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Latest Activity: Jan 14
Thank you for your post. My partner died 20.9.15 and it really feels like everyone around me are tell8ng me to get on. Im sitting here crying in despair this morning. Everything gone and no energy to move on.
Thank you as I will be 3 years March 8th. This dies help because the waves still hit and at times very hard. Thank you for sharing.
So true, thanks Terry and I am glad you are doing well. I might add that what I used to think of as allowing myself to be stuck I now think of as time that I needed. I've read a great book recently, It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine, and I would recommend it to anyone who thinks that they ought to be doing better. It can be a big relief to feel as if you are not failing at getting back to it, and ironically that is itself a help to feeling better. Kindness and compassion for ourselves and what we have been through is always the answer, and one which just naturally opens up our compassion for all of those around us.
Mary H...glad to see you drop by for an update. As the members of 2015 reach the three year mark this year, I hope we all have cause to recognize how far we have come on this journey. Although not a day goes by that I do not think of Anne and stop to remember the final weeks and days we had together, I am able to see that it was a part of my journey. I can also see that allowing myself to be stuck on that part of the journey prevents the possibility of moving forward. I believe that I have come to terms with decisions I made at the time and struggles I have gone through since then and see where they have allowed me to grow as a person. The compassion I feel for other people has grown in leaps and bounds instead of just focusing on what Anne was going through. I think this will allow me to grow towards being a better person all around. I guess no one knows what lies ahead for any of us but I look to the future now with hopeful optimism instead of dreading another day alone. If people who are newer to this journey can take anything from us, it is that we will come through it. If they read our posts from the very early days, they will see the anguish, the fear and virtual dread of continuing on. If we are that glimmer of light for them, I think we have accomplished what those who went before us do for us.
I hit 3 years on January 7th. Because my husband died while he was away, the last evening we'd spent together was New Years Eve, so that night I opted out of the parties and went and sat out of my deck and had a glass of champagne like we would have just the two of us and spent some solid time communing with him. I'm doing a lot better, and I had the sense that it might be the last New Years that I spend alone, at least intentionally. I've come through the worst of it, and it took 3 years. I wish those people who had pushed me to move on as one year ticked up would have left me to work through this as I needed to. Our hearts and our loves aren't set to the calendar like that. I too have been hanging on to most of his things, and have just started to move them out, I've finally come to the feeling that he doesn't need them anymore. I am at the front of the 2015 wave of loss, and so I hope that hearing this from me might help those of you a little further back feel as if its okay to move at your own pace and to feel and honor the feelings you have.
If you don't have plans this evening, pop into the chat room to ring in the new year with other Villagers. You are not alone. We'll be there for all US time zones from 11pm Eastern to 12:30am Pacific.
We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!
If you need some company on Christmas Day &/or New Years Eve, please join me in the Chat Room.
I'll be hosting the Chat Room on Christmas Day, so if you need a boost before heading off to a family gathering or find yourself alone and want to chat with others out there just like you ... please stop by. I'll be keeping an eye on the room all day (I'm in the Pacific time zone).
I'll also be hosting a New Years Eve chat from 11pm Eastern time to 12:30am Pacific time.
Dianne in Nevada
Difficult times. The days are grower shorter, nights longer. Winter has arrived. Its dreary and cold. Typically I would be planning a vacation to a sunny destination with my husband. He would be immersed in every last detail of the trip and I would be researching the “points” system on how to make it most affordable. Those days are gone and fast approaching is the anniversary of his passing and the dreaded holidays. I do not celebrate the holidays any longer. I sit quietly listening to others’ stories as my mind and heart wander aimlessly - missing him. I am approaching the 2 year mark. As I have read on here “the realization that the best part of my life is now over” hits me. It’s true.
I am not yet capable of discarding any of his things. During the first year I had to “erase” parts of him from my life just to get legal and file taxes. (e.g., change title on home, autos, etc). I have to forgive myself for that. I do not want to erase my husband..ever. Our adult children have less compassion and have decided I will never “be fixed”. Guilty. There are no active groups near me.
Like you, Bundles, there is no enjoyment in food. I eat for sustenance only. I read a lot. Newspapers, books, anything I can get my hands on. I find myself binge watching Netflix and Hulu as well.
I have no interest in dating..but would enjoy some company. I miss my husband! It. Just. Sucks.
So, I guess I'm in Year 3 now. What's been different for you in Year 3? So far, I am trying to declutter, have made an infinetessimal dent in handling Al's stuff. I managed to find some videos and books and paperwork to throw away, like real estate books that I have no attachment to. I'm not attached to his real estate career. Still have most of his clothes, books.
I find myself thinking about dating, but not wanting to go hunting. I'd rather wait for Him to find me. He's gonna need references! I listen to the single men that are my patients...they're all staying home in their little caves and the women they meet are aggressive, have their own hidden agenda, it's not as simple as when you're a teenager and it's all about the hormones.
I even feel different about my art right now, and my letter writing. I do less of it and I do more binge watching on Netflix and Hulu. Absolutely no interest in cooking and no enjoyment of food. Eating way too much crap! As I watch the days get short and it gets dark earlier, my energy level is sinking. This is not my best time of year anyway, but if Al had been here, I would have distracted myself with watching the cooking shows on tv, doing some baking, and we might have taken a little road trip on an October weekend. But all of this is so, so IN THE PAST! I almost feel like giving awayall my books and art stuff, and the cooking stuff because it's just not calling to me right now.
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