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Comment by laurajay on Saturday

Maggie...so  true ~  a piecemeal  erosion  of  our  health and wealth and abilities...with  aging  it  appears  there  is  no new  normal...I've  moved  into  a  simplification mode...pitching things to  lessen  the  job  of  living  alone ruthless  getting  rid  of   stuff   because   it's  costing  more  than  money (which is limited).   hugs  lj

Comment by Maggie on Saturday

A quotes I like

" The wind blows cold and hard through the last years of life."

"There is a point in life when life stops giving you things and starts taking them away."

I’ve become a fatalist and see that this is just the way it is and we have to make the best of it while we can, then just let it go..

Comment by GPK on Saturday

I’m going to hit my 8 year anniversary of my husband’s death on Wednesday.  Last week I finally cleaned out his part of the closer.  Very hard, but it feels good to share his stuff with people who need it. I still miss him terribly and don’t know how I’m going to manage without him.  In December I had a huge flood inside my house.  After two different vendors ripped me off for about $2000, my brother-in-law helped me out and brought an honest guy up to fix my problem.  Every single water pipe was plugged solid.  Another $2000 later, everything was flowing again.  The carpet in three bedrooms got ruined and so I am saving again for another big project.  I get so tired.

Comment by Lioness on Saturday

I thought things would be better by 7 years. The anniversary of Chris's death was Dec 14. And I still feel like I am not enjoying life, despite efforts to get out and make myself socialize in a widow/widowers social group, one of several groups I have joined.. I feel like I have no close friends anymore, just superficial ones from various social groups, who I don't really connect with.

I lost my best friend to cancer in November, then I was ill with the flu for several weeks in December, leading up to the death anniversary, and for Christmas all the kids were with their spouses families this year. They all came here for New Years so we had several days together, but it just emphasizes how alone I am when I see other parents who have each other. I don't want to be a drag or worry for my kids.

Just so tired of being sad all the time.

I see similar feelings on this blog, and it helps to read the posts, realizing I am not alone, and you all understand. Thanks for being here.

Comment by MommaB on January 16, 2020 at 5:40pm

TearsforAP, I’m so sorry about your dog.  That’s a really hard one, and I hope you have some others to keep you company.  And, maybe it was the turn of the decade.  It was definitely tsunami wave for me this year.  Hadn’t hit me that hard in years.  But I’m just settling into new life too, marking 2 years in new state, (Oregon)  new home (live with my daughter n her wife). I’ve been so homesick for the East Coast.  But I was miserable there too.  It would have been our 13th anniversary 12/31/2020.  And that was the day we lost him.  It’s a double whammy.  

Comment by TearsforAP on January 16, 2020 at 4:03pm

Jan 4 was 8 years for me. It wasnt until I realized that December 2 would have been our 20th anniversary that It really hit home how fast these last two decades have passed; how so much has changed.   My foster/fail dog was born on Dec 2 and  without even thinking I posted to FB that she was born on my wedding day.  She was, but in 2010,  not 2000.

We moved back  from Md to my hometown in 2011 and he was gone 4 months later.  For some reason the turn of the decade has really hit hard; its been years since I have had those black hole days.  Part of it is that my 17 y/o beagle is really failing and I am going to lose her soon,  She will be the last of the 6 cats and dogs that moved with us; the last link to what marks the "Before Arnie died" time and the "After Arnie died" time.  

There is a quote from C.S. Lewis after the loss of his wife;

"How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

I realized long ago  there would always be waves; I just never thought the tsunamis could return as well.

Comment by MommaB on January 16, 2020 at 6:51am

I do a lot for myself, and you should too, Trav.  They would want us to do that.  Although, I don’t have a “Love”, my life is full of the love of friends, family and acquaintances.  I volunteer with seniors and just took a part time job as a caregiver.  Helping others, helps me.  

Comment by Trav on January 16, 2020 at 6:32am

this week will be 7.5 years tired of being alone, my kids aren't needing Dad as much as they used to so it maybe time to look after me. 

Comment by MommaB on January 15, 2020 at 4:43pm

Laurajay, you are not alone.  I just moved through the holidays which marked 7years.  It was the most depressed I’ve been in years. It just comes in waves. I’ve moved to a new state, made some new friends, but no male companionship :(   just started a new job.    I have many blessings but still missin’ my partner.  

Comment by laurajay on January 15, 2020 at 4:15pm

Hard  to  believe it's  going  to  mark  8 yrs for  each of us  sometime  this  calendar  year...I am not  among  the  group  that finds it  easier  or softer.  Getting  harder  to  be  comforted  by  memories  alone!!!  Wedding  anniversary  this coming Sunday(52nd). Birthday in Feb  and  Death  Anniversary in  March.  After  the  holiday  stress  I  just  want  this  all to  go  away... seems  staying  busy  and  changing attitude  and accepting  reality  truly do  help  but  missing  all  the  facets  of  intimacy  a long marriage  provides  is  obviously  apparent  in  my life  today.  I am  sad  and  lonely  for  my  beloved even  in  the  midst  of  many  blessings.  I  share  this  here  imagining  I  am  not  alone.       lj

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