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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 314
Latest Activity: May 14

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Comment by Hope on September 4, 2016 at 3:59pm

Since Ken died over a year ago (14 months) I drink wine almost every night. Two glasses...sometimes more. I don't think it healthy but it calms me down. This second year feels in some ways harder than the first. I feel lost in so many ways and miss Ken so so much. I believe I will find a path but this is a painful ride.

Comment by seaneen9 on September 4, 2016 at 3:05pm

Bundles549 - another remedy I've heard of for gout is pure unsweetened cherry juice.  Sorry for all your physical problems; sure don't need more things to deal with.  Hugs.

Comment by Bundles549 on September 4, 2016 at 2:18pm

Deaf widow, yes I did try the takeout/pizza/make something and eat it until it's done thing. I ended up with gout twice over the summer! Never had it before, but then I was not eating "catch as catch can" before, hubby did the cooking and grocery shopping was what we did together. Gout is a bad thing...so many things set it off, including foods that you would normally consider healthy, such as fish, asparagus, spinach, and mushrooms. Definitely not eating a lot of cheese now, and cheese and crackers was such a good snack! I have been drinking a lot of apple cider vinegar and water, taking Vitamin C, using lemon juice, eating apples...all to maintain a more alkaline Ph balance.

Comment by seaneen9 on September 4, 2016 at 1:23pm

Alone Now.........I have read about your journey since you joined this group (that none of us want to be members of).  I know you're hurting right now.  Believe me when I say, the anticipation of the date is probably going to be harder than the actual date.  I, too, suffered the sudden, unexpected death of my husband here at home in April, 2015.  He dropped dead.  I see so much growth in you and your experience.  Know that you are moving forward at your pace.  None of us will ever be the same as we were before we lost our spouses; and it will hurt forever, just not at the intensity we've all experienced in the early days.  Know that you have a great support group here.  I hope you have plans to be with people on the "date".  It helps.  Hugs to you.

Comment by alonenow (Betsy) on September 4, 2016 at 12:47pm

I am just reaching the end of year one. Kathy died on September 18th last year. I've been anticipating the date but her surgeries started the Friday before Labor Day so it's all hitting me very hard. Kath had an aortic aneurysm that was being surgically repaired. The Friday before Labor Day she had surgery to reroute an artery. She was able to come home on Sunday. She had the major, fourteen-hour surgery on Tuesday. She had to go back in for a repair to a bleed in her chest wall. Wednesday she was in ICU. By Thursday she was improving but she was very weak and had no real voice because the breathing tube did some temporary damage. That night she wanted to brush her teeth at the sink but burst into tears because she didn't have the strength. She just wanted to go home. Her surgeon said that she could come home on Saturday but she needed one more procedure to repair a small leak that was still feeding blood to the aneurysm. I went to work on Friday morning to set things up so I could take time off to care for Kathy when she came home.  No one called to tell me how the procedure went which was unusual. When I called to check they said she was being sent to ICU. I knew that wasn't good. Then I got a call from the doctor. He said the procedure went well but she had a bad reaction to a medication. They were trying to get her heart started and they had to open her chest again. She died before I got to the hospital. It was anaphylaxis.

I have spent a lot of time this past year dealing with shock. It has finally lifted so I am remembering many more details and feeling it all. I have a good support network and a wonderful therapist but I am really hurting and so fragile. When Kathy died I could not imagine that I would survive through this first year. I have. I am OK dealing with the present and can think ahead a few days. The future terrifies me but I am learning to stop myself from thinking too much about it. It's hard enough to get through the present and I have no control over the future. Thanks for listening.

Comment by Hope on September 4, 2016 at 9:15am

Thelma, I feel a lot like you at 14 months. I don't cry as much but the sadness is always there is the background. I am getting out and engaging with life but I still feel like one half of a whole. Let's just keep  believing that we will find contentment.

Comment by Hope on September 4, 2016 at 9:14am

I have been on Celexa for a long time...so long that I don't really know how much it still helps. I am taking an anti anxiety drug as I feel shaky and anxious a lot...kind of like a fight or flight response. I have cut back on Xanax as it can be addictive. I take something called gabapentin which helps with the shaky feeling

Comment by Nardly on September 3, 2016 at 9:19am
Hope for me my therapist suggested an anti depressant. I've been depressed for years. Since my wife's ALS diagnosis. I'm taking Wellbutrin XR and it's helped a lot. I still cry at times but it's not a constant grief now. I'm going through therapy while I take this and the combination of the two is helping. I used to sleep a lot to escape but now I'm up after 6-7 hours of sleep. I wonder is anyone else trying antidepressants? Are they working for you?
Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on September 3, 2016 at 8:26am

It's been a year and a half for me - the sadness is still right there - some days better than others.  I am still working full time - so I get up and go to work - which is a blessing in many ways.  Since work was somewhere I wasn't used to my husband being - it's not changed.  It's being home, and oddly, being around family/friends that is so very different.  It's sad that when you lose your spouse it seems that means you lose friends as well.  Most of "our" friends were couples - most of those couples are now gone!  So, on top of dealing with the grief, you are struggling to make new friends!  I find myself going to other single women friends.  Sisters help - but they still have their husbands/families - which can even make it difficult because all you do is remember the times you were all together, and since they are with their spouses it's just all the more obvious that you are alone!  Some days I feel like I've come along way - others, like I've made very little progress.  I thought by now I would know what the next chapter in my life might be looking like - but no - I still feel more half than whole and can't seem to move on.

 

Comment by Hope on September 3, 2016 at 8:14am

I sleep sometimes just to escape so many open hours. I am finding going back to college at 69 is fun and a challenge. I am taking a political science course. I am involved with two book clubs and am volunteering some work with a homeless women's shelter. I see family and friends. With all that said, at 14 months I am still crying a lot and missing him so much. My grief therapist says I have to high an expectation if I think I can manage these emotions this early in. She says I have to just go with it. After I cry I usually get moving again but damn, this is hard work. How are some of you coping? Do you have that same feeling of sadness a lot but still manage to do what you do? Any ideas?

 

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