Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 194
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

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Comment by Jaycie 1 hour ago
I am trying to take better care of myself. Since the last year it was all about taking care of my husband. Went for message and the paper work asked married yes/no.
I'm not married anymore but I still feel married. Next thing I know I'm crying in the reception.
I don't know why but stupid things like that just really hits me hard
Comment by Dave55 18 hours ago
Lots of hugs Jaycie, take it slow, sleep when you can, eat when you can. Very sorry you joined us in this journey. As I learned switching from caregiver to the one needing care is very hard. Expect the fog. Don't be afraid to dump or vent here, we all get it.
Comment by Jaycie yesterday
It's been 7 weeks. Still lost most of the time. The kids moved out and we had about a year enjoying being empty nesters. Then we found out he had cancer died 13months after diagnosis. I shut our business down while he was sick so I could stay home and take care of him. Now I have empty house, no husband, no job. We worked together for 24 years. We were together more than most couples. Hard to do anything with out him.
Comment by Lois Lane yesterday

Oh my, the grocery store. How interesting to me that we all share so many similar experiences. My husband loved to grocery shop (and I hate it!) He really enjoyed my going along with him...as we did most everything together. He made shopping fun and an "event." I couldn't bring myself to go to our grocery store (HEB) for the first 4 months after he left. I just couldn't do it. Finally, I decided I had to go, for him, so I planned out my list (very short one) and made myself do it. I made it through fine, but fell apart afterwards. I can now go every couple weeks, but I get in and out quickly and try to do most my shopping at the little health food market down the street...he never went there. I miss him. I know you know.

@Keri and Debz, I'm sorry for your loss. I guess somehow we will get through the upcoming months. We will each find our own way. I expect the pain and know it will come, as it always does, but I am trying to not think on it too soon. Our son is getting married in December and have a grandson being born that month also, so I'm trying to think on the these though I know it will be bittersweet without Jeff physically with us.  

Comment by pixpuf yesterday

Mickeyslove and Kerrie, thank you for the thoughtful words.  My first time at the store I just ran and left the cart in the middle of the store.  Kerrie, how terrible to hear those awful words and then loose someone so fast.  I had a strange coincidence with numbers.  My father passed away on Oct. 8 and my step father on April 9.  Then my mother on June 29 and my husband on Sept. 9.  When I realized it I got chills up my arms.

Comment by MickeysLove yesterday

hi pixpuf, I too am just past the two month mark.  going to the grocery store was also hard for me, we used to do all the shopping together. and it never failed that if we turned down an aisle and there was an older lady standing there, she always asked my husband to help her get something off of the top shelf for her, I miss my knight in shining armor and the way he always helped people, especially me. Like you, the first time to the grocery store was hard, I did not expect it - I mean there were plenty of times I would stop at the store on the way home from work, so I didn't expect that first trip to be any different.  I actually had to leave the store without purchasing anything, I barely got past the produce section. second time to the grocery store I was able to purchase the groceries, but I bought the necessities and got out of there. when I got home, there was no one to help unload and carry things from the car to the house and no one to help put the groceries away.  Like you, the only place I ever drove myself was to work, my husband drove me everywhere else, even if I just wanted to go to the store to look around.  what helped me with the grocery store, was going to a different store - all new surroundings and nothing to remind me of him or where he has been.  Please be gentle with yourself and don't force yourself.  If you need milk and bread, then just go to the convenience store until you are able to go to the grocery store again.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Kerrie yesterday
LL, I am right there with you in so many ways. I lost my husband of almost 30 years a little over 9 months ago. Today I was driving and the tears started flowing when I began thinking about how I had met Don on Christmas eve 31 years ago! Last year on Dec. 21st, doctor said it was "stage 4"..that term waa just tossed at me like I was supposed to know what it meant etc..couldn't even tell me where the primary was....he stayed in hispital until January 2nd when he came home on hospice and left us on January 6th...at 6PM...his favorite number was 6 since his bday (and our anniversary) was 6 - 16. The crying kept up while on the freeway...I realized this would be the first holoday season withoit Don amd that I wouldd never again hear hisay Merry Christmas Punkin......can't even see keyboard now.
Comment by pixpuf yesterday

It's coming up on the two month mark and going to the grocery store is a major trauma event.  We went to the store together for over 20 years.  I had someone to push the cart, reach the top shelf, discuss what to have for dinner and what sounds good for lunch.  I barely make it thru the store to my car before I break out in hysterical sobs.  I get a little under control but then I get home and it starts all over again.  No one to help unload the groceries.  He had his way of taking every thing out of the bags and putting them under the cabinets they went into.  Next he got coffee ready for the next day and then he got the dog's dinner ready.  I DON'T LIKE DOING HIS CHORES AND MY OWN!!!!  All of this plus the fact that I very seldom drove myself any where.  If I went any where he always jumped up and said hey I'll drive you.  On grocery day I become an uncontrollable blob of tears and sobs.

I feel for all of us and all of you.  None of us asked for this and we are all handling it in our own way but it isn't easy peasy.  It does help to listen to other people who are in the same situation.  Dear group my heart goes out to all of you.

Comment by Debz yesterday

Thanks Dave and LL. I don't like snow or skiing! I made the move here when I obviously wasn't thinking straight. Do any of us think straight anymore. I think I desperately needed to be near my kids as they the only family I have in the US. Still very lonely, and miss him so much. Lois, I am also dreading December, we loved Christmas, it's also our wedding anniversary and his birthday.  I don't know how I am going to get through. I have plans to spend christmas in the UK with my family. Hopefully this will make it easier.

Comment by Lois Lane yesterday

Hello all. I, like Debz, don't post much these days, but I do keep up with y'all and it helps me to read your posts. My husband has been gone now for 9 months, and I still struggle with going to bed at night. I will procrastinate as long as possible to keep from facing the night without him. His presence was such that even while sleeping, I could feel him there. For the first few months after he left I would struggle to fall asleep. If I did sleep, I always woke up at 2:30am (the time of his passing) and would be up for a while, often in tears. I've heard that it's not uncommon to awaken at the exact time of a loved ones passing...I wouldn't even need to look at the clock, I just new it would say 2:30am...it always did. Though I still struggle with the head game of going to bed, I am sleeping a bit better now. I talk to my husband as I lie awake and tell him my feelings. The last thing I speak before sleep is to tell him goodnight and the first thing I do when I awake is tell him good morning...it helps somehow. Though the pain is still deep, I am learning how to incorporate it into my life. It is forever a part of me now. I miss him so very much, that hasn't changed a bit. In fact, I think I miss him more now than in the earlier months. I have the holidays facing me and am trying to not make it worse by thinking on it. The week of Christmas is when Jeff became ill and he passed on just over 2 weeks later. My plan for now is to not think about the next 3 months and just take it one day at a time...sometimes one minute at a time. 

Many thanks to you all for sharing your stories, feelings, etc., it really helps me so much to read them. Much love and peace to you.

 

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