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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 558
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

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Comment by Needytoo on Tuesday

Thank you widow85, I do have to realize when to trust my gut more often.  I just reserved The Gift of Fear at the library!!

I love your story.  I am doing so much stuff that I maybe I wouldn't have done if my husband was still there and I much more comfortable doing it.  For example I took up pole dancing.  It is a great work out and oddly helping me face fear and I also feel like a kid spinning around the pole.  

Good luck on your rebirth. 

Comment by Tink on Tuesday
Well said...I understand completely, widow85..and will need to read the book
Comment by widow85 on Tuesday

Good for you, Needytoo. I can't say enough about "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker; gave it to both my daughters, which endorses following your gut, for very sound reasons.

On other matters, something "weird" happened to me the other day -- I was driving home from a visit with a daughter, it was pouring, low visibility,and I was very aware and vigilant about the possibility of an accident. I thought, whoa, I fear death again! -- that's a new thing. It's not that I have been reckless or self-destructive, or taken unnecessary risks since my husband died, it's just that I just didn't care. It was sort of liberating, like the worst thing ever has already happened to me (except for something happening to the grown kids), so what if I died tomorrow, so I have been sort of fearless until now. I guess I'm re-entering "normal" life a bit. I'm feeling kind of crabby and out of sorts about the whole thing, so I feel like there's some rebirth process going on here. We'll see where it takes me . . .

Comment by Needytoo on July 23, 2016 at 3:50am

Thank you everyone for confirming my same thoughts.  I called the guy last night and cancelled.  Told him I felt he didn't have enough experience and it might jeopardize my friendship.  He really tried to change my mind.  

I had a few texts from my friend inviting me over but thankfully I was spending time with my sons.  Big lesson learned on this one, to follow your instincts. I may have already ruined my friendship but I need to keep myself first.   

Comment by Luna on July 22, 2016 at 2:00pm

Hi, I haven't posted in a while..but always read the comments.  I find it a great comfort. It is, as you all know, still an emotional rollercoaster.  Some days are very bad..and others OK. Tink I wish you the best with your move.  I have moved twice since my husband died but in the local area..it was hard to pack up and go through all our stuff. I am not originally from the US and still am unsure re. where I should end up living.  Needytoo - I agree with the comments.. you should go with your instincts..be v. wary.  Lots of love to all xxxx 

Comment by Brianne on July 22, 2016 at 11:03am

Needytoo - I support what CarLady has written you.  Cancel having this man do work for you.  Just say you don't have the money or don't want to do anything right now.  He will try to get a key for your house (I am guessing) stating he needs it to complete work and it is best if you aren't home when work is being completed,  blah, blah, blah.  Step back, trust your gut like she said.  He sounds like he is preying on your friend and because she is lonely she is being sucked in by him.  The best you can do for your friend is to tell her to trust her children and not some guy she met on line.  I support on line dating as I have met some nice men and so have my friends but you must put instinct above loneliness.  If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.  

Comment by CarLady on July 22, 2016 at 4:19am

Thanks everyone for the wonderful support throughout my daughter's wedding, I really appreciate it. The happiness of the occasion is still with me this week although I am back at work now. 

On a more serious note to "Needytoo" - your note sends up huge red flags about this man.  I think you feel them too judging from your comments.  Listen to your inner "gut instincts" - we don't always know how to articulate what is wrong but our gut instincts almost always prove true about people at the end of the day.  Do not allow this man near your house - find an excuse, find someone else to do the work.  Your friend must make up her own mind about him but you need to protect yourself.  He obviously intents to rip people off when an opportunity presents itself, that is who he is. You sound caring and supportive of your friend but putting your own welfare at risk will not help her and may cause you grief.  None of us need more grief.  I hope you find a way to extricate yourself from the situation.  Please let me know - I care.  Hugs.

Comment by Needytoo on July 22, 2016 at 3:54am

I have a question for all of you.  One of my friends is also a widow she is two years out and really hasn't dealt with things well.  All of us grieve differently i know this. Eight months ago this guy starting conversations with her on facebook then I guess it switched phone calls and having visits.  She told me this guy has a lot of issues, health wise and mentally (PTSD).  Her adult children hate this guy. She told me that they are just friends. Some how I agreed for this guy to do some work around my house. (yes I am an idiot)  The man creeps me out but I am stuck but I am making sure he has insurance and workers comp before he starts to work on my property.  Last night he told me since I am the "best friend of his girl friend" he is not going to rip me off.  Girlfriend? This is news to me.  Should I pry and ask her about this?  

Comment by lizbeth4 on July 21, 2016 at 9:27am

Congrats CarLady on the wedding.  Hugs))) to you Tink!   Brianne, I moved to a small town from a large city (100 miles) 8 months after my Husband died.  From 1.5 million people to 15,000 people. I just had to get out of the city!!!  I am not too far from my 2 Daughters and Grandson. I love my surroundings of forests, lakes.   But I don't feel like I belong.  I have had that feeling the last 3 1/2 years since my Husbands death.   I am not the same person or will I ever be.  I am still finding my new life's path.  I am glad that I have you all!!    

Comment by Brianne on July 20, 2016 at 9:16am

Congrats CarLady on the wedding.  I know it must have been a tough day for you all but sounds like you captured the spirit of the day and will have so many wonderful new memories.  Good for you!!!

 

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