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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Unmarried Widows & Widowers

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Unmarried Widows & Widowers

Were you unmarried when your partner died? However you define your relationship, your loss counts in WidVille. Post anywhere, find peers in this group.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 217
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

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Comment by PlainfieldAlone on November 11, 2015 at 10:47pm
Jim and I worked together for 25 years and we were together as a couple for almost six years. On September 11, 2015 were in a terrible accident with a tanker truck, it was a side impact collision that took his life and severely injured both me and my daughters friend. I am home recovering from the accident after one month in the hospital. I suffered 30 bone breaks, collapsed lung, concussion, bruised kidneys, etc. my daughter's friend is still in the hospital.
Comment by Margaret on October 22, 2015 at 5:34pm
I just lost my soul mate on Tuesday. He had liver trauma 14 months ago and was doing very well, then 6 weeks ago everything started to change. After multiple trips to the hospital his body just refused to come back. Me and his family decided to not keep him hooked up to the machines. It was a very messy end. When he breathed his last breath I literally felt something ripped from chest and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I can't function, I can't stop sobbing. Earlier today I was taking a bath and I thought "I can sink down into the water and go be with him". Then I realized that if my family even felt a 10th of the pain I'm feeling if I did it, it would be cruel and selfish. I'm "sleeping" with his shirt and his picture, which his sister yelled at me about. She told me to stop wallowing because he wouldn't want that. I'm still angry at her, she doesn't know my pain, she only knows her own. I'm struggling just to breathe and get through each minute.
Comment by Brandy1977 on October 22, 2015 at 3:49pm

It's really great to have a place to put your feeling out there and people really understand and not just say they understand and those people don't any idea how painful all this is for all of us losing the love of our life's, our soulmates and of course our best friends. I thank each and everyone of you for all that you have posted to help me understand why I may be feeling this way and that it is okay to still be grieving and crying that I am not going crazy. I send healing thoughts and hugs to each and everyone  of you.

Comment by Brandy1977 on October 21, 2015 at 12:34pm

I am now at 4 mos and thought time would get easier it feels hard as time going on without my Partner Jan I miss her so much and my relationship with our girls are just not the same as it was before she died. I feel completely out of control of my life. To many changes in such a short time the last week I have not slept more then 5 hours since Saturday. All I do is cry at home, in my car and at work I know people probably think I am going crazy I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I feel completely lost without her here with me. The pain hurts so bad and it's getting worse the further I get away from the last day I talked to her looked into her eyes I miss her so very much I feel like a part of me has died and not sure how to be happy anymore.

Comment by Rose on September 25, 2015 at 9:08am

Hi Michele, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru such a similar experience. I have really struggled with my finance's belongings. I'm sure you are now aware of the attachment to anything tangible that once belonged to your finance'. His mother feels the same way. My advice to you would be to ask that nothing be removed from your place for now. You need the stability of sameness for a while, it is so fresh for you. Reassure his mother that you won't be getting rid of anything yet. If she asks for anything you feel you can part with give it to her as soon as you can. If you can't just say no. It's hard but you can always change your mind later. Once it's gone -- well it's gone. Expect some displaced emotion during this turbulent time. My heart goes out to you. I can share my story with you if you want. I'll check back here later. Sending you love...

Comment by Michele on September 25, 2015 at 3:26am
I lost my fiance two months ago today. We were supposed to get married last Sunday 9/20. I'm looking for any advice as to how everyone has handled their loved ones family and their request for certain items etc? My fiance's mother has been great but I feel like when it is time to go through his things she is going to try to take everything. Technically she is his mother, next of kin. We never got the chance to get married so I feel like my voice doesn't matter. I have already had my toes stepped on by her a little but since he passed. I never liked confrontation before and now I feel too sad and drained to even fight for me. I don't want this to ruin my relationship with his mom because she is one of the only other people who understands my loss and visa versa. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Comment by Brandy1977 on September 1, 2015 at 10:01am

Hi Everyone, Thank you to everyone that responded to my questions. Everyone on this site has been a amazing support and it feels good to talk to people that truly understand how it feels to lose the love of your life. 16th of September will mark 3 months and I still feel like I am in a very bad dream any minute I am going to wake up and see her beautiful face looking at me. Hurts so much. hugs to everyone

Comment by Brandy1977 on August 31, 2015 at 1:39pm

Rosemary,

I understand I feel like Jan is with me all the time. I talk to her as much as I can but of course since she is not physically here I will never get any response but I can feel what she would say since I knew her so well sometimes better then she knew herself which sometimes she hated but she would laugh and tell me that I was stuck with her and I would respond that sounds good to me forever and always we told each other on the phone, in person over text. All I feel right now is constant pain like someone is ripping me apart from the inside and of course the people around me ask me if I am okay but it's funny you see the look on their face saying please just say okay I don't want to hear about. I am so glad I found this sight and everyone here understands what I am going through and won't tell me just move on or it will get easier ugh... I just want to feel what I feel and move forward when I am ready... I just step forward one day at a time.

Comment by drummergirl on August 31, 2015 at 1:34pm

Yes I too think "Not fair" for so many reasons.  I just wonder if I can even keep on going on without Wally, day in, day out, week in, week out for the rest of my life.  I do tend to feel him and sometimes I swear I could feel his warm hugs.  I would write letters to him because of missing him so much and wanting to tell him of what is going on in my life, but oh, I never get an answer back.  I really wish there was a good way to get in contact with him.  I am surprised that I am able to keep going sometimes.  Day after tomorrow is the one year anniversary of his passing, and I am just feeling like the next 72 hours are like a ticking time bomb.  I just started a new job today, so I don't think I will be able to take Thursday 9/3 off, so I am just wondering how to concentrate on my work?  I am planning to go to a live jazz event that evening to honor his memory, since we both are avid jazz musicians  (Him more than me;he was getting all of the gigs.) and the local jazz singer I am planning to see perform is someone he used to play with, so I figured that would be a very good way to honor his memory.  I just couldn't let the first anniversary of his unexpected death go uncommemmorated.

Comment by Rosemary on August 31, 2015 at 1:27pm
It's the finality of it that I find really hard to accept. That used to hit me a lot in the first few weeks and months, even the first year and a bit after David died. I'd suddenly realize, he really ISN'T coming back....EVER. It's so hard. I know people always say, "It gets easier." I don't see it that way because there could never be anything easy about losing someone you love, but there is an acceptance of the reality of the situation that comes in time, as life keeps moving along. I don't at all like that I'm moving along without David, but I believe he is with me and I pretend he's always right beside me.....really, I do believe he's right beside me. I wish he was in the physical world, but for some reason he can't be anymore. Not fair. Sometimes I really hate life. And yet, I keep going.
 

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