Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 127
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

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Comment by butterflybarb 3 hours ago
Kerrie....we all go through the "what if's." I told myself over and over early on in my grief process not to go down that black hole. Seriously, they are gone. There is nothing anyone can do to bring them back. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I questioned myself too over my husband's treatment. But not having a medical degree, all I could say to myself was "I did the best I could at the time." And I am.pretty sure you did too...we all did! So please start repeating that phrase over and over to yourself...I did the best I could, and Don knows that. Also, I also told myself that it was just his time to go. Those two things will help stop the negative chatter going on in your head. It will try to come back...but have your statements ready to counteract them. It's not perfect, but it helps. Hope it brings you some peace!✌
Comment by Kerrie 5 hours ago
Thanks Mary! Needed that smile and a few more. Am currently sitting in am Applebees restaurant by myself while waiting for my appt with lawyer to sign Will amd Trust papers.....too much traffic to drive home and back. Tried to ger in to see Dons primary dr just to have him translate something from pathologist but couldn't get past receptionist she did let me leave a note!!! Having hard time with "did I's" right now. I don't think I did, but did the bad turn I made amd his side take the hit....hasten the cancer we didn't even know he had til I was told stage 4, primary unknown...not that I dont have enough guilt and what ifs, now I plaqued again with that one!!
Comment by Tucker0505 8 hours ago

For us pet lovers, my daughter brought back this plaque from one of her trips and insisted I hang it on the wall in my house because it is so like what goes on.  You may have seen this before, as it has been around for a while.  I hope everyone gets a smile.

DOG RULES:

  • The dog is not allowed in the house.
  • Ok, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
  • The dog is allowed in certain rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
  • Ok, the dog is allowed only on the old furniture.
  • Fine, the dog is allowed on all of the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep in the beds with the humans.
  • Ok, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
  • The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
  • The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
  • Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Have a good day all. - Mary

Comment by Seeking peace in VA 10 hours ago
Deb- you are such a comfort. Thank you for the wise words. Do you want to move in with me ; )- I haven't done much with the rest of the house either; we remodeled the kitchen about 5 years ago and I picked out most of it and Chuck just agreed, so it's really my kitchen anyway. I may paint below the chair rail, but that's it. My only goal for the living room is to lose the couch- he picked it, a "distressed' leather, which I have never really liked. I just threw a quilt over it and will live with it until I can afford something I like. But I am enjoying the bedroom.
Comment by Seeking peace in VA 10 hours ago
Missing you- my loss was sudden, too, and it sends you reeling. I found Chuck on our bedroom floor when I came in from school. If it helps, I do believe that there is a much bigger picture in the universe that we can't see yet and his death and my being here alone is part of that picture, that there is a purpose to all this. Stay on this site, post when you need to, take what helps and do this a day at a time. It's all you can do. My heart reaches out to surround you with love today.
Comment by CaseyLea7 11 hours ago

Missing you,

I can relate to your feelings, I lost my husband on 6-26-14.  He was sick for a year, but I too wish so much that I could wake up to my old, maybe not perfect, but perfect life to me.  Sometimes I wake up and think everything was a dream, then back to reality.  You feel like a part of you is empty/missing when you lose someone who meant so much to you.  Prayers that you find joy in the life you do have with your boys. 

Comment by Lakelady 12 hours ago
Missing you,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved husband John in a head-on collision April 28. I was not in the car, but I can identify with your feeling of fog and disorientation. My son is 11-I am feeling the same things.

We are here for each other-sending ((((((hugs)))))))

Lakelady
Comment by Ange_l 13 hours ago
Missing You,
I am so sorry for your tragic loss. You and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers. I can identify with the visitation and funeral being a blur. I think we are so in a fog at that time and it's hard to sort out the details of what exactly happened, who all was there, etc. My husband died on April 8th after a long term illness and the kids (in their 20s and 30s) are having hard time with it. It must be so much more difficult for your kids to have experienced such an unexpected loss coupled with the worries about how you are doing.
This is a safe and loving place to pour out your heart. We may have different details in our stories, but we walk the path of grief together. Somebody's always there (we tend towards insomnia, especially in the early months of loss).
Comment by missingyou 13 hours ago

Hi everyone.5-19-2014, the day that changed our lives forever. I was on my way to work and my loving husband offered to drive me to the bus stop (he usually gets up when I go to work everyday and makes me coffee, sometimes he drives me to the bus stop). Less than 2 miles from our house, we were hit by another car, then the nightmare, he was gone, I got my bilateral arms injured (4 surgeries), our boys 15 and 7 are without their most loving father…every morning I want to wake up to our used to be normal life, I miss him so much, he left a big hole in our lives…he was only 41, we have so many plans and so many dreams…now what? I was such in deep sorrow, my cousins and my friends were the one that arranged everything…the visitation and the funeral was beautiful and was well attended, his family and friends from out of state came for his funeral, so did most of our friends and co workers…it gave me comfort but it was a blur.

My love,my husband both love our boys a lot…now there are just the 3 of us…how am I going to live a lifetime without the love of my life???

Comment by butterflybarb 16 hours ago
I read everyone's posts via email. Didn't have time to chime in....then I see Kerrie's post and who would know we're both up at this crazy hour. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you...and will send good energy your way tomorrow. All will be well. My 3 dogs rule my house. Two of them have always slept in our bed...now mine only. I used to call my husband, Dennis, "Denny Doolittle" because animals just loved him. As did I!! I am so glad I have my furry companions, and sometimes wonder if they can "see" their Dad. Anyway, hopefully sleep will come soon....for you too, Kerrie!
 

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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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