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Latest Activity: on Wednesday
Thelma, you are probably right about exercise benefiting the bereaved. I have had an awful time over the past couple of months controlling my eating. I have always been an emotional eater and the last 15 months have fit that bill pretty well. It becomes a vicious cycle with not having energy to exercise and then gaining weight because of a sedentary lifestyle and then beating myself up because I am gaining weight (25 pounds in the last 3-4 months). I know I need to take back the power and stop allowing myself to be a victim to my emotions. Tomorrow is another day.
I'm at a year and 4 months. Most days I do very well I think - work, seeing friends. I am really working at scheduling time with friends. There are still those times that always catch me by surprise - when I so desperately miss my sweetheart. They don't come as often - maybe because like I said - I am working at being with friends more often now. I went to visit my older son and his family recently - it was good to be away and be with them - and yet in some ways - time with family only makes it more obvious that I am alone. Just had the exterior of my house painted - there are times when all the decision making is just such a huge burden - and those times are so hard. My husband was the decision maker - and I really do not like having that sole responsibility now. But - day to day life is not as difficult. I have continued to keep active physically - maybe because that is one thing that I can control - and so many things I can't - so I control what I can. I find exercising gives me more energy - maybe that would help some of you who are feeling exhausted - ??
Terry, I think it will be the other way around. In a couple of years, we won't be as dragged down by our grief. It's been a year and a half for me, and I don't have the energy I had before. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy, though I do have some enjoyment in my life now. But I understand that this is pretty normal. I'm still not functioning at 100%, and I don't expect to for some time. If I had to give today a number, I'd say about 85%. Good enough for now. I keep being surprised at how exhausting ordinary life is, but my therapist
Hope, Suzy B, thinking of you as your year approaches. It was very hard for me to mark that year. I relived it to some extent - thinking for instance, on this day he was still alive and we did this and that, and I didn't know what was in store. Thinking of the might-have-beens. The day itself was not as bad as the days leading up to it. Do you plan to mark the day in some way?
It's definitely not just you. I'm more than two years along and I often feel that same "don't want to be bothered" feeling. I'm better when I'm around friends, but I have no children, my parents are retired and live in a different state and my only sibling died nearly 3 decades ago. Moreover, my husband's only sibling whom lives practically across the street from me, may as well be a stranger.
This experience/journey has really knocked the life out of me and it is a constant struggle. I really hope I can shake this depressing funk soon. Just the thought that EVERYTHING is up to me now is exhausting.
BBL35 and Nardly, thank you for your responses. BBL35, I understand about the colds. I caught a really bad one in early March and still dealing with it. Nardly, sometimes I wish I was retired so I wouldn't have to try to find the energy to work and keep things done around the house. Right now it just wouldn't be financially feasible although I have asked myself if the diminished lifestyle would be so hard to take not having the stressful job etc. I am one of those people though that even if I got the nerve up to quit my job, a week later I would be asking myself what I had done. I absolutely hate this feeling of low energy. I know it can't be good for my health as I am putting on weight at an alarming rate. Funny, I have all the energy in the world to eat but not to do anything else. Such is the life of an emotional eater. And yes, if I find an answer I will definitely let you know. It might even come out in hardcover...lol
Terry, I have been going through this for a while. I just don't have it in me anymore. I want to sell my house but I don't have the energy to do the things I need to do. I was telling my therapist about it and she wants me to see a Psychiatrist about depression meds. I'm taking Paxil and it's not helping. I have an appointment in late June so I'll see. This is really getting old. Somebody posted on Face Book a saying: "We weren't born just to work and pay bills". That's me though I'm retired which makes it worse I think. If you find an answer let me know!
I have to wonder if the fact I feel exhausted all of the time is still residual from the loss or if I am just becoming lazy. As time goes on, I feel less and less like doing things around the house. In the evening I can be quite enthused about getting things done the next day and then when it comes I just think I can't be bothered. If I have this lack of ambition at almost 15 months, it scares me to think what I will be like in a year or two. Have any you you experienced the dwindling energy? I am only 55 but feel 85. Surely this can't still be caregiver burnout this far out from my wife's passing. I figured when I was on my own and only had me to worry about I would feel caught up on my sleep but it isn't happening.
Deafwidow, Nieta and SuzyB..Thanks for your inisghts and comments. Today I realized a blessing in all this in spite of my tears and missing him. The time that I spend at home has helped me to really dig into what I am made of, what I believe and what is important to me. Its not that I didn't have a sense of this before but with Ken's death it has forced me to go deep within my soul. I am slowly restoring and finding out a little of who I am becoming now.
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