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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 415
Latest Activity: Jul 23

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Comment by idaho on July 23, 2018 at 7:25am

Welcome LadyG, everything you described is pretty normal, for me anyway. It has been four years for me and the tears still flow and the sadness remains. I guess II cal it my new normal. I just take one day at a time. Things will pop up here and there that will remind you of your loved one..sometimes they will bring tears and sometimes a smile. I find the hardest part of grief is that everyone has moved on and they seem to expect us to do the same. As if we are grieving too long. My moving has everyone thinking..I have forgotten and am moving on..saying things like "oh perhaps you will meet a new man" ..I am moving forward but it is still baby steps and I am only "strong" because I have no other choice. Inside I am petrified, feeling alone and lonely, sad. I suppose bI feel if I put on a brave face and act "together" and happy then maybe it'll become reality. So no, you are not abnormal ..just stay in the moment for now. When you are ready to visit the memories good and bad.. you will know and  you will be a little step closer to healing. Meanwhile, take your time and do what you need to do for you

Comment by LadyG on July 23, 2018 at 1:14am

New here to Widville.  It's been 3 -1/2 years and I'm feeling lost.  No,  it's not as HORRIBLY painful as that first year of shock and paralysis but it's still more difficult than I can deal with most of the time.   In my present life I try to stay "in the moment" so I don't go down the rabbit hole of anguish but I think I'm starting to realize that I'm in a phase where I'm purposefully suppressing memories to avoid the pain of my loss.  Therefore when something comes up that that makes me think about my beloved I am immediately reunited with that hot searing grief of the original pain.  Just needing to know I'm sorta normal of I'm not one of those people who is doing "better" at this point in time.   I get that its a spectrum were all apart of.  It just seems like society as a whole pushes the idea that if were doing better we're somehow stronger.   I'm strong for still being alive !

And Dear Idaho,  I hope Oregon is good for you.   Change is hard.   Oregon was our home for more than 20 years.  I am somewhere else now.   Sending living supportive thoughts your way.  

Comment by silverlady on July 7, 2018 at 5:57pm

Welcome to Oregon, dear Idaho. I hope things go as well as possible for you and your daughter in your new home. 

Anne

Comment by idaho on July 3, 2018 at 6:56am

Hello all, I have not been on here in awhile. I have been trudging along one day at a time. I don't cry as often and maybe I even smile a little more. I got married at 24. I went from Dad to dorms to husband so I have never done really anything by myself. I have now learned to do many things I thought I would never do and have been trying to remain strong throughout. My biggest thing...my daughter and I are moving. I am both excited and petrified to be starting this new adventure to Bend Oregan. I will be leaving friends and support in this small town and going where I know no one. However, the new school will be better for my daughter and hopefully I will find work fast and we will be ok! I know my husband will be on the journey with us! This forum has given me the courage that I need. Thank you all.

Comment by Gary'swife on June 19, 2018 at 1:38pm

Yesterday I went with my brother (who had a stroke and lives with me) to the VA to pass out magazines and homemade cookies.  We went to the hospice and the nursing home.   My late husband stayed in the nursing home for 6 weeks after his stroke, which was 8 years ago.   I think I recognized one of the guys who was there 8 years ago.  He is non-verbal, in a wheelchair, but he wanted to shake my hand after I helped him eat a couple of cookies.  I know my husband would not have been very happy to live such  a life.  Even after his stroke he drove me nuts by always wanting to go somewhere, which was not easy for me as I had to do everything, including handling his dialysis. But of course, I still miss him. 

Comment by Veronica on June 1, 2018 at 6:41pm

Silver Lady —- I had to leave a grief group because I was told the same thing by one of the members. Everyone ‘s experience is so different but I just cannot accept that it only gets worse. Nothing could be as bad as that first year for me. Nothing. And to make it worse, I had nothing left in me to help my adult daughters. They had lost their dad and they had basically lost their mom too. I am four years out tomorrow and at least now I am strong enough to be there for my three daughters. I hope my husband is proud of me. Anyway, after four years I do find some happiness in other things——my girls, grandchildren, volunteer work, friends, my dogs, but there are times that the magnitude of losing my husband still takes me to my knees. 

Comment by silverlady on May 28, 2018 at 5:15pm

“Just Me,” it’s hard, isn’t it? I wonder if the woman who has been a widow for seven years is more honest than most or is having a harder time than most. Maybe a little of both?

I am at a little over four years. A married friend, one of the only few who will acknowledge that things might not be great for me, asked me the other day if it was getting any easier. I had to stop and think how to answer. I finally said that I felt that I was more used to it and that I had figured out how to handle things on my own better, but that there are joys and comforts that come with a good marriage that are just not replaceable.

I remember reading a WV post fairly early on from a woman who was several years out. She said that while things would never be as good as they were, she had reached a place of contentment. That is my goal, but I am not there yet. Please do not think that you are alone or doing less well than others of us. Hang in there!

Comment by Just.me on May 28, 2018 at 12:48pm

I decided to attend my knit and crochet group at the library last week. I happened to sit next to a nice woman who chatted awhile, then said she had heard I was a widow. She asked me how long and I said three and a half years. She then said, "  Honey, I hate to tell you it's been seven years for me and it only gets worse".  You know, i'm still a little raw occasionally, and I miss my husband a lot. I really am feeling extremely lonely, shut out of the world and continue to feel unmotivated by life. I do try, but without success to make connections with new friends and life. If this continues to get worse, I don't know where I'll be. Maybe I just don't have the strength or faith that so many of you have. I wish I did.

Comment by Doug02122014 on February 10, 2018 at 1:17pm

Triggers abound today. 

4-year anniversary on Monday,  funeral this morning,  and for dessert a hospital visit with my 2nd chapter wife Tamela to see an elderly friend of hers who happens to be suffering from advanced dimentia.

I guess I was put here today to comfort those who are where I once was.  I definitely know the path out and I have helped those in both cases. 

Mission accomplished, tomorrow is a new day.

Comment by RIKP on January 11, 2018 at 3:23pm

Thank you silverlady yes just being able to reach out yesterday to a group of people I never knew existed and then to have someone add in some kindness was and is a calming thought. So thank you again -

 

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