Unwedded widows & widowers

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Comment by TamilovesTim 59 minutes ago

Thank you Greggies widow. It's nice to know there is a special place for us unwedded widows. I felt more married to my fiancée Tim than I did to my husband who died 3 and a half years ago. He was my soulmate. Can't replace him not in a million years. Four months tomorrow for me. Still very painful and sad. Mis you so much Timmy!

Comment by Greggies Widow 23 hours ago

I want to welcome each of you to our group. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you are here and found our group. I hope this place is a safe environment for you to share your journey, your love and your journey in creating a new normal. This is a place to share your experience in the loss of your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, fiancee or life partner. Sending you all lots of hugs, love, light and prayers. If you need anything, please email me greggieswidow@gmail.com

Comment by kristiandkenny on Monday

104 days have passed since I last talked to my love. Still seems so unreal. How could this be my new reality? I went from a fairytale to a nightmare in one phone call. The depression of him not being here is getting worse with every breath and I want nothing more than to be with him. He was my reason to smile, my reason to get up every morning. Now everything seems pointless and I feel myself just sinking further and further. I have seen three therapist but their help was temporary, lasting only an hour or so. They would tell me "don't do things that remind you of Kenny and what you two would be doing." It is impossible for me to not think Kenny. I miss him every second of every minute of every hour of everyday. How does a person heal when our lives had become one many years ago?

Comment by lillymarlene on June 3, 2013 at 2:59pm

Catherine, My condolences for your loss, and I'm happy for your good news, too. It is so hard to look for or keep up a demanding job under these circumstances. Good luck on your climb back up.

Comment by Tomsgirl on June 2, 2013 at 5:11pm

((((CatherineAmerica)))) it's nice to know she overcame whatever bad terms they split on and did that. I sure hope you are able to climb out of the hole.

Comment by CatherineAmerica on June 2, 2013 at 5:05pm

My boyfriend and I had been together a little more than 4 years when he passed from an unknown heart condition- I'm 30, he was 33.

We were obviously partners for life, everyone could see that. Neither of us "believed" in marriage, in that it just seemed unnecessary to us... We had discussed it but were in no rush whatsoever. We didn't need that paper.

Fortunately I had plenty of time to get to know his family, so after his passing everything went smoothly without a single conflict. We are still in touch constantly, I am still going on their yearly October family vacation, and I plan to be "Auntie" to his sister's little ones.

Only one issue arose due to the lack of that piece of paper- My boyfriend's mother passed away a couple of years before I met him, and he received a sizable inheritance that was placed in an IRA... At the time of his death his PREVIOUS girlfriend was still named as the beneficiary. 

His father managed the account and regularly sent account statements, always attaching a note urging my B.F. to remove her from it... They had split up on bad terms, and he even told me several times, "I hope nothing happens to me, because ________ will get all that money."   He obviously thought he had more time, but pure laziness on his part led to an unfortunate situation.

Neither I nor his family wanted to contest the benefits, fighting over money just seems to us to be disrespectful and, to put it mildly, tacky. We just hoped she would do the right thing. If she did, I suggested the money stay in the family and go to my B.F.'s nieces, but his family insisted it should go to me, as he had previously wanted his girlfriend to have it. None of that would matter, though, if his ex should keep it (as she has every right to do.)

I had enrolled in school for this Spring semester, I have my BA but want to get my teaching credential. Obviously I canceled after losing my boyfriend in December, but then I realized that since I no longer have someone to split the rent & bills with, school is out of the question. I can't succeed in an intense program while having to work 40-50 hours a week to cover basic expenses. I've thus been mourning the love of my life as well as my career/life goals.

Late last night, I got an email- It was the first contact I've had with my B.F.'s ex... She told me that she declined the inheritance! I am absolutely overjoyed, and am in awe of her sterling character- I would think highly of her if she had given up even a small portion. I may have lost my job yesterday, my depression has me sleeping 12-14 hours and I was extremely late one too many times- This news could be what helps me to start climbing back up to real life again.

Comment by kristiandkenny on May 28, 2013 at 11:13am

Beyakiki- I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my soulmate 89 days ago to a sudden brain aneurysm at the age of 26. This last weekend I had to spread his ashes in the place we were supposed to be building our forever home. On June 7th I will be signing the papers to sell our first home because it is too difficult to be there without him running in after work and wrapping me in his arms. Everything seems to make it too real and so unbelievable. Even though we had never been apart for longer than 3 days prior to this, it still seems like he is going to show up with one of his amazing, crazy stories about what really happened and where he has been. I guess I still can't accept that my husband-to-be will remain just that. I hope you find some comfort in being around family in Miami.

Comment by Beyakiki on May 27, 2013 at 11:03pm

Hello I havent written in awhile. I would like to welcome all the new people and offer my sympathy. I lost the man of my dreams a year and four months ago. The pain is sometimes still shocking. I can have a good day but run home and I'm reminded of my lost. He was on his way home from work and got into an accident. He survived the accident but when he got out of the car he was hit by another car. The corner said it happened quick. I'm not sure but I strongly believe he left this world with no pain or worries.

I'm moving back home to Miami with my boys and I'm so sad. This wasn't the dream or the plan. I should have been married and having our third child. Instead I'm moving back home to be closer to family n friends. I'm leaving my dream job n a place I've called home for 12 yrs. My oldest can't wait for the change but to me it's a reality check. My life is different n he is truly gone. It all seems like a dream that I can't seem to wake up from.

Comment by Karen on May 27, 2013 at 12:12am

Hi Kiki I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my John in an accident, hit by a car while crossing the street. Like you, I've worried about him having those few seconds of terror when he realized what was happening, and what he must have been thinking at the end. The truth is, I'll never know what that moment was like for him. I had a near accident once, when my car skidded on an exit ramp and I was sliding straight towards a tree. For those few seconds, time slowed down and I believed I was going to hit the tree and be killed. In those seconds, I was in a calm shock and waiting to see what would happen. My tires grabbed traction and I didn't crash. To keep myself from going crazy with anguish, I imagine that John's last moments had that same calm. I hope it's true, because I hate the thought of my baby having any distress in his last moments. I would give anything to have been there for him.

Comment by Tomsgirl on May 26, 2013 at 10:53pm

Kiki8 I never saw Tom's coroner report. In my state, you can only get it if you're immediate family, a point the coroner made clear (especially after he heard I was a journalist). But I did see his motorcycle about six weeks after the crash. It was happenstance, and inside the box of his belongings was his bloodied helmet. It was all too much and I don't know why I was so interested in seeing it, his sisters were amazed that I WANTED to see it. I don't know how to tell them that I'd like to read the coroner's report, mostly as part of the "closure" process for me. Hugs

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