Widowed in 2012

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Comment by asully on March 29, 2012 at 5:05pm

It's been 4 weeks since I lost my husband very suddenly. We were RVing and on a trip when it happened. Now I can't even stand to go into the RV. Pretty much all that we own is in there. I had my first counseling session yesterday and the counselor told me I need to go in there for at least an hour every day to grieve. It will be really hard but I guess I will have to give it a try. Like everyone else here, my life has been totally turned upside down. I think I am still half numb from it. Mornings are my worst time, waking up and having to face a whole day..

Comment by Wendy J on February 29, 2012 at 6:40pm

Hi Lauking..so sorry for your loss.  I am glad you found this site.  Support from others who truly understand your grief does help.  I am seeing a grief counselor (through Hospice) and will soon start going to a grief support group.  My heart goes out to you as taking care of three young children is so hard in the best of circumstances...and I can only imagine how difficult it must be on your own and while you are grieving.  I hope you have support and help so you can take care of yourself. 

Comment by widow@34 on February 29, 2012 at 5:22pm

Hi lauking, I am so sorry for your loss, I can say say my daughter who is what is getting me through.  The first couple of weeks I stayed numb and thought something was wrong with me. Then it was a 4 weeks out I had a breakdown, and I have noticed the depression has really kicked in, along with regret and guilt.  The guilt has stayed with me all a long.  I just came back home last night. We stayed with our neighbor for two months cause I couldnt bare to be here with the images just playing over and over.  Its been two months for me.  I can say that I can function, but that is it just function. I have what I call half days, or hours.  I will be ok like nothing ever happened and then all of sudden swosh. My daughter hands me tissues from the back of the car cause I loose it on a regular basis for no reason. I have a million questions and unresolved issues because my husbands death was so sudden.  I miss him everyday, and the I wish I could ofs kill me. I wish I would have told him I loved him.  I wish I would have told him how awsome he was, I wish I would have told him thank you. I wish you the best and can say this site has saved me.

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 29, 2012 at 2:11pm

Hi lauking, Sorry you are here but glad you found us. I lost my wife 1 month ago today. The only thing that is keeping me from losing it today is this site, the chat is good to. I agree with Wendy this site and everyone here gives new meaning to let you know what you are feeling is normal.

Comment by lauking on February 29, 2012 at 1:40pm

Hi...I am new here...My husband died on Jan 16th...I am taking every day one at a time...We have 3 children...ages 1 1/2, 5 and 6...I am trying my best to hold it together for the kids....we have joined a grief group through our local hospital and have just started attending...I just feel so "alone"...although the kids are experiencing the grief and so are his brother and sister...it is just different....friends try to understand but they can't....and sometimes I get so mad...why do other people have "normal" lives and ours was just turned upside down....

Comment by Wendy J on February 26, 2012 at 11:10am

I just want to express my thanks to this group as everyone is sharing close to the same newness of grief...it helps me to read about others going through the pain I am experiencing.  My husband died from pancreatic cancer...finally stopped treatment as it was making him so ill and we both knew he was going to die.  What I never anticipated was the deep pain in my body and heart..not sure what I thought I would feel. 

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 7:57pm

Hi Kristen, i tried to private message but it appears to not be working for me. Again so sorry we are all here. I just had my first fairly copable day. I am really still having so much anxiety about planning my days and nights. I need to go to work with Dillon, we had just starte working together 2 months before his brother died in November. His mom when she was here was so happy i went back to actually working on homes with him(before i was selling and managing my company) i need to find the strength to go back to work as he does nothing if i stay home. This is like a triple threat.

Comment by KristeninDenver on February 25, 2012 at 7:24pm

Hi Arthur09265- sorry was off for a while.   I was married to him for 6 years, with him for 10 years total.  He was diagnosed with a rare thymic carcinoid cancer in 2010 and died after an 18 month battle.  He was only 38. 

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 4:59pm

Kristen, i know how you feel i am only 24 days in and i went to work this week but only made it for two partial days. Even today i was up early met with counciler at 9 had people from church come at 11 to help clean my house and after they left i was lost again. Tired now when i lay down exhausted or not my ability to sleep is gone. My mind just keeps jumping from page to page in my memmories. Some are of what i will never do or share again with my wife. By the way how long where you married? Also if you dont mind my asking how your husband passed ( if you feel like writing, it seems to help a little)

Comment by KristeninDenver on February 25, 2012 at 4:32pm

I wish I could say everyday gets better, but it honestly doesn't seem linear.  It has been 7 weeks since my husband died and it is just up and down all the time.  I went back to work this week and had some good days just feeling productive again but stayed up too late last night watching TV and I could barely get out of bed today. For me, a lot of it has to do with sleep.  If I can sleep and stick to a routine, I do better. If I veer off that routine, I am a mess. Ugh.  I don't even have kids to focus on... but at least I have a dog. He is always with me so that helps.

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