Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2013

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Comment by butterflybarb 1 hour ago
Smp1122 - I just hit 8 months today. I can really resonate with what you're saying. I feel so lost some days. I live in a rental house that I really can't afford to stay in, but I can't seem to leave yet. My husband was the biggest pack.rat, and his stuff is everywhere. I went thru his closet early on and a friend helped me with his desk, but that's as far as I've gotten. Unfortunately my income has gone down, and at 65 years of age I may have to go back to work full time - I currently work just part time at a fun job that doesn't pay much. On top of the grief, I have much to sort out, but my head isn't "sorting" too good these days. I'm hoping that someday it will also come together for me too - but dear Lord I think I need it to be sooner rather than later!
Comment by LaLond 2 hours ago
smp1122. I think we all have asked that question more than once. It's odd to see everyone else going through their lives while I feel like I'm standing in the sidelines watching the game of life. Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. Someday I'm going to be whole enough to realize Jeff really is not coming back, this is not a dream, this is how it is. I get little glimpses of this that every now and again. At 8 months, I haven't gotten to the point where I see what I would like my future to be like. But I can now see larger blocks of time whereas it was I could only see the next 24 hours. I still think it's not fair, I would like to put that feeling behind me. I'm not the only one who has lost a spouse. Someday this will all come together. I don't know when. I still feel lost. I keep saying "still." I know 8 months isn't near long enough to figure this all out.
Comment by booktime (Susan) 2 hours ago

smp, that is the question. I don't understand it. For me, though, my world has not stopped. My brother recently emailed me this: "Nothing, nothing is forever.  We evolve, even if we don't want to." (He lost his wife to cancer 3 years ago so he has walked the journey.)

Comment by smp1122 9 hours ago
Today is my 9 month. Cliche but how does the love of my life leave me and time passes on. My world stopped.
Comment by LaLond 14 hours ago
Choose life-it's a little easier for me as I've always switched out my rings even when Jeff was alive. I just liked all the different rings. Most of the time now I don't wear anything. I will wear one when I go out. Sometimes it's too overwhelming to choose a ring. Each has it's own memory and sometimes I don't want to think on the memories. I like the idea of both your birthstones is a fine idea. The solution will come to you and you'll know what to do.
Comment by Choosing life 14 hours ago
LaLond --- changing your rings out sounds like a good idea. I still wear my wedding rings and I am coming up on 14 months. I was thinking of just buying myself a ring --- maybe my birthstone --- or maybe mine and his. I want to wear a ring because I have had wedding rings on since I was 18. But at times it just seems so sad to wear them. I don't feel single and I don't feel married. I guess things are changing because a few months ago I would not have considered taking them off. Not sure what to do.
Comment by LaLond 21 hours ago
Thanks wildflower and Maggie. Maybe these different months are harder than others because another dose of reality sets in. Maggie- I switch out my rings. I wear my wedding ring, then change to the different anniversary rings that Jeff gave me. Sometimes I wear the rings he gave me for birthdays and Christmases. The last ring he gave me was last year on our anniversary. He was a big fan of black diamonds as he called them. They were some other kind of stone but he always called them the "Rare South African Black Diamonds." Always cracked me up.
Comment by wildflower 21 hours ago

Lalond I read here the 8-10 mark is a hard time.  I'm at 9 months and can confirm that is true.  The necklace should be beautiful and it is a positive step on your journey.  It will be something to cherish and glad it will give you peace.  Hoping you have  a soft day.

Comment by Maggie 21 hours ago
LaLond...I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I've been there. I think the infinity necklace is a great idea. And the meaningful numbers. I've been trying to decide about a ring. I have my diamond from the wedding set, and two from my Mother and wanted to design a ring to hold all three. I have two gold chains that they could use too to offset price. So I'll be looking at designs. I still wear my wedding rings and hesitate to change that, but ....then I think no...just leave it be. A strange thought that he might be upset if I did change it. I wish I could see into his mind about a lot of things, but I can't. I'm on my own...flying solo.
Comment by LaLond 22 hours ago
As I've mentioned before, this week is tough for me as on Monday I hit the 8th month mark and tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Emotions, as you all know, are all over the place. Yesterday morning I woke up with a design for a necklace in my head. I'm not an artist, I know nothing about designing anything, I don't even sew. But this image was so strong that I got on my computer and pulled up an image of an infinity symbol. My plan was to put the numbers 22 and 20 on each side in the openings of the symbol. 22 is the number of years Jeff and I were together and 20 was the number of years we were married. I went to the jeweler last night with my drawing. I wasn't able to tell them what the necklace was about; I started to choke up. The jeweler worked with me to make sure it's going to be exactly how I want it to look. I don't know why I had this idea but I felt driven to get this done and it's giving me a sense of peace. Each little step creates healing.
 

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