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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 548
Latest Activity: 9 hours ago

Comment Wall


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Comment by Seashell 9 hours ago

It seems as though each year since my husband's passing 2-1/2 years ago there has been some loss. I was adopted by a cat but the owners keep coming back for it (this has been the third time). I have lived all of my time alone and finally decided to get a parakeet this weekend as I know he won't leave home but it breaks my heart to see him sitting on the bottom of the cage missing his little budgie friends. I never realized how much my husband's passing has affected me. I find that having an animal fills the loneliness that I feel at home. Without them I tend to stay away.

Comment by Lakegirl33 14 hours ago
Oh, on a positive note, there are nine of us going to a play and dinner this Saturday and hoping to get together once a month after that. I'm trying to develop a group of girls to have fun! I'll let you know how it goes.
Comment by Lakegirl33 14 hours ago
Good morning all. Have just read your posts about pets, family lost and dwindling families. Can totally relate. Coming home from work yesterday could not get the loneliness out of my mind. If grabs us at the strangest times. It will be 22 months for me this week. Like many I lost our family dog, cat, my mom and husband over a two year period. My daughter left in 2004 for college and has lived a plane ride away since. My son married three weeks after Bob died, and moved with his wife to Florida, 8 months later. My oldest moved to NC six months ago. I have two elderly aunts that live 3 hours away. Since Bob died I see them very little. It's like " why him , but they're still here" and I find it frustrating to feel that way. I am finding my widow group friends becoming snow birds, so wondering how I'll be this winter. My kids convinced us to get a new cat when Bob was sick, so I do have her for company. Then have to have someone feed her when I go visit them, but glad to have her. Thank you all for sharing your feelings. It really helps me to read them I wish we were not in this place but it helps to know others get it. I just wish we could figure out how to be less empty and lonely.
Comment by lizbeth4 22 hours ago

My Husband died 2 1/2 years ago.  My Mom had open heart surgery 4 months ago, unexpectedly.  She almost died.  5 days in ICU and 6 days in the hospital.  She is doing great now.  I have 1 Aunt who is 93 years old.  My family is dwindling.  It is sad!   I would love to adopt a pet.  I have been holding out on getting one.  I had to have 2 cats euthanized shortly before my Husband's death.  Both were very old and sick.  I don't think that you can understand how we feel unless you have gone through it.  I used to get upset when people would avoid or turn away when I said that I was a widow.  Now I think that a lot of people don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable talking about death. 

Comment by my roses yesterday

My Roses

 Bergen JC  sorry to hear that you are having more losses as well as all the  others.  It seems that things keep arriving.... then there is a short time of something good and then away it goes again.  Time is flying by so fast... each year is going quickly.... and on top of that are the pressures and the losses we have had.I know another lady who is a nurse and feel so sorry for her... lost her husband, around the same time as I lost mine - then she lost  about 4 other close relatives and a brother within about 6 mths.  How can one  really manage to deal with this....she has continued working but her face is showing the sorrow.   Our sorrow is written on our face... and people do not like it... and walk away.  There does not seem to be any sure-fired process to heal us...although being loved can make a vast difference.  But many are not loved because people do not understand and run away from us.

Comment by my roses yesterday

My roses

Reading all your comments... wanted to say that  the loneliness is really terrible - I stilll miss my beloved  but I know that they can see us and what is happening to us.  Have had quite a number of experiences where I have seen him in a vision and also heard him say something to me when I had been verbally abused by another person .  I had been trying to help other widowed people and  this person asked me why I was doing it and was generally very harsh.  I started to shake and my heart was pounding and I went home and finally got to sleep.  But I woke up after some hours and found I was still shaking and my heart pounding from the shock.  Then I heard my beloved's voice  saying he was so concerned about me.  His love was in his voice and  it meant so much.  

This widowed journey is very tough  and so is the journey to find companionship.  Often other men one meets are still suffering with their own loss.  This website has helped so  much  to read other people's story and  realise  we are 'normal' and  how serious grief can be. I have reached a point now where I cry less, but the love is still there for him.  I have a lady Chaplain who has hourneyed with me over these last 2.5 years which is amazing... I met her in hospital a week after the funeral... as my leg broke and she came to sit  on my bed.  I know that I am changed for ever by all this.... there are holes here and there that remain.  Some have been filled with good things... and others are still in pain.  Our  anniversaries are also still painful but mainly it is the  loneliness and I have to get out of the house on these days.  

Comment by booktime (Susan) on Friday

Thank you for your sympathy. I don't have any more pets. I am not going to get any right now as I am looking to move in a few months. Then I might consider something. I'll see.


Comment by widow85 on Friday

Susan, so sorry about your beloved pet, and another "link" to you SO's life gone too. It's hard. Do you have other pets in the house?

Comment by booktime (Susan) on Thursday

My final loss if you will: my dog Kent was put to sleep early this morning. I am sad - he was Ed's dog always. I don't think we ever really bonded in these last two years but had a comfortable old routine. I am relieved - I dreaded winter and what it would mean to manage him. He was 16 and I think he has found his brother and Ed, they are romping.

Comment by BergenJC on September 23, 2015 at 5:31am

Well, I am too, but it's triggered because my 90-year-old father, who has beaten back aggressive lymphoma twice, has run out of luck.  It hit him like a sledgehammer this time -- one day he was fine, the next day his chest was full of fluid.  And I am 1000 miles away.  His wife is doing a heroic job of caring for him, but he has missed his salvage chemo twice now and probably will not feel up to going today.  I think he is going to decide on just palliative care and hospice and I support him in that.  But man, is it ever a trigger.

You see, I lost my mother in December 2012.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer less than 3 months later.  He died in October 2013.  One of our beloved cats died in July 2013 and the other in January 2014.  So I've had a heck of a lot of loss in that time.  I have been working so much, and so determined not to "wallow" or "get stuck" that I haven't grieved my husband.  My mother got the short end of the stick on the grief front too.  And now it is all coming together and just knocking me flat.  

And oh, also?  I'm preparing to move, so I'm trying to get rid of stuff, de-clutter, get the house ready to sell and hiring hot and cold running workpeople, packing, and doing it all alone.

So yeah...I get it.


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