Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Brandywine Gal on July 26, 2012 at 10:29pm

Camry

Way too many losses for sure and you aren't even 40, ouch!  I am complaining and we were married for 39 years, and it was not long enough time together.

Comment by Brandywine Gal on July 26, 2012 at 10:28pm

How can it be 48 days since you left.........................

How I wish I could call you and just talk for a while... How I wish I could hold you and watch you smile for a while.. How I wish I could whisper "I love you soo much" And see so much love in your eyes... How I wish we had so much more tim...e... Although, I know you are never far from my heart... I will forever continue to say... Oh how I wish Sweet Dreams my sweet Angel... I love you so much...

Comment by camry on July 26, 2012 at 7:43pm

Brandywine...I feel like a professional griever...My sister committed suicide 13 years ago and my mom died three years ago. I still was grieving my mother when Peter got sick. I sometimes feel like....now what? What else can be taken away from me? I always considered myself so lucky to have Peter in my life because we were best friends. I don't have much family and I have lots of acquaintances but not many true friends but that never bothered me because I had Peter. And we had a strong, loving marriage...and now he's gone too. Too many losses before age 39. 

Comment by Brandywine Gal on July 25, 2012 at 9:20pm

I did have a dream job as VP of Merchandising doing design and sourcing first for aholesaler, then a group of mail order catalogs and eCommerce.  Loved it, spending millions of $$$ of some else's money, traveling in style usually first class, staying in 5 star hotels around the world, it was awesome.  Then I injured my back 6 months after losing our son.  Then I only consulted from time to time, and now just write articles on cultures and cuisines and gardening plus travel.

Comment by aussiewidow on July 25, 2012 at 8:13pm

Brandywine Gal - I'm also worried by the posts of people who are so unhappy several years later.

I don't want to be in that position either!

And I don't want to feel that I will never fall in love again.

Ccdague..seems like you have a dream job:)

Comment by Trifectagirl on July 25, 2012 at 8:11pm

Brandywine - I relate to the boot camp experience.  I feel my experience with my mum and stepdad were a dress rehearsal for this.  Ian even had the same ICU nurses looking after him that Mum did.

Comment by Brandywine Gal on July 25, 2012 at 7:00pm

I figure when August 8 rolls around and I hit 2 months I'll stop counting the days.  Right now I am counting days as I wanted to know when days 40/45 hit when the spirit is said to cross over.  Now I am at day 47, so mor than 6 weeks, less than 2 months.  I think hitting 2 months will be a signal for me to make future plans and only look fwd at that point.  I am still in a fog, sort of wrapped in bubble wrap.  It's encouraging to read your post that at 4 months things do begin to improve!  I have been reading of so many at 2, 3, 4 years who are so unhappy and I don't want to be in that camp.  I am determined to crawl out of this deep dark spot.  I did it 14 years ago when our22 y/o son suicided, I can and will do it again.  I have been through boot camp.

Comment by Ccdague on July 25, 2012 at 6:44pm

So....I just rounded the corner on 4 months...I guess I am making progress because it is too exhausting to count days and weeks anymore. Life is straining to become normal...whatever that is . I get on a plane every Monday morning for a far away destination for work....and return late Thursday evening. I guess I am doing ok...my boss lets me be for the most part and I can do my job blindfolded. Weekends rush by....the puppies taking up most of my mornings and nights. My parents are both ill...mom with dementia in a specialty assisted living arrangement and dad recovering from hip surgery....their life is forever changed too...in a different way. Who knows how that will play out......
The world didn't stop when I became a widow......so I can't stop either. I cannot be self indulgent at this point....so the instinct for survival kicks in. My sadness becomes a private thing.....not too many people ask how I am anymore. I guess that's good...........I am looking forward.....to the day when I say....." Life is so good.....again"

Comment by aussiewidow on July 25, 2012 at 6:08pm

Lucky to have emails from when our relationship began and phone text messages for the past couple of years on our old phones. I also have a number of videos of our casual band playing, with my husband on drums. Love the little bits where the camera hadn't been turned off and I can hear him talk and laugh.

Trying to work out the way forward in terms of work etc. but think I need to work out my goals and can't do that at the moment.

 

Comment by Trifectagirl on July 25, 2012 at 5:40pm

Suz - thanks.  I do get breaks.  My parents will look after John when needed and they're available, on top of the day they have him while I'm at work.  I'm finding he's going to bed earlier, too which means I can crawl into mine soon after.  He just wakes really early on the flip side ;).  Takes after his daddy on that one.

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