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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 234
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

Her Belongings

Started by soulmate. Last reply by Miket on Wednesday. 6 Replies

I'm moving-lived her 25 years and can't bear to stay here alone. It's too big of a house for one person and all the memories. I've been going through so many "Things" I had forgotten belonged to her,…Continue

Coping

Started by Miket. Last reply by catapan Aug 7. 16 Replies

It has been nine months now since I lost my wife. Every day is still a struggle. How to cope? I have been given advice to think about the good times. When I do, the emotion is crushing. And goodness,…Continue

How do you turn a 2 person life into a 1 person life?

Started by Riley. Last reply by Susan Aug 3. 35 Replies

Loneliness is eating away at me.  I'm not lonely for other people around me.  I'm lonely for my husband that died.  How do you turn a 2 person life into a one person life?  I sit in this house and…Continue

What can I write?

Started by catapan. Last reply by Nieta Jul 31. 8 Replies

On Tuesday I was out, walking in the hills with a small group of friends.    Today, two of these friends brought me the news that Peter, our oldest member, had died, yesterday - yes, at the top of a…Continue

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Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 12:38pm

Hi Catapan!

   I'm glad it all went well ! And it's good that you had some people watching over you. ;-)  At least now you KNOW that you can do it :-) 

Susan

Comment by Athena53 on August 3, 2017 at 11:10am

catapan, I'm so happy you were able to sing both hymns with such strength. I'm an Episcopalian and funeral rituals are So important to me that I planned Ron's with great care.  One of the women in our church music team doesn't even do funerals because she gets so emotional.  I'm sure that having a friend and climbing companion sing made it more meaningful for everybody.

Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 10:17am
Hi Susan. I'm home. I did it. I sang every note of the two hymns and I understand my voice was recognised, above the congregation, right up in the gallery of the church. I found the power. I felt myself standing strong and grounded. Using my breath control gave me control in general. It was only at other times, when friends and associates I don't see often came to ask me how I'm doing, that the tears came.

The friend who was my "minder" for the day kept an eye on me, I know, and relaxed once I was circulating a little at the reception afterwards. I brought him home and he thanked me for driving him! A little game has been played to watch over me. How grateful I am!
Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 4:30am

Good Morning Catapan,

    What a wonderful friend you are to Peter.... I wish you luck singing at the funeral without tears.

Much Love.

Susan

Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 1:26am
Today I am driving a round trip of around fifty miles to the funeral of a friend and fellow climber who died suddenly, as he would no doubt have wished to go, at the top of a hill.

I am going to get there. I will hold on as best as I can and when I can hold on no longer, I will leave quietly. I'm a singer. Jokingly, some friends have already "booked" me to sing at their funeral! I don't know if I can sing, today, for Peter. I'll try.

Yesterday evening, another member of our mountaineering club rang me, ostensibly to ask for me to drive him to the funeral. Yes, I understand. There's been concern around for me, friends have planned this and I'm being taken care of, today, in the only way he can do it. I am so very grateful.

I'll drive to his house but maybe, if these tears that are blurring my vision right now (and I know they're for me, for no one else) don't abate, he'll have to do the driving from then on.

Meanwhile, I was going to say that my "usual" natural remedy calmants don't seem to be having much effect but - who knows? Maybe I'd be in a worse state without them.

I tell myself: I am brave. I do hard things. Here I go.
Comment by Susan on July 31, 2017 at 3:10pm

Hi Athena,

   I have no idea what I would say if someone asked me that question!!! ... Paul passed on 12.7.2016 ...  Almost 9 months.  

Susan

Comment by Athena53 on July 17, 2017 at 2:22pm

Well, it happened to me already- 8 months after my husband's death I got the first "So, are you dating again?" question.  Weird thing is, it came from my financial advisor.  He's a nice guy, lives halfway across the country in NJ (I used to live there), very married, so no ulterior motives.  Fortunately it's something I'm open to if I come across the right guy- just not actively seeking one out. I'm 64 and a grandmother (in darn good shape, though ;-))- just didn't expect the question this soon and from that source!

     

Comment by Graced Teacher on July 8, 2017 at 1:31pm
Thank you Prissy, I just wanted to give a little hope. I like the way you said it and how Catapan puts it, but there is improvement. I also try to keep in mind that I know Joni (my late wife) would want me to move forward and enjoy life. I agree it is often difficult and some days more so than others, but as you put it I don't cry as long or as often as I did. I still miss her terribly but there are actually some good days now. Prayers for all of us as we continue down this path.
Comment by country girl on July 7, 2017 at 6:33pm
Riley
My husbands funeral was the day before our 44tg anniversary. He passed away on the 26 try and his body was in such poor shap I refused to wait until after
our anniversary to have his funeral mass. I guess in away it will be the second
anniversary without him. So sorry for your loss .
Comment by catapan on July 6, 2017 at 10:20pm
It is (sometimes) a help to me to think that the absolute essence of LOVE which Stuart and I shared is still around me and manifesting itself in the care others show me. Sometimes I can only understand how friends behave towards me as it being LOVE in action; their way. So sometimes I still feel loved.

Of course it's nowhere near the same, but thinking of this care as one part of the universe's power of love, the same thing, just diluted a little, is a comfort to me and I try to be open to it even if, sometimes, it turns up in an unexpected form.
 

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