Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 333
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Just.me yesterday
It has been 6 months(yesterday) since my husband passed. It's been an emotional week needless to say. This is the first week I too wished I could just take off in my car and just go on and on to anywhere else. But I know when I come back everything will be just the same emptiness, timeless waiting as always. Friends, I just can't get past this anticipation of my life being over soon so that I can be with him again. I love my kids and grands, but I'm not needed here anymore. I don't want to go through another chapter in my life. I'm so depressed I can barely move around the house some days. I feel like a walking human shell. I'm not angry, I don't want to meet someone in the future, I just don't fit into this world any more. Therapy and group meetings are having no positive effect. Well, they do for the moment, but it doesn't last. I know there are others out there who feel like me. Where do we go from here? I just want God to let me go.
Comment by Widow Ever After on Thursday

To H2obapper:  If you have the freedom to jump on a plane and get away, DO IT!  I think sometimes we need to experience something new, something that doesn't remind us just by looking around our homes and seeing empty spots.  I'm actually getting away for one night this weekend with some friends from college.  It's just the Oregon coast - nothing exotic like Aruba! - but I think it will be good to be away from home for just a bit. 

Now if only my teenage kids weren't whining so much about having to spend time with their grandparents...yet again, something to blame me for.  No doubt if I wasn't going anywhere they would be excited to get away.  But I think they resent it a bit that I might have some fun without them. 

So like I said, run!  And try to find some enjoyment in your time away.  I wrote a piece on my blog about my day today.  It felt good to do something fun and, for just a few moments, forget that I was a grieving widow.  I hope the same thing happens for you if you are able to get away! 

Comment by Angel on Thursday

Mo - I just stumbled on this old post and I thought I'd let you know how much I appreciate the message.  It's over a year now for me but the pain is still unbearable.  I feel empty most of the time - Angel 

Comment by Angel on Thursday

SharonH1885 - I applaud you!  I am also just over a year and share your urge to run, run, run.  I have also been doing little travels here and there.  Although at times I feel I am just masking the pain, I am also finding out more things about myself.  Yes, I agree that we need to stay and enjoy life the best we can - Angel

Comment by SharonH1885 on Thursday

I am just over a year out since my husband passed and I still have the urge to "run" all the time. I recently took a 7 day cruise alone. I loved it. I needed it. Some family thought I was losing my mind. Some were supportive. But most of all I was somewhere my Bill and I would have enjoyed together. I spent some time crying. Did some laughing, people watching and expanding my new life. I didn't choose to lose Bill but cannot stop living because he is gone. He would hate that.

Comment by Angel on Thursday

Dear H2obapper, I would suggest to go for it!  Sometimes, we hold back because of doubt and what others would say.  While we are in this journey we must remember that this is our "walk" - we can change the times, directions and places as we see fit.  We may not always be in our "sane" mood but we are also entitled to feel and act crazy!  A trip somewhere just to cry your heart out is freedom.  I share this journey with all of you and to all my best.. - Angel

Comment by H2obapper on Thursday

 Next Friday would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary to my Ray (we were married Memorial day weekend).  We always took a trip somewhere new or different on memorial day weekend; this became a tradition that we promised to continue.  Right now I am feeling so lost, alone and sad but at the same time restless and like I just need to run (does that make sense).  Last year I didn't go away because my family came to spend time with me (i was the smart one who planned her wedding 3 days after her birthday) so I was not alone.  This year my friends were going to visit but had to cancelled due to a sick child.  I am only recently getting into a lot of my grief issues because of PTSD and other anxiety diagnosis, so I feel really really sad right now.

  Has anyone ever wanted to just jump on a plane and head somewhere for the weekend by yourself to be alone with yourself?  Right now I want to jump on a plane and go to Aruba or St. Thomas or somewhere where I can do nothing but stare at the ocean and cry but I'm afraid my family will think I'm losing it (the grief counsel said to explore the travel thoughts).  I want to take the weekend that Ray and I would have taken if he were here.

  I guess my point/question (sorry to ramble), is it normal to wan to just escape for a while?

Comment by MickeysLove (Sandi) on Thursday

Dear 800lb, even though I had time to say goodbye to my husband doesn't mean it is any easier.  I continually have thoughts that maybe I could have done more for him to make his passing easier.  Towards the end, he was unable to speak because of a tumor on his vocal chord.  I had to guess and just hope that I guessed right as to what he wanted and needed.  I hate myself for not holding his hand when he passed although I was rubbing his leg. I always think that his breathing problems towards the end were my fault because I was giving him the medicine that hospice told me to give him to dry up the secretions, yeah they dried him up, I felt they dried him up to much.  I feel as though I helped him along with his dying.  So, please don't be envious of me for having that time, it is way harder and worse than just losing him fast. I have had to deal with both.   Sandi

Comment by Damianino! on Thursday
Dear 800, you are on point on all you said...what should be my saving grace was that immediately my wife appealed to me to take her to the hospital ahead of her scheduled examination, I did but still lost her. Believe me, I still blame meself somehow. Maybe I was too faraway from her even when she complained that she was not quite well. You conclusion was the bomb! Even when they pass, one never really stops loving their spouse. Somehow the vows ought to be reviewed. Anyhow we gotta keep trying...
Comment by 800lbGorilla on Wednesday

Sandi, You don't have to apologize for rambling. If your like me you want to climb up on a roof and scream your spouses name because you want the world to know how much your husband meant to you and how much you miss him. The only thing that stops me from doing it is my idiot neighbors would call the cops.

This may sound strange but I envy those who knew it was coming and were able to say goodbye. The afternoon my wife died she was tired and not feeling well but she wanted to talk to me and I told her, “get some rest babe, we'll talk later'. Two hours later I found her sitting up in bed and she had stopped breathing. I tried and tried to bring her back but I failed. I have panic attacks now when someone on TV does CPR and brings the person back, those bastards make it look so easy. Its not.

Even though we lived 4 miles from the hospital it took the emergency responders almost 40 mins to show. 911 was telling me “just be patient, they are on their way.” The guilt of wondering if I had just picked her up and put her in the car and driven her to the E.R. could I have saved her life? Those thoughts will keep me awake for the rest of my life.

Divorcees don't get it. The widowed can't pick up a phone or see the one we love/loved in public. There is no comparison. My wife and I divorced after 4 years of being married and within 4 months we were back together and stayed together for the next 20 years. I would much rather be divorced from her than be her widower. If we were divorced she would be ALIVE.

One last thing that's been on my mind. When we take our wedding vows we promise to “love, honor and cherish until death do us part”. That should be changed. You don't stop loving, honoring or cherishing your spouse when they die.

 

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