Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Widowed in 2014

It's always hard to accept that we will be getting new members each year. Please know that you are welcome ANYWHERE on the site. A few members who were widowed in 2013 will join you so that you don't feel so alone here as it is early in the year. 

Members: 282
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

Those we lost in 2014 ... a CNN Report

I just saw this and thought perhaps those of you who lost your loves this year might want to add a tribute.

http://ireport.cnn.com/topics/1196713

http://cnnworldlive.cnn.com/Event/Loved_ones_we_lost_in_2014/board

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Comment by Janna 12 hours ago

Hi Joette,  No you are not crazy...I feel exactly the same way as you do and like you say, it is so hard to believe this is real.  

In a few days it will be four months since my Tony left.  In those short four months I have been through Christmas, New Year and my birthday (last week) without him...I guess they are firsts of so many "firsts".

I have had my beautiful granddaughter staying with me for the past 3 weeks and she flew back home to her state yesterday and I once again felt the abject aloneness and sadness of being here totally on my own.

I am facing moving to a new house in a couple of weeks.  I am nervous about this, but Tony actually bought this house for me before he died so that I would have a house of my own and not have to rent anymore.  I am so very grateful for this but I guess I feel nervous leaving this house where we spent his last couple of years together...so many memories.  Maybe it will be good for me to put my energies into something new, especially knowing that this is what he wanted for me.

As quiettstorm said "life is for living, not for constant grieving" and I do agree with that.  My husband was a counsellor and he would also have agreed with "the best way out is always through"...and one of his favourite sayings was "feeling it is healing it".  So I think for all of us here, each time we feel these emotions and loss we are in some small way helping to heal our wounds.

Sending (((hugs))) to you, and to everyone else here.  Reading your posts helps so much and at least we know that we are not totally alone.  Be gentle with yourself always ☼

Comment by Elsol23 16 hours ago

I am so glad to be here,I find the strength to cut off people who are rude,some argue with me about dating,they won't accept it when I say I am grateful for the time I have had on earth with my love,and have decided to walk knowing his spirit is with me and that I want to continue on doing things I wanted to do that he always encouraged,I can't believe some people have actually tried to argue with me,not even being friends.This site is giving me strength,and I want to try  to go to the camp this year in July,finances willing.Thank all of you,I feel like a child in this process,don't always know what's in front of me.

Comment by Debz yesterday

Hi Joette, 

I went through a similar experience at around the 7-8 month mark. It was truly awful.I decided to see a grief counsellor when I couldn't function day after day. The counseling really helped me. At 10 months now, and I still have my bad days, but they are not as frequent. (((hugs)))

Comment by quiettsttorm yesterday

Hi FindingMe(Joette): I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I'm sure you will get lots of different responses, but the one thing I know for sure, is that the Lord is my strength. My faith has always been what I turn to, and I am real with the Lord when I ask Why now? I may never get the answer. We all have our grief challenges...you may cry to near oblivion everyday. My challenge is being needy. My Ricky took such good care of me and made me feel so loved that I want that all the time. It's a daily challenge, some days are worse than others. I also suggest a grief counselor, visiting this website, and journaling. My grief counselor said our feelings NEED somewhere to go, and a journal gives them a place. Maybe you keep crying because it's all bottled up. You and I and all the other precious widows and widowers are still here in the land of the living. We have so much to give. I don't want to be sad all of my life. My sons and my friends & loved ones don't deserve that. I don't deserve that. We acknowledge, love and honor or spouses, and that is the best tribute. Life is for the living, not for constant grieving. That's just my take on it.  I read a great post on this site from someone who quoted Robert Frost, "The best way out is always through." I'm not trying to push my beliefs on you or anyone here, but lastly: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3 One day at a time, sis...one hour, one moment, one minute at a time...

Comment by FindingMe ( Joette) yesterday

Hi everyone.  I tend to be a pain asking questions here. But, its the only place I can come to , to get thru this. At 7 and a half months into losing my husband of 30 years suddenly. I'm having some very bad days.  I'm noticing my mornings have been spent crying and believing this can't be real. I keep thinking omg I'll never see him again ! And I cry so much my eyes swell to barely being able to see. I have cried everyday since he has passed. I don't know if it's normal. I keep thinking I'm crazy! I think about him everywhere I go from shopping to cooking, to cleaning. All the memories flood me. When I make the bed I stare at his side of it and just cry n say where are you! Its so hard to believe this is real.  Are any of you having such strong feelings of doom like this? Any advice would help. Thank you.

Comment by quiettsttorm on Wednesday

DM (Eggie's Wife), I know how you feel. My bday is next month (he was freshly admitted to hospital), and my late hubby passed only a couple weeks later, then his bday followed 3 days later. Trying to stay positive, stay positive. I still have texts from his last month of life, one of which he wished me Happy Birthday while he was in the hospital. Just booked a trip for my 2 teen sons and I to visit his home city of St. Louis. It will be our first trip since the death. We have been so disconnected from "his people," and I feel the need to commemorate the anniversary of his death with a celebration of his life, and surround ourselves with people who knew and loved him. I believe it will be a great trip, but emotional, indeed. Thank you to all of you who post on WV--I haven't gotten on this website much, but have been visiting more--it is comforting to know I'm not alone in what I'm feeling, experiencing...

Comment by Angelina on Tuesday

Kerrie, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  It's so very hard to deal with so much so close together.  Cancer  just makes me crazy and I really didn't think too much about how it attacks the body until my late husband (passed in September) suffered through it.  He had an inoperable form of brain cancer and all we did was buy time as I look back.  Please know that others are thinking of you and wish we could take away the pain.  The best to you.  You will get through with the help of friends and family who truly care.  

Angelina  

Comment by Gary'swife on Tuesday

(((Kerrie)))) I am so,so, sorry. Please know we are thinking of you, and putting virtual arms around you. Life just sucks. All I can say is your sister is lucky to have you, because you really will understand.

Lynda

Comment by Kerrie on Tuesday
Just got off phone with my sister. .the tumor on her thyroid is cancerous. ...spread from kidney cancer she had 35 years ago. The cancerous tumor on her lung is now being labeled as thyroid cancer. I am so terrified of having anything happen to any more of those I love that I am sitting herre in Dons chair bawling like a baby. It is too soon to know whats going on and whats going to happen, but it feels like the world is closing in and I can't handle it.
Comment by Angelina on Tuesday

Thank all of you for posting your final days/hours with your spouse.  I have had 2 days of pure pain and just laid in bed for most of them.  It will be 19 weeks on the 22nd of January and some days I can be okay and others the pain persists with a vengeance. Everyone tells me I'm pushing myself to be better, but I don't think I am.  I'm just trying to make it through each day with some sense of normalcy, whatever that is.  I cry and the smallest things.  Not too  long before he passed, he put a bluebird house out on the tree for me and sometime over the weekend the wind had blown it down.  Putting it back up, I just couldn't keep back the tears and how he loved to be outside in the yard when  he was not working.  I'm still just raw and I thought by this time, I would have moved farther along with my grief.  I miss the little things we did together.  His last two days were not that good, but the day before he passed, I left my (adult) niece with him while I went to Walmart for some things.  I felt good about him or I would have spent that time with him, had I known he would be gone the next day at 3:00.  It was just so quick.  I'm glad I did have the time with him that I did and I'm thankful I could take off work and be with him throughout his final months. I'm just greedy but I wanted more time with him. But no amount of time would have been enough and I know that.  I'm just thankful God didn't allow him to suffer but only a few hours. I do feel quite a bit of guilt for leaving him the day before he died even though it was just a couple of hours.  Looking back, I don't know why I thought I needed to get out of the house for a while.  Those things I thought I needed could have waited, I'm sure.   Thank you all for listening to me.  It helps to have friends here who understand what it's like to lose your one true love--your soul mate.

 

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