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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 316
Latest Activity: Oct 2

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Comment by Mary H on May 5, 2016 at 8:01pm

I'm doing better too.  I made the transition from we to me.  I don't like it nearly as much, but at least I don't feel like a person ripped in two any longer.

Comment by Brandy1977 on May 5, 2016 at 3:34pm

Hi Everyone, Sorry I have not been on for awhile a lot of changes and up and down emotions.

SuzyB, I can relate the 1 year anniversary is coming up on June 16th and I can't believe how fast time has gone just like you I am trying to move forward a little each day I  know I will miss her for the rest of my life but I can't have her back so myself and my kids are going to have to be a family without her here. I still talk to her out loud when I am alone and ask her what I should do when it comes to decisions about our girls. I know we are all going through this journey be we will make it through one step at a time. Hugs to you

Comment by Suzy B on May 5, 2016 at 7:26am

Hi everyone.  I'm not sure exactly what is happening, but I seem to be feeling quite a bit better about my life lately (yes, I'm surprised).  In mid-June it will be a year since Darrell has been gone, so I've begun dreading the anniversary coming up, but other than that things have been going fairly well. I still miss him a lot each and every day, but now I can look at old photos of good times with him and experience both joy as I remember the fun times we had as well as the sadness that he is no longer here. I feel I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know I will be grieving him to some degree probably the rest of my life, but I can also see that going on with my own life might just be possible without him. In fact, I am already doing that.

Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on May 4, 2016 at 1:01pm

Terry - you are blessed to know what area to get into to put purpose back into your life!  And you'll be such a blessing to others!  I am looking - but so unsure.  I am searching for my new normal - and for what the next chapter in my life should look like.

Comment by brokenhearted on May 2, 2016 at 5:53pm

@Hopeful30 - thank you for your kind words.  I don't post too often but I do read the comment wall from time to time.  It's hard sometimes reading the about grief that we all have to work our way through but it's also somewhat comforting realizing this roller coaster of emotions and the efforts to move forward even if by one hour at a time; it's not only me.  All of us are trying to find a way to continue on without our beloved.  Hugs, strength to all and continue to believe in yourself.

Comment by Nieta on April 30, 2016 at 10:59am

Hi Mary H,

I get what you are saying and it is absolutely true.  Husbands and wives make sacrifices, compromises and do things for one another because they love each other.  While well intended, comments like "it wasn't always easy," don't exactly help.  Sometimes, you just need someone to be there to listen and not comment on evolving emotions.

I recently visited my parents in Florida.  Since my Patrick died, my mom has said things that have made me angry and simply aren't helpful at all.  Initially, she stopped mentioning his name as if he never existed and I love to hear his name and I don't want him erased.  I also don't want to hear any gripes about times when they were at odds for whatever reason.  I understand that mothers don't like to see their children suffering and it is their natural instinct to try and make things better, but sometimes it is simply better to be there and remain silent.

I came across an article that mentioned  8 of the worst things you can say to someone who is grieving, and I let her read it during my last visit.  I know it must have upset her because she'd practically said everything on the list to me, but I explained that I did not show it to her to hurt her but to help her understand that the best thing she could do for me is simply be there for me when I fell apart and not try to fix me.  I further explained that what I was on a journey that only I could find my way through and that this was not something I would simply get over.  I think she finally understood.

Here is the link:  8 Worst Things...

Perhaps you can show the list to your friend and speak to her about it.  If she is a true friend, she will understand.

Comment by Mary H on April 30, 2016 at 10:20am

I have a friend who means well who is always waiting to seize on any statement I might make to try to re-frame my loss as not the worst thing in the world.  For example, I might say, "I was weeding the lawn yesterday and he would have really loved it if I had been out there doing it with him while he was still here, but, I was always so tired trying to keep up with him that I would be trying to catch a nap when he was weeding so that I could stay up late with him."  And she would say something along the lines of "it wasn't always easy."  Sometimes she sucks me along with her, and I always feel dirty afterwards.  The thing is, when we love someone, we do make sacrifices, stay up late so they don't have to go to bed alone, stop what we're doing to greet them when they come home, run around doing the errands that make things go smoothly, and at times we press ourselves into their lives at the expense of our own, but we get back more than we give, and none of it makes getting to make all the decisions when you didn't before, or always getting enough sleep worth it.  There's no way to twist what happened into not that bad, and I need to find some way to stop getting sucked into these conversations.

Comment by Mary H on April 30, 2016 at 10:06am

Yesterday I remembered my husband into an event that he was no longer here for.  I have so many memories, and we had done so many similar things that my mind just put him there.  I had to pause for a moment to realize he couldn't have been.

Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on April 30, 2016 at 9:51am

I so understand Hope - figuring out who you are now is really a challenge.  Half of you is gone - and after 30 years of being together - it is a daunting task!

Comment by Hope on April 30, 2016 at 5:29am
I am going on 10 months and every day is an effort to live without Ken. Not only did I lose the love of my life but the life we led and the things we did that can't be replaced. Family and friends are supportive but at the end of the day they are busy with their own life. Making a way in my new reality is daunting but I have no choice. I am just praying to capture interests and things to do that I can get more caught up in to make the hours feel more productive and satisfying. I never imagined it would be like this. He had a sudden heart attack and was gone. Our plans can't be my plans now. I continue to explore who I am now and what I want to do.
 

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