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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 311
Latest Activity: Feb 14

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Comment by Nardly on September 3, 2016 at 9:19am
Hope for me my therapist suggested an anti depressant. I've been depressed for years. Since my wife's ALS diagnosis. I'm taking Wellbutrin XR and it's helped a lot. I still cry at times but it's not a constant grief now. I'm going through therapy while I take this and the combination of the two is helping. I used to sleep a lot to escape but now I'm up after 6-7 hours of sleep. I wonder is anyone else trying antidepressants? Are they working for you?
Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on September 3, 2016 at 8:26am

It's been a year and a half for me - the sadness is still right there - some days better than others.  I am still working full time - so I get up and go to work - which is a blessing in many ways.  Since work was somewhere I wasn't used to my husband being - it's not changed.  It's being home, and oddly, being around family/friends that is so very different.  It's sad that when you lose your spouse it seems that means you lose friends as well.  Most of "our" friends were couples - most of those couples are now gone!  So, on top of dealing with the grief, you are struggling to make new friends!  I find myself going to other single women friends.  Sisters help - but they still have their husbands/families - which can even make it difficult because all you do is remember the times you were all together, and since they are with their spouses it's just all the more obvious that you are alone!  Some days I feel like I've come along way - others, like I've made very little progress.  I thought by now I would know what the next chapter in my life might be looking like - but no - I still feel more half than whole and can't seem to move on.

 

Comment by Hope on September 3, 2016 at 8:14am

I sleep sometimes just to escape so many open hours. I am finding going back to college at 69 is fun and a challenge. I am taking a political science course. I am involved with two book clubs and am volunteering some work with a homeless women's shelter. I see family and friends. With all that said, at 14 months I am still crying a lot and missing him so much. My grief therapist says I have to high an expectation if I think I can manage these emotions this early in. She says I have to just go with it. After I cry I usually get moving again but damn, this is hard work. How are some of you coping? Do you have that same feeling of sadness a lot but still manage to do what you do? Any ideas?

Comment by deaf widow on September 3, 2016 at 2:11am

It sucks about the aggressive/bossy "know-it-all" co-worker adding stress to your life after losing your hubby.  I've loss my temper (and..yes..my jobs) because of co-workers like this.  I understand your stress and sadness of not having your hubby to talk to about this.  Am sending U lots of hugs!  About the "not wanting to cook"?  Try eating at a hamburger/sandwich/pizza shop, maybe?  U could just order it and take it home?  Or maybe stop and buy TV dinners with a side of your fav salad (coleslaw, macaroni salad)..whatever you want?  Your choice, OK, Bundles549?  And I think mixelated is right about the idea of a long walk!  ((HUGS)) to both of U!!!!!

Comment by mixelated on August 31, 2016 at 8:53pm

Bundles... yes. Everything you just said. I have been 3 and a half weeks at a new job. Stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, and wanting to talk to my husband, who could always put everything into perspective for me and help me cope. 

I went for a long walk this evening - walked until I was too tired to be upset. That helped. I had to get in the car to go walk somewhere he and I didn't walk together, but I did it. 

Comment by Bundles549 on August 31, 2016 at 7:44pm

Feeling the Aloneness...I just completed 2 weeks at my new job. Same job title, different location. They just dropped me in there, assuming that I knew everything that I needed to know. Well I do, but I don't because they don't operate exactly like the former clinic that I was in. Well, today was a tough day. I was doing something that I haven't done in 6 years and a co-worker kept criticizing what I was doing. I started to get mad! I've been there only 2 weeks, she doesn't know what I was doing in the other clinic, yet she expects me to go back in my experience 6 years and be able to do things just right! Well, no that didn't happen and I got vocal about her expectations! I told her that she wasn't my supervisor...because I think she keeps pushing because she wants to be the one in charge when the supervisor is out. I left work really clenching my teeth!

This is something that I would have discussed with hubby when I got home. And he would have been attentive and supportive and all. Instead, I came home to an empty apartment and no one to unwind with. So I cried.

It's been only 10 months. I have had to confront so, so much on my own with very little support and certainly not someone right beside me. I miss him so much! I try to be brave, and strong, and assertive and everything. But right now it's just getting to me. And I keep thinking that it's only10 months...Am I going to be a raving lunatic in another 3 years? I am stressed out, want to isolate, get lonely, hungry, can't cook, don't feel like shopping for the ingredients, and then I let them spoil before I get the energy together to cook!

Lately I have been napping as often as I can...mostly on the weekends but sometimes early in the evening when I get home. I am tired, sad, lonely, depressed, feel used up. And I keep needing to draw on my strength to do yet another "one more thing"...it's endless!

Comment by Hope on August 31, 2016 at 7:40pm

Glad to hear you are finding some calm and peace Terry and also glad that you are getting checked out. I procrastinated for a long time. My doctor wanted me to get a stress test 6 months ago and I thought I didn't care. I finally went. My heart is fine physically. Now if I could heal some of my "broken heart" for missing Ken so much. At 13 months I still find myself pretty lost and the sadness is still very real. On the other hand, I am out enjoying some things. I've gone back to school at age 69 and I enjoy it. I am doing volunteer work for a homeless women's shelter and I've joined several book clubs and a women's meet up group. Brandy, I am thinking of you. I don't know why people always think another partner is the answer. Blessings to all of you.

Comment by Brandy1977 on August 31, 2016 at 5:18pm
It's been quite a while since I have been on here. I have read through alot of the posts. I see that there is a roller-coaster of emotions through out. This journey is unpredictable one day you could be doing okay and have taken many steps forward then the next day feel like your back at the beginning with a million steps backwards. That's where I am today I miss Jan so much it's been 14 months. I still have moments where I think to myself that this still has to be a dream how could she really be gone.She was always a person who was able to really show how she felt through songs. This is how I have pushed through these months the last two songs I listened to recently really hit home how I was feeling...one is called my Beloved wife by Natalie Merchant and the other one is called Let your heart beat again by Danny Gokey. I have had recently people I know tell me that it's past a year maybe you should date. I tell them she was the love of my life why would I waste my time on anyone else. I don't want anyone else. Why do people do this.i hope everyone can try and find some peace through this journey as much as you can. Hugs
Comment by seaneen9 on August 31, 2016 at 5:01pm

Terry.....I've had days of peace, too.  It's still a roller coaster (almost 17 months), but those days of loving memories and gratefulness of what our spouses brought to our lives are wonderful.  I, too, am starting to take a proactive approach to my health and wellness.  After losing 20 pounds after my husband died, in the last few months, I've gained 10 of those pounds back and I don't want them.  So, at the urging of my grief counselor, I joined the YMCA and have now taken my first 2 yoga classes.  I've actually enjoyed them although it's pretty intensive with balance and focus for my 62 year old body.  It's good for the mind to quiet and focus on breathing.  I guess it's like everyone says, "they'd" want us to go forth with our lives feeling the best we could.  Hugs to you.

Comment by Mary H on August 31, 2016 at 4:46pm

I'm glad you are feeling up to taking care of yourself Terry, its a big step for all of us.  And we'll all be there cheering you on as well, saying good for you and hoping for the best.

 

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