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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 325
Latest Activity: May 27

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Comment by Charlotteelsie on March 22, 2020 at 7:27pm

Hi Linda, Thanks for your message. You were heard. I have been crying and grieving the last few days. I lost my partner suddenly 4 1/2 years ago. Last night I kept remembering when I found his dead body. Im glad I was the one to find it but it so haunts me to wonder what happened to him before his death.My daughter couldnt get home for Mothers day here in Uk so I spent the day alone. I am reminded of how I coped immediately after the loss.

 Wondering about my own mortality at this time brings a lot of fear and terror in waves. Keep strong. We have already survived so much. 

Comment by LandL (Linda) on March 21, 2020 at 7:11am

5 years and I'm missing my husband so much today I feel physically sick.  I suffer from severe anxiety.  I'm scared.  Not a pity party.  Just needed to talk to someone and be truthful.  Thank you.

Linda

Comment by without on March 5, 2020 at 12:11pm

I'm at 4 1/2 years this month. Just found out recently that my 65 year old mother has stage 3 breast cancer. Tom died suddenly so dealing with cancer is new to me. In some ways I am so numb that I don't feel anything. On the other hand my anxiety is sky high today, don't know how to make it through the last hour at work. Is this what life is now? Tragedy after tragedy ...  

Comment by SilverAnniversary on February 23, 2020 at 1:54pm

I am very cynical and don't trust anybody.

But Paul is no longer associated with the company. Hasn't been in years.  Plus there was little mention in the press about the accident or the trials.

He has nothing to gain from associating with me. The only way he benefits is by seeing my progress. 

He knows the company had nothing in place to protect my husband and for the longest time he felt personally guilty. 

I don't blame you for being cynical. It took me over a year to accept the fact that he was a decent guy. 

If you seen the look in his eyes you would see the concern. He wasn't the typical CEO. 

As for the attorneys, I have no trust in them. If they did their job properly we would have had the trial over and done with two years ago.

I attended every court date and have learned that they new of the Jordans Decision but thought that because the other side was playing ball they wouldn't play that card. And I think they were also cocky that nothing was done correctly to keep Denis safe.

Our relationship is an odd one, but I have come to terms with it. 

Comment by Mary H on February 23, 2020 at 1:26pm

If my experiences had made me cynical, I would say it was a pretty good public relations move for your CEO to raise all of that money for the injured workers charity when his corporation was facing a lawsuit, and that a numbers guy would know that.  Look, I don't want to cause too much trouble raising the possibility that this man who has befriended you might not be who you think he is, and I can see that you don't want to hear it and aren't in a space to take it in.  I would just say that its far more likely that the attorneys who have been retained to advocate for you are much more likely to honestly be on your side than the former CEO of the corporation that is actively fighting against whatever relief it is that you are seeking.

Comment by SilverAnniversary on February 23, 2020 at 9:07am

I am sorry that your CEO was in it for himself.

I know Paul isn't. He has been retired for a few years now and continues to help.

He told me about Threads of Life and when I went the first year he went with me. He was the first CEO to attend and it affected him to the point he has raised over $100,000 for the organization.

They expect it to take 6 months before the case is revued by the Supreme Court and then it can take months to find out if they agree with the last judgment. If they agree then we can resume getting a court date, which can takes months as the case is so complex. 

If they don't agree and we go in front of the Supreme Court, then I might be looking at closer to 3 years before this is finished.

I asked Paul once how someone who cares ends up as CEO and he said that was never part of his plan, he was a numbers guy who ended up in that position a month before my husband started at the company. Denis was killed before his 3 month probation was up, so while I hated Paul, I never blamed him.

I do however have a long list of those who I do blame. 

Comment by Mary H on February 23, 2020 at 8:47am

I hope you are right about your CEO SA, it's just that I had a CEO who continued to help me for years, and who protected me from "the board", and I never questioned why, I believed that he cared about my husband, and me and my children, right up until the moment he cheated me terribly, after which I had to ask myself why I hadn't realized he was in this for himself and his family, and not for me and mine.  Its a lot easier for a man to appear honest and caring than to openly be the guy out to take advantage of the widow.  It makes him look good that the two of you are friends through this.  I'm just saying.  And I hope that your appeal works out for you.

Comment by SilverAnniversary on February 23, 2020 at 7:49am

Mary H, I know the CEO was honest as he continues to help me.

He, unlike the lawyers, always answered my questions honestly, no matter how difficult it was.

The board wanted to take this to court, and if they would have succeeded then I would be waiting for two trials, instead of one.

It isn't my anger that is hurting me, it is the lawyers who lie. I honestly believe that their goal all along has been to be able to add Supreme Court of Canada to their resumes.

If I don't have the right to express my feelings (all I said was the truth, if they did their job then this would be over) then this is definitely not a world I wish to be a part of.

The lawyer is oversensitive and the cowards are getting a free ride. 

When I was told we won and there would be a court date (before the lawyer mentioned the appeal) it was the first time it hit me, Denis would never be coming home.

Then, just like that it went away when I was told there was an appeal.

I have given up on hope and it feels damn good. 

Comment by Mary H on February 23, 2020 at 7:32am

And by the way, I'm sorry to bring this to you if you haven't realized it yourself, but when the CEO told you he pled guilty because he didn't want you to have to deal with a trial, he was most likely being false with you and pretending that he had your interests at heart when he was really doing what was best for the company, by making a deal in which the charges were dropped to something lesser.

Comment by Mary H on February 23, 2020 at 7:28am

Of course you are angry about what happened to your husband and your life SilverAnniversary, but your anger is just going to hurt you if you don't channel it to areas where it can do its job, of motivating action, of seeking justice, of finding people to help you.  This man asking how you are doesn't need you to say you're "fine."  You could just answer by saying, "It's still hard" or "I'm having a hard time dealing with my anger over what's happened" or "I know you mean well, but I have a hard time with that question."

 

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