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How are you all doing with the holidays approaching? Me ... not so well. I made it through Thanksgiving without major problems, but with Christmas approaching I can’t help but think more often of my wife, how she loved this holiday, and what the grandkids meant to her. I am so lonely without her. Yes, the son and daughter in law try to help and encourage, but it is just different. Hurts so bad. I know the grandkids are looking forward to Santa, but me, I wish the holidays would just hurry up and pass. I have been getting super emotional every day now for the last week, and it seems to be building even worse as Christmas approaches. I don’t understand why she had to be taken away. I miss her so much ...

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I know, Miket. I think I was numb last Christmas; the first without my husband. He had passed away just the month before so grief was new and overpowering. I didn't even think about Christmas.

I made it through Thanksgiving okay this year too. This Christmas season, I can hardly get out of bed. Some days I don't. I just cry all day. I think some of it has to do with all the commercials showing complete, happy families and couples kissing in the snow. We are bombarded with images that are not realistic for anyone, especially those of us who are widowed. We can't escape it.

There's no way around it. It's awful. All we want is our beloved by our side, and we can't have that. Christmas will pass and we'll go back to "ordinary grief". We'll be able to function better then. In the meantime, please try to take extra care of yourself. Talk about your wife with your grandchildren. "Grandma loved Christmas. When she was a little girl she liked to . . ." or something like that. Talk about her and include her, if that feels right for you.

I hope you find some peace this Christmas.

Hi Miket,

The first Christmas was the hardest for me. I think having a conversation with your wife even if it is in your head is a great idea. For me, it brought some peace.  Since there are grand kids, I would talk about their grandmother as much as possible, so they can get to know her through you.   I wish I had more knowledge about one of my grand dads then I was told.  I am now approaching my 3rd Christmas without my hubby, and some days are still hard to get through.  I can say it has gotten easier with time, for I am not in tears almost every day like I was.

I also could never understand why my husband was taken since he was the healthy one, go figure.

May you find some peace and even joy if you can.  Please enjoy your kids and grand kids.

Take Care

Diane

Thanks all. You know, at times I wish it was me that went first instead of her. Then I think ... how selfish of me. Given all the pain, all the burden of figuring how to continue ... yes, selfish of me to want to have put this all on her. In retrospect if it had to be, I guess this is the better outcome. I do wish she could still have the joy of watching her grandchildren grow. I do wish so many things, mostly that she were still here with me. When I talk to her daily I always tell her I have a huge hug saved up for her - can’t wait to see her again and give her that hug. Tears ...

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