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I’m not sure what happened? Woke up this morning and immediately started to cry for my wife. Sadness all day long. Heart felt like the wound that got re-opened. Grief counselor advised that some days there will be triggers. But can’t figure out what set me off today. Usually when this happens there is an event, or even a sudden incident that will set me off. Hoping that when I wake up tomorrow my mood will be a bit better. This grief thing has lasted over two years now and does not want to go away. I just keep longing for my wife ...

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Usually, when this happens to me, it's because of a dream I had. I may not remember details, but I know when I wake up either very anxious for no reason or crying for no reason (except that I'm a widow, of course), something went on in my dreams.

Wishing you better days, Miket.

Melissa - Thanks for the suggestion. My wife really has not come to me in my dreams. I so much wish she would. I was wondering with Valentines Day around the corner if this might be a trigger. Except we were not big on valentine parties. Yes, we would try to go out to dinner just the two of us. Mostly, the evening was always enchanting being with her. But we also felt a bit used when we saw how the restaurants jacked up prices for this day. We never had a bad time - it just wasn’t a special day for the two of us. This roller coaster of sadness and depression has happened to me several times now since I lost her. It usually takes five days to run its course. But I have decided if it prolongs past previous incidents, then I might go back to the grief counselor. I do thank you for your thoughts. They are helpful. Warm regards ...

So, how do you keep your mind from wandering and then remembering? It just gets more intense for me - I have vivid recollections of the good times, her smiles and her laughter, her sweetness and her beauty. And I get so emotional. And when I think of the not so good times, I feel the pain and sorrow. Sometimes I can block it out and then I seem to run through the days like a robot. But then it attacks me suddenly once again, the good times and memories, and the cycle starts all over. I am considering going back to grief counseling - but what holds me back is that the grief counselor kept talking about me and looking forward. But I am just not ready to focus on me yet, but would rather keep thinking about the wonderful life I had with my wife .... I supposed this is part of the problem- can’t and won’t move on ...

So today finally feeling more normal. No crying or times of extreme sadness. It has happened a number of times now since my wife passed. Sometimes I know the trigger and other times I do not. But it seems to last on average about five days. Since it has been two years since my wife passed, I think that these events of extreme grief will be a part of me for the rest of my life. Not a lot of fun. 

Hi Miket. It's good that you know these intense periods of grief are finite. That's a type of control over them. I get migraines, and they almost always last three days. The pain is easier to bear when I know that I feel awful now, but I will feel better in a couple of days.

Realizing that your sadness will go on for about five days makes it more manageable, I think. You know they will happen sometimes, but you also know they won't last. That seems like progress to me. 

You'll move on when you're ready. Nobody can tell you when that is. Your heart knows.

Wishing you the best.


Thanks for the great advice ...


Thanks for posting about your bouts of grief.  I have been melancholy lately missing my husband and it is now 2 1/2 years since he died.  I guess

I am not so strange having these grief episodes, sometimes I miss our life together so much, the laughter, companionship and feeling like he was my best friend.

For me it comes in waves, at least that is how it feels.  I agree with Melissa we move on when we are ready and able.  

May your day be filled with a little joy and kindness.

Austin (Diane)

Thank you Austin for sharing your thoughts. I think that it comes in waves is a good description. But am I wrong to not want to move on? I have no desire. Like you, I miss my wife’s laughter and companionship. And I am deathly afraid that if I stop remembering and memorializing her, that she will be gone forever. This is why I told the grief counselor that I think my focus still needs to be on my wife and not on me. I spent over forty years with my wife. So many memories ... she was a very insightful person. She once told me between us, if she goes first it would be harder on me rather than if I went first. She sure was right. Sometimes I wish that I did go first, but then I think - how selfish of me. Knowing the pain, I would never want to put her through this - never. The days come and go now, and my one wish is that the time will be short until I am with her again. Warm regards ...


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