Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Suz on June 23, 2012 at 4:57pm

Dear Meema,

I lost my husband to the same cancer on February 24. Things are starting to look a bit better. Things do get better, little by little. I hope it will help you to come here.

Jud died in hospital as we were not able to control his pain at home. He was a kind and gentle man and I will always miss him.

Fondly,

Suz

Comment by Meema on June 23, 2012 at 4:10pm

I wanted to say hello, I just joined this site. I lost my husband on March 3 to cancer, pancreatic neuroendocrine. He survived a little over 2 years from the time he was diagnosed, and died at home.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I'm starting to have days where I can see a glimmer of hope, like maybe it's possible the rest of my won't totally suck, but then an hour later I can be back in the world of hurt.

Comment by camry on June 20, 2012 at 8:13am

NC coco, I wish I could say I have no appetite but it seems like for me it's just the opposite! I found the true meaning of "comfort food". I have always watched my weight but now my attitude is f*** it. who cares. If I want the damn chicken wing, then I am eating the chicken wing! But I certainly can relate to the sick feeling in the stomach. I wake up that way every day.

Comment by moosemama3(Renee) on June 20, 2012 at 8:06am

NC Coco it took me awhile on the food thing.  Even now if a song comes on while I am eating that makes me cry or I hear something that reminds me of my husband suddenly I become sick to my stomach and am no longer hungry.

Comment by moosemama3(Renee) on June 20, 2012 at 7:57am

Bauerscs I know you are sick of hearing it but I am deeply sorry for your loss and like others on this forum understand wholey the pain of such a great loss this is for you.  I lost my husband end of March to cancer.  I was numb at first in fact until a few recent weeks ago do I feel it even started wearing off.  Counselor at the hospital that keeps tabs on me I don't see her professionally as a patient but she will stop me in the halls and chat and the other day after we chatted said the words you are going to make it... I smiled and said YES ...yes I am!!  I just got back from an amazing trip visiting my husbands family on the east coast.  I think a lot of healing happened for myself and our children while there.  Our son was gifted his old Army attire and the whole family a beautiful blanket he brought back from the Phillipines.  These are "gifts" for us right now that I know we will always treasure.  Life does continue and when you are ready you will move along in this crazy world we call life.  I don't think I have fully submerged but getting there.  I kept waiting for my husband to call as he often did when I went on trips out of town by myself.  He often stayed behind to work.  He was a wrecker driver for 10yrs and it was a demanding 24/7 job.  He never felt he could get time off... I always told him to face it he was a workaholic and where that was true he probably would have had a hard time getting time off because of slackers on the job.  

Anyhow all this rambling is to say yes where you don't feel it right this moment life does continue...not the same how can it after losing a treasure vs a trinket... but you start to figure out how to live the new normal.  You are very much in the denial, raw, how can this be, numbing stage of the grief.  Hugs and hang in there.  Best advice keep moving but allow yourself to break down and cry too...close the shades if you must but let the light in now and then.  If you have kids let them help pull you out and focus on them.  They are a lot more resilient than I think I even gave mine credit for.  

Comment by camry on June 20, 2012 at 7:37am

Bauercs, I am so sorry for your loss! And I know that feeling about that instinct to make a call. I still do that with my mother and she died over three years ago. My son graduated from 8th grade yesterday and his history teacher made this amazing speech about what a great kid my son is, despite everything he has gone through, and I so wanted to call my husband to tell him! I thought to call my mom, but no, she's gone too. It makes me sad because I feel like I have no one anymore that I can really share anything with anymore.

Hugs to you....your loss is still so raw.

Comment by NC Coco on June 20, 2012 at 7:15am

My husband died in his sleep on May 6. We kissed goodnight the night before after going to the window to see the super moon, and when I awoke, he was gone. It was wonderful for him because he didn't suffer, but it really sucked for the rest of us, I think it took about a month to come out of shock because everyone kept me so busy. Now that reality is setting in, I try to get out each day even if only to the grocery store. Today I am starting a class at the university and see if I can concentrate on it.

I do have one question. I seem to have lost my taste for food and any real interest in iy. I eat to fill a gap but that is about it. Also, we used to enjoy a glass of wine together, and I have no taste for that either. Will these basic pleasures e er return?

Comment by WidowerMDK on June 19, 2012 at 8:09pm

Hello and welcome to the site no one wants to join. I lost my wife in February to cancer and just a few days after her service her boss, (a great man) brought me a 30x30" photo of her he had taken of her one day at work. He also brought a smaller photo, 10x14" of her pulling one of her "faces." I placed these two photos on a wall in our bedroom and it has truly helped me. I talk to them, kiss them good morning and good night, remember that special expression on her face, and pour my heart and soul out to those pictures whenever life becomes unbearable. I don't know if something like this would help you but it has been very helpful for me, I feel she is close to me. Pick out some photos of your husband that really express his personality, I know when I look at the one of my wife pulling a face, it brings a smile and warm thoughts to me, I can see her doing it and knowing just what she would say. God Bless you, I pray that you will find some comfort knowing that the people on this site truly understand and love you.

Comment by Leeanne on June 19, 2012 at 7:44pm

Oh Bauerscs.... I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It is so raw for you right now. I lost my Joe on May 11 and some others here are right in our same time period. You should find alot of support here.
When I find myself alone, I write in a journal and say what I need to say, then I have a warm bath and talk to him some more or sometimes read good trashy mag. When I call for Joe to look at something and realize he is gone sometimes I just keep talking or phone a frown or family member. You can also just go on chat here and see what is going on.
I find that the shock of sudden loss is not letting you process my loss yet, so I imagine it is the same for you.
Get yourself in a good night time routine and try to stick to it. It has helped me start to process maybe it will help you too.
There are some great people on here, sharing our heartbreak which some how makes it easier.
Hugs,
Leeanne

Comment by Leeanne on June 18, 2012 at 7:12pm

Hi Camry,
Oh how I wish I could drink as well.Joe left me with about 200 liters of the most delicious red Italian wine. Many times I have thought about falling face first into a vat of it, but alas I am allergic to alcohol. I will have to settle with watching some friends enjoy it.
At least I love both my full time and part time ( this one I use for travel money) jobs. My work mates are like a family to me, but while trying to be supportive, are awkward around me. I guess we have to get used to that.
Any suggestions?

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