Widowed Village

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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 496
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

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Comment by booktime (Susan) 12 hours ago

The holiday weekend comes to a close and I actually feel at peace. I spent a lot of time going through stuff, throwing some, keeping some. I feel like I accomplished a lot.

Except for Saturday, I haven't seen a soul to talk to. Just talked on the phone. I should feel lonely but I don't, not really. I could have gone to see neighbors but i actually wanted to be with myself.

I do look forward to going back to work tomorrow!

I hope all had as good a weekend as possible. It's amazing to me how many of us are going through the big dates right now.

Strength to you all.

Comment by sunshines007 13 hours ago

This past week been hard for me too.  It been a year that I lost my beautiful husband to pancreatic cancer.   Today,  starts a fresh month for me.  Hopefully, I can dust off and pick up. 

Comment by californiajazzy 18 hours ago

butterflybarb, the moving and touching and "packing up" 35 years of your life together was so very hard. I had to do it under the gun in order to short sale my house. I had a friend with me for 9 days and the overwhelming amount of "treasures" that we had been dragging up and down CA for years was insane. We had a garage sale in order to make money for the move but I was seen grabbing something and putting it in the keep pile because I did not want to argue with someone over 25 cents. Dealing with his clothes was the hardest, I had friends saying give them away to take pack them where my therapist said I could bring them and deal with them when I was ready. I wound up hiring a princess packers who I explained what a hard time I was having and to pack them to give away and I kept several shirts. I kept and have his baseball hats that he wore after loosing hair to chemo....never could stand baseball hats but developed an apprication for them. I would come across tons of research papers on pancreatic cancer, binders of labs cts all that that was our life. You are right moves are right up there with other life stresses but after a death of a husband or wife...unbearable. My husband was 66. 35 years married.

Pipin it was very moving to see his name on what will be my grandson's name. My son so deserves this happiness as he has had so many struggles with heath and being hard of hearing to have found this wonderful woman when he was 40!!

Comment by butterflybarb 18 hours ago
I haven't posted much, but read everyone's. My husband, Dennis, passed just over 9 months ago. I'm having to move, and although I knew it would be hard, it basically is the next hardest thing I've had to do after losing him to stomach cancer. He was a pack rat extraordinaire! I've been giving alot of his tools and things to his brothers and sisters (there were 11 of them - he is the first to go at age 65). I just know he would be so happy for them to have it all. But boy its so hard to give it away. It honestly feels like losing him all over again. I know I'll get through this, but.not without a boatload of tears. I know he's here trying to help and guide me, so I honestly have to concentrate on that. Just thought writing this down to all of you would help too. On top of it all my landlord came over and yelled at me because the pool was a little green. I felt like saying...seriously, Dude? Its a 1 or 2 day fix...chill out! But even that started the tears flowing, because Dennis took care of all that. Its like everyone has said...before our guys/gals left we took on anything with not a thought...now its a totally different story. Anyway, I feel better now, so thanks all for listening. Guess I'd better get back to his workbench and the many containers of every hardware product imaginable! Even though to me it is a total unorganized disaster, he could find anything anytime someone needed something. Miss that dude! Hope everyone is having a good day!
Comment by pipin 19 hours ago

ah jazzy such a nice tribute . I am sure it is a happy sad face! My son took his wife's surname when he got married - long story but ours does not 'work ' in the country she comes from and she is an only child etc When they had their daughter 3 mths after my husbands death they put the name back in. When my other daughter in law had a son the next month- he had his granddad's name as his second one. Ok so lots of people do this but it is still special for us. 

You will be a busy lady with new baby in the family . Take care and enjoy 

Comment by californiajazzy 19 hours ago

Hi everyone I enjoy reading your posts and insights. I don't remember what we did last labor day. I do know soon will be 10 months on the 6th and the 17th our26th  anniversary and is the day the year of 2012 he had failed distal surgery at Stanford. I want to snap out of the deep terrible funk I feel, the emptiness. I need to grab and cherish that I am now living in the city where I was born and have small family and friends here. Yesterday my son made a big deal of coming over just to hang out for an hour and put a ice cream cake in my freezer. His wife is due with their second child this week. After he went over a spending spread sheet he created for me he started to make a production of seeing the new baby's name on the cake. He took out his camera to get my expression of surprise. Well he is naming their new son with my husband's (his step father) as a middle name. I got that ugly screwed up crying face . I am so touched and moved and know how thrilled my husband would be to have this happen. He was such an influence on my son. My son not one to express feelings easily said how happy they were that I was living here and would be here for the baby and to help. They are now coming over for a hot dog roast so one step forward. I love the expression I read on another forum one step forward and two back is not failure , it's the cha cha.\


Comment by pipin 20 hours ago

I know one thing , my healthy husband died suddenly, it was not easy to even believe he had died. When I read the grueling time some of you have had it reduces me to tears. I was in the medical field once upon a time so I understand the procedures that so many of you had to see your loved ones go through. I guess you loose them bit by bit. You have your hopes uplifted then smashed time and time again but you were always there for your loved one, physically and mentally. You have all gone through so much I applaud you all, super heros in my opinion.

My husband, Graham, died healthy (I know that seems an odd thing to say) and with his own spirit still the lovably eccentric I married. 

hey Wix  how are things 


Comment by pipin 20 hours ago

hugs girls and boys - another month starts, one where so many will have special days they need to remember - remember how you celebrated in other years and still smile ! 

AJ you are a star, beginning work again is so difficult and more so in your circumstances more so. I know how difficult it is to be yourself in an environment  - I am still the Doctors wife in the village - show them that you are also a lovely capable person. No guilt needed as you are doing what is right for your family. Each of us handle our loss in our own way slowly you will let your husband back into your daily life. One way to start is to at least share his name with us all on her. I feel so sad when I see the lack of a name .

love to all - Pip  

Comment by Maggie 23 hours ago
A year ago today my husband was already gone since July 6th. I was still in shock and disbelief. He suffered for 5 months before he passed. Chemo, radiation, brain swelling, less cognitive ability, internal bleed, loss of appetite, incontinent, bedridden and in pain. Many times he said he wanted to die and was ready. I'm grateful it didn't go on longer for him, but now for me, I miss him so. I'm making do, but that's all it is really...making do.
Comment by booktime (Susan) 23 hours ago

Margaret, so true. I need to remind myself that while difficult for me, it was awful for him and it wasn't any way to live. I've actually been aware of how peaceful this weekend is and I do think of him at peace as well.


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