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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 321
Latest Activity: Dec 1

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Comment by Gaye1950 on September 19, 2019 at 3:14pm

Its been helpful to be able to read everyone's posts. My husband died in December 2015 a week before his xmas eve birthday. All year he'd been saying he felt he wasn't going to make it to his birthday and his self fulfilling prophecy came true, sadly.  I still miss him every day and this past year have struggled mightily with depression but I'm winning!  I adopted a rescue dog, Dori, who makes me get out of the house and exercise a little, and more recently a very cuddly Russian Blue mix cat who seems to "Channel" my husband Jerry - sits on his urn box then comes and sits on me!  My son moved in with me which is a mixed blessing, but more good than bad. Good to have someone know if you come home when you go out in the evening especially!  So in nearly four years, I've learned I can cope, I can do myself good by helping others (I'm a RGL leader in Palm Beach County FL) and I hope someday love will find me yet again. Even at my age (almost 69- there should be a special birthday celebration, no?)  Young or old, this grief thing isn't easy. And even friend or family member I have lost in the interim brings it all back home. But maybe that's helping me process the loss?  Sending you all sunshine from South Florida.  Gaye H.

Comment by Mary H on September 19, 2019 at 3:04pm

Oh yes, all that and more.  Hard things have kept happening for so long they barely ruffle me anymore.  I think I've seen this in more than one movie, but the lead character walking through a war, or a catclysm, or a disaster, but everything has gone slow motion and silent for him.  Or her, as the case may be.  I think that's the low point of the plot, and things are supposed to get better from here on out.  But you know... you never know what kind of movie you are in until the end of it.  I thought I was in an entirely different movie than it turned out I was.

I've often wondered about you too, and how quitting your job turned out?

Comment by TFH2015 on September 19, 2019 at 2:01pm

Mary H, I have often thought over the past years since joining this group how incredibly hard it must have been for you.  Not only did your husband die overseas but you were unable to see him after he died.  There must always have been a sense of ‘this can’t be real’ for you.  I had the ‘benefit’ of spending time with my wife for about an hour and a half after her death at the hospital which I’m sure had to have helped me even though I couldn’t see it at the time.  If I recall, you were also dealing with issues with his family at the time so I really admire the fact that are determined to create a life that you can be happy in.  After what we have come through, we deserve any bit of happiness we can squeeze out and we should settle for nothing less.

Comment by Mary H on September 19, 2019 at 10:03am

Terry and Mixelated!  It is very nice to hear how you both are doing.  We've gotten through the worst of it together and I'll always feel a certain fondness when I see your names.  And of course, all of you in 2015.  Its four years, and for me, because I lost my husband in early January, nearly five.  Part of what I was the most scared of in the early years was the life I am living now, sad to say, just alone for so long and the past falling away.  But I'm doing better with it.  I've needed to give myself time, and I can imagine a more fulfilled life and still hope to get there.  I hope that for all of us.

Comment by LandL (Linda) on September 18, 2019 at 2:05pm

I'm glad for you, Julep.  I've had some very traumatic events happen in my life in the last 4 years. One of them is going on right now.  My husband was the rock who would have gotten me through, but I'm dealing with them all alone. Of course we all need to try to be happy, but for some of us we have to get through some obstacles that make it difficult.  I wish you the best, and hope to be where you are at some point.

Comment by julep67 on September 18, 2019 at 11:26am

It's nice to see folks posting but I'm sorry that so many of you are still struggling.  On August 16, it was four years since my husband Mark died.  For the first time, I went to work on the day and didn't do anything to really mark the day (except for a post on Instagram).  I had a couple of wobbles at my desk in the morning and by the end of the day I felt worn out but I was proud of myself for getting through the day without having to hide away from everyone. 

While I still think of him every day and obviously miss him, I've made my peace with the fact that he's gone.  I'm honouring his life by remembering him and finding joy wherever I can.  As we all know, life is way too short to not at least try to be happy.

The past four years have been challenging at times but  I've actually had a good year this year. Finally, I've able to release the guilt I used to feel about being happy and having experiences without him.  Knowing how he loved me and the kind of person he was, I think he'd like to see me like this. 

I'm making plans again, am starting a new job soon (a promotion) and am truly happy with how my life is going for the first time in a long time. Grief changed me in ways I couldn't have imagined. The me I was on the day he died wouldn't recognize this version of me but that's okay.

Comment by LandL (Linda) on September 18, 2019 at 11:15am

I haven't posted here, but not because I've moved on.  After 4.5 years I still suffer crippling anxiety.  Nothing helps.  I still miss my husband so much, and so many things remind me of our happy years.   We met when I was 16 and I was 64 when he died.  Married 45 years.  I'd never lived alone before.  He died very suddenly on an ordinary Tuesday evening.  In an instant my world was shattered.  I am a completely different woman, and don't know where I belong.  

Comment by mixelated on September 17, 2019 at 6:40pm

I'm still here, glad to know how others have been doing. I'm managing. Last year I was doing ok physically after struggling, but this year I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune condition and am trying to learn to cope with it. My mood starts to dip towards the end of the year. The back-to-school activities all around remind me of our happy young family years, now gone, and the holidays coming up, which is when my husband passed. 

Comment by without on September 17, 2019 at 4:57pm

Thanks for your reply Mary H. I agree, as more time passes I feel like I am the only one who carries him inside me. I feel like when I talk about him or my grief to people, they think I'm doing it for attention or pity. All I want is to be able to talk about him. He matters. I feel like everyone is moving on, and I am left alone in a stagnant world. His brother got married and had a child, I know his mother grieves a lot, but the new grandchild is a big light for her. I'm not against that or anything. Its just that I was widowed at 29, with no children. Its very hard to find a reason to keep going that way. I am a lot less hopeless as I was, but I still don't see any purpose in this new life. But its definitely a lot less dark, than it was.

Comment by TFH2015 on September 17, 2019 at 4:34pm

At 4 years, 6 months and 10 days (not that I’m counting) I find my health is really affected compared to the early days.  The last 7 months have been spent having cardiac tests, sleep studies etc.  Turns out my heart is great, other than a little broken still.  I did discover though that I have sleep apnea.  The specialist during the exam asked me if I snore.  I said how would l know, there is no one with me to hear it.  I have spent much of the time since 2015 wishing I could be with my wife but facing the possibility of heart problems, I learned that I don’t want to go anywhere yet.  Mary H, we had many messages back and forth in our early days.  Back then I was known as Terry on here but for some reason after not being on here for a long time it didn’t recognize me and I had to change my user name hence the TFH2015.  It would be great to see 2015 more active.  Although I am confident that many may have moved on and no longer feel the need, I’m pretty sure that there are still quite a few of us that miss the connection that got us through the first hours, days, weeks, months and years.  Yay for those of us who are still checking in once in a while.


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