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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 559
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Comment Wall


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Comment by Needytoo on Wednesday

I also miss the companionship and having that other half.  I have a great job, I try to have a social life but I really miss having that special relationship. 

Comment by elaine on Tuesday

The message with my tea bag this morning was "Peace of mind, comes piece by piece".

Thought I would share.

Comment by barbee on Tuesday

Maggie, I know it means going somewhere, but have you checked in your new town about the senior center, programs or classes at the library, community college? Maybe even peek at Craigslist to see if there are groups of knitters or quilters or other crafters who gather nearby? I found I didn't need to be really busy every day but being with other people socially once or twice a week really makes a difference.

I live in a 55+ community mobile home park. The clubhouse has coffee and muffins twice a week for people to just drop in. Recently four of them discovered they like the same card game and now they schedule that one afternoon a week. You never know what you might find if you go looking for "something"!

Comment by Maggie on Tuesday
I'm still here too, but usually post in the born in the 40's group as well. It was 3 yrs July 6th. I've done a lot in those 3 years...some travel with my brother and SIL, moving to a new warmer state where I know only a few people and trying to stay busy to keep all the old feelings and loneliness at bay. Lately I have missed my husband and what was suppose to be, more. Loneliness has crept in again in full force. I also have no children and sometimes I wish I did, but I know that is not always an answer. I far prefer this site over FB. Lately I've simply begun to get tired of trying to "fight" all this. I wish I could be content with putzing, reading, watching TV, going to lunch on occasion, but I get anxious if I don't have more, but then I'm not motivated either. I'm 70 so maybe age is a factor. It does make me feel better knowing I'm not alone in my feelings and fears. For me, I dont want another man. It was always just him...
Comment by Maggie on Monday
Yes, Bergen I just was able to get back on as well.
My husband died July 6, 2013 of brain cancer. I still find it hard to believe sometimes that this happened, as I'm sure you all do. Loneliness is my biggest children, only an older brother states away with his own life. A few friends, but not a BFF ive known forever. I try to stay busy, but for once I wish I could read that's it's perfectly ok to finish up your life doing nothing more than reading, putzing at home, watching TV, eating lunch out with friends on occasion, taking walks and surfing the Internet. I read lots of blogs and a lot of E newsletters and articles. I would like to travel some and I have two friends that might, but somehow I would miss my hubby, as we did a lot of traveling in bygone days. I still miss him so and even more of late it seems. At least I'm in sunny Fla now and I no longer have that winter gloom coming.
Comment by Brianne on Monday

Dear fellow widow friends.  Because I receive email notifications of every posting to this group, I read all your comments.  I still miss my Brian everyday and after 39 years together it is hard without him.  Some days are better than others and I can talk and laugh about our life.  But there are still days, when events, songs, etc bring me to tears.  I have learnt that it is okay to still feel the sadness but also necessary for me to create a life for myself.  A couple of months back I posted about dating on  I protected myself, by not using my real name, not giving out email or phone numbers.  I went on coffee dates, shopping with a man whose sister was in town so we all went together and it was nice - a friendship. None of these men were the type of guy I could see myself with as a relationship but movies, dinner and shopping was fun.  Then I met a man who I truly connected with.  We have bee together for 2 months.  I have met all his family and he has met many of mine.  We are happy and enjoying every day.  Best thing - he listens to me talk about my husband and he has shown me such understanding.  Last week he went with me while I spread some of Brian's ashes.  He has truly changed my outlook each day and I hope what we are building will take us into our golden years.  My next news is that I have just published a book.  I wrote about my husband's diagnosis with an inoperable brain tumor, about caring for him at home until the end and my journey as a widow.  The book is titled Remembering Love by Wendy Portfors.  It is available through Amazon.  Hugs to all of you on your journey.     

Comment by kathienpb on Monday

My husband died August 4th 2013 so I'm a little over 3 years too.  I was REALLY depressed in my place where we lived together and I've always said that I wanted to move to Rosarito, Mexico and I finally did it!  I sold my place in San Diego and bought a place for cash on the beach down here (because it's so much cheaper here, I was able to do that).  I work from home so I can work from anywhere.  I have no mortgage, a beach view, and a very active social life and so far, I do find myself smiling a lot more.  Not that I still don't miss Mike, there are times when my first thoughts are 'Mike would have loved this' and I still get caught up in that, but the pain is not as frequent, since I don't have reminders everywhere, although it is still as sharp.  Since it's so close to San Diego here, my friends come and visit, and I head over the border at least once a week for parties or hiking.  I've also met a lot of great people here already and exploring a new place is always fun.  I really have never minded doing things like that by myself so if I'm bored, I'll ride a bike south to see if I can hit Puerto Nuevo or just check out what's there, or north and hit the mall, or I take my dogs for a walk on the beach.  I really wish Mike was here, but at the same time I know he would have never okayed the place I got (small 2 bedroom bungalow, he would have always griped that there wasn't enough room, he was always 'bigger is better') but what I have is plenty of space for me and my dogs and anyone who wants to come visit.  Some of my family thinks I'm crazy, it is a foreign country even though it's only a half an hour away, but they'll get over it.  My son has become okay with it, and once he saw pictures, was really happy with the decision.  Hugs to all.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on Monday

I don't know about anyone else but I have not been able to get into this site for 4 days on any of my devices.  I sent an e-mail to Soaring Spirits last night and the problem seems to be resolved.  

Comment by barbee on Monday

Well, all us readers (and I'm including myself here) let's change things a bit. What do we have in common? In this group we are all about the same time out from our life-shattering event. Three years to starting year four. It appears many of us are in the "older" age group too. about doing more posting? That way we can form some friendships and continue to help each other now that the shock and awe stage is over. It doesn't have to be heavy--maybe just about a good movie or book. BTW, Sully is worth the price of admission.

After my husband died, because he had been sick for years, I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted. It was like leaving high school and facing a great big world alone. My goal that first year was to learn to live alone without being lonely. In an old house; in a different city. Some of that got accomplished, but not really. However, I have learned to force myself to be more positive and to take some calculated risks I never would have done before. I like the person who has evolved and the life I have intentionally created for me. 

Yes, there is a guy in my life the last year and a half. But we are not married and do not intend to be. He has his house and I have mine--30 miles apart. We travel together. But the months we are home we spend 2-3 days at my house and/or 2-3 days at his house and/or 2 or more days each week at our own places. We still have our independent lives and activities. He repairs things at my house and I clean things at his! It is a wonderful friendship that meets each of our needs. His wife and my husband are still with us in conversation and in spirit. We both know our mates come first and foremost. For us it is working well and all our children are delighted.

I'm 75 and he is 80 and we know our time ahead is limited and probably not measured in decades. And, one or the other will be saying goodbye again. It is true that one ending starts another beginning. It is another risk we both are taking. Because we seek joy and laughter to mingle with the older sadness. Carpe Diem!

Comment by Missmyhusband on Monday
Never post, always read. Women, your thoughts do not go unheard on this site, ever. I'm 3.5 years out and just got out of a six-month relationship. It was fun to have someone around again and actually think about a future with again. But the relationship itself, I should have ended half-way through. When I finally did, I felt the greatest sense of relief and my "authentic" me patting me on the back. I thought many different ways about what my husband would have thought about me through all of it. I know that he wants me to enjoy the time that I have left here, the time that we're apart. No matter what now, no matter what then, no matter what may be. The time I have here is priceless, and I will do all I can with it. Sorry to sound like a church record, but I just felt like responding again.

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