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Widowed in 2015

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Comment by without on Wednesday

Thanks for your reply Mary H. I agree, as more time passes I feel like I am the only one who carries him inside me. I feel like when I talk about him or my grief to people, they think I'm doing it for attention or pity. All I want is to be able to talk about him. He matters. I feel like everyone is moving on, and I am left alone in a stagnant world. His brother got married and had a child, I know his mother grieves a lot, but the new grandchild is a big light for her. I'm not against that or anything. Its just that I was widowed at 29, with no children. Its very hard to find a reason to keep going that way. I am a lot less hopeless as I was, but I still don't see any purpose in this new life. But its definitely a lot less dark, than it was.

Comment by TFH2015 on Wednesday

At 4 years, 6 months and 10 days (not that I’m counting) I find my health is really affected compared to the early days.  The last 7 months have been spent having cardiac tests, sleep studies etc.  Turns out my heart is great, other than a little broken still.  I did discover though that I have sleep apnea.  The specialist during the exam asked me if I snore.  I said how would l know, there is no one with me to hear it.  I have spent much of the time since 2015 wishing I could be with my wife but facing the possibility of heart problems, I learned that I don’t want to go anywhere yet.  Mary H, we had many messages back and forth in our early days.  Back then I was known as Terry on here but for some reason after not being on here for a long time it didn’t recognize me and I had to change my user name hence the TFH2015.  It would be great to see 2015 more active.  Although I am confident that many may have moved on and no longer feel the need, I’m pretty sure that there are still quite a few of us that miss the connection that got us through the first hours, days, weeks, months and years.  Yay for those of us who are still checking in once in a while.

Comment by Mary H on Tuesday

My health deteriorated massively at first as well, the trauma just nearly kills us, doesn't it?  But I have been turning things around just lately, did 23andMe and then StrateGene for personal health recommendations, and then Intermittent Fasting.  I feel a lot better.  I don't really feel as if I have that much i want to live for either, my kids are growing up to independence as well and I think kids that lose a parent, they are more independent of the remaining parent than otherwise, and then, my life is not as it was going to be, I really liked where I was, and not so much anymore.  But I'm still here, so I figure I may as well make the most of it.  Which, considering I just wanted to die too for the longest time, it's good progress for me.  I hope that you will find some closeness to your lost loved ones on your four year days without and Charlotteelse, our thoughts are with you.

Comment by Charlotteelsie on Tuesday

Hi Thanks for your posts. Its four years for me on Friday. Feels like forty. Cant stop crying last few days. My daughters off for second year of college Sunday. Life seems pointless. Im really struggling with empty nest even after one year of her away. And can find little purpose for life. Its very scarey. My heAlth has deteriorated massive ly in last four years as well. 

I cling to daily small things and friends.

Best wishes

Comment by Mary H on Tuesday

I understand why you posted this without.  They lived, and they were so important to us, and its like we have one foot in two worlds, our together world, and this after world.  My youngest hardly remembers anything about her Dad.  Just being told he'd died and going back to sleep sure she would wake up and it wouldn't be true.  She's a teenager now, and has started assuming some teenager-y anti establishment things about him, and I have had to tell her what a great man he was and that she ought to be proud he was her dad.  It's so, so strange.  I remember everything.  Every moment, it feels like, sometimes.  He was so present in the world, and now, mostly just in me.

Comment by without on Tuesday

Tomorrow will be 4 years. I didn't take time of work this year, the first time that I left it open like this. I think I will take a sick day tomorrow. Its definitely not as bad as it was the last 3 years. Its kind of strange that way, a part of me feels guilty for it. As the day goes on I feel more and more sick. I'm also dealing with family issues and working overtime, which is not helpful. I don't even know the point of this post, just wanted to say something.

Comment by Charlotteelsie on July 26, 2019 at 10:59am

hi Hope,

Thanks for your post. I have definitely changed a lot mentally and physically over the last four years. Ill health had been a constant companion. Also my daughter went off to college. The empty nest thing on top of everything has taken so long to get used to. 

Comment by Don on July 26, 2019 at 10:48am

Hiya Hope, welcome back! 

Join us in the chatroom in the morning for cawffee.  I can attest to the aging and living alone challenge.

Comment by Nardly on July 26, 2019 at 10:41am

Hey Hope, good to hear from you. The aging part is a bitch. Both physically and mentally. So what has changed in the last four years? 

Comment by Hope on July 26, 2019 at 10:26am

I’m back. after 4 years. Doing much better overall but finding aging and living alone a challenge 


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