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Yesterday I went to grandparents day at my grandsons school. He is five years old and wanted this to be a special day. Initially I did not give this much thought, other than wanting my grandson to have a wonderful time. But as I saw all the grandfathers and grandmothers who also attended, I felt the pain and sorrow return in a big way. Where was his grandmother? Why could she not be there? They all looked so happy - grandpas and grandmas. Where was my wife? Look what she was missing. I struggled to maintain a happy face for my grandson, but deep down I was crushed. One of those triggers I had been warned about was set off unexpectedly. I wished and prayed she could have been there. At the end of the day, with my grandson back at his home with his mom and dad, I just sat and cried.

i don’t understand why my wife is gone and I miss her terribly. We were supposed to do this stuff together - not just me by myself. It will take me several days to work through this one ...

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Miket, that is so difficult. I am sorry that your pain surfaced again after that experience. I know your grandson appreciated his grandpop being there to share his special day.

I think, at least for me, it is the experience of seeing couples in my age range or older that impacts me so much. It is that feeling that they were able to surpass my age and be together enjoying life's pleasures, and here I am alone.

Hugs to you.

Thanks Tess. I know exactly what you mean by seeing other couples in our age range or older. I could see and hear how the grandmas interacted with their grandkids. If I closed my eyes, I could even imagine my wife and how she would act and what she would say. Life is too short. I don’t understand why it was her turn. She was so giving of herself and always put others ahead of her. I still can remember the warmth and love of her embrace. While my son was growing up I was too busy working. But after my son left home and got married, my wife and I grew even closer. It’s like we put our lives on hold for the kids, and then we were given a second chance to continue on. But then the second chance was cut short. Even though it has been 2 1/2 years since that terrible day, the pain has not eased up. 

I just try try to live up to her expectations every day now. I try to be the good person like she was. And I pray that we will be together again soon. Thx.

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