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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Unmarried Widows & Widowers

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Unmarried Widows & Widowers

Were you unmarried when your partner died? However you define your relationship, your loss counts in WidVille. Post anywhere, find peers in this group.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 217
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

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Comment by that1chick on Tuesday

Rodney and I were together for 3 years when he passed away. So I’ve been trying to find resources to recover from losing my partner, since N.C. is a state where common law relationships have no legal standing, I have to start over yet again from a relationship. I feel like the life we were building together doesn’t exist and there’s nowhere I belong. His family doesn’t like me or acknowledge me. People look at me given my being 50+ and judge me. I literally have to start over with the clothes on my back. I had to move out of the house we shared. We had built a happy life. He’d gotten laid off his job but found work. We were dealing with managing his health conditions and all of the drama in his family. You see his daughter and sister were living in the house (off of him) when he had his job but weren’t helping with the bills. Last year we had finally gotten them out of the house and the month he passed was the first month we had all the bills caught up from that so we could focus more on getting married soon. As soon as he was pronounced dead, I was getting harassing calls from his daughter and sister demanding I let them in our house. I just got tired of them all and got some friends to help me move my things out of the house. My girlfriend is letting me stay with her until I can get another place to stay. Still, I’m so angry about it all. I could almost feel that house ripping my heart out of my chest, pulling me as we drove away. Like someone else said, Rodneys death was sudden and I wasn't prepared to lose him in such a cruel way. I'm trying really hard not to hate, but it's hard. Im so embarrassed about this because at my age I should be more stable. His family put pressure on him to no end blocking him from making better arrangements for me. Yes he could have stood up to them like some of my friends said but the truth is he was still getting his mind around what was happening to him. I think he just couldn’t believe or accept they who they really are.

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on October 25, 2018 at 7:08am

Hi Hopesmom, this is a rarely used forum.  

My Jerry and I weren't married but I'm still very much a widow.  I am 10 months and getting a little better with each passing day.  Sometimes I regress but all in all my life is better than it has been since day one.  I often wonder how I've managed too.  Yes, YES!  I attribute this website and camp widow for saving my sanity, and probably my life.  

Comment by Hopesmom on October 20, 2018 at 6:20pm

This is my first time on this group. I lost my husband of 23 years suddenly in January of 2018. He had been sick,and wouldn't go to the doctor because we were right in the middle of buying a house. So shortly after we moved in I finally told him that he had to go to the doctor, he went and that's when everything started to fall apart. Within a week we were told that he had stage 4 lung cancer with mets to his liver. He didn't start to go downhill, suddenly he was just there.He got to spend 13 nights in our new house, thats it. We had so many plans for the future. To say I'm devastated is an understatement. It's been 9 months now and I honestly don't know how I've done it. Finding this website has helped lots. Thanks for being here.

Comment by jhens2017 on November 10, 2017 at 4:01am

That has sort of been my experience and, in m opinion, you were better off NOT getting to know him further. He sounds like he just wants a "booty call" and nothing substantial. I've signed up on a couple different dating sites and the responses are typically the same--they don't want a "relationship" they just want to "hang out" and "hook up" which I am not looking for. After I get one of these replies, my loneliness and my missing Chris comes on hard and I get angry at him for leaving me and having to resubmerge myself back into the dating world or risk spending the rest of my life alone. That's a choice??? As far as telling him no without going into your whole story, tell him you're not looking to jump into any kind of relationship but you'd be open if he wanted to ask you on a real DATE. Not a hookup, hang out or "NetFlix and chill" kind of thing but a real date which doesn't include anybody being horizontal or a bedroom. If he's into you, he'll accept that to get to know you. If not, it's better to find out now than do something you won't be comfortable with. 

Comment by drummergirl on November 10, 2017 at 1:59am

I haven't been on here for a l-o-n-g time.  Anyway, things have begun to surface about my mourning for my boyfriend of 18 years who unexpectedly died of a heart aneurysm on 9/3/2014.  There was this guy at my church who had been noticing me from afar.  He and I have just briefly talked after church some times.  He wanted us to talk on the phone so I gave him my mobile number (Never my landline number, what if he decided to stalk me?) So anyway, during that first phone conversation this guy asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I wanted him to be my new one....that really offended me!  I was NOT about to tell him a thing about Wally (the one I was with for 18 years who died) since I felt it was none of his business....besides this guy, I felt, was overstepping his boundaries with me and asking questions that were too personal when we were starting to supposed to just to get to know each other.  I ended the phone call soon after that.  I felt my self missing Wally more than ever.  I knew I would rather do stuff with Wally than with that other guy.  I later learned he is normally very pushy, but anyway, the mourning for Wally has been surfacing lately because of this.  How do I tell this guy no without having to go into my life story?

Comment by jhens2017 on November 9, 2017 at 7:33pm

Hello, All! My Story...

My boyfriend of 15-1/2 years passed away unexpectedly on 6/11/2014.  He was not only my partner, but my best friend, lover and soul mate. He was the one person in this world I wanted to see and hear and talk to all the time. Even when we weren't physically together, we talked on the phone every single day. The fact that I just can't pick up the phone and call him is killing me right now. We lived together on and off for the first 8 yrs of our relationship when we both lived in the suburbs of Chicago. Then, due to loss of jobs for both of us, I moved with my son who is on the autism spectrum to Florida to live with my mom while he moved back home to live with his parents. The plan was always for us to get jobs, save money, and eventually have him come down to Florida to live with me. He finally came down in July 2013 and we lived together for almost a year. Then, after losing his job, he went back to Illinois to visit family. Unfortunately, I never saw him again after that. He passed away while home in Lombard, Illinois. I feel guilty that we were apart for the last 4 months. We were supposed to meet for a mini-vacation in Washington, D.C. for the 4th of July for a reunion in a place neither of us have ever been. Instead, exactly 3 weeks prior to us leaving, he had a fatal seizure in his sleep and passed away. I still don't know what I'm going to do without him in my life. He was the one and only man in my life to ever truly love me for me and accept me for who I am who. I don't know what to do with myself without him in my life. It took me 25 years to find someone who didn’t care about my weight, we were together 15-1/2 years. I don’t see how I’m ever going find that again. I just feel so damned ALONE without my best friend beside me, someone to talk to about everything and nothing. 

Comment by princess57 on October 28, 2017 at 10:29pm

Greetings--sorry i haven't on here for a while been a bit busy with the living daughters and grandchildren (6) and keeping up with my late mates children and his granddaughters.  I still miss him daily and it seems sometime it gets longer.. like my belief in God i can feel him (mate ) near me constantly. Every now and then a smile crosses my lip when a happy memory pops in.  It just between me and him, knowing that is waiting for me gives me great comfort. After the frist of the month i plan to make a trip to where the folks are buried and look up a old friend  (childhood friend) his parents have passed to and buried clost to mine in the city cemetery.  Peace

Comment by angioguy (Joe) on August 16, 2017 at 2:14pm

Greetings all, it's been 4 years since I lost my best friend, my lovely wife.  Today I know that being alone is a challenge for me, and 4 years sometimes feels really long and other times seems likes yesterday.  I want to move forward, enjoy all that life has to offer, not sure I know how to do that.  My baby is in college and the house is empty, sometimes it seems so full, others so darn empty.  I guess I am on the roller-coaster with so many others, I just want to get off....  This avenue widow village sure makes me feel like I am not alone, today I am going to enjoy the beauty it holds... Peace 

Comment by SaratogaSusanna16 on June 30, 2017 at 11:45am
Greetings...it's been quite a while sine I've been here. I lost my precious partner 4 years ago to a tragic accident. After two painful years, I was ready to date again and met a widower. We were engaged last summer. I moved into the house that he and his wife shared for 20 years. My issue is that his deceased wife's family still comes and uses the pool every weekend. It can be anywhere from 3 people to a party of 30. Part of the reasoning is one of the sisters is partially disabled and swimming helps her. I'm not much of a swimmer, but I've asked my Fiance how would it work if I were to have company. He said it's our house, I can do as I wish. Now I've asked myself if the shoe were on the other foot how would I feel if he were not comfortable with my former partner' family coming around. I know I would not be happy with him, but I also know it would be no where's near every weekend in the summer. He is retired and I am also concerned about his financially maintaining the pool since we don't use it too much. Am I unreasonable to feel awkward? I just want us both to move forward with our life together but wonder if he's really 100% ready. Thanks for your input and guidance.
Comment by AndreaG3 on February 9, 2017 at 6:39am
I am so heart broken over the whole situation I was with my love for five years we had a child together yes we had are up and downs and fought a lot but that did not change the fact that we loved each other very much so when he passed it killed me inside it was unexpected for us all and then because we were not married I had no say and was told I could not come to his funeral that would call the cops it killed me even more then they blamed me for his death I was no where near him at the time of death I did not tell him to do what he did so how was it my fault. I guess I hate that I had no say because we were not married and that our love did not count for anything.
 

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