Widowed in 2012

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Comment by WidowerMDK on June 23, 2012 at 11:57pm

I know exactly how you feel, I lost my wife on February 5th to cancer, I start feeling like I'm making progress, moving on, brighter days, and then it all falls apart and I have meltdown at the cemetery. I hate my life without her.

Comment by tcurry on June 23, 2012 at 8:42pm

I joined the site a few weeks ago. I lost my husband on March 2 to a heart attack. He had undiagnosed heart disease. It has been a really whacky first few months. My kids are handling things pretty well right now, though I did get them into counseling as soon as I possibly could. 

I have good days and bad days. Right now I am at a crossroads. I had applied to several colleges for their Horticultural Therapy programs and then forgot in all the chaos that ensued after my husband died. I received word about a month ago that I can go back to my first choice (after high school) college. The biggest thing is that it requires moving back to Virginia from South Carolina.

I know it is not recommended to make major life decisions in the first year but I feel that this one would be a good thing. The kids seem keen on it. I just can't shake this feeling of giving up and moving back "home". I have awesome friends who have been so supportive here but family is all in Virginia. 

I guess I am just rambling at this point trying to work things out in my head. 

Comment by camry on June 23, 2012 at 5:04pm

Hi Meema....I lost my husband to the same damn cancer on May 10. He died 11 months after diagnosis. I can't stop obsessing over the pain and suffering he endured. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. I am fully in denial mode. I feel like he's going to walk through the door any second. Sometimes I think it's easier if I just let myself pretend.

Comment by Suz on June 23, 2012 at 4:57pm

Dear Meema,

I lost my husband to the same cancer on February 24. Things are starting to look a bit better. Things do get better, little by little. I hope it will help you to come here.

Jud died in hospital as we were not able to control his pain at home. He was a kind and gentle man and I will always miss him.

Fondly,

Suz

Comment by Meema on June 23, 2012 at 4:10pm

I wanted to say hello, I just joined this site. I lost my husband on March 3 to cancer, pancreatic neuroendocrine. He survived a little over 2 years from the time he was diagnosed, and died at home.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I'm starting to have days where I can see a glimmer of hope, like maybe it's possible the rest of my won't totally suck, but then an hour later I can be back in the world of hurt.

Comment by camry on June 20, 2012 at 8:13am

NC coco, I wish I could say I have no appetite but it seems like for me it's just the opposite! I found the true meaning of "comfort food". I have always watched my weight but now my attitude is f*** it. who cares. If I want the damn chicken wing, then I am eating the chicken wing! But I certainly can relate to the sick feeling in the stomach. I wake up that way every day.

Comment by moosemama3(Renee) on June 20, 2012 at 8:06am

NC Coco it took me awhile on the food thing.  Even now if a song comes on while I am eating that makes me cry or I hear something that reminds me of my husband suddenly I become sick to my stomach and am no longer hungry.

Comment by moosemama3(Renee) on June 20, 2012 at 7:57am

Bauerscs I know you are sick of hearing it but I am deeply sorry for your loss and like others on this forum understand wholey the pain of such a great loss this is for you.  I lost my husband end of March to cancer.  I was numb at first in fact until a few recent weeks ago do I feel it even started wearing off.  Counselor at the hospital that keeps tabs on me I don't see her professionally as a patient but she will stop me in the halls and chat and the other day after we chatted said the words you are going to make it... I smiled and said YES ...yes I am!!  I just got back from an amazing trip visiting my husbands family on the east coast.  I think a lot of healing happened for myself and our children while there.  Our son was gifted his old Army attire and the whole family a beautiful blanket he brought back from the Phillipines.  These are "gifts" for us right now that I know we will always treasure.  Life does continue and when you are ready you will move along in this crazy world we call life.  I don't think I have fully submerged but getting there.  I kept waiting for my husband to call as he often did when I went on trips out of town by myself.  He often stayed behind to work.  He was a wrecker driver for 10yrs and it was a demanding 24/7 job.  He never felt he could get time off... I always told him to face it he was a workaholic and where that was true he probably would have had a hard time getting time off because of slackers on the job.  

Anyhow all this rambling is to say yes where you don't feel it right this moment life does continue...not the same how can it after losing a treasure vs a trinket... but you start to figure out how to live the new normal.  You are very much in the denial, raw, how can this be, numbing stage of the grief.  Hugs and hang in there.  Best advice keep moving but allow yourself to break down and cry too...close the shades if you must but let the light in now and then.  If you have kids let them help pull you out and focus on them.  They are a lot more resilient than I think I even gave mine credit for.  

Comment by camry on June 20, 2012 at 7:37am

Bauercs, I am so sorry for your loss! And I know that feeling about that instinct to make a call. I still do that with my mother and she died over three years ago. My son graduated from 8th grade yesterday and his history teacher made this amazing speech about what a great kid my son is, despite everything he has gone through, and I so wanted to call my husband to tell him! I thought to call my mom, but no, she's gone too. It makes me sad because I feel like I have no one anymore that I can really share anything with anymore.

Hugs to you....your loss is still so raw.

Comment by NC Coco on June 20, 2012 at 7:15am

My husband died in his sleep on May 6. We kissed goodnight the night before after going to the window to see the super moon, and when I awoke, he was gone. It was wonderful for him because he didn't suffer, but it really sucked for the rest of us, I think it took about a month to come out of shock because everyone kept me so busy. Now that reality is setting in, I try to get out each day even if only to the grocery store. Today I am starting a class at the university and see if I can concentrate on it.

I do have one question. I seem to have lost my taste for food and any real interest in iy. I eat to fill a gap but that is about it. Also, we used to enjoy a glass of wine together, and I have no taste for that either. Will these basic pleasures e er return?

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