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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 559
Latest Activity: Aug 23

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Comment by lizbeth4 on August 23, 2016 at 6:45pm

Thank you Needytoo!  That must have been so hard for your sons!!   My Grandson is very active in school and sports.   He is still going to counseling, now monthly. He feels comfortable with his therapist and has been seeing him for 4 years now.    He is very open to his Mother and I.   He talks to us about how he is feeling.   I too feel that  if we keep the communication open that will help heal us all.   He is a special child.  I think it is going to be alright.   I am sending you hugs))) 

Comment by Needytoo on August 23, 2016 at 4:05am

Lizbeth4 my son's were 14 & 17 when their father passed.  My youngest son even attempted CPR on his father.  My oldest son was already having mental issues and he put the effort into himself and is doing very well.  I also went to therapy and it took a long time to find a good therapist.  My youngest son has gone only to therapy once.  He knows it is available if he needs it.  I am a firm believer you can't force anyone into therapy .

So what is my point?  I would talk openly about grieving which you are doing, but also remember having a balance.  Would he be interested in trying a new sport?  

Sending you a big hug. 

Comment by lizbeth4 on August 21, 2016 at 3:44pm

Kind of sad today.  My Aunt (my Mothers oldest Sister) is in a coma and now on hospice.   She is my Mom's last sibling.   I spent the night with my Mom comforting her.   Today was better as she reminisce about her Sister.   My oldest Daughter, Grandson and I visited her (different state) 2 summers ago.  It was the first time my Aunt met my Grandson and they got along fabulously.   I talked to my Daughter and when the time comes we will tell my Grandson.   Life is short and precious. 

Comment by lizbeth4 on August 19, 2016 at 12:36pm

Not to change the subject but I need to share this.   My Grandson (10 years old) has had a really hard time with the death of his Papa.   They were so close and my Grandson said that he was like a second Dad to him.   With counseling and talking he is getting through it.   We were honest with him when we found out about the cancer and he started counseling before my Husband died.   My Grandson's Uncle, on his Dad's side, committed suicide 2 weeks ago and my Grandson traveled with his Dad to another state to attend the funeral.   He and I talked after he came back about it.  He told me that he knows people he loves are going to die and he can't stop it!!!  If I as a adult have trouble dealing with death, it has to be 100 times harder for a child.   Any suggestions that we can implement to help him???  I just want to make sure that we are doing all we can do for him.  Thank you!!

Comment by lonelyinaz on August 18, 2016 at 8:38pm
Thx for sharing on this dating on line topic. I hear the stories but dont know anyone who didnt end up thinkng wht a pain in the butt! Good to know its not all drama. I'm still in the just forget this bs mode. But hey ive been known to change!
Comment by lizbeth4 on August 16, 2016 at 2:26pm

My oldest Daughter tried to set me up with a acquaintance of hers and her boyfriend.   We met in a social venue with other people.   He was nice but we didn't click.   I tried!!!   I thought it was sweet that my Daughter thought of me.  He is a nice guy but not my type or I am just now really opened to it!!!!

Comment by Needytoo on August 14, 2016 at 4:11am

I have given out my phone number a few times.  I was worried that they would harass me day and night but that didn't happen, they just stopped calling/texting me just like they do on the online dating sites.  I believe the term they use for this is called "ghosting".  

Most of the "recommendations" is to meet the person sooner than later. I do understand why they say to do that, its because you can really get so much more from a person seeing their body language but on the same note if the guys are nervous (which so far all of them have been) then they send out some not so "good" vibes. And to be honest I most likely not sending out the greatest "vibes" as well.   The art of dating is going to take me time to develop.  

I have one friend who is happy married and they chatted 8 months before meeting so maybe that is the way to go?  

Comment by Frank on August 11, 2016 at 3:59pm

Thanks Susan, I just hope I helped you all in your journey to find friendship

Comment by booktime (Susan) on August 11, 2016 at 3:04pm

Thank you, Frank, for your perspective on this. It is what I was feeling but one guy called me over cautious and he never did respond back. Another guy asked me for my phone number and I told him I would give it to him after we had corresponded a bit more. He has not written back.

So I think you are right. I think this will take time (which I do have!).
I am so glad you found someone! That's a wonderful story and I am glad for Sandy too. She has quite the catch in you! :)

Comment by Frank on August 11, 2016 at 1:50pm

Hi everyone, I have not posted in awhile but I do read all posts that come my way.  A subject I read about a lot lately is dating and related dating sites.  I will first say I was married to my wife for almost 48 years and was her caregiver for the last 25 months, which I say was The Greatest Act of Love For Her.

Getting back to the subject, I will relate my experience with dating sites.  I met a widow through one and we communicated for several months through the site and then by our personal e mail and then the phone.  I can say we got to know each other this way.  We then met in the town where I live and can say our first meeting was a joy, we talked about life and what is was like to walk the journey we were on. We started seeing each other and a beautiful relationship began.  When we are together we always talk about our late spouses, we laugh, cry and discuss our relationship with them, they are part of our relationship.  Before meeting Sandy, I did meet other ladies for coffee at a safe place, mostly at Barnes & Noble.  One thing I found was they were nice but there was the missing chemistry, as we like to say.  Another negative, most were divorced, nothing against that, but I also realized there was the skeleton in the closet, my late wife.  She will always be with me.

So I moved on and Sandy came into my life.

I found that an online relationship is not easy and it requires gut feeling and taking the slow road.  We need to communicate for a period of time over the internet dating site.  If anyone is impatience, wants your personal information or is abrasive, just move on.  They will not change.  Read their profile, you can get a lot from it.  See if they are speaking from their heart.  DO NOT be afraid to walk away and block them if you have too.

Stay on the web site you met them on, do not give out personal e mails until you feel comfortable.  Phone numbers are the last thing you want to give out.  You may not want to do that until you have had coffee at a safe place.  As Sandy said to me, try to read and feel what the person is trying to say, are they speaking from their heart.

We have already gone through enough, just try to take this journey slowly and enjoy, cause our God is with us.  God Bless you all 

 

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