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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 407
Latest Activity: 17 hours ago

Comment Wall


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Comment by Bullwrinkle 17 hours ago

Hi everyone I am new here. I lost my hubby september 2014. I feel I have just stood still as though everything has continued to move on but I am looking on from the outside. I think the hardest thing is that no matter how long it has been at times it feels you are right there in the moment that crushing moment of loss.

Comment by idaho on June 14, 2017 at 8:58pm
Thank you..I will keep you posted. The people in this group help me stay strong
Comment by silverlady on June 14, 2017 at 5:21pm
Idaho, I wish you only the best in your move to Oregon. It is indeed a big step to venture out and leave behind the place you shared with your husband. Central Oregon is a nice area though, and it's great that your daughter is excited about the school she will be attending. When I asked where in Oregon you would be moving, I hoped that perhaps I would know someone I could connect you with. Unfortunately I don't really know anyone in central Oregon. Post again as your move progresses and let us all know how you are doing.
Comment by idaho on June 13, 2017 at 6:18am

silverlady...yes, i finally am a little braver and ready to make the move. my daughter will be attending a highschool in redmond but we can live anywhere in the area bend/sisters/redmond. i have to find a job and house and it looks to be a bit pricey especially with 2 dogs. i didn't have life insurance and lost everything to medical bills not covered by insurance so I had to start over. At 53....i am hoping someone will hire me for the same or better pay. fingers crossed! my daughter has just been homeschooling for 3 years and is a bit behind. she is soooo excited about this school that I have to make it happen. As dumb as it may sound...I feel a bit I am leaving my husband behind. We have a tree planted here by a special place with some of his ashes. and a bench at the frisbee golf course which he loved. It won't be easy but maybe a fresh new start is what we need. 

Comment by dougn52 on June 12, 2017 at 8:27pm

The tears don't stop after 3 years.  It  does get better but it is not a straight line up.  There are ups and downs and, of course, we never forget.  We learn to live with it.

Comment by silverlady on June 12, 2017 at 8:17pm
I know what you mean about three years, and how hard it still is. I just today gave all my husband's camera equipment to his cousin. His cousin was so pleased, and I should certainly have done it before, but it has just been too hard to let go of what brought Gary such joy in what turned out to be the last year of his life.

I think we corresponded before about your possible move to Oregon which is where I live. Where in the state are you going to be moving?
Comment by idaho on June 12, 2017 at 7:59pm

here i sit...once again in tears. It has been 3 years..i thought it would get better. as father's day approaches and i see the sadness in my daughters eyes it makes it all hit home again. the worst is the nights...the quite. I still miss him sooo much! my daughter and i are going to try and pack up and move to oregon by august. i have never moved without my husband and i am terrified but my daughter really wants to go to this charter school so i want to make it happen. i hope i can find the strength that people seem to think I have...because they don't see the tears.  

Comment by Gary'swife on April 7, 2017 at 12:39pm

Hi everyone---somehow I feel as if everyone here are old friends.

Just as I was complaining about no direction in my life, "the Gods" have taken over, and my caregiving is beginning again.   My 71 yo brother, who lives alone, had a stroke on Wed. (I think)   I live about 2 1/2 hours away, and when I couldn't get in touch with him I asked his secretary to check on him (he works part time).  Anyway, he was on the floor, and based on the fact there were 2 newspapers in the yard, I suspect he had been there for 24 hours.   Luckily I am not now working, so I drove to the hospital and have been here since.  (Luckily his apt is only 5 minutes from the hospital).  Hope to get him moved to a rehab hospital on Monday, but because he has the same problem as our mom, I doubt he will ever be able to live alone again.   I need to do some remodelling on my house to accomodate him, and I really don't want to go back to caregiving, so will see what happens after rehab.     

Comment by Elea on April 7, 2017 at 11:48am
Hi thanks for the support...the cold is gone by took almost a month to fade away with various minor aches manifesting one day and then disappearing mysteriously the next day. The house renovation( which was our cherished plan for our retirement) is coming along nicely and surprisingly rapidly...Lou was an architect and I have somehow acquired skills I even ignored I had...a love for tiny important details and It is I who sometimes direct my architect( I chose a woman as I did not want a man lording it over me.As the 11th April ( 3 years) draws nearer and nearer I attempt to grasp what has altered in my perception of this journey in these past minutes,hours,days,months and years since Lou simply vanished into another dimension. In a way I feel like a different person ,a woman that was there before assuredly,but who is much more assertive. She has to be two people at once,fight for her own convictions and desires and also ( this has to do with the renovation of the house,I guess) the way Lou would have acted( cartesian and rational) .. as if he was guiding me somehow....this is sometimes very comforting,I feel as if he were very close..but it is also very frustrating..I would have loved to discuss all these renovation " problems" and issues with him,argued with him( and probably lost over details) it is a lonely ,stressy enterprise...but maybe in the end it might be the door to the "new " life I still hope to attain...however becoming this "different"me at the price of being lonely,missing his companionship and love...often seems so very futile.....That one special person,my blue-eyed prince is not with me (physically) to hug me and tell me I did a great job...
My son will be with me on 11th April and we will go on Lou's favourite hike ,go for lunch and spend the day together... Lou' passing still is a huge riddle and longing for him and missing him is as fierceful as the day he left....
Comment by cloudwatcher on April 4, 2017 at 10:25pm

I think I need a new hip replacement and can't figure out how that can happen.  Broke hip and femur 2009 when dog pulled me down and have nasty metal on metal. I have a new dog (who has not not his kennel cough shot this year so cannot stay anywhere else) and no one to help me. So I walk the dog each day, and limp and hope I don't collapse.  And try to garden--the crouching down to weed is what makes it worse  It is painful but I just hope for the best.  Have lower back pain on the other side too, but I'm not so worried about that.  Can't have surgery without someone being here to help, or pick me up.  So I will limp and pray.  My late husband didn't help much when I got home from surgery but at least I was allowed to come home.  Now I would have to be sent to rehab and I don't know what would happen to my dog, my best friend, now, or house.  Have not been to a doctor in 5 years.  Except for my dentist. I think I am not well but have no one here who could help, not that my husband could have, towards the end.

I am finally remembering the good times I had with my husband, and am crying in joy for them, rather than the many bad times, which I prefer to forget.  I just wish I didn't need someone to help me now.


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