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Latest Activity: 8 minutes ago
It has been 14 months since my Sweetie died from cancer. I've gone to a grief counselor weekly for the last year and it has helped a lot. I'm trying really hard to make a life for myself without Kurt, since I believe it is the best way I can honor him. He would hate for me to miserable because of him. In trying to find some purpose, some reason to go on, some thing to do with my life rather than just getting through each day until I finally get to die; I have decided to start a rescue/sanctuary for cats in my area. Things that I won't do for myself, like getting out and talking to people, I will do for them. Besides giving me a purpose in life and an opportunity to do some good in this world, it occupies my time and energy. Having a cause to devote the rest of my life to has made a huge difference in how I look at each day and the future. Since Kurt died I haven't had much use for most people and pretty much withdrew into myself. To advocate for the animals, I am having to come out of my cave. It gives me the strength to do it. I don't know if anyone else volunteers or works with animals, but it is really helping me alot. Just thought I would share. Love and soft days to all.
I wish I had shadows and dreams it has been 14 months and I have had neither. I miss Phil so much it still hurts bad
I wish I had shadows. I haven't seen any. I've had dreams where Ernie is not really in the dream but in the background. I miss him so much.
You are knot the only one seeing shadows I did not fear them but welcome I have a old rocker by my bed and I often feel comforted in knowing that he is in heaven but, from time to time checking in on me we had a very strong bond it may have been broken I am sure it is still there. I am only eight months out since his death and some thing still make me tear up, but I take it one day at a time, if I can't do that it may be one minute at a time. His neice recently send me the DVD they played of his life and I honestly don't know how that will help.
I wonder if other people see “shadows”? A shadow for me is a glimpse of someone else in the room, it mostly happens when I have dropped off to sleep and suddenly wake up – it is as if my dream continues and I can see the person, standing or sitting just out of my sight. It does not feel like a sign, more of a reminder that Ray is “somewhere close by”. It is disappointing as I want to picture him up in Heaven, not hanging around here on Earth.
When I think I see him sitting in his chair reading or standing close by it reduces me to tears as I do want him back here with me. I want it so much sometimes. I just want that silent companionship more than anything. I do know in my head that that cannot possibly happen but in my heart I do so want it to have been all a bad dream.
Dusty and Joellen I do so understand that "going through the motions". Get up, get dressed, do what has to be done today. Not really living as that would take a lot more effort on my part, so just doing the job in front of me and then the next one. The fact that it is rainy, grey sky cold and dark winter does not help either.
Getting closer to the one year mark. I hope the next year will be a bit easier. I feel so lost and anxious all the time. I worry about every little thing. Exercising seems to help. I hate the evenings. This just has to get better. I tried the anti depressants but they made me feel even worse, so I stopped.
Dusty I am at 14 months too and I feel the same way. I feel worse now then I did during the first year... I get up and go to work come home take care of the house, etc but I am mearly surviving going through the motions. tears are always present.. this totally sucks
I am at 14months and I feel like I am just going throguh the motions...my nerves are shot asnd I have been having anixity attacks out of the blue...Dr gave me some stuff but says it will take time..I am just so depressed..
So I spend Father's Day in bed with a headache. What a waste. I should have made myself get going. Good thing Monday arrived and I had to go to work. Came home to a freshly mowed lawn - thanks to my son. So life still has it's good points. Wedding anniversary is coming up, and I am thinking I should take wedding cake to work on that day - for all my good coworkers to share, why not.
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