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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 558
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Comment by barbee yesterday

Welcome back, my roses! I remember you from "before". Sorry you had to be away for so long.

Comment by my roses on Thursday

My Roses  I am back again after about 18 mths... as my computer would not function, then I found

I could not get back into Widowed Village.  It has been shocking when I realised I could not see my

photos of my beloved.  Could not get into WV to speak to those friends that are here. I wonder

if they are still here.   So if there are any of you who see this please  say hello again.

Comment by Needytoo on April 15, 2017 at 4:33am

I didn't have any real support after my husband's passing.  Fourteen months later an old co-worker's husband passed and we became good friends, then she started pushing me away.  There came a point where I just had enough.  Another friend just separated with her husband and I thought we would go out and do more stuff but she started seeing another guy right away. I am happy for her.  I have a few other friends but they always have other things going on and we don't see each other as often as I would like. 

I have tried online dating on and off for awhile.  My earlier attempts I can say maybe I wasn't ready but I really feel I am ready now. My first husband that I divorced 27 years ago has contacted me through Facebook.  Little bit different since we are talking about what went wrong.  

I put an effort staying positive as well Brianne, I know I have come a long way just tired of the "ick" feeling.  Happy Easter to you 

Comment by Brianne on April 14, 2017 at 7:54am

Dear Needytoo. I too feel lonely today as we start the Easter weekend.  I am missing my mother who always hid chocolate eggs for us to find, long after me and my siblings had left home and married.  I miss my husband.  My best friends abandoned me right after my husband died and I have come to terms with that.  What bothers me is that their children have also cut off communication with me and I wonder how my god daughters can no longer want me in their lives.  I didn't do anything wrong.  I remember so many easter weekends spent with them and now I get no message.  

I have been lucky as 8 months ago today I found a new love but now today and this weekend I am separated from him due to work responsibilities.  I have many things to be grateful for and I am going to change my attitude to focus on what I have and not what I LOST.  Happy Easter to you all.  

Comment by Needytoo on April 14, 2017 at 4:43am

Happy Good Friday everyone. I haven't posted in awhile and feel the need to share. It has been 4 years and a month since my husband's passing.  I know I have come a long way and I am thankful for that but I have been feeling off for a while and I can't even describe it.  I did lose a friendship which was so hard on me but I honestly feel I am over it, I actually set up boundaries and say that is it, I am done.   I do feel a void or maybe it is loneliness, I just don't know.     

  I do feel a void or maybe it is loneliness, I just don't know.   Some days I am alright with the void and others it just feels so darn horrible that I am thinking I am going crazy.  

My sister-in-law invited the kids and me over and then in a few hours took the invite back. Years ago that would have made me so angry but I feel nothing. 

I am just tired of feeling like a stranger in my own skin.  Sorry to complain on a holiday. 

Comment by Seashell on April 12, 2017 at 8:34am

I lit candles yesterday in memory of my husband, his mother, my friend's mother. I lit candles for my brother, John, and my parents who have all passed away. Afterward I took a scenic drive and stopped at a nursery and purchased a tomato plant, catnip (see if it works on my cat), seeds for chives and carrots and beans. Let's see how green my thumb can be. The evening before was spent having dinner with a friend who had lost her husband 20 years ago. My childhood friend text me her kind thoughts and my youngest daughter called to go over details for the upcoming Easter weekend events she and her sister have planned. I went to bed last night and fell asleep. This morning I awoke to the alarm going off. I prayed for strength. The cat who had been sleeping at the end of the bed came over for a quick pet and a "let's play" attitude. We played and then the routine of getting up and completing the morning chores along with eating breakfast began. Oh, how I longed to remain in the peace and quiet of my home. Off to work I went. 4 years 7 months to go.

Comment by Seashell on April 4, 2017 at 11:52am

I have a question for those of you who may have experienced this or know of someone who has. I can be on time or early in getting ready for work in the morning but by the time I get into my car I find that I am 15 minutes behind. It seems as though since Jerry passed away I have lost 15 minutes out of a 24 hour period.

Comment by Seashell on March 31, 2017 at 6:37am

Dear MissmyHusband: For the most part I have been finding a new happiness in my new life although I miss my husband dearly. I am able to connect with people like I hadn't been able to do in years. These feelings just came on so suddenly that they took me by surprise. This during a time when I am having to reevaluate my sibling relationships. The brother who would have been my greatest support died twenty years ago. My parents had problems of their own and left a legacy behind them of prejudice, anger, etc. that is frustrating for me to have my siblings see me as the person I am and not what they perceive me to be. My brother John and I were not only siblings but were friends. Soon the storm will pass, peace will return to my home, and I will be smiling and laughing with friends again. My love to all of you.

Comment by widow85 on March 30, 2017 at 6:36am

Whatever you and he had, however flawed, crooked, weird, wonderful, or whatever, was yours and his alone. Also, other people's lives ALWAYS seem so much more put together from our outside view, don't they? Hang in there. 

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on March 29, 2017 at 6:03am

OK, here's another "True Confessions" time.  I have nowhere else to talk about this but here.  

Those who have read my posts for the last three years know that I approach this "new normal" with a kind of grim determination to not let toxic thoughts poison my life -- to not let the dumb things people say bother me, to not let people bitching about their spouses be triggers, to not resent other couples, and so on.  I talk a good game, but I am in "painful regret" mode today, and here's why.

I am friendly with a couple who have been married a long time (over 40 years).  I met the husband first through a common interest group and then became friends with his wife.  So mostly it's just she and me as friends at this point.  The husband was having an "inappropriate friendship/emotional affair", and the wife had a revenge affair.  They were on the verge of divorce, but they couldn't afford it.  They went to counseling that didn't work, then started living mostly separate lives.  But they still enjoyed doing things together.  It is now 3 years after all this really started, and they both have now agreed to focus on each other and their relationship.  And it shows.  They have had a second chance.

I'm happy for them, but it makes me think of the second chance I didn't get...the chance for a fresh start in my own marriage that had become troubled, the chance for the fresh start that for a moment when my husband first became ill seemed possible, the chance for the fresh start that I had still hoped would be possible after he was done with his surgeries and treatments.

I envy that they had that chance.  I don't resent them for having it; I resented it more when they were willing to throw away the bond that they clearly still had which, as in all long-term marriages, transcends those moments when you feel you can't stand another minute with this person.  

I wish I'd had that chance.  I will always regret that I didn't.

 

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