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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 550
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Silver fern yesterday
Thanks - going to make it- I like your name....it says what we all wish and hope for!
Kathspec it is nice to think there is more...wished I knew too!
Hugs to all
Comment by going to make it on Sunday
Giant hugs everyone! Thinking of you all. ❤❤❤
Comment by kathspec on Sunday
Hi
I haven't commented in awhile either! It will be 3 yrs on 4/1 since Scott died! The grief is not as intense! I still miss him everyday! The breakdowns are much less I have more good days I try to live in the present now! I wish i know what I know now before Scott die but I've learned a lot in grieve!
I'm working on my faith but that is a work in progress
I just really wish I had more faith in some kind of afterlife or at least to know that there is more after death but I am working on thAt!
Thanks
Comment by Luna on February 2, 2016 at 8:33pm

Hi, I haven't posted for a while, thank you Seashell for your comments.  I have been finding the last few months very rough, trying to live my life without Jock (I miss him so dreadfully)..but you are right somehow I have to move forward and i know Jock would want me to, I just wish the pain would subside x

Comment by Seashell on February 2, 2016 at 6:28pm

How time flies! I am almost at the 3 year mark (April 11th) and I don't know where time has gone. When Jerry first passed away I marked the day he died as Year 30. My grandmother, my mother, my aunt all were widows for 30 or more years. I was going to do the countdown on the anniversary of his death each year. I would mark - on the calendar - how many years I would have left to live alone without him. Sometime after the 2nd year of this I stopped. My childhood friend and I were celebrating our 59th birthdays together and we were discussing that we had less years to live on earth than we had already lived. I began to realize that I was in charge of my life. I would have to live my life my way. All the dreams I had of places I wanted to visit, books I wanted to read, friends and family I wanted to see, educating myself, planning my future - couldn't be put on hold anymore. I had no more excuses not to do them. Is it going to be easy living life without Jerry? No, but that choice was taken from me and new ones opened. I can finally be there for the people that need me. I can read every book I purchased and have had sitting in the closet for years. I can travel several hours on a plane to visit the destinations I have always longed to see. My life is different now. I always told Jerry that there was a guarantee of 3 places he knew he could find me - shopping, in a bookstore or library, or on some fun little adventure. Amazing how things don't change.

Comment by Silver fern on January 27, 2016 at 2:56am
Lizbeth4 you are feeling what I am feeling...it is surreal even after 3 years. Nothing is the normal we knew..but we will make a new normal over time. The sadness doesn't go...but that shows your love. It is tiring this grief.! Sometimes I Lay in bed and visualise us having special moments on a holiday. I try to recapture good times..this helps a little. Grief doesn't go..we just have to learn to live with it and try and find some joy in life as well. I have a first grandchild...that helps!
Comment by Lensbaby on January 25, 2016 at 6:48pm

thank you for the kind and warm responses to my post. heartsforever, you are so right about the time table. we are all so different and there is no 'right way' to grieve. we are all different and so is our grief. i do know that grief reflects the love that we had. i wish you great luck with cleaning your home and looking for something on one level. tom and i lived in our house for all our married life and did most of the work on it ourselves so i am tied to memories but also, i know that i am not capable of doing the repairs that will pop up as time goes on so i HAVE given thought to moving in the future. time will tell..

and elaine, i know what it is like to force yourself! and i too am never sorry that i did force myself into the walk or the cleaning of a closet or whatever it is. i am glad you have a good group of supportive friends. my friends and my boys, and my mother and brothers  have held me up for the past 2 years when i did not think i was going to make it. thank goodness they have always been here! thanks again for your words of support and welcome!

Comment by elaine on January 25, 2016 at 6:29pm

Hello Lensbaby, I haven't posted here for a while, but I lost my husband Feb.27/13.   Still find it hard to believe and like you taking one day at a time.  This new normal is really hard to get used to!  I do some activities but find it hard to really enjoy anything and sometimes it is a real effort to get out, but I force myself. Usually if I am with friends or out for a walk it becomes easier, but there is always an underlying sadness.  I don't have family, but I am fortunate to have good supportive friends.  I hope you find this site of comfort and at least you know you are not alone on this journey.   Elaine D.

Comment by HeartsForever on January 25, 2016 at 1:56pm

Lensbaby, welcome and very sorry for your loss. I lost my DH in July 2013, so we are at about the same time frame with the loss, but as you'll learn, or have learned, everyone goes through grief at their own timetable. I found this site just a few months after DH died, so I posted a lot back then, not as much now, but I still read the comments every week. I still have some very hard days.  We were married almost 42 yrs, and had lost a daughter 3 yrs prior to my husband dying. I have a small family with only one other child who lives 1000 mi.away. But I've lived in my community for 35 yrs, so it is home to me.  Right now my goal is cleaning out my home and find a one level townhome I like. We only lived here for 8 yrs and it really doesn't hold any fond memories for me.  I need a smaller place to take care of and perhaps meet some more people my own age as this neighborhood has a lot of families with children still at home.

I hope you find lots of good resources on this board. Email me any time, or ask questions here.  It's a great place to go if you have a down day, lots of good advice.  Take care.

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 24, 2016 at 9:23pm
Welcome, Lensbaby. So sorry for your loss...
 

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