Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Wendy J on February 25, 2012 at 2:31pm

I am at three weeks...Gary died on Feb. 4th.  The hardest part for me is this deep ,physical ache that is in my body that I can cover with activities but remains underneath.  It lifts a little sometimes, mainly in the evening...then returns in the morning.  Does anyone else have this inner feeling of deep sorrow that just feels so heavy and sad. 

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 11:00am

Teresa, i to am new here i have not been on much but i lost my wife on Feb 1st and my 19 yr old on November 26 - 2011 so i do understand what you r going through. I was married 21-1/2 yrs i am left with my 17 yr old som and a big house that is so empty now. I just had a session thisorning an my person says it takes 2 yrs to recover for most people. She is the first person to put a time on this thing they call greif. I was upset seeing the posts of 1 yr and 6months and when i saw people after 5 and 6 how bad they where hurting. This is realy scarey that i will feel this way for so long
Lost
Insecure
Scared of the future
Hate mornings
Scared of night
Fear of being alone at night
Uncontrolable crying out of the blue
Lack of purpose
Fear of being 46 an spending the rest of my life alone
Fear of seeing my sister in law (she is an IDENTICAL twin of my wife
Never being able to share Grandchildren with my wife

Comment by Teresa on February 25, 2012 at 8:08am

Last night, I had a dream about my husband. When I abruptly woke at 5:30 this morning I had a smile on my face. I felt safe and content. But as soon as I realized that the ball of pain that lies so heavy at the top of my stomach was gone, it all came rushing back. I realized it was all just a dream.

I am new here. I lost my husband just over a month ago. I have read the posts here and though I know none of you, I feel as though we are closer than people I have known my whole life. Never in my life have I ever felt so much pain, loss or confusion. Every day I struggle for someone to just understand so maybe I am not so alone. Although I wish I could change the fact that I lost EVERYTHING the day I lost my husband, I know I cannot. And if I cannot change it, I can at least, hopefully, both gain and give support from and to those who understand the most. I look forward to getting to know you all.

Comment by Wendy J on February 21, 2012 at 4:16pm

Thanks, Arthur.  I had lunch with two good friends today and I finally heard their message...feeling the pain of grief is just what I need to accept right now...it hurts and I don't want it...but realizing I can't change it, is a relief.  Everyone says the cloud does lift over time...I am doing the motions of life (getting up, showering, doing volunteer work, walking dog, etc...and hopefully one day it won't feel so awful.  I am also new to faith and am praying for God's help in this journey.

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 21, 2012 at 2:13pm

Hang in there Wendy, it comes and goes it seems like every day is a new battlefield. This is so new for me and without Faith I would truly be lost. I am new to my faith, even as I type this I am sitting in the sanctuary at Grace Church just to try and allow God to speak to me. Please don"t lose hope.

Comment by Wendy J on February 21, 2012 at 11:14am

I'm slogging through the pain today..I'm losing faith that I can do this and come out of it.

Comment by kenslove on February 20, 2012 at 10:13pm

My pain is still raw, for me it's worse at night.  I keep busy most days, but the nights are so quiet and still...tears usually stain my pillows.  I'm looking forward to the day when I can think of Ken and smile and laugh without crying, I miss him soooooooooooooooooooooo much!

Comment by Wendy J on February 20, 2012 at 2:04pm

Describing the pain as deep and uncontrollable strikes home.  It is outside my will to change...it is just there and , like you, I HATE IT!

Comment by KristeninDenver on February 20, 2012 at 12:01pm

I'm so sorry Arthur09265.  I can't imagine losing both a child and a spouse.  I wish I could say something to make it better.

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 20, 2012 at 10:38am

wow, i am trying to go back to work today with my 17 year old son but I had a bad moment inside a Dunkin Donuts, i saw a small 2 year old with her grandma. Boy it just hit me when Alex (My 19yr old) died 11-26-11 i will never be able to share in his children, and now only 2-1-12 the loss of my wife of 21 years and now she will never see grandchildren. I am trtying to hold it together for Dillon but this pain is so deep and uncontrollable I HATE IT!

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