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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 414
Latest Activity: Jul 7

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Comment by silverlady on July 7, 2018 at 5:57pm

Welcome to Oregon, dear Idaho. I hope things go as well as possible for you and your daughter in your new home. 

Anne

Comment by idaho on July 3, 2018 at 6:56am

Hello all, I have not been on here in awhile. I have been trudging along one day at a time. I don't cry as often and maybe I even smile a little more. I got married at 24. I went from Dad to dorms to husband so I have never done really anything by myself. I have now learned to do many things I thought I would never do and have been trying to remain strong throughout. My biggest thing...my daughter and I are moving. I am both excited and petrified to be starting this new adventure to Bend Oregan. I will be leaving friends and support in this small town and going where I know no one. However, the new school will be better for my daughter and hopefully I will find work fast and we will be ok! I know my husband will be on the journey with us! This forum has given me the courage that I need. Thank you all.

Comment by Gary'swife on June 19, 2018 at 1:38pm

Yesterday I went with my brother (who had a stroke and lives with me) to the VA to pass out magazines and homemade cookies.  We went to the hospice and the nursing home.   My late husband stayed in the nursing home for 6 weeks after his stroke, which was 8 years ago.   I think I recognized one of the guys who was there 8 years ago.  He is non-verbal, in a wheelchair, but he wanted to shake my hand after I helped him eat a couple of cookies.  I know my husband would not have been very happy to live such  a life.  Even after his stroke he drove me nuts by always wanting to go somewhere, which was not easy for me as I had to do everything, including handling his dialysis. But of course, I still miss him. 

Comment by Veronica on June 1, 2018 at 6:41pm

Silver Lady —- I had to leave a grief group because I was told the same thing by one of the members. Everyone ‘s experience is so different but I just cannot accept that it only gets worse. Nothing could be as bad as that first year for me. Nothing. And to make it worse, I had nothing left in me to help my adult daughters. They had lost their dad and they had basically lost their mom too. I am four years out tomorrow and at least now I am strong enough to be there for my three daughters. I hope my husband is proud of me. Anyway, after four years I do find some happiness in other things——my girls, grandchildren, volunteer work, friends, my dogs, but there are times that the magnitude of losing my husband still takes me to my knees. 

Comment by silverlady on May 28, 2018 at 5:15pm

“Just Me,” it’s hard, isn’t it? I wonder if the woman who has been a widow for seven years is more honest than most or is having a harder time than most. Maybe a little of both?

I am at a little over four years. A married friend, one of the only few who will acknowledge that things might not be great for me, asked me the other day if it was getting any easier. I had to stop and think how to answer. I finally said that I felt that I was more used to it and that I had figured out how to handle things on my own better, but that there are joys and comforts that come with a good marriage that are just not replaceable.

I remember reading a WV post fairly early on from a woman who was several years out. She said that while things would never be as good as they were, she had reached a place of contentment. That is my goal, but I am not there yet. Please do not think that you are alone or doing less well than others of us. Hang in there!

Comment by Just.me on May 28, 2018 at 12:48pm

I decided to attend my knit and crochet group at the library last week. I happened to sit next to a nice woman who chatted awhile, then said she had heard I was a widow. She asked me how long and I said three and a half years. She then said, "  Honey, I hate to tell you it's been seven years for me and it only gets worse".  You know, i'm still a little raw occasionally, and I miss my husband a lot. I really am feeling extremely lonely, shut out of the world and continue to feel unmotivated by life. I do try, but without success to make connections with new friends and life. If this continues to get worse, I don't know where I'll be. Maybe I just don't have the strength or faith that so many of you have. I wish I did.

Comment by Doug02122014 on February 10, 2018 at 1:17pm

Triggers abound today. 

4-year anniversary on Monday,  funeral this morning,  and for dessert a hospital visit with my 2nd chapter wife Tamela to see an elderly friend of hers who happens to be suffering from advanced dimentia.

I guess I was put here today to comfort those who are where I once was.  I definitely know the path out and I have helped those in both cases. 

Mission accomplished, tomorrow is a new day.

Comment by RIKP on January 11, 2018 at 3:23pm

Thank you silverlady yes just being able to reach out yesterday to a group of people I never knew existed and then to have someone add in some kindness was and is a calming thought. So thank you again -

Comment by silverlady on January 11, 2018 at 2:41pm

Sending you a big, virtual hug, RIKP. Having to deal with everything on your own without the comfort and support of a beloved spouse is something that my widowed friends and I speak of frequently. In a way, it seems to get cumulative as the years go by. And certainly we all need to be comforted when upsetting medical news comes our way. I hope knowing others are thinking of you will help a tiny bit.

Comment by RIKP on January 11, 2018 at 3:07am

This is the first time I have been on this site my husband and stay at home Dad to our only son passed on August 28, 2014 after 24 yours together. It has and continues to be a long journey more good days than bad at this point but I received some medical news that wasn't great and it has thrown me off. It would have been easy before I would have rushed home to tell him and he would have made me see how simple this all was and that we could do it together. I got home and just started to cry I don't want my son to see me this way its been harder on him sometimes I think. Not having that support this time just made me a mess and I have managed to weather all of the other things life throws at you but this was the straw. Still in a funk and tearful.

 

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