Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 190
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

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Comment by Damianino! 3 hours ago
Flissa, Idaho, I am so sorry for your loss and trauma. At the initial stage- I am seven months gone now- sleep was difficult-especially at about the time my wife woke me up to say we should head for the hospital from the hotel room we were. But then I had to start tackling that with exercise. I swam some to wear myself out as I had to sleep at night because days were. Spent on the move planning the rites of passage. It work some. Plus I was drinking steadily and even though I knew I needed to slow down. I know some of our WV members have discussed this and some mentioned massage and warm baths with a glass of wine to step into the sleep mode.

If getting new bed would help you may consider that as well. I know I had to sleep on the spare bed a lot but for different reasons. I deliberately slept on our bed to stay close and even wore her shorts. That did not hamper my sleep. Just keep trying and I am sure other members would make good suggestions to help you get over these issues. (((Hugs)))
Comment by Flissa 3 hours ago

I have to admit, I bought a new bed, I couldn't sleep in the old one, it just felt wrong without him.   Many nights I still have trouble sleeping, I cry and stare at the ceiling but lately I put on a movie with the volume really low so it's more like white noise and let it play, it does seem to help a little.  Some people like those sound machines that can be waves or heartbeat or stuff like that.    I have started to say good night to him, the way we used to, "Good night luv... I miss you." is the last thing I say at night.   I don't know if it will help but you can try.   *hugs to all who can't sleep*

Comment by idaho 4 hours ago

how do you get through the nights? I am soo tired yet my mind won't let me sleep and the tears may drown me. the kids sleep and all is silent. I miss his snoring that i used to complain about. i just want to sleep and wake up and have it all be just a bad dream. I hate the nights, the empty bed. i feel so alone.

Comment by Damianino! 7 hours ago
My Roses, what do I say other than to thank you all for the group therapy we invariably provide for each other when we tell our stories which are different but mostly only one: loss and how it alters you forever. Thank God we are beginning to see signs that our departed loved ones want us to move on somehow and be the people we are that drew them to us in the first instance. Knowing that you guys were concerned over my absence was a great lift and un quantifiable in value to my state of mind and balance in the midst of overwhelming grief. It is what keeps us coming back to WV, where we will meet our kind, those who have been pitted together by a process's that defies understanding the more you try to. Your account of the experiences you have with your Wes is heartwarming that our loved ones are very much with us. Thank you for your words. Please keep writing to us..it is a group thing.

Eli, Eli Eli.. how I have missed you and all the other Compadres in my sojourn into the known unknown..thank you for your kind words and understanding of my move which was beyond me and not deliberate. Enzo did warn that overspending on the grief lane could be expected to do just that so... Eli you are a shining example for all of us. despite all the near insurmountable challenges that you always reel out somehow you manage to keep on going. The first birthday without your Zoli must have been horrible. Now I am just days away from mine without my soul mate Joan and I am begging for mercy for the day to deal gently with me. When you have no one to come back to, to share your accomplishments and challenges with, living becomes drab but live you must! What a dilemma! Despite all, I do thank God that I have Olive to cater for. Very challenging and very rewarding as well. Which brings to mind your son in China, has he thawed out yet? In due course, he will. You gave him everything and when one plants, there is reaping to be done at the appropriate moment. Thanks Eli for being there for us all. You are a pillar...you and all the wonderful amazons of WV who are a blessing to WV too numerous to mention. keep encouraging us with your challenges and how you keep trudging on, for when you do that and we follow suit, we are interconnected and draw strength for this crazy journey on the grief highway!
Comment by Eli 15 hours ago

Damianino! thank you for finding us again! after you wrote you dragged your mattress to your sitting room I knew what was happening as I do that too- just cut corners, do away with the unnecessary and say see you to society. I'm glad you got through it in one piece. For me it is month nine since my love died and took away the dreams and plans and projects which we joked would need two live-times to accomplish in, and it seems not so long ago. I am still in shock too, and battling with tring to function efficiently enough at work, and keeping my household, including pets as dignified as possible. But the unreality of it all doesn't fade away, not a little bit, I wake up every day feeling as if I have somehow been transported to the wrong parallel world. Had my first birthday without my Zoltan, in September, he always baked me a cake and took me away for a few magical days, before him birthdays were just sad, as they are again. Autumn in Hungary is on the whole proving to be a bit of a blessing and mostly nice and warm, apart from today as we are experiencing the tail of Hurricane Gonzalo. I am glad of the nice weather as I haven't been able to chop enough wood for the winter here- the petrol tank of my chainsaw broke, and I only received it fixed today... I also need to install a wood cooker so I can heat the house more efficiently than just with the wood fires, etc, etc, but with everything taking twice as long I wonder... As you say nothing seems to make sense anymore nor be really important. I am glad you have your daughter to love you, and whom you will guide and help become a wonderful woman as her mama was. A big hug, Elizabeth x

Comment by Damianino! 17 hours ago

@ MotorcycleWidow, So sorry for your loss.  I came up for air yesterday from drowning in my grief at the seventh month of the passing of my soul mate.  For a couple of months I was under...Ride the wave as it comes...let it take you wherever it will, and when it sets you down, breathe and pick your self, fortify yourself, rest, do the things you can do and leave the ones you cannot until the next wave comes...it is a journey that we hope we will get used to because we really have no destination...  (((Hugs)))

Comment by my roses 17 hours ago

My roses

Dear mtpsnc   I understand completely what you are saying.  If you have lost the love of your life... the pain is agonising.  Grief is extremely draining and exhausting... you can start crying and sobbing anywhere anytime.  I actually had wailing sessions when my beloved left and went to heaven.  Even though its so painful... it is better to cry and sob than not to do so.  If you do not have anyone around you who can understand you... please keep on posting on this site.  As one widower said 'we are the professionals" we are the one's who are living through this and can understand and tell you its ok... we are feeling  the same.  I think it would be helpful also to look after yourself by taking some nutrients like all the Vitamin B range .. as they help with stress.  Try to eat healthy food... even if its only small amounts... often we do not feel like eating.  If at all possible try and get some rest during the day - maybe (if you are working)  you can have some 'special leave" from work due to your widowed situation.  I found that I felt my agony in the heart area, and other emotional pain (caused by others being rude and insensitive) in my solar plexus. Grief can lower you immune system and resistance to flu etc.  So if you can find a tub of whey protein or something similar which is full of minerals, vitamins, etc in powder form you can put some in a cup and mix it with some water.  This helps if you don't feel like cooking or eating much.

I found that talking or singing to my beloved helped, the tears flowed but often I felt his closeness at these times.  Try also to keep yourself away from people who don't get it - or understand you... they can really violate you.

With lots of hugs and blessings

Comment by Damianino! 17 hours ago

mtpcnc, so sorry for your loss.  I am glad you found this site.  Here we are all professional widows and widowers...that is what we do best or worst.  Like I used to tell many of my compadres, as long as the sun rises we shall rise again.  My wife passed on seven months yesterday and I still cry like a baby!  So cry my bro...it is therapeutic...I have many crying spots...everywhere!  I have also added here 10 rules of grief which I found online somewhere.  It might not hurt to look through it.  There are no rules actually...  Most important of all we are here for each other.  Without Widowed Village, I am not sure how I would have been faring since my world caved in.  I have sent you a friend request.  We need each other for each other.  Welcome my bro and together we will get there; wherever that is.  ((((Hugs))))

Comment by MotorcycleWidow 17 hours ago

Closing in on the six-month mark, and the day after that is the nine-year anniversary of when we started dating.  Feels like the grief is worse, not better.  I feel like I'm drowning in it, with no way out.

Comment by mtpcnc 20 hours ago

New widower 10 weeks out from passing of dear wife. Trying to find my way through the grief and intense emotional pain and tears.  After years of cancer battling my dear wife went to hospice and passed peacefully into God's hands in early August. Now here I am 10 weeks out and still feeling like an emotional basket case much of the time. And the problem is that for 7.8 years I would just power up and be the strong one for my wife, but now the tears are flowing like buckets of rain pouring from my broken soul!  Any suggestions on how to break this cycle of emotional distress would be much appreciated.  I know the grief counselor says this is normal and alright and to be gentle on myself -- but these emotional sobbing episodes are pretty intense. I haven't cried like this since I was 6 years old! Thanks for listening.

 

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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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