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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 314
Latest Activity: May 14

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Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on June 1, 2016 at 3:48pm

I'm at a year and 4 months.  Most days I do very well I think - work, seeing friends.  I am really working at scheduling time with friends.  There are still those times that always catch me by surprise - when I so desperately miss my sweetheart.  They don't come as often - maybe because like I said - I am working at being with friends more often now.  I went to visit my older son and his family recently - it was good to be away and be with them - and yet in some ways - time with family only makes it more obvious that I am alone.  Just had the exterior of my house painted - there are times when all the decision making is just such a huge burden - and those times are so hard.  My husband was the decision maker - and I really do not like having that sole responsibility now.  But - day to day life is not as difficult.  I have continued to keep active physically - maybe because that is one thing that I can control - and so many things I can't - so I control what I can.  I find exercising gives me more energy - maybe that would help some of you who are feeling exhausted - ??

Comment by mixelated on May 30, 2016 at 5:28pm

Terry, I think it will be the other way around. In a couple of years, we won't be as dragged down by our grief. It's been a year and a half for me, and I don't have the energy I had before. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy, though I do have some enjoyment in my life now. But I understand that this is pretty normal. I'm still not functioning at 100%, and I don't expect to for some time. If I had to give today a number, I'd say about 85%. Good enough for now. I keep being surprised at how exhausting ordinary life is, but my therapist 

Hope, Suzy B, thinking of you as your year approaches. It was very hard for me to mark that year. I relived it to some extent - thinking for instance, on this day he was still alive and we did this and that, and I didn't know what was in store. Thinking of the might-have-beens. The day itself was not as bad as the days leading up to it. Do you plan to mark the day in some way?

Comment by Nieta on May 30, 2016 at 4:20pm

Hi Terry,

It's definitely not just you.  I'm more than two years along and I often feel that same "don't want to be bothered" feeling.  I'm better when I'm around friends, but I have no children, my parents are retired and live in a different state and my only sibling died nearly 3 decades ago.  Moreover, my husband's only sibling whom lives practically across the street from me, may as well be a stranger.

This experience/journey has really knocked the life out of me and it is a constant struggle.  I really hope I can shake this depressing funk soon. Just the thought that EVERYTHING is up to me now is exhausting.

Comment by Nardly on May 30, 2016 at 4:03pm

Terry, I have been going through this for a while. I just don't have it in me anymore. I want to sell my house but I don't have the energy to do the things I need to do. I was telling my therapist about it and she wants me to see a Psychiatrist about depression meds. I'm taking Paxil and it's not helping. I have an appointment in late June so I'll see. This is really getting old. Somebody posted on Face Book a saying:  "We weren't born just to work and pay bills". That's me though I'm retired which makes it worse I think. If you find an answer let me know!

Comment by BBL35 on May 30, 2016 at 4:00pm
Terry, I have been extremely tired and catching a lot of infections/colds. My family tells me I have finally hit exhaustion but I am not sure. It's been 7 months for me since I lost my husband and I'm 35. I didn't get to stop to grieve because I had to work and take care of my kids . I'm a teacher and summer just began and I feel awful. Like the last 7 months have caught up with me. I feel years older. I'm having tests run to make sure it's nothing physical. I feel horrible and I hate it! And the emptiness in my home is even more apparent now that we are home more.
Comment by Hope on May 29, 2016 at 9:07am

Deafwidow, Nieta and SuzyB..Thanks for your inisghts and comments. Today I realized a blessing in all this in spite of my tears and missing him. The time that I spend at home has helped me to really dig into what I am made of, what I believe and what is important to me. Its not that I didn't have a sense of this before but with Ken's death it has forced me to go deep within my soul. I am slowly restoring and finding out a little of who I am becoming now.

Comment by Suzy B on May 29, 2016 at 8:04am
Hope, I am coming up on the one year mark too, and I'm not sure what to expect. Officially my husbands date of death is August 26, but he was a missing person prior to that for 10 weeks when he wandered away from the house and disappeared on June 15 last year. So it has been almost a full year since I last saw him. I still cant believe this actually happened. One of my worst nightmares. But a year later I find I miss him every day and still cry almost every day, but I am healing some. I can function without him now and have learned a lot about myself through all these trials. Don't know what the future will bring. . . This grief journey reminds me I only thought I knew what my future held, and that turned out to be wrong. So I focus on the present as fully as I can and look for little respites of joy where I can find them on this journey called life. Sometimes that works well for me and sometimes it doesn't. Life goes on, even if we wish it wouldn't at times.
Comment by Nieta on May 28, 2016 at 5:39pm

Always here for u Hope.

(((HUG)))

Comment by deaf widow on May 28, 2016 at 9:34am

I'm trying to do the same thing, Hope.  There are a lot of days I don't even want anybody coming to knock on my door (not very many people come anyway).  Mostly the ones knocking are people who want me to give them something (tools, spare tires, motorcycle spare parts, etc.).  They don't really care how I am, when they ask, "How are you doing"?  I tell them "Fine" or "OK".  The only friends I have that "get it" are here @WV.  Am sending you ((hugs)) because it's so hard to live without our spouses.  We miss them so much.

Comment by Hope on May 28, 2016 at 9:06am

Getting close to a year in July and I definitely get the feeling everyone expects me to be over this I am definitely not there... I decided today I need to find a way to be less self absorbed with my pain and think about others...send love their way. Everybody has their own issues and problems. I have decided its time to keep my mouth shut about my grief with those who really can't hear it or don't want to or can't understand it. I am going to try to just be with them and take an interest in their world. They don't need to ask me about mine anymore. I have widow friends and of course, this resource to pour out my heart and I have my home I can come back to and cry all I want if I need to. Guess that's what I am feeling right now.

 

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