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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 402
Latest Activity: Oct 15

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Comment by Gary'swife on October 15, 2016 at 4:06pm

I'm struggling with finding some purpose to my life.   I am 60 years old, widowed 2 times, retired, and I keep searching for some sort of volunteering that I think will make an impact.

After several false starts, I have now signed up to volunteer with the Salvation Army.  They are doing a lot with helping homeless families (so they say, they started a new program last year), so will see how it goes.  I really enjoy cooking, and would like to teach people how to cook so they can save money and eat healthy.    I just feel that I running in circles, looking for somewhere to stop.  Hope it's not musical chairs and I end up on the floor.     

Comment by Nieta on October 10, 2016 at 1:08am

Comment by Nieta just nowDelete Comment

Hi MickeysLove,  

Your mention of the Finger Lakes struck a chord with me, as I was just about to make a reservation in a very nice hotel for my husband and I to go there in early Spring.  Unfortunately, he died of a sudden and unexpected heart attack at work just two days before Valentine's Day.  

We would usually travel together during the in between weather and Fall has always been my favorite season.  He knew that I loved to watch the leaves turn colors among other things.   He would always go all out when we went places and I have beautiful memories that we created together.

I am 2 years and nearly 8 years along in my journey and I've learned to simply disregard critical or judgemental comments because the best authority on my journey is me.  I will always miss and love my husband more than words can say.  

Sometimes people ask where my mind is at a given moment and I reply that I am simply visiting my husband.

Wishing you strength, courage and peace of mind in this unique journey.

Sending a huge virtual hug.

Comment by Gary'swife on October 9, 2016 at 10:32am

@Damianino- So sorry you were used.  It can happen to people, widowed or not.  I think that after losing our loved one from death (not divorce), makes us a bit more vulnerable.  

Comment by Damianino! on October 9, 2016 at 8:10am

Aloha, my name is Damian and I have been on the bandwagon since June 2014.  My loss was on 21 March 2014. I have moved on but discovered that moving on means you move on with your baggage and hope you manage well enough not to mess up the next genuine relationship the could be promising.  Along the line you will get used.  i got used severally and have learnt my lesson and will keep moving on.  Keep moving people and God Bless you as you do

Comment by cmllips on October 8, 2016 at 12:59pm

MickeysLove, I am 2 years and 2days shy of 1 month. Although I'm not crying (never did which seems odd) I am totally lost most of the time. Can't seem to accomplish much. Taking care of my 92 yr old mother occupies much of my day. I get home and just sit when I should be cleaning or sorting thru my husbands things. Knowing that I could be losing her soon too kind of adds another brick to the load I'm already carrying.

((HUGS)) Brenda

Comment by Debz on October 8, 2016 at 6:53am

MickeysLove, I am 2 years and 6 months out. My journey has been somewhat as you describe.  I think it is important to remember that we all grieve in different ways and NONE of us will follow the exact same journey. There is no right or wrong here. I know that for me December will be hard, just like the fall is for you. You are not crazy. Vent away :) Hugs - Deb

Comment by MickeysLove on October 7, 2016 at 4:10pm

I am 2 years and 2 months into this journey called grief.  I thought I was doing well, I haven't cried for a couple of months now and really thought I had gotten through the worst. Just to turn around and wham I miss my husband so much that I don't know how I'm going to get through the next hour. Then the hour passes and I'm still missing him.  It always seems worse at this time of the year, every fall, my husband would surprise me with a long weekend trip to see the colorful leaves and a nice hotel and dinner.  The fall before he passed, he surprised me with a trip to the Finger Lakes in NY, dinner at an old castle and wine tour to all the area vineyards and beautiful hotel.  He really went all out, I often wonder if he knew he wouldn't be here the next fall and wanted to make sure I really enjoyed it.  I feel so lost without him and most of the time I wander around like I'm waiting for him to come home. I miss him so much, I feel like I'm going crazy.    Thanks for letting me vent.

Comment by springflowers2014 on September 27, 2016 at 5:27pm

Thank you for all the info. My daughter is in high school. While she's with her friends she watches me being alone. I've been on two dating sites, the first guy I met for coffee… he was ready to go to bed! I wanted to run as fast as i  i'm just lonely and a dinner with friends would be great. I just think that ppl in general feel so awkward around widows. That saddens me.

Comment by Gary'swife on September 27, 2016 at 1:12pm

@springflowers2014 -   I was a bit in your same situation (although I don't have children who were telling me to do so).  

I have finally decided that for me, for now, what I really want are people to do things with.  It has taken, and does take a lot of effort, but I am finding it is worth it.   I go to a grief group, but it specifically does not do social events as it's focus is on groups discussing their grief.   After attending for 2 years, I have finally "connected" with a couple of the women who are going, and who have shown an interest in getting together outside of the group.  I went to dinner last Sat. with one of them, and I remember coming home thinking "I have a new friend!"   It seems rather silly at my age, but definitely what I need.  I also have a couple of married friends who will go out with me for dinner, theatre, but I always must initiate.  For a long time this bothered me. But, they are always interested in getting together, but are very busy and often will suggest an alternate date.  I have learned to "get over this", as I recall a time in my life that I too was very busy.   I do have a couple of old friends who do not seem interested in maintaining a friendship, and I have learned to let this go.

In many locations there are meetup groups (look at "").  I have joined a writing group in my area, but have yet to attend a meeting.....on my list.   There are also many book clubs hosted by my local bookstore.  I attended one for some time, and might start again.   My local library also hosts some clubs, so you might check into that.

Nieta is correct, this is your life.  I am sure your daughter is just concerned.  

If you want to start dating, I would certainly do the asking, and be very careful about giving out much information about yourself.  Also, look up "catfishing" (I had not idea about this until something on the TV).  Very scary.  

I met my 2nd husband on a dating site.  I initiated.  He was the 3rd guy I met.  We met for lunch and really enjoyed the conversation.  I had meant for it to be casual (I was taking care of my mother 24/7 at the time), but, well, the rest is history.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Comment by Nieta on September 27, 2016 at 12:54pm

However well-intended your daughter's suggestion may be; ultimately, it is your life and ,thus, your decision.


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