It has been a bit over two years now since I lost my wife. I realize ...
- I can’t drive the same roads as I did with her - I want her in the car with me
- I can’t eat at the same restaurants - I want her sitting there with me
- I can’t get rid of her stuff - It would feel like I am betraying her
- I can’t really talk to my family about her - They seem to have moved on
- I can’t look at the cards and letters I gave her that she saved - It would tear me to pieces
- I can’t wish her back - But I wish I could
The only thing I can do is sit and talk to her every day - And cry my eyes out until I have no more tears. And I do.
i miss her and love her so bad ...
Ohh Miket, I am so sorry. Just so you don 't feel so alone, I want you to know I feel the same exact way that you do. It took me over a year before I could walk down the isle at the grocery store that has the ice cream in it. I had to walk real fast and not even glance down there....holding my breathe and fighting back tears. I can't cook or eat certain foods that were his favorite. I can't listen to any music whatsoever on the radio. I have to have talk radio on only. It's been 3 years and I still haven't read the sympathy cards I got ( because then it would mean he's really gone? ) They are all thrown into a bag and shoved in a corner in the spare room upstairs. I hate that room because we painted it together. I pretty much hate everything these days. I feel so sad and so sorry for all of here who are so broken and devastated beyond belief. It's just WAY too much for a human being to endure. I could go on and on for hours. People just don't understand either.
Miket, I am so very sorry for your loss, the absence you feel in your life. Time does march on, but it feels as though the memories are in a state of suspended animation. No one that has not suffered this type of loss could possibly understand. Your feelings are so very common to us on this site.
I am two years and four months out and any changes that involve my husband are still so difficult. It sometimes feels that I am disrespecting his memory if I change or discard anything that involved him.
It is such a hard journey and I so wish they could come back to tell us things will be all right and to do what we need to do. Maybe we should know that, but we are lost in grief and that message is lost.
I wish you the best and am sending virtual hugs your way.
Thank you LostandSad and Tess. Yes, being on “this side” is terrible. And yes, another thing I can’t do is listen to music on the radio. I don’t listen at all - not to talk radio or other. Last summer I had to get a new car and the first thing the salesman did was brag on the wonderful music system. That was short lived. I told the guy I had no interest in the music - only the car. I think I caught him off guard. And being in a state of suspended animation is a good description. Every day I seem to just go through the motions to get by. I take special care not to get emotional in front of the grandkids (they are 5, 3 and 3). They don’t understand what happened and really don’t comprehend it yet. I don’t want them to be negatively impacted by my feelings, so I just bury them. I was told things would get better over time - but they have not. When your partner, the love of your life, your friend, your confidant, your companion is gone, the emptiness is larger than the Grand Canyon. I can’t replace her and getting rid of her stuff is the last thing on my mind. I quit going to grief counseling several months ago - all the counselor wanted to do was have me focus on my future - and I get that. But all I wanted to do was keep talking about my wife. We could not meet in the middle, so I just gave up on the counseling. Just have emptiness now and trying to hold on ...
Miket, I'm so sorry.
I can't listen to music or watch the same TV shows or movies we loved together. I can't go to the same places we went to together. All my friends have given up on me, and my family is over it.
I understand. I'm here if you want to talk, and I get it.
I hope you can find some peace here and know you're not alone.
Yes, thank you Melissa. I know I am not alone. I know that my grief counselor told me once that if I got some sort of sign from my wife, that it would be a validation for me. But I know me. Then I would want another validation and then another. I have considered several times going to a medium, just so I could hear my wife’s words once again. But all I read is that they are frauds. I appreciate all the warm thoughts, and realize you all are suffering just like me. Take care...
So now I have to say that our precious dog of 18 years, whom both my wife and I adored, passed away a few weeks ago. She was my wife’s companion when I went to work, and after my wife passed, she was my companion for two additional years. When our little sweetheart left, so many memories and so much hurt returned. Yes, I still have the kids and grandkids, but our puppy was special. My wife, our doggie and me. I could always see my wife when I looked in puppy’s eyes. I have never known pain (grief) can be so overwhelming.
Miket, I am so sorry for your added loss. It can certainly be overwhelming to lose a furry family member of so many years. It does open the previous wound profoundly.
Not a year after my husband passed, I had to put down my kitty of nearly 17 years. It was so very, very hard. Like your puppy, she shared so many years with us - growth, changes, happiness and sorrows. What I ending up doing, was adopting my daughter's cat. She had rescued a dog and they didn't particularly get along, so I took her kitty. She has been my saving grace. It was such a good choice for both of us.
I say this because, though you may not feel it is time, and many others tell you to wait some time after losing a beloved pet, I would say go and adopt an animal that needs love and has an abundance to offer. There is nothing like waking in the morning and having someone care that you did, even if it just because you are their meal ticket ; - )
Many hugs to you.
Tess - Yes, thank you for the thoughts. I actually have been considering another pet. But I need to make sure that I am not replacing the old puppy - she is simply not replaceable. I need to find a new companion that I can develop a new relationship with.
i have been searching several websites on grief. I never realized year two would be so hard. Year one was just numbing. Year two just plain hurts. I feel like the pain will never go away. Maybe a new puppy can help ease the burden just a bit. Thx.
Not sure if you have ever watched the YouTube video “There’s No Such Thing As Moving On” by Kelley Lynn. Whenever I need a reminder, I watch it. So much truth in this video. If you have not seen it, give it a try - 15 minutes that will be well invested.
So today was a very tough day for me - but I was very proud of my wife. She excelled at craft projects and would donate her time and talent to the local senior center. After 18 months (last summer) I got up the courage to donate all of her craft supplies to the local elementary school. There was 63 totes of beads, art supplies, glues, paints, Christmas and a Fall decorations, ribbons, Easter stuff and even more. Today the elementary school hosted an art fair and the art teacher invited me to come. In all the hallways there were decorationsthe students made using the beads and the paints, and there were snowmen and bunnies and kittens and trees ...
It made me very proud to see my wife’s crafts now put to wonderful use by the students. And it keeps the memory of her alive! Of course, I cried when I got home and talked to her today. But I can still see her smiling because she loved crafting so much ...