Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Emy on July 10, 2012 at 2:25pm

Roller Coaster Ride...when does it stop?!

Last night best friends from Florida floored me with an offer.  Come down and live with them until I'm able to get a place of my own.  They'll take care of me as John would have wanted.  We had been thinking about going to Florida for a couple of years and now this.  I would have to take major allergy medication because they have cats but that's another story...  They also gave me the name and number of someone who buys cars.  Hopefully this guy could buy mine.  Cool.

Fast forward to today.  I wake up with a jolt.  I dreamt I was in a car, I look over at the driver and it was my John.  I'm screaming, "WHEN IS THIS?!"  Not where, not why, but WHEN.  He looks at me funny and answers "March 22, 2012."  God no, if this is meant for me to warp back to when he was alive and for me to change the past this was not funny.  He died the 2nd of June.  I awoke with a heavy feeling all day.  The guy the buys cars won't bother to see mine because it wouldn't be worth the trip...and OH did I mention that I had to pay the collection agency what was due (during all this I had forgotten about them) and now have barely enough to cover until my next unemployment check.  

So much going on, so little of my brain working. I'm depressed and clueless.

Comment by Karen on July 10, 2012 at 12:57pm

Yep, erasing - exactly.  I hate my life and honestly do not know how much longer I can go on like this.  This is no life at all.

Comment by CharliesGirl on July 10, 2012 at 12:17pm

Karen: those "friends will never understand until it happens to them then they will look back and feel guilty about the way they treated you. I know, I was guilty of it myself. On the other hand they may never be your good friends again. "friends" have to be able to understand each other.

For some reason, Charlie's friends seem to be more understanding - perhaps because they miss him so much, too?

I too hate to think about finishing up the estate. Every time I change something to my name, I feel like I am erasing Charlie.   Julie

Comment by Karen on July 10, 2012 at 11:53am

Betsy, I know exactly how you feel.  I felt the same - almost thought for thought.  I'm still very angry with those "friends" who see fit to remind me about how lucky I am that Dana had insurance.  Most of that is said out of jealousy, and it hurts.  I even had two women (one who was supposed to be my "best" friend) write emails to me to say that I am driving people away with my unhappiness and negativity.  The "best" friend also said that she has received several private messages telling her that it was right that she tell me the "truth" - that I needed to face what people are thinking.  What people????  I don't have any friends here - just acquaintances - and I don't bring my sadness out in public.  I try to be positive, to be pleasant when others are around, but apparently that's not good enough.  Even members of my own family think I need to "get out" and make a life for myself.  No one but the people here actually understand, and that's a sad state of affairs. 

 

I also understand about the paperwork.  I am still winding it up after almost five months and then four months before when Dana was in hospital.  I've been handling everything, and I hate it, but it has to be done.  Still trying to get the estate stuff closed and had to go to a lawyer for that.  Once that's done - which I hope will be soon - it'll be like Dana never existed at all.  Why can't my friends and family understand how hard that is to realize? 

 

So, Betsy, rant all you want.  We're the only ones who understand and care - for the most part.  Karen in NC

Comment by BetsyD8500 on July 10, 2012 at 11:35am

Good morning all....first I want to thank all of you for your heart felt sharing and honesty.  It helps me so much to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with this AND that I'm not crazy.  Today I am so f***ing mad.  Mad about everything - nothing is easy - getting up, paper work ( oh my god it is a constant nightmare of questions with no answers), dishes.  I'm mad I lost my husband when we thought he would have much more time.  I'm mad that people feel as if they need to remind me of the blessings in my life (this makes me the maddest)... I'm sad, I'm mad and depressed and too overwhelmed to reach out.  Thanks for listening to my rant.  Betsy

Comment by Pat222 on July 9, 2012 at 5:39pm

I am happy for your positive dreams. I was never fortunate to have any with my first husband's passing. I had two dreams of him when I met the man who would be my second husband. When he had moved into my house and we had been together for a little over a year, I had a dream that my first husband had never died and I would have to choose betwwen the two men. Although my first marriage was rocky when my husband died, he was the father of my children so I knew I would have to choose him...needless to say, I woke up feeling horrible and had to get a grip. I had this dream twice in about a 3 week period. Not one dream about LH one ever again. He was a very jealous person in life, and I guess he wanted to be reassured that if given a choice, I would have chosen him. I am now 5 weeks into this current nightmare, and I have not had any dreams about the man who became my soulmate. I wonder how its going with both of them meeting. Hopefully LH1 saw how happy I was and will befriend LH2. What a concept...boggles my mind.

For those who have had positive experiences with their dreams...God bless you and enjoy the peace they bring to you!

Comment by lucey on July 9, 2012 at 5:25pm

Hi, I'm quite new to Windowed Village and this is actually my first posting.  Lost my husband Chris on April 19 to heart attack and respiratory issues and I think finding this website is going to be a blessing.  We didn't have any children which is both sad but thankful they don't have to experience this loss but I do have a dog and cat which Chris loved dearly.  Anyway i will chat with everyone soon.  Thank you for being here!

Comment by Suz on July 9, 2012 at 5:04pm

Emy, Jud came to me to tell me he was alright on two nights. I wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep. Both times, he had on a coral sweater that I loved and looked so happy and healthy. I am so glad you figured out what this was all about. You are blessed!

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by CharliesGirl on July 9, 2012 at 4:16pm

Emy:

Of course, he was trying to help you.

I feel like dreams are a way for me to be with Charlie until we can really be together again. Many widows and widowers have trouble sleeping but I don't (even thogh I always did before). I can't wait to go to sleep so I can dream. Charlie doesn't come to me every night, but fairly often and usually when I need him the most. Many times I can even go back to sleep in the morning and have nother dream.

On those days when you just want to crawl into bed, he may even come then. You were blessed to have that dream.

 

Julie

Comment by Emy on July 9, 2012 at 12:41pm

Oh my God...I just realized something.  He was telling me he was OK!  That he was all right where he was, not to worry.  He looked healthy, happy, loving, the way I WANT to remember him.  I just received one helluva jolt when I thought of it.  He came to tell me he was fine.  I am blessed he did this. I know he's watching me. John, I love you.  Thank you so much for this gift.  Hurt like hell but I understand.

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