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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2013

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Members: 547
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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Comment by pipin on Thursday

Thinking of you all on your special day. I am sure you all have wonderful memories of this day,

Comment by Silver fern on Thursday
Thankyou so much for your kind thoughts is so hard. You were very brave taking your family to your favourite places.! You are right crying can help. It's just so surreal loosing the life that you knew and seeing someone else using a part of my life. I did sell it to a lovely family who appreciate it...but wished it had sailed away to another place. My daughters were devastated when I sold it hard for them as well. Book time I can understand your feelings and bobbysgirl how brave of you to sail solo! Wished I could have done that..I could have kept his boat then! Lovely that the sea brings you closer to him.
Comment by Bobbysgirl on Wednesday
I had a very difficult time going to "our places" after Bob died. We had cruised frequently and I never thought I would cruise again. I am going on my third cruise without him in January. I cruise solo. I feel very close to him when I am at sea. I am able to go to "our restaurants" with friends. At first it was very hard but I know in my heart Bob would want me to continue my life. My sons are very supportive which helps a lot. I join in various activities and have met nice people. It is important not only for ourselves but for our families to take good care of ourselves. I found making new friends helps a lot. It takes a lot of effort but it is worth it. This is an awful journey that we are all on. This time of year is very difficult. I wish peace to all.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on Wednesday

I still haven't gone out to eat at "our' restaurants. I have gone out to eat with friends but just not at those places.

My back yard is full of his creations - arches made out of cement forms. It was a magical place. He lit it up with little solar lights at night. It gave us such joy together.

The arches are still standing, the lights are gone. And while I still like looking at them, I feel so sad. What would he have built next? because he would have.

It's one reason that I am selling my house and buying a new one. It feels like these memories are keeping me from moving forward.

So I look forward to building new memories in the new place.

And I won't be far away from here so I can always check on the arches - if the new owners decide to keep them or not.

Hugs to all.

Comment by Lakegirl33 on Wednesday
Silver Fern, yes! Me too. I am gradually ( 2 years , December9) able to get to some...... This past weekend , my daughter was home with her future MIL. In showing her the area, I took a chance and drove to the island where we had met and dated. Drive to the beach where my dad introduced us and took them to our favorite restaurant. Had not been able to before. I cried but it was good to do with them. Also went by the home where we had raised our family and spent 29 years. Again cried but was ok. I think we will always have triggers, but was able to remember the best of those places because I feltbsadevwith the ones three with me. If I had to look at " our boat" in the same place daily, I think it would trigger so many emotions, the places where we had the fest times arevthevhardest. I am careful who I share those with.if I had been you that day, with the new owner I would have cried. It is ok to cry, I think the tears help.msendung you hugs and total understanding . Sue
Comment by Silver fern on Wednesday
Does anyone still feel they can't bear to go to special places where you spent lots of fun times together. My husband worked by our harbour and his yacht was moored in the water not far from his office at our local port. I sold his boat and dinghy is still moored in the same place! We spent many good times in this area. I often get invites to go for walks with friends there but cannot bear seeing 'our boat". Even though it is sold it still feels like ours! I find it embarrassing to explain this to friends. One day I did go for a walk with a friend and the new owner came and rowed out to it and sailed away. I just wanted to was so painful? My husband loved it and was often seen working on it in his lunch hour.
Comment by Seashell on Monday

Thank you for your beautiful poems. I recently read the letters Jerry and I had written to each other over the years. Sometimes they were just one sentence written proclaiming out love - other times they showed the frustration we faced as two people living together trying to figure out life and each other. I looked at them recently and asked myself - why did we stay together so long? The answer is simple - because we were friends. We knew and loved and understood the other. 

Comment by Lakegirl33 on November 7, 2015 at 6:06am
My Roses, thank you. Sobbing.
Comment by my roses on November 5, 2015 at 12:26pm

My roses

 Just  found  the poem  I wrote for   my husband  (its 1 am in the morning here in West Australia) 

Grief and  Rewards

Oh how I miss you

My everlasting  friend and love

You who loved deeply, with eyes

That gazed upon me as if I was a prize.

Who shared my bed, my life, and

Called out the best in me.

Yes, me, who loved you

 And who at every chance  still

Validates your love, your  gentleness.

Yes I still miss you 

And nothing fills the holes that

Surround me.

I know you can see me

You have told me so.

I know  you are safe and growing

In awareness.

Because you told me so.

I sense the power and energy in your

Radiance and sometimes I am granted

A vision of your beauty now.

I hold fast to the rope that

Connects us - with the Lord holding

One end and you in the middle.

For I have seen it.

But with all of  this

And the many blessings that

Have been given

I miss you.

You  - filled with sweetness

And  loving arms.

Your loving gaze will

Fall upon me once again.


And I will cherish you once more

This time without the grief.


with love



Comment by fiddler on November 5, 2015 at 7:38am
I'm sobbing right now. The last part of the poem, about sipping coffee and laughing, like there was no tomorrow, really hit me.

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