Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 507
Latest Activity: on Friday

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Comment by Bruja on Friday
(((Janayah))))). That's so hard, moments like that hurt so much. Hope you're feeling better xx

And hugs to you widow85, a horrible time for you. So sorry you've to go through this xx bruja
Comment by barbee on Friday

widow85, it is either widow brain or anticipation. Call it what you like. Know you are normal and we all go through it. Sometimes for every important date that has lots of memories. Usually not so much or as often as you move away from the death date. It does happen to each and every one of us, so you have plenty of company.

Comment by widow85 on Friday

Me too, the one year anniversay is coming up, and it's got me scrambled. I wore two different shoes to work last week! Going to the wrong conference rooms for meetings at the wrong times. Hanging out late at the office because he's not there to come home to. Having trouble sleeping again. Yet replaying our old arguments in my head -- what's up with that?

Comment by Janayah on Thursday

Just over 11 months now. Sometimes I can't even believe I made it this far. Today I reached for my phone to call my husband - it took me two seconds to realize...the rush of sadness that came over me seemed as heavy as day one. 

Comment by brendab on November 18, 2014 at 12:16am

barbee - Thanks for the book recommendation.  I plan to check them out.

widow85 - I know only too well about not being able to tackle messes and such.  I have to tell you though that your post made me laugh out loud!  What a wonderful sense of humor you have. And personally the drinking more sounds good to me! (laughing)

Comment by widow85 on November 17, 2014 at 2:54pm

These posts about houses and messes are spot on and just at the right time for me. I can barely get in the front door by the home office because I set up a long table with all the income tax/medical deductions piles of paper and it's still there a month after Oct. 15 (I did leave it up intentionally for awhile in case I got audited.) The basement is such a nightmare I look straight ahead while carting the laundry up and down. We had to replace our sewer pipe last October and me and my spouse's home health care worker just madly crammed shelves and boxes and equipment and furniture all on one side so the basement floor could be dug up.  Then the kids and I yanked boxes out to find photos and mementos for the memorial service video show last January. It looks like a combination tornado-earthquake hit down there. This September the yard became infested with fleas, which attacked the dogs, so I sprinkled food grade diatomaceous earth all over the floorboards to kill the fleas inside. It didn't vacumn up very well and it looks like I'm runnning a not-very-tidy cocaine factory. One tiny victory -- I got a bunch of bulbs planted right before the weather turned cold and nasty. But did I get the leaves raked? Heck no. I looked at my wine rack the other day and it was festooned with cobwebs. I either need to clean or drink more! The place is such a mess I bought a 16 lb. turkey and am inviting everyone I can think of who are not celebrating with family so I am forced to clean up.

Comment by barbee on November 17, 2014 at 2:05pm

 booktime (Susan), you will find your new normal. It will happen.

Yesterday I was reading Walking on Water by Richard Paul Evans. It is the fifth and final book in his walking series, which is all about hope. He lost his wife, then his business partner stole his business and clients, then the bank foreclosed on his house. It is a thoughtful, wise, and helpful series that I recommend to anyone who is grieving. If you don't read much or have difficulty concentrating now, it is an easy series of books to read.

Here are a couple quotes from the fifth book: 

"...it's good to take counsel from the past but not to be ruled by it. Otherwise we end up using today to fight yesterday's battles and miss tomorrow's promise."

"I learned in the jungles of Vietnam that when faced with overwhelming loss and stress, a man must choose to live and find his own way through his broken heart."

Grief is new to us because we are in the midst of it, but it has been going on for thousands of years and will continue to do so. Just our turn right now and it ain't easy, is it?

May whomever is reading this have a soft and peaceful day.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 17, 2014 at 6:31am

I think I am realizing that I have been waiting for things to get "back to normal" so I can begin to do some activities like my spinning and weaving. I am realizing that if I wait for that, I'll never do another thing!

I am now carrying the words I heard in church yesterday: don't say what is wrong, say what is possible.

It is possible for me to find a new normal. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Hugs to all.

Comment by Maggie on November 15, 2014 at 4:55pm
Thats 16 months
Comment by Maggie on November 15, 2014 at 4:55pm
I'm at -6 months and have given away or sold just about everything and have organized all the paperwork and is now my organization and style. I'm also getting rid of some of my stuff in preparation for an eventual move. I'm trying to reduce as much potential stress from moving as I can. BUT then I sit here and wonder where my life went and feel it's all starting to slow down and become less and less meaningful. It's like "OK, I've gotten rid of everything, now what?" Now cleaning...that's what I can really put off.
 

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