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Beaming good thoughts and hope for strength to everyone dealing with this hard year #2. It's difficult to explain but I feel like I'm looping from event to event with extreme down time in between (ran seminar at work, good, tired of boring stuff at work & can't make myself just do it as in the past, bad, book club coming over this weekend, good, all alone every night this week, bad, went to concert by myself, good, too bummed out to take the dogs out for a walk in the park, bad) in a stuttery, jerky way, without a smooth progression to my life. I don't know what else to do but "And when the morning light comes streaming in, I'll get up and do it again. Amen." Apologies to David Grohl and Jackson Browne, but I sure do feel like The Prentender sometimes, pretending to live a normal life.
I am also at 2 yrs in July and so totally agree with all the comments re/ the 2nd year. Even though I don't have all the sorting and giving away completed, I'm at a standstill to finish I think. I'm just so tired of it all, the lonliness at the top of the list. It's rare for me to have an activity on a weekend night. I keep plenty busy during the daytime, especially during the week, but the nights are long and lonely as you all know. I'm about ready though to take garbage bags and empty boxes and drawers without even sorting. I just want it done. I don't want to have to look at it or think about it. After I've worked on it for a day or two, even if only a few hours, I revert back to tears and thinking way too much. I miss my old life so very much. I miss my husband and my daughter who passed. I think they are the lucky ones, to be together and not dealing with any of this pain and suffering. I'm 66, I can't fathom 10-20 more years of this misery. All my friends are either married or divorced. The few women I know at church who have lost their husbands look about how I feel, very, very sad.
Missingmyhusband, I too like you don't post much but when I read a post like yours I feel I must comment. What you said is so true, we can all feel the pain that we all suffer, but I believe and feel like you we can only live in the now. The past is the past, beautiful memories and a wonderful journey with a very special person, our spouse's, and now we have the now with all the special moments, whatever they may be. I know for me it is my family and my wonderful grandchildren and a special person I met, a widow on the same journey I am on. I also have my God who gives me strength and comfort in living life today. I know everyone will not believe and live like I do but that's their choice. I embrace my life with my wife Jan, a total of 50 yrs and remember what our son said " Dad, Mom is no longer with us and she will not be coming back". So for me, it is the now with very precious memories. You are so right Missingmyhusband, we may find what we are looking for on this journey, I'll add, just open our hearts to life today.
Oh, Maggie, you said it so very well. Just exactly like what I feel. Some days (or nights) it is good and OK and other times it really is not. Even when I am with friends or family and having a good time, the aloneness is still hovering underneath. It's been two years for me and I keep waiting for it to get better too.
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