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Widowed in 2012

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Members: 579
Latest Activity: Jul 10

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Comment by only1sue on July 10, 2018 at 5:51am

Mac, I agree, I feel the loss every day too. I feel it when I'm tryimg to do a task that takes three hands not two (Ray had had many strokes but still had one good hand).  I feel it when I need someone to talk things over with who  is familiar with what I am talking about, friends and grown up kids don't understand in the same way. I feel the same way going to bed, waking up, eating breakfast and all through the day. There is just no substitute for a partner of many years standing.

Comment by Mac on July 9, 2018 at 5:27pm

I realize that this doesn't do justice to the depth of our feelings, but these are some of my random thoughts right now.

This doesn't even begin to justice about how it is for me, but it is on my mind right now. Two do become one on so many levels, Cindy and I were married for 28 years! So cut off my right arm, wow is that painful. This is the arm that did most everything for me. So yes, with time, that pain of losing my right arm is not as bad. I have grown use to accommodating for it, but I still feel that loss on a daily basis. I do feel as if I am very functional. I am grateful that I have found a sense of peace, even though so much is missing. I am keenly aware of this most every day.

Comment by Ccdague on June 26, 2018 at 9:25pm

Not sleeping....that’s my superpower again.  I’m back after a long absence.....not understanding why after six years I am feeling so sad.  Lots of memories drive me into long contemplation.....I can and do get comfor5 from knowing tha5 I have had a good life.

its hard though....this big house is too big and I struggle with the tasks of maintaining it.  Most of my family is 1200 miles away....I feel like if I move back near to them I’m admitting weakness.  I’m 67.....Denny’s illness the last two years wiped me out financially.....I’ll never recover and I still work full time.  I think that’s a good thing.  

Wow....just some rambling thoughts when I should be sleeping.  ❤️

Comment by Mac on June 26, 2018 at 8:29pm

I wrote this on 6/14, what a journey this has been.

It’s been 6 years since Cindy died, time has healed much for me, there is not as much of a feeling of sadness today as there has been in the past. I certainly have been thinking about the events of the last 7 days of Cindy’s life, during these past 7 days. Three different people in the last three days asked me to tell them what happened, I’m glad that they asked.
 

I remember this morning 6 years ago. I asked the doctor if I could stay in her tiny ICU room as a team of 15 tried heroic measures for hours on end trying to keep her here, I’m glad that he allowed me to. Fortunately, with time, movies that have CPR being performed and/or a defibrillator being used are no longer strong triggers for me.

 

I don’t use this day to honor Cindy anymore, I focus more on her birthday and on our wedding anniversary for that. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of my life and on all that has happened along the way. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of our family life, so much to be grateful for there, my children are doing well and we are doing well as a family.

 

Time has healed so much. In so many ways I feel as if I am finally embracing my “new” life, rather than just accepting it.

Comment by laurajay on June 22, 2018 at 11:16am

Mac.  Turning out  well...good for you.  Had they each been 10  yrs  younger  than they were  when she died  it might have been very different for all of you.  I truly  feel for those  widowed with young  children. I cannot imagine the awesome challenge  they face.  Hard enough  having young  grandchildren who had family dinner  with their  "papa"  who was well  but died  just  couple of days  after that meal. Just no good explanation still isn't  one---life is  still very  hard   growing old  alone  and  with  changing  health  and lessening financial means.  Very hard.

Comment by Mac on June 11, 2018 at 5:38pm

I remember when I was first widowed. Sometimes I would ask myself, "would the kids have been better off if it would have been me rather than Cindy?" Our son had just graduated from high school and our daughter was in college. Cindy was an incredible mom, she was always so focused on our children in so many ways. This week will = 6 years. My children are doing well and we are doing well as a family. It comforts me to know, that I don't ask myself that question anymore.

Comment by momof3 on May 15, 2018 at 3:59pm

I wear your name over my heart
I wear your old shirts, some so old and thin now, like a fragile web over my shoulders.

I wear every piece of jewelry you had given me, each enveloped in a memory of time and space; happy thoughts, to have, to hold.

I like to put on my wedding ring, too; without it my finger always feels naked. The heavy presence of your absence.

You see, I can wear your memories-- Oh, so many memories triggered by what you have left behind!

But I can’t wear your arms around me, or your touch, or your kiss. For that I have to wait for sleep and perhaps a rare happy dream that won’t disappear on first awakening.

I wear you in my heart.

Comment by Maggie on May 15, 2018 at 10:09am

Charlie's Girl......I'm almost at 5 years and also sold our too big home and also moved to Florida. But I did buy a home and have enjoyed decorating it and landscaping it all by myself. It feels like me and I will live here til I no longer can, which I hope is far in the future.  I've made 2 good friends and two ex SILs live here too and I'm friends with both. The key to keep me from getting depressed and  lonely is to stay busy and social. I know that's easier said than done. The longing and missing are always there and I expect they will always be there. I'm not interested, in the least, in finding another man , so that gives me freedom to do exactly as I please, which I value. I don't think there is an answer to all this other than plugging along as best as you can. It sucks anyway you look at it.

Comment by lostmylove on May 15, 2018 at 9:56am

As hard as it is to lose the love of your life, 2012 brought heartache to others in my family. Yesterday marked 6 years since my brother in law died suddenly. So begins the countdown for me until my husband died unexpectedly 4 months later. It is an unfortunate coincidents the has brought my sister and me closer. Someone who truly understands the pain and loneliness. Someone who feels the absence all that much more when trying to help our children figure out life's challenges!

xoxo

Comment by CharliesGirl on May 15, 2018 at 6:27am

I am at 6 years and find that the pain and loneliness are worse than ever. Over these years I have made some major changes - sold all of Charlie's things and our farm home, moved to Florida. I thought this condo would be my forever home, but recently I have been looking at houses. Then I realized that DURING every change I have made, it felt like I was moving ahead. Once the changes were accomplished I went back to the same old feelings. I now know this new change I have been contemplating would fill some time and then once again I would be back in this position - loneliness, depression, despair.

I'm back here after a long absence because after this many years I have no one else to talk to about my feelings.

 

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