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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 277
Latest Activity: Sep 13

Discussion Forum

Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds

Started by Miket. Last reply by Miket Sep 13. 7 Replies

It’s been 3 1/2 years now since I lost my wife. And no, time does not heal all wounds. Last week was her birthday. I knew it would be rough on me emotionally, and so I tried to carry my day as normal…Continue

How Do I Say This Gently?

Started by Miket. Last reply by Tess Apr 10. 1 Reply

With all the recent issues about COVID19, obviously my thoughts wander back to my wife. I am fortunate not to have the virus (yet - fingers crossed). But I know my wife had a lot of interaction with…Continue

Awkward Situation?

Started by Miket. Last reply by amcabby Apr 7. 2 Replies

Hi All - So I heard an interesting comment today and it got me to thinking. The comment (and I think I have heard it before) is that everybody has a twin somewhere in the world. So ok, but I wondered…Continue

Thoughts on Christmas ...

Started by Miket. Last reply by Dee1960 Jan 10. 12 Replies

Well, here comes Christmas again and it will be another year without my beautiful wife. She sure loved Christmas music and could not wait to hear the radio stations start playing those songs. It was…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Miket on January 25, 2020 at 6:33am

Sorry ... I meant too young to be old! 

Comment by Miket on January 25, 2020 at 6:32am

Too old to be young ... thanks for sharing your thoughts. For me, I am starting to learn my vulnerable times. They are Christmas, June (my wife’s birthday) and October (both our wedding anniversary and also the anniversary of her passing). I just read about this couple that had been married fifty plus years and then died within hours of each other. I thought “How lucky!”. I wish that could have happened to me and my wife. I still cry for her everyday,  but it seems like winter after Christmas I hibernate anyway. Come Spring I will see her red roses again and the thoughts of missing her will overcome me. Take care.

Comment by too young to be this old on January 24, 2020 at 5:08pm

Hi Miket,

Your comment about the third year resonates with me. For some reason it is/was the hardest year so far- worse than year 1 or 2, where I was so busy just trying to  figure out how to manage without him. Year 3 , I cried a lot more, daily. Didn't help that i also turned 40 and the reality of my new normal and loneliness really hit. I am a couple of months into year 4 and I am trying to pull myself out of the black pit. A sort of acceptance is settling in I guess. Trying to refocus my thoughts on where I can still enjoy life, instead of waiting and watching it pass me  by. But overall, year 3 sucked and the new normal sucks. I am trying to refocus on the things that don't suck- it could be much worse I tell myself. So far since Christmas, I seem to cry less, but it still comes and goes- always will. 

Anyhoo- hope everyone is taking care of themselves and is able to find joy in the little things whenever we can.

Comment by Tess on January 24, 2020 at 7:38am

Thank you for your reply Miket. I guess it all is dependent on what the day holds for each individual. I hear you about surviving. Sometimes I feel like I'm just putting the time in until I once again join my husband. Not a good way to feel, but it is a daily struggle.

Take care.

Comment by Miket on January 24, 2020 at 5:33am

Hi Tess. Just for me it is the opposite. AM typically is not bad because I am usually chasing after the grandkids. For me, PM is difficult. I am not a tv watcher, and so after about 4pm everything gets quiet. Then my mind drifts back to my wife and all of the emotions set in. This is an every day occurrence. I can’t wait to go to sleep and often times will go early just so that the day can be over and I do not have to think anymore. I find myself asking my wife how much longer it will be before I can join her again. But no answer. Doing my best to survive, but now I realize that is all it is. Just getting by. After three years is realize this is my new normal, and it stinks.

Comment by Tess on January 24, 2020 at 4:00am

I’m just sitting here this morning contemplating the contrast of my AM and PM emotions. Starting the day feels like a chore. I like to have an idea or map of what direction the day will take me. If I don’t, I feel a like a boat without a rudder.
I am always more thankful when the evening falls. I can watch a Netflix series and am able to retire from thinking, reasoning, interacting in the real world.
Anyone else out there have similar feelings? I know I’ve seen people express that evening is harder for them. Either way, we are all doing our best to stay afloat.
Hugs to all.

Comment by going.on.slowly on April 1, 2019 at 2:03pm

Thank you Nance63.  That time after your husband's death sounds like a whirlwind.  What a full life you still have with your children and grandchildren.  I hope that happens for me one day.  My eldest son lives with his girlfriend but talks about not having children.  My youngest (26)  is yet to have a long term relationship...My year after the sudden loss of my 58 year old vibrant, zest for life husband involved the death of two of his brothers.  I'm just now starting to realize the loss of a large branch of our family.  I think I was numb then and couldn't feel much.  The final brother (there were originally 6) moved to Finland with his Finnish wife.  I feel like a big piece of my life broke away from the earth and disappeared.  Thank you for your comment:)

Comment by Nance63 on April 1, 2019 at 10:15am

going.on.slowly   I think we joined about the same time.  I also was widowed suddenly in june, 2016.  I am doing better, I know, when I look back.  But things come in waves.  I do sometimes still feel i'm on that edge of a chasm.  We have different circumstances, and mine have been insane the past few years.  Twins born to a daughter just two months after my husband died (her fourth and fifth children) and I was absolutely certain one or both would die... they had some scares after they went home healthy and I felt everything was so dire. 

My son got engaged at that time, and child #3, my daughter got engaged not long after him... then two weddings, and now two more grandchildren are here. My fourth child, a son, left to rent a house with college mates, and I have a special needs daughter who is 17, with a whole set of complicated issues to face there...

But this isn't how I expected this time in my life to be, and yes, it still sometimes feels like … my gosh, HOW did this HAPPEN??  did it really happen?  is this ME/US??  And there are things that make it more poignant, or more raw or more present sometimes. I'm experiencing one of those times now.  I don't think you "should" anything...  Just keep on "going on slowly"....

Comment by going.on.slowly on April 1, 2019 at 6:39am

Hello.  I was widowed suddenly 3 years ago.  I'm trying to do all the right things.  See friends, work, exercise, travel with friends/family (all married) walk my dog, etc.  Just returned from two week holiday with my sister and her husband.  Mostly good.  We kept busy.  But now I'm in a hotel room alone waiting to fly home tonight and gripped wth anxiety.  I hate it.  I hate the empty feeling that comes over me.  I hate that I can't look ahead too much because that makes me feel empty too.  Like I'm standing on a long road with nothing ahead of me.  Does anyone else feel like that or should I have my act together by now??  Maybe some people are better at faking it than I am...?

Comment by Melissa on February 15, 2019 at 12:08pm

Thank you, Tess. I'm always looking for stories about how other widows cope.


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