I've been seeing so many posts in my inbox that are a variety of emotions and responses, of strength and struggle. I have been struggling lately, at least last week was a profound week for it. I am 19 months out today. I miss my husband every day - his love, his company, and mostly his support.
In a silly way, I feel like he was my one and only because in a sense, we were both misfits. We didn't take the traditional routes through our early years, so we were a good fit. Our missed steps were okay, because we both shared them. I feel a raw lonliness now, not only because he is gone, but because I have no one to share with. I have no one to look at me with that unfiltered lens and say they love me.
I was always a work in progress, even in my 60s. I am now struggling to find my authentic self now that a crucial part of it is gone. I thought I was establishing myself all along. Now I question if I've gotten very far at all.
I don’t think you are alone. I had been told that it would get easier as time went on. But not in my case - or yours.
I think your authentic self is there - proof by the confusion, sadness and grief.
I have concluded this is my new normal. If these emotions have not gone away by now, they probably never will.
So how to live in this new normal? I still don’t know. Just one huge struggle for me as well.
The worst thing I find is that most everyone seems to have moved on. And I don’t like this at all.
The thought of seeing my wife again in heaven provides a bit of relief to my situation.
It is just not coming fast enough for me. Please take care.
Thank you Miket for your reply. I think for me, and maybe you too, reconciling my "new" life with the grief is just too overwhelming. They are at odds and at times I wonder if I want a new life, or am resistant to it. I have another widow friend who like you, is so looking forward to seeing her husband again in heaven. It's about doing what is necessary to get by, but never thriving in this new existence. Hugs and blessings to you.
Tess ... I think you are right - the new life is overwhelming. Too overwhelming. I don’t like it one bit.
I probably will choose to continue my life as it is now. At least I am comforted in knowing my wife is always on my mind.
I told her before she passed that she is the only one for me forever. This is and always will be true.
So I look forward to the moment when we can be together again - this time for eternity. Thx.