Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 244
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

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Comment by Flissa 2 hours ago

I wanted to share something that I read about.  It was an article that talked about how all of us are part of a greater energy that created this world and how when we leave we return to that energy and continue on.   It did give me comfort and when you think on it, most religious beliefs believe in some form of afterlife or reincarnation.    At this time of year, with the Holidays upon us and the grief of not having the ones we loved so to share them with us, I have to hope that it is true that my love is still existing, just in another form.  I don't know that it makes it not hurt but it does give me some comfort.   

I have an 11 year old daughter, I can't let the grief keep me from giving her the best Christmas I can.   So we came up with new tradition for this year.  We bought a special snowflake ornament, because her dad loved snow.  We bought an ornament that we can put a picture of her father in to put on the tree.    And We plan to spend Christmas with my parents.   We know it won't be the same but then again, we can't stop living, and we know that my love wouldn't have wanted us to. 

Comment by Elea 5 hours ago
Hi everybody,
Have not been writing much here in the past months,however I come to this site very often to read all of your comments and to get some comfort.
Work has been filling my days like a trance...I fall back into reality each time I drive home when I realise that Lou has left. It has been 8 months now and ,though on certain days the pain retreats to hidden recesses in my mind,most of the time it hovers around me like a thick cloak. Over the last months I have told certain "friends" who appear suddenly after months of silence, that I felt wounded by their absence...they did not get it...I even ended up having to console them after they told me how "difficult" their lives have been....( though their issues are much more benign) so I have been sorting through my friends....and discover that I have withdrawn emotionally from a lot of the "absentees" ...
My spending xmas alone in our little place in the south has earned me comments like" how can you be alone at such a time" ,will it not be too difficult? You should be with family etc.....
As the months go by ,the weird feeling of still expecting Lou to come back( that this situation is just a terrible mistake that will be cleared up soon) has not vanished at all.
Despite going out to dinners,cinema, theater plays, art shows, often accompanied by friends ( the few who are still around) the underlying mood of my days is one of being in some temporary limbo which I do not know how to escape from.....
Last night I had a very sweet dream in which Lou appeared and upon awakening this unbearable divide between the worlds we dwell in now each of us,has again brought heartbreak....
Soon I will start for my holiday trip which I plan to be a retreat filled with walks along the sea and reading heaps of novels...Lou would approve , I know.and At this little place I feel him everywhere around me...of Course it will be difficult,of course I will be alone...but aren't I everywhere...from now on?
To all of you...my best wishes of getting through these "festive days" with a lot of serenity when memories of happier times resurface...
To all of you a big hug!!!
Comment by chipyips 8 hours ago

Unfortunately, another newbie to the group. My wife passed Oct 25th this year. We moved to Az a little over 5 months ago so now I'm in the new house alone. Have her sister & brother in law in the same community so that's a help. This Christmas I will be making Scrooge look like one of Santa's elves. Absolutely nothing planned and going nowhere. I "feel" my wife's presence here so I'll just hang out & tinker around.

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) 12 hours ago

Welcome Veronica, I'm glad you found us.  This is a great place :) sadly, we all become a part of a family we don't want to be in... but thankfully, we understand that.  :)

A get away sounds perfect... a great way to make it through this first Christmas... I'll be going to my in laws... I might have to schedule that get away for the day after though :)

Comment by joe'swife 12 hours ago

This is my first Christmas without my husband.  I've decided to just go away for the holiday and do somethng out of the ordinary.  One of my husband's best friends has been telling me since my husband died on Sept. 11 that I need to just get away for a little bit.  He invited me to visit him and his mom for Christmas.  He lives in Alabama and we are going to go to the casino.  I am really looking forward to it.

Comment by Veronica 13 hours ago
I have been looking for an online group like this. I lost my husband two weeks before our fortieth anniversary in June. We were together for 2/3 of our lives.
I know how blest I was to have such a wonderful marriage for so many years. It has been 6 months now and I am getting used to living with a broken heart. I knew Christmas would be hard but it is so much more difficult than I expected. It was my husband's favorite holiday and I can just not listen to Christmas carols or go to a mall. I did put up a nativity scene and am trying to focus on the religious aspect of the holiday. I also "adopted" a needy family , but even buying and wrapping their presents was devastating. It does help me to read on this site and realize there are so many others going through this as well. I wish none of us had to do it, but I feel less alone.
Comment by Wofour 15 hours ago

A friend recommended this organization to me. Lost my wife of 46 years in August. Some days are OK but lately more have been miserable than OK. Have learned to smile on the outside while crying on the inside. When I lost my wife I inherited the responsibility to care for her 89 year old mother. I have always gotten along with her but having the total responsibility for her seems to just add to the stress of trying to accept and deal with losing my wife. It is an unfortunate situation for her as well because I know the last thing she wants to do is be a burden on me. Unfortunately, since my wife was an only child and all her Mom's siblings are gone, I am all she has in this world.  Oh well, will stop rambling and look around to see what's up. Glad to be here and hope I as well as all of you get value from this experience.

 

Comment by Elsol23 21 hours ago

I am working quite a bit this week,and am grateful,after being told by one person that I'd thought I was going to share Christmas with that I needde to forget about dead people and move on,then that their family don't want to hear about David.Then I was told I wasn't welcome for Christmas because they had other plans.I have chosen to keep his memory and don't want another partner,I know I won't ever find anyone else like him.Thankfully,I was told of a mass at San Xavier on Christmas Eve where I can light a candle for him,and a good friend here who wants to remember my partner wants me to come to her family's home.I'm hanging in there.My family on the east coast in more like me,but I won't be going there till after the holidays.I have found some of my other friends here,on my side of town,more understanding and supportive.We have our Dios De Los Muertos traditions,I am very grateful to know about that,or Idon't know how I could make it,I can keep my stuff up and have  my altar as long as I like,because he is still family to me!I also have a tattoo for him,the back ground has to be finished,when it is I'll post it here.I am sooooo grateful for this site. 

Comment by MickeysLove 21 hours ago

Damianio, this is exactly the reason why I am not listening to Christmas music this year.  I can get away with it, because I have satellite radio and I just keep it on a channel that doesn't play Christmas music.  This year, I hate Christmas.  It used to be mine and my Mickey's favorite time of year, but this year I hate it. My husband used to always plan and give me wonderful gifts - gifts that really meant something, really thought out gifts.  His gifts to me, made my gifts to him look cheap. But I really tried in the last couple of years to give him better presents.  Last year, he had a hardcover book made up full of pictures of our last trip together to the Mount Rushmore - it was a beautiful book.  I put it on display at the funeral home and everyone raved about it, about how good My Mickey was at making things like that.  Those things are what im going to miss - the well thought out gifts.  And him, I miss him just hugging me.  In the last few weeks of his life, I wasn't able to hug him or touch him to much because he was in so much pain.  He used to run his fingers through my hair to relax me and help me sleep and he wasn't even able to do that in those last few weeks.  All I wanted was to lie in the bed beside him, but he was in too much pain for me to do that.  The last time I felt his loving warm arms around me was when I was helping him to the bathroom and he lost his balance and hung onto me.  Tomorrow is his birthday; I'm going to make one of his favorite foods - lasagna with his mom's Sunday sauce.  I have to do something to remember him on his birthday.  Sorry for rambling... it's a bad day today.

Comment by idaho 22 hours ago

matchbox, it has only been a month! still so raw! give yourself time. you don't have to be happy among friends but sometimes just being with others helps - even if you are just there physically but not mentally. I find that isolation is worse for me because then all I do is think and cry. being around people is hard esp when they are laughing and enjoying themselves but I find it keeps my mind off of the sadness a bit.

 

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