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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 266
Latest Activity: Apr 5

Discussion Forum

Grandparents Day

Started by Miket. Last reply by Miket Apr 5. 2 Replies

Yesterday I went to grandparents day at my grandsons school. He is five years old and wanted this to be a special day. Initially I did not give this much thought, other than wanting my grandson to…Continue

Adds to the Confusion

Started by Miket Mar 16. 0 Replies

I have been aware of Colton Burpo and Eben Alexander as two people who died, went to heaven, and then returned to tell about it. But recently I also found myself reading about Dr. Mary Neal. She also…Continue

Validation

Started by Miket. Last reply by Miket Mar 8. 1 Reply

One of the things I am struggling with ... is how is my wife right now? Is she ok? Is she lonely? I hope she is not suffering anymore?  Does she know how much I love her and miss her? Does she know…Continue

Biggest Regret and Non Regret

Started by Miket Mar 1. 0 Replies

i keep thinking about the wonderful, special 43 years I had with my wife. I will never regret telling her I love her. I made sure I told her several times each and every day. Sometimes I would even…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by going.on.slowly on April 1, 2019 at 2:03pm

Thank you Nance63.  That time after your husband's death sounds like a whirlwind.  What a full life you still have with your children and grandchildren.  I hope that happens for me one day.  My eldest son lives with his girlfriend but talks about not having children.  My youngest (26)  is yet to have a long term relationship...My year after the sudden loss of my 58 year old vibrant, zest for life husband involved the death of two of his brothers.  I'm just now starting to realize the loss of a large branch of our family.  I think I was numb then and couldn't feel much.  The final brother (there were originally 6) moved to Finland with his Finnish wife.  I feel like a big piece of my life broke away from the earth and disappeared.  Thank you for your comment:)

Comment by Nance63 on April 1, 2019 at 10:15am

going.on.slowly   I think we joined about the same time.  I also was widowed suddenly in june, 2016.  I am doing better, I know, when I look back.  But things come in waves.  I do sometimes still feel i'm on that edge of a chasm.  We have different circumstances, and mine have been insane the past few years.  Twins born to a daughter just two months after my husband died (her fourth and fifth children) and I was absolutely certain one or both would die... they had some scares after they went home healthy and I felt everything was so dire. 

My son got engaged at that time, and child #3, my daughter got engaged not long after him... then two weddings, and now two more grandchildren are here. My fourth child, a son, left to rent a house with college mates, and I have a special needs daughter who is 17, with a whole set of complicated issues to face there...

But this isn't how I expected this time in my life to be, and yes, it still sometimes feels like … my gosh, HOW did this HAPPEN??  did it really happen?  is this ME/US??  And there are things that make it more poignant, or more raw or more present sometimes. I'm experiencing one of those times now.  I don't think you "should" anything...  Just keep on "going on slowly"....

Comment by going.on.slowly on April 1, 2019 at 6:39am

Hello.  I was widowed suddenly 3 years ago.  I'm trying to do all the right things.  See friends, work, exercise, travel with friends/family (all married) walk my dog, etc.  Just returned from two week holiday with my sister and her husband.  Mostly good.  We kept busy.  But now I'm in a hotel room alone waiting to fly home tonight and gripped wth anxiety.  I hate it.  I hate the empty feeling that comes over me.  I hate that I can't look ahead too much because that makes me feel empty too.  Like I'm standing on a long road with nothing ahead of me.  Does anyone else feel like that or should I have my act together by now??  Maybe some people are better at faking it than I am...?

Comment by Melissa on February 15, 2019 at 12:08pm

Thank you, Tess. I'm always looking for stories about how other widows cope.

Comment by Tess on February 14, 2019 at 3:55pm

Hi all. I was looking for something to watch and I stumbled on  an episode of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday where she interviews Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook who lost her husband in 2015. She gave a very thoughtful interview about loss and it' aftermath. Might be something to check into.

Comment by Tess on November 22, 2018 at 2:13am

Hello everyone. I would like to say happy Thanksgiving, but probably like you, I feel that the wishbone has been shattered on the side of fate. I miss having my husband by my side to share the holidays and every day.

I was listening to a podcast that I thought might interest some of you, especially those of you that lost your husband in the prime of your lives. It is by a woman named Nora McInerny called Terrible, Thanks for Asking. This particular episode #57, titled Don't Should Yourself, is about her own personal experience with losing her husband in her 30s. She spoke to a lot of feelings that I could relate to, though I lost my husband decades later than her.

Give it a listen. It is no holds barred as far as the emotions and logistics of losing a husband so young. It is refreshing to hear someone, besides those of you that post your true feelings on WV, speak to the struggles that often no one sees.

Peace to you today and every day.

Comment by Tess on October 11, 2018 at 3:46pm

Miket, thank you so much for responding. It is really a comfort when someone on here connects and shares their feelings back. I am so sorry for your upcoming anniversary. It is so heartbreaking when friends and family cease talking about our loved ones, as if they should be eradicated from everyone's memory. I don't know about you, but I frequently talk about my husband and still share stories. I would think that would give permission for them to do the same.

I do hope the Prozac helps for you. I went back into therapy a couple of months ago. I felt like my feet were stuck in quicksand and needed to unload.

I will hang in there, as I hope you will do. Thank you for the prayers. I will send them back. I do a lot of praying these days.

Comment by Miket on October 11, 2018 at 2:34pm

Hi Tess. I can understand how you feel. In a couple of weeks it will be two years since I lost my wife. Pretty much all friends and family don’t talk about my wife anymore or when I mention her I usually get the cold shoulder. I do also appreciate this site because I do realize all those who are in the same boat. And crying? Yes, continues for me every day. Doctor just decided to switch my antidepressant from Lexapro to Prozac because nothing else seems to be helping. Fingers crossed on this. When I see the posts on this website it reassures me that I am not alone in my grief. I hope you continue to hang in there, and know that others like me are praying for you.

Comment by Tess on October 11, 2018 at 2:18pm

I've been feeling crappy today. When I have nothing scheduled for the day, I just can't seem to get my poop together. I've been feeling overly emotional anyway trying to sort out where my life is going.

I took a walk earlier between rainstorms. I intentionally passed a house coming home where an older man was sitting on his porch. He was sitting there when I started my walk, but he didn't see me. I waved to him, he waved back and he told me I needed to get home before the next impending storm. Then a boy about my grandson's age of nine passed me and he actually smiled and said hi which is unusual for kids anyway. Sometimes those little kindnesses bring me to years. I barely got in my door and I was bawling like a baby.

It is hard to know how and where to reach out. That's why I'm thankful for this site. I don't cry to my friends or daughter or let on that some days are a struggle. I don't want to be a blubbering idiot or show weakness, so most people think I am just dandy. The only ones that truly understand are those that have been through it.

My husband and I always had that glass half empty mentality anyway. In my mind, we were realists. Now I no longer have him to commiserate with over the elections, the environment, the lack of humanity. That leaves me with a really empty glass.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Comment by country girl on July 23, 2018 at 7:12pm

Thanks Lev and Miket. July 26 will be very hard for me with what would have been 

our 46th anniversary on the 29,July. My daughter had planned a 

for me that I wish I could get out of. I know her intentions are well meant 

but....

Some days are harder than others but I know my husband is in 

a better place with no pain . But I am here with a pain 

that has no cure or medication to ease the pain. 

My friends say let your doctor prescribe something 

that will help. I don’t think they make that pill yet. 

Thank you for letting me go on about my pain. May Hod ease yours

Lovingly 

country girl 

 

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