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Widowed in 2013

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Comment by booktime (Susan) on Tuesday

Oh CarLady, that's not good stuff you have going on! I hope you are getting good care - yikes. Appendicitis - will you need surgery? Be careful with that. My niece had a ruptured appendix at Christmas of all times!  Take care.

I didn't think my health was suffering but I am thinking I am particularly vulnerable now.

Thanks for your thoughts but you take care!

Comment by CarLady on Tuesday
Booktime Susan: so sorry you are not feeling well this week. It is tough to be sick all alone, I agree. I have been ill constantly since my husband's passing 22 months ago. I was so strong before and during his illness but once he was gone it's like all my reserves were used up and my system has crashed. I'm currently battling an attack of appendicitis and the antibiotics are proving worse than the illness. I hope this low stage will pass soon and I'll Be able to build my health back up again.
Just wondering if others had a similar experience?
Comment by booktime (Susan) on Tuesday

May I whine for a moment? I've been hit by a cold: sore throat. I have not been sick since before Ed died so that is more than 2 years! I wonder if things have caught up with me - wedding anniversary on the 2nd and his birthday on the 4th. I didn't feel I was stressed but I wonder....

Anyway, sitting here and no one to care for me or care about me....

Whine.....

Thanks, all! Hugs.

Comment by BergenJC on Monday

In my experience, they are so thrilled with the Tiffany box that they don't even notice I declined the invitation.  ;-)

Comment by Lakegirl33 on Monday
BergenJC, I LOVE the Tiffany idea. I think that I will adopt that for the future! Great idea!!!!!
Comment by BergenJC on Monday

What Lakegirl said.  But what I would say is go to tiffany.com.  You can get the couple a pair of champagne flutes for $50 and it will be delivered in a Tiffany's blue box.  There is not a bride in the world who won't be thrilled with getting a box from Tiffany's.  I have often been invited to weddings I haven't wanted to attend for various reasons (usually because of the expectation that your gift will "cover the plate" --- a loathsome concept if you ask me) so I send champagne flutes instead -- two if money is tight, four if I'm feeling more flush.   Here's the direct link to what I buy.  http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=253584...

Comment by Lakegirl33 on Monday
Mrs BooBooBear. Please don't feel obligated to attend anything that will be too hard for you. My experience is that people who love us will understand and cut us slack. I also agree with widow85, that the couple will be focused on their day. A personal note to them , perhaps with some nice memories of your, your husband and his grandson, would mean a lot. You might even find some old photos that his bride would not have seen to send. You are not nuts or selfish. I have passed on one wedding since Bob died, did attend my son's wedding three weeks after his death, and attended one 17months after his death. Robb's was hard, but I was so happy for them, I managed not to cry. I figured if I started I would not stop. I sat with my aunt. I plastered a smile on my face. And kept myself super busy! The one I skipped, I decided at the last monument that I just couldn't go. It was six months to the day after. I called the bride personally. You might find calling each of them, and also sending a note would be special for them both. The wedding I did attend this May, was a close friends daughter. Another close friend and I traveled and stayed together. I sat in the back, just in case, but made it through. Whatever you decide, please do not beat yourself up. You need to do what works for you!
Comment by widow85 on Monday

Mrs. BooBooBear, I haven't been in that exact situation but whatever you decide, the couple will be focused on their big day and not on you or your absence. If you can't manage, just put a little note in your card to them how you would have loved to be there but circumstances wouldn't permit. I don't think you have to go into any more detail than that. If you do go, well, lots of people cry at weddings! Who will you sit with? If you have a plan for that, it might help. When I went to my husband's niece's wedding last fall, I sat with his widowed aunt and we held hands and bawled our eyes out.


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Comment by Soaring Spirits on June 27, 2015 at 7:18pm

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Comment by smp1122 on June 25, 2015 at 9:32am

@BEC Your words stated it so very well.....your story hit so close to home.  I wish we were not in the same boat...but I am glad I am not the only one.  Hugs and love

 

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