to acquire than others, and some will prove to not be as useful, but you never know until you try them. 
I like the thought that our memories are a gift from God. They are truly a personal thing that no one can take away from us. The best kind of gift. 

Comment by Frank on August 30, 2020 at 12:15pm

Hi all,

I lost my wife of 35 years 17 DEC 2012.  She went to sleep on Sunday night and did not wake up Monday morning.  As has been mentioned, we thought we were "young" too.  At least my body was not telling me I was in my 60's.  There is a horrible, rending, agony, filled time ahead and the best advice is to seek help.  While you do have to go through your own private hell, walk through it and come out the other side, you also can use friends, family, and grief groups to help.  In the case of friends and family ask for help with things around the house etc.  With the grief group, "Lay it all out on the table."  Cry, ask questions, and listen as others in the group describe their travel through this terrible time.  Expect to make slow progress. Some times, it is three steps forward and one or two back.  Some time in the future, you can look back during a dark time, and actually see that you have made progress.  Grab onto that realization, and encourage yourself to continue on.  We will never forget them. Their touch, their kiss, even the sound of their voice can fade away, but our memories of them are a gift from God that will last us for the rest of our lives.

HUGS,

Frank

Comment by Riskybiz on August 4, 2020 at 5:55pm

Justinjuice,

My condolences for your wife's passing.  My loss was also sudden, and very unexpected.  He was my love, the love of my life.  We were married for 45 years, he died a week before Christmas Eve.  We were also soulmates, but at our age (Rick 73, me 67) he always said the one that goes first is the lucky one.  Boy was he right.  There is no making any sense of why this happened.  Why did God or whatever take my husband and your wife?   We both loved our mates, why are they gone?  Surely there must be an answer but in eight months I still don't know why.  I keep hoping the nightmare will be over also.   When I run an errand and return home and see his car in the garage I still think for a second "Rick's home".  Of course he is not.  It's been  almost eight months for me and the only advice I can offer you is one day at a time.  Some days it's one hour at a time.  You will cry, you will rant, you will scream and that is okay.  Grief has no time period, I am here for you and so is everyone on this site.  You can email or text me, there are people on this site that understand.  Again, I am so sorry for your loss.  And the loss of everyone that has lost their beloved on this site.

Riskybiz

Comment by LO on August 4, 2020 at 1:16pm

I’m sorry for your loss. I am in the same situation as you. I held my husband in my arms and tried everything I could to revive him. I dream I am in a TV programme and this was a bad nightmare and my husband shouts it was all a dream, then I wake up and realise I am still in this nightmare.  We also had our whole future together, years ahead planned out and now all I have are our memories which I panic will fade. 

Comment by Justinjuice on August 4, 2020 at 11:46am

II am so sorry for your loss. My wife’s passing was so sudden, that apparently, she would not even have noticed it. I noticed it though. I held her in my arms and tried everything to save her. Now, I have only but her memories to keep me company. We spent all our time together, we promised each other that this would be our life. Our total devotion to each other. It would be all we need. But we never gave even one thought to what would happen if one of us would leave. Not at our age though. We were to young we thought. Now I am alone and pondering on my thoughts seem to be the only legacy left to me. Trying to make sense of why this happened, and even why I am left on this earth, while she is gone. I impatiently wait for this nightmare to end, then will I wake up, and she will tell me that it is only a bad dream. We still have our lives together, and we will be together forever. But every morning I wake up and she is not there. She is gone, forever.

Comment by Riskybiz on July 29, 2020 at 4:56pm

Builtgeektough,

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my love 12/17/19, he was 73, I am 67.  It does not matter what you age is, everyone one this site, male and female have one thing in common; WE DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE.  WE DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THIS "CLUB".  But we are.  I can barely remember the first month of his passing and I was in a fog also.  It's been almost eight months for me and I cry all the time.  Others on this site cry too.  I still yell and scream at God.  All I can offer you is one day at a time.  I don't know why our soulmates have been taken, I have no answers .  No one does.  This site has helped me greatly, all the people here know what you are going through and will go through.  Grief is not easy.  I have lost both my parents and a sister, but losing my husband of 45 years is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  It will be the hardest for you also.  We are here for you.  I am so sorry for you and your son.

Riskybiz

Comment by LO on July 29, 2020 at 2:07pm

Builtgeektough, I am sorry for your loss. I understand exactly how you feel. I am 47, my husband was 53. He passed away at the end of March, from Covid19. My husband was getting better and all of a sudden started having breathing problems. I dialled for an ambulance, but when I put the phone down he suddenly stopped breathing. I had to perform CPR for 40 minutes on him until they arrived trying to get him back, screaming the whole time not to leave me. The paramedics arrived and carried on but nothing worked.  He was my everything. I also have a 12 year old daughter and we had planned our whole future, even retirement. I am coping by keeping busy the whole time. When I talk about him or think about him all I do is cry. I also feel numb now and have that fog feeling. I was advised to write my feelings down.

Comment by Tess on July 29, 2020 at 1:00pm

Builtgeektough, I am so sorry for your sudden, tragic loss. You both are so young. We expect the loss when we are older, but when it is untimely it seems so unfair. 
Don’t try to project too far into the future. You end up thinking that your emotions will be frozen in time and that you will always feel the way you do now. You won’t.  
The most prevalent piece of advice I see on WV is to develop a support system. Family or good friends is a good place to start. I did individual and then group therapy which really helped me sort out my feelings and know that I wasn’t alone with my struggles. 
Sending you peace and virtual hugs. Come back and post often. 

Comment by Builtgeektough on July 29, 2020 at 11:55am

It was a mere 10 days before my husband's 40th birthday. He was feeling great with no issues from his genetic GI disease, allowing him to finally sleep the last couple of nights without getting up once or twice an hour. He felt so great that he decided to go for a long walk with my son while I had some time to binge my favorite TV show. 30 minutes later my son runs into the door saying my husband was dehydrated and he had passed out in our complex. I ran to him with some water and watched him drink slowly and catch his breath. I grabbed the car so I could drive him back home. We sat in the car for a while and he was still out of breath. He seemed to be okay. He was talking to me after all and was conscious. I got him to the stairs down to our unit when he collapsed again, crawling to our door. I called 911 and he even talked to the operator to describe his symptoms. 5 minutes after we hung up, he passed out again and I desperately tried CPR to get him breathing until the paramedics came. They tried to save his life and I prayed to whatever deity would listen to not take him away from me that night. No deity responded and the paramedics called his time of death, possibly due to heart dysrhythmia. His heart was never an issue in the past. I'm not even 35, my son only 11. We had so many plans. We were supposed to be together until we grew old, raise our child together as a team. Neither of us had two parents to raise us so we wanted to give that to our son. 

Half of me has been unfairly ripped away from me. I walk around numb half the time and the other half missing every single detail of his presence. It's only been a week since his passing but it's hard to believe this will get any easier in the next month or year or decade. I've dealt with loss many times with close family members but I've never felt so absolutely debilitated by grief. I loved him so much. He was my soulmate. And now I don't have one anymore. What does that mean? Does it mean that I just go through life as half a person? There have been so many times during just this week alone where I think of something to tell him, like related to private jokes we would share or other common interests and I now have no one to share them with. I grew up believing there was someone out there for everyone and now that one person is gone. I don't understand it and I hurt all of the time. 

Comment by Pisces1966 on July 17, 2020 at 4:28pm

Thank you LW, I am doing pretty well. I still can’t  believe it’s been so long since I’ve seen Paul but it has become more manageable. I recently moved in with my daughter and son in law so it’s not so lonely anymore. I see you are from Massachusetts too, I live on Cape Cod.

 

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