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Widowed in 2013

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Comment by Silver fern on Wednesday
That is lovely BOOKTIME. How is Rozzie settling in. I have 2 cats ...they bring companionship into your home. I so want a little dog but I will wait till I have done a couple of overseas trips.
This week I made myself visit the bay where "our" yacht is moored. Although I sold it it is still there bobbing in the breeze and his dinghy on the beach. It still feels like ours.! I see us there in my mind rowing out to the boat and sailing off on our little adventures up the harbour. His office is nearby at the port. I made myself face this as I work once a week very close to it and often my friends want to walk with me around the area. There is a mountain at the end of the bay that is popular for walks up and around. I cannot avoid it forever.
It is hard...I sat there and cried...wishing those times and my lovely man back again..
Comment by booktime (Susan) on April 24, 2016 at 9:42am

I have decided to adopt a cat. She is at a local rescue and 12 years old. In good health and deserving of a good home which I hope to give her. I didn't take her yesterday, feeling I need a little time to get ready. I am telling people so it becomes a reality. I even changed her name from Rosie to Rozzie! I think she'll be a good companion.

I have been without a pet since last September. I haven't had a cat for a long time so it's almost a new experience for me!

I look forward to welcoming Rozzie into my home.

Comment by Hornet (Cindy) on April 5, 2016 at 6:32pm

Rainsong, same for me. Rick was all into baseball...and it has been sad for the last few days for me too. And you comment about 'aloneness' really struck me. I thought it was just me, but sadly, it is not. My daughters still live with me, so it keeps some measure of the noise of living in the house...but that void created more than 2 years ago feels so permanent now. Many days, it is just me and the void. I hope I get used to it and can still make it through life without turning into a bag lady who wanders the streets in a dirty bath robe talking to myself and scaring little kids! Peace to you RainSong. Cindy

Comment by RainSong on April 4, 2016 at 7:17pm

Who would have guessed that the baseball season's Opening Day game today would be a day of a sadness for me?  I guess I really should have known...he was a huge fan, and pitched in college.  But the fact that he is not here is more and more apparent, or a reality, and I have an increased sense of aloneness as time goes on.  I fight it, but it is not always easy

Comment by Tink on March 31, 2016 at 1:14pm

I felt once Jay got worse, I was no longer his wife, but his parent...looking after him, making decisions that were so hard to make. Having to put him in a home was heart wrenching...since he had always said he never wanted to have to go into a nursing home like his mother did for 7 years. I remember that day so vividly, the only thing I had to offer him, was that it was out in the country were he could watch the deer from his window. It was so hard watching him lose his eyesight and his ability to speak. These are the sad memories I am left with now. 

Comment by Seashell on March 31, 2016 at 12:12pm

It will be 3 years in 11 days. I know what you mean about memories. These 3 years seem like forever ago. I look at the person I was then and look at myself now and think "wow"! What do I remember most about the last 3 years of Jerry's life - the struggle to make it through each day. Drives were with him sleeping in the car and me thinking "I am married but single". He was a man that always loved to talk and talk we would on our drives. We had gotten lost many times due to the fact that we did more talking than paying attention to where we were going. There was a spell of time between the 2 bouts of his dis-ease that things were great. I almost began dreaming about our future again until the next time when it took him from us.

Comment by Tink on March 29, 2016 at 7:25pm

Seashell, I know what you mean. I have been having the same thing happen to me lately. Little things make me start to cry.  I remember on Christmas morning waking up with tears streaming down my face. The holidays are different now without him. Some are harder then others. He was sick for three years, and I find it hard to remember how things were before that. It is strange for me, that those three short years block out all the other memories of so many more years so easily. 

Comment by Seashell on March 28, 2016 at 2:32pm

Sometimes the tears just seem to flow. They began yesterday and are continuing today. Just as I think I am almost over the hill another one appears. But it seems that each time I gain a little more strength. I have a picture of Jerry in my mind of the time he and our two teenage daughters were decorating eggs for Easter. The girls decided that they were going to decorate Dad up as an Easter egg. He was all covered  with coloring but he had this big smile on his face. They did so love their Dad.

Comment by Brianne on March 27, 2016 at 10:43am

Hello to all and Happy Easter.  I find it a difficult day as my husband loved hiding Easter eggs just for the two of us.  I found myself wanting to buy him an Easter egg even though it has been three Easter's without him.  I will have Easter dinner with his mom and find peace in knowing that he is with us in spirit .  

Comment by booktime (Susan) on March 26, 2016 at 6:19pm

Tomorrow is Easter. It was never a favorite holiday of ours. But I am aware how alone I am. I am going to church, visit the cemetery with my spring flowers, visit a friend, and do a couple of chores. My neighbor raked a lot of my garden today but I think there is more to do! I think he will be happy that someone else cares about the grounds. I get the impression that the woman who lived here before  did not.

I also have been made aware that my neighbors are most likely grieving this holiday as the woman who lived here before was very close to them, family. I wish I knew the words to express how sorry I am. But I also know they are happy with me as a neighbor. And we will get to know each other.

Rambling. I chose to be alone tomorrow so I will enjoy the day! I could have been with family but didn't want to travel. Hugs.


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