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Widowed in 2014

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Comment by springflowers2014 yesterday

Thank you for all the info. My daughter is in high school. While she's with her friends she watches me being alone. I've been on two dating sites, the first guy I met for coffee… he was ready to go to bed! I wanted to run as fast as i  i'm just lonely and a dinner with friends would be great. I just think that ppl in general feel so awkward around widows. That saddens me.

Comment by Gary'swife on Tuesday

@springflowers2014 -   I was a bit in your same situation (although I don't have children who were telling me to do so).  

I have finally decided that for me, for now, what I really want are people to do things with.  It has taken, and does take a lot of effort, but I am finding it is worth it.   I go to a grief group, but it specifically does not do social events as it's focus is on groups discussing their grief.   After attending for 2 years, I have finally "connected" with a couple of the women who are going, and who have shown an interest in getting together outside of the group.  I went to dinner last Sat. with one of them, and I remember coming home thinking "I have a new friend!"   It seems rather silly at my age, but definitely what I need.  I also have a couple of married friends who will go out with me for dinner, theatre, but I always must initiate.  For a long time this bothered me. But, they are always interested in getting together, but are very busy and often will suggest an alternate date.  I have learned to "get over this", as I recall a time in my life that I too was very busy.   I do have a couple of old friends who do not seem interested in maintaining a friendship, and I have learned to let this go.

In many locations there are meetup groups (look at "").  I have joined a writing group in my area, but have yet to attend a meeting.....on my list.   There are also many book clubs hosted by my local bookstore.  I attended one for some time, and might start again.   My local library also hosts some clubs, so you might check into that.

Nieta is correct, this is your life.  I am sure your daughter is just concerned.  

If you want to start dating, I would certainly do the asking, and be very careful about giving out much information about yourself.  Also, look up "catfishing" (I had not idea about this until something on the TV).  Very scary.  

I met my 2nd husband on a dating site.  I initiated.  He was the 3rd guy I met.  We met for lunch and really enjoyed the conversation.  I had meant for it to be casual (I was taking care of my mother 24/7 at the time), but, well, the rest is history.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Comment by Nieta on Tuesday

However well-intended your daughter's suggestion may be; ultimately, it is your life and ,thus, your decision.

Comment by springflowers2014 on Tuesday

My daughter thinks I need to find a friend. Someone to hang out with. I've tried the dating sites…. WOW not for me! There are some shady people out there. I would like to start dating. But should I do the asking? or wait for someone ask me. 

Comment by Camaro1969 on Tuesday

Springflowers, just as the other replies its at your time when things in life are right for you. This journey can lead in so many directions just keep an open mind and heart and the moment and time will come. I hope you find whatever you might be looking for in this part of the journey.

Comment by Nieta on Tuesday

When it' is right for you   Everyone's Journey is as unique as they are.

   The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

― Bob Moawad 


Comment by Gary'swife on Tuesday

@springlowers2014 - Good question.   I think the problem is "casual" dating, because the emotions can quickly take over and it is no longer casual.  I believe there is a group on here which discusses dating, perhaps they have some good insight.  Good luck on this journey.  I think many of us in the 2014 group are now grappling with the idea of building a life without the one we lost.  

Comment by springflowers2014 on Tuesday

Hello, It's been a while since I've been on here. How / when do you know when it's time to get back into casual dating?

Comment by barbee on September 7, 2016 at 3:38pm

Damianino! it has been 3 1/2 years for me and two weeks ago we had a death in our family which put me back, too. The hospice nurses told me grief comes in waves and probably continues forever. Loss is loss. Some days can be very good and others are just...sad. Take good care of yourself. (((HUG)))

Comment by Gary'swife on August 25, 2016 at 9:32pm

Oh Damianino -   I am so,so, sorry.  As you said, it takes you back to where you started.  So good that Olive is always hugging you, and of course you know she needs you.

Know your friends here think of you, and sending hugs.



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