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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Unmarried Widows & Widowers

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Unmarried Widows & Widowers

Were you unmarried when your partner died? However you define your relationship, your loss counts in WidVille. Post anywhere, find peers in this group.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 229
Latest Activity: on Monday

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Comment by Claire on Monday

CvilleSarah, thank you for sharing your experience at Griefshare. It sounds like it was a worthwhile experience for you.  I'm hoping it continues to be helpful for you.  I have considered attending, but I am an atheist and the religious aspect would be a deal breaker for me. 

Comment by CvilleSarah on Monday

Today, I went for the first time to a grief group...it was week 2 of a 13 week GriefShare group. Didn’t find out about it in time for week 1...oh well. Although maybe a little heavy on the religion for me, the facilitators and group members were really nice, and I think I’d like to go back. It comes with a workbook with daily exercises, and it seems like I’ll be able to use those to channel my grief time into something more productive than just sitting there staring, unfocused, with my mind running all over the place and never really finishing a thought. I did one today where you list all the things you miss about your loved one...writing them down made my heart ache, but at least it helped me focus on something. I debated whether it was too soon to go to a group, whether I was really ready, but I’m glad I at least went. I guess the most important thing is reminding ourselves that we only have to commit to one day at a time...one session...etc. Just do the best we can 

Comment by drummergirl on Friday

CvilleSarah, I too lost the most important person in my life and he and I had a big age gap of 21 years.  It seems odd, but we just got along together that much.  Like your special someone, mine too had medical issues that he died from on 9/3/14.  A very unexpected loss as well, we did not know that on 8/31/14 would be our last time together here on this plane.  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Friday

(((Hugs CvilleSarah)))

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Friday

Babycakes,

You might consider taking your kids for counseling. Play therapy helps children express their inner most thoughts for a therapist to interpret & provide guidance. Even though my kids were older, it did help relieve the burden of non-expression & inability to vocalize their pain ...

Comment by CvilleSarah on Friday

Hi all,

I am new to site as of today, thank you for having me. Although I am still somewhat in shock to be here, I am already comforted just a little reading things written by people with this in common with me. I am 34 years old, and lost the love of my life almost 2 weeks ago on 9/1 after about a month long battle with some medical issues. My friend and family want to be helpful, and they have been, but it is next to impossible for them to understand what I’m going through. After all, it’s not any of them l I really want, I just want my Joey back.  There was a large age gap between us, but I cannot describe how compatible we were and how easy it was to love him. We were together for about 2 years, and best friends for several years prior. Although we weren’t married, we planned on it, and talked al the time about how true and pure and real our love was. He was my first real relationship, as I had always been a little Leary of sharing my space and all that. But sharing our lives together was by far the greatest experience of my life. We had such a great little routine, stuff we liked to do together, tv shows, etc. I just can’t believe that the last time we did everything together was really the last time, and we didn’t even know it. His memorial service was this past Sunday, and now it seems like life goes on, for everyone except me.  As I lay here in bed where he’s supposed to be beside me, with one of his T-shirts, my heart goes out to all of us dealing with this. Goodnight, and thanks for reading. 

Comment by Babycakes1993 on September 6, 2019 at 1:26pm

Hello I'm new to this group. The love of my life, the father of my two young children passed away Dec 2nd, 2018. My children and I found Daniel dead on our living floor. We were to be wed but my darling passed away 3 months before our wedding. Also he died the day before his 25th birthday. As you can imagine it was a very difficult day and Christmas was horrible. He did wrap presents before he passed that were for the children n I. It was a very emotional time for me. 9 months later I still struggle, fallen into a deep depression, no appetite, lost interest in things and can't sleep because I have nightmares. My daughter who is 3 is having a very difficult time she is more expressive then my son who is 2. He was 1 1/2 at the time my darling passed. My daughter understands more talks about how daddy was dead on our living room floor at old apartment and has many meltdowns. My son since not being able to express himself I have no idea what he is feeling. All he says is he wants daddy. I feel so alone. Hoping to find support here! 

Comment by that1chick on August 24, 2019 at 7:37pm

My friends are taking my decision to leave Raleigh hard. And I love them all because they held me up when I couldn’t hold myself up. I can no longer deal with being stalked at church and on the internet by his family, and people who have issues because I still make sure I look nice each day. I don’t want to deal with all the things that come at me from his family and from people who mean well...and I have to remember that all the time.

I’m tired of crying when I go on the side of town we lived on and places we used to walk and hold hands. It’s now becoming exhausting and draining. I can’t go to the place where he collapsed and the ambulance took him from on that horrible day. Being exhausted and drained in the same moment is now something my brain is losing the ability to process.

That is a dangerous place for me. I’ve been there more time than I care to speak about. And each time I regretted things and situations where people left me no choice. People often mistake my personality as a weak one. I don’t want to leave my friends and I know they understand and selfishly want me to stay. Its time for me to seek peace where I can find it.

Comment by that1chick on January 15, 2019 at 1:02pm

Rodney and I were together for 3 years when he passed away. So I’ve been trying to find resources to recover from losing my partner, since N.C. is a state where common law relationships have no legal standing, I have to start over yet again from a relationship. I feel like the life we were building together doesn’t exist and there’s nowhere I belong. His family doesn’t like me or acknowledge me. People look at me given my being 50+ and judge me. I literally have to start over with the clothes on my back. I had to move out of the house we shared. We had built a happy life. He’d gotten laid off his job but found work. We were dealing with managing his health conditions and all of the drama in his family. You see his daughter and sister were living in the house (off of him) when he had his job but weren’t helping with the bills. Last year we had finally gotten them out of the house and the month he passed was the first month we had all the bills caught up from that so we could focus more on getting married soon. As soon as he was pronounced dead, I was getting harassing calls from his daughter and sister demanding I let them in our house. I just got tired of them all and got some friends to help me move my things out of the house. My girlfriend is letting me stay with her until I can get another place to stay. Still, I’m so angry about it all. I could almost feel that house ripping my heart out of my chest, pulling me as we drove away. Like someone else said, Rodneys death was sudden and I wasn't prepared to lose him in such a cruel way. I'm trying really hard not to hate, but it's hard. Im so embarrassed about this because at my age I should be more stable. His family put pressure on him to no end blocking him from making better arrangements for me. Yes he could have stood up to them like some of my friends said but the truth is he was still getting his mind around what was happening to him. I think he just couldn’t believe or accept they who they really are.

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on October 25, 2018 at 7:08am

Hi Hopesmom, this is a rarely used forum.  

My Jerry and I weren't married but I'm still very much a widow.  I am 10 months and getting a little better with each passing day.  Sometimes I regress but all in all my life is better than it has been since day one.  I often wonder how I've managed too.  Yes, YES!  I attribute this website and camp widow for saving my sanity, and probably my life.  

 

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