Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 171
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

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Comment by Gary'swife 4 hours ago

((hugs)) to everyone.  I don't know what to say.  I am 6 months out and only have now started to cry.  So strange.  I started attending a grief group last week, where I cried, and will go again this week.  I can't decide if not crying is good or bad.  When my husband died 24 years ago I cried so much I made myself sick. Now I think I am just numb.  I miss him so much. I am over 6 months, and only time will tell.

Comment by CaseyLea7 5 hours ago

@Lois lane - you have to give yourself some slack, can't expect to be at full capacity right now!  Old Lois might not be back, but hopefully a different but stronger version with time.  Take care.

Comment by Lois Lane 6 hours ago

Though it began with tears, today was better then yesterday and held together quite well...until I saw on Facebook of all places, that it was my granddaughter's first birthday and I'd forgotten it. I couldn't believe it...I mean complete shock! I knew it was coming, but I guess I just lost track of time and forgot the date. They live in another state and I'd just spoke with my son last night and he didn't mention it. Anyway, I called and they were having her party and my son and daughter in law completely understood and were not at all upset. Of course my granddaughter will never know. I told them I'd send her something soon and let it go. The old Lois would have never forgotten an important day in a family members life, but that Lois is forever gone. Anyway, just another "widow brain" moment and I'm more thankful than ever that the kids understand. Heading to bed to rest up for another day in this crazy, awful new world of mine. Perhaps it will be a bit better. Love to you all and thank you again for letting me talk.

Comment by Shirah 9 hours ago

Hi there everyone, survived my b-day on the 18th...not a good day by the way...but I made it through and all of them at work were great and left me alone.  Didn't want to talk to anyone and just did the job.  Had a meltdown at one point, but overall it went well enough.  Not looking forward to his b-day in Nov. 

To Lois,Lotus, Dave and others, isn't it wonderful that we have this place to be real and let it all hang out without scaring other people?  It's a great way for me to unburden myself with others who "GET IT'.  Thanks for being here.

Love to all, shalom.

Comment by idaho 11 hours ago

well, i just packed a few boxes of his clothing. didn't cry, but feel kind of sick to my stomach!  i am just sooo not ready to say goodbye!- ok, now the tears are coming. 

Comment by Debz 13 hours ago

LoisLane, Listening to the music your husband wrote and sung for you must have been so incredibly painful. Music was a huge part of my life with my husband. After 6 months I still can't listen to the songs he loved. I have them all in a separate playlist on my iPad, so I don't inadvertently play them when I am not prepared.

I started reading a new book over the weekend - Second Firsts, recommended by someone in this forum, or the Suddenly Widowed group. In any event, I began reading and saw myself described in the first few pages of this book.  I hope that this book will help me get to a new place. 

Comment by Lois Lane 14 hours ago
@Lotus, thank you for being so kind. I know that I was a mess last evening and just had to talk to someone...I appreciate that you all listened and I know you understand. I can't imagine how it must be to have a child so young and be dealing with all these feelings. My kids are all grown and mostly on their own (youngest daughter in college.) I really feel (and admire) for all of you with small children as there is so much more to take care of and etc., etc. I don't pretend to know how you feel, but can understand a little. I'll be thinking of you as well Lotus and please, if you ever need to talk, I am available.
@Dave55, hearing that you can relate is very comforting...in an odd way. I'm so very sorry for your loss and hate that I know somewhat how you are feeling. Thank you for supporting me in your difficult time.
@Angel, my husband was a musician and I his agent. After he "went away" I forced myself to listen to his music (he has 9 albums and many recordings) over and over until I could get through each song without crying and my heart being ripped out. His music was such a huge part of my life and I never want it to hurt me. I find comfort in his songs as I know that the words came straight from his heart and soul and that many were written about he and I. I'm so glad that you find comfort and peace in the music that you and your husband shared. 
I'm very sorry for your loss and know that it is devastatingly difficult. 
Love to you all~ LoisLane
Comment by Angel 15 hours ago

Thank you all for sharing what you feel, what's going on and how you are all coping.  I can relate to all of you and it makes me feel "normal" as I see how everyone is coping with the grief.  My husband and I were into music and since his passing, it seems that that music is the only link and venue I find solace... Angel

Comment by Dave55 19 hours ago

Lots of hugs lotis and Louis, spill when you need to.

Sad to say our grandson is also tightly linked to Sue's passing, we flue down for the birth, missed by a week.  then flew down in January, that's one of the pictures from which I choose for my tribute tile, her holding little Johnathan. She so wanted to dote on the baby, and was soo excited.  But then it went downhill and although we brought him and sat him on the bed in Intensive care (I think she saw him and sobbed) it was not to be.  Then our daughter told me a few weeks after that the next was on the way.  I couldn't help crying.  She said she wanted to give me happy news, but as you said both lotis and Lous, it's all so tied together with the hurt.  And of course, I just about fall apart writing this.  It's the eve of the 2 month mark so already on the edge, compared to yesterday where I felt sorta like all feeling was gone.  Guess they call that numb.

I wanted to be more support than dump but it all came spilling out, your not the only one Lous, sorry we all have to go thru this.

Comment by lotis yesterday

Lois Lane, Thank you for what you have written.  It was so heartfelt and so incredibly relatable-- we share many of the same feelings.  My Bob has been gone about 7 and a half months and I still can't say "that word" either.  A couple weeks ago, I realized that the pain of missing him feels greater than it did in the beginning, and I find myself fearful that it may not "get easier", as everyone suggests, but rather continue to get harder and harder.  I also can relate to your feelings about not being able to "reach happy" when you are with your granddaughter.  Our son was just 6 weeks old when Bob passed, and while I love my sweet boy more than words can describe, his birth is so intricately intertwined with his father's "fading" that I struggle with feeling "happy" too. 

Please know that I'll be thinking of you in the coming days.  And thank you again, as your words made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Warmly, Lotis  

 

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