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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 324
Latest Activity: Mar 23

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Comment by SilverAnniversary on February 23, 2020 at 5:01am

I need help.

My husband was killed on the job in 2015.

The company plead guilty, CEO didn't want me to have to deal with a trial.

But the men had their charges dropped from criminal to ministry charges. Which I didn't like but was part of the deal with the company. And we were working towards a trial. In fact we had a 4 week trial set and a few months before I received a call and was told they would get off due to a little thing called Jordan's Decision.

We recently had the Ontario Court of Appeal say that we can have a trial, but the cowards aren't paying the lawyers, the company is, and we are now headed to the Supreme Court of Canada.

My last call with a ministry lawyer went something like this -

Lawyer - how are you?

Me - silence (seriously, what a dumb question !!)

Me - I know for a fact that Detour is paying the lawyers and they will appeal.

Lawyer - he agrees, after telling me in the last few calls that he heard they would but was sure they wouldn't

Me - If you would have done your job correctly then this would have been over two years ago. (I didn't swear or yell, just thought I would share my two cents, after all he asked how I was doing.)

Lawyer - If you continue to attack me then this conversation is over!!

Me - Just tell me when they will appeal.

Now I get to call back on the 3rd to see if I can get some information re the case, like the appeal file number.

I would like to tell him to stop asking me how I am without making the baby cry or stop talking to me. (BTW, I will have a pacifier on hand if we go to court.)

By my calculations it will be two years before this is over, if we go to court.  I am living my husbands worse nightmare and know that I will have an avalanche of emotions to deal with when this is over. But I can't get upset or vent without causing lawyers to feel attacked.  They are under no obligation to give me any information as I am not a witness in the case. Legally they can have the entire process done without me having any knowledge of it.

Any advice on how to get answers and let him know not to ask how I am, without him taking his ball and going home would be appreciated.

Comment by Gypsy on February 16, 2020 at 11:26am

LandL (Linda) never apologize for time is time and there is quality of time. We all have lost and we are here to share the good the ugly and the in-between. I wish I had the years you had, but so thankful the time I had because there was so much quality in that time. I would always tell him we are always still dating and he would say exactly! We would just laugh...Thank you so much for sharing.

Comment by LandL (Linda) on February 16, 2020 at 9:46am

I feel I must apologize to those who had their husbands for a much shorter time than I did.  I was indeed blessed.  We started dating when I was 16 and I was 64 when he died.  So we really grew up together.  He was my only love.  And then so suddenly he was gone, and no amount of therapy has taken away all the trauma.

I feel for those of you who became widows at a younger age.  I don't know how you're able to raise children and have to act normal at all times.  You have my deepest respect.  

Comment by LandL (Linda) on February 16, 2020 at 7:33am

Thanks, all, for your replies.  I don't post often so I'm not a regular here, and it was kind of you to let me know I'm not alone.  Dee, I doubt that my anxiety would allow me to attend Camp Widow.  Also, my family vacationed near Tampa shortly before my husband died, and I just can't go back to that area yet.  I know it seems silly since it's been 5 years, but the memories and triggers still are hard. I'm trying so hard not to be a downer.  This 5 year mark of his death is getting to me much more than earlier ones.

Gypsy, when my husband was here, I also was strong and fearless.  I'm amazed at myself that so much of my strength died with him.  And I wonder....will I ever get it back?  It truly scares me. I do try, but without him I feel like I'm wandering alone in the desert.

Comment by Charlotteelsie on February 16, 2020 at 4:54am

Thank you for your posts. Lindas post has stayed with me as well. It has helped me feel less alone. Making sense of why I cant find a direction in life at the moment sincw my daughter has gone to college as well. This is amazing support. Best wishes Charlotte

Comment by Dee on February 16, 2020 at 4:25am

Hi Linda, I read your comment yesterday and just can't get your words out of my mind. As I read the comments that have come since it gives me this weird feeling that I am not so all alone. I can relate to all the things that you said. I feel so alone and unable to "talk" to anyone in my world because they just don't understand. I feel so lost because I just don't know what to do with my future. I wanted to ask you if you are planning on going to Camp Widow Tampa this year? I have only been to one camp (only because I won the trip) But it was so life changing for me that I have pulled so many strings to be able to go again this year. It is my hope and prayer that I find some form of peace and direction there. {{{{hugs}}}} to you and to all that read this post. Life is very hard, alone is hard. Soaring Spirits is truly amazing.

Comment by Gypsy on February 15, 2020 at 9:01pm

Sounds so much like me. It has been 5 years and I am sitting  here thinking why is this as hard as it was the day I lost you? I was so strong with my Tom, he was my Rock. There was nothing that I feared there was no obstacle I could not jump. But hear I am 5 years in saying to myself who are you and what do you want who are you and where do your want to go....I don't know, I am so lost because everywhere I go I realize I am looking for you and I know you are not here, but I am still looking for you Tom...

Comment by LandL (Linda) on February 15, 2020 at 11:25am

Thank you, Charlotteelsie, for just hearing me.  At 5 years, no one in my "real" world understands.  My friends have of course all moved on, and would be surprised at how I'm feeling.  I do have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, but a part of me died with my husband and no amount of therapy has been able to help me become whole again.  I was so strong when he was here.  But anxiety has taken so much of my strength.  I'm hoping getting through this milestone will help me move forward with more promise. I'm tired of pretending.  


Comment by Charlotteelsie on February 15, 2020 at 10:40am

Dear Linda ,

Thanks for your post. So sorry to hear your grief  is so painful. After 48yrs must be very difficult.

Comment by LandL (Linda) on February 15, 2020 at 7:55am

On Monday it will be 5 years since my husband passed away suddenly, no warning.  5 years!  The time  has passed so quickly!  I have done all the things I've been told will help, but in truth I am still devastated.  We were together for 48 years.  I still miss him every single day.  I'm so sorry to be such a downer, I just had to talk to someone, even though nobody has been posting here for awhile.

Thank you to anyone who hears me.


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