Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being like what I had again but I can't go another day with this gaping hole in my heart. I went on a couple dates with someone and its all so confusing. I compare everything to what I lost. Has anyone started dating after their loss? Does it get any easier? Is it worth the hassle? So many mixed emotions around it in general but I've prayed on it and I talked to Mark about it and asked for his blessing. Hard not to feel like cheating or betrayal. The "he would want you to be happy" trope doesn't work for me. I can't imagine him ever being with someone else again if the roles were reversed so I'm not giving myself any grace in return.
Just had my 41 wedding anniversary yesterday (alone). Second year of my wife’s passing in three more weeks. Before she passed she told me it was alright to go out and find someone else to make me happy. But I can’t. Nothing compares to what I had. I decided that my wedding vows extend beyond ‘til death do us part’. When I married her it was a forever vow. Yes, I have that gaping hole in my heart as well. But I feel better about me when I know she was the one and only for me.
I lost my beloved husband of 27 years unexpectedly 2.5 years ago. I started seeing someone about 4 months after Bob died. It was very intense and short lived and I went through the mourning process for Bob double when that relationship ended. However, it was what I needed at the time....mostly to reassure myself that I could love again...and that I could be loved. It takes courage to allow yourself to be open. Bob was the most courageous man I know....he was a widower when we met. He taught me how beautiful the human heart is...it has the capacity to love without end.
Marigold, I wish you peace. Things will get "different". Even though I am dating again, I still get lonely for Bob...sad also for our lost future. Do what feels right to you.
Uugh. I just lost what I wrote. This makes difficult to participate online sites. Ilk try again Mayb another time.
Sorry to hear things did not go well. You have more strength than me. I could not and do not want to date ever again. Hard to top a winner.
Our dog of 18 years passed away a couple of weeks ago. She spent 16 years with my wife and I and then the last two years with me alone. It feels like another piece of the loss of my wife just crumbled. Slowly as I look around the things I came to assume would be with me to the end - are now lost.
I did decide to go to the humane society and I adopted again. She was seized by law enforcement, and because there is no other info out there, I just assume the worst for her time before I adopted her. She is 15 months old, and I promised her I would never hurt her.
Even though I am not willing to date, you are right, it is so very lonely and sad. I hope that bringing this new companion into my life will help fill the gap a bit.
Take care ...
I put up a profile on Match.com this summer, 1.5 years after Ron died. Our wedding vows included "Till death do us part" and we had a good and faithful marriage but it was time to invoke the "till death do us part" clause. I have a wonderful life- good health, financially solvent, fulfilling outside activities and two granddaughters I love dearly (3rd grandchild due in late June)- but a good man would be the icing on the cake. After dates with 3 guys who were nice and consistent with their profiles but not enough chemistry on one or both sides, and passing up quite a few of what were probably scam artists ("Hello, beautiful. I'm about to end my paid membership but I saw your profile and really liked your smile and here's my phone number...") I've been on 5 dates with the fourth one. Kind, intelligent, interesting conversation, also devoted to his own grandchildren. He has many interests similar to Ron's but is different in many ways- teddy-bear shaped where Ron was lean (gaunt in his last year). Right now he's about to go in for knee replacement surgery but we've agreed we want this to become physical once he's close to normal. (I was the one who brought the subject up, as delicately as possible.) I'm 65 and the intensity of my feelings surprises me. I deliberately took this slowly because I wanted to make sure there was a mental connection; will have to be patient a little while longer!
I don't think I want to marry again. This man lives about an hour from me and has a full life of his own and I think that will work out well. I haven't spent much time here lately but wanted to add to this discussion. Dating has bumps in the road but it can be worth it.
I am happy for you and that you have found a new path. I guess it just comes down to how a person feels. Since I lost my wife I have had zero interest in finding someone else. I wrote a comment a short time ago called Nothing Compares. Because for me I had the best and still want to be true to her. I find other ways to make myself happy, mostly by helping out daily with my grandkids. But like I said, it is a personal choice for every one. I wish you well ...
So I attempted to post here a few days ago.. Then I changed my mind & deleted. I believe I use to be more sure of myself in saying what I felt.. But I've found in the last 2 years I vaccillate. But I will now retry what I wanted to say, regards to the original thread post. I was a bit older than "imthemarigold" when I both married & then lost my late husband (2016 dod). I had met the man I wanted to remain with the rest of my life. But backing up prior to that epiphany, I was not planning to "date" my LH when we first met. I rather thought maybe friends because I didn't feel he would be emotionally available for deep commited relationship (he was the brother of my best friends fiance AND he was also W from 32 year marriage). But 3 months into time together he let me know he didn't want/plan to spend the rest of his time living (being) alone. And he pursued me, knowing I desired a deep real love relationship. And I eventually was smitten for him, and began to let my guard down. We were engaged after 3 years together, married by the 4th. Then 5.5 years together, the unexpected... His sudden death. And I was devastated. And it hurt deeply when someone posted on FB that "at least he is finally with his true love again". While I knew & respected my LH missed his LW, and the family unit they lost ... As he deeply hurt for his young adult daughters & granchildrens loss... He accepted the fact her life had ended, and his had not... And he didn't want to take for granted another moment, nor miss out on loving, by sharing life with another, which was me. He told me he grew from her death... And he was going to do better.. he was more grateful, easy going, & not worrying about things he couldn't change. After we became a couple, his co-workers confirmed he was more easy going. And he was "living" life in active adventurous way. And I eventually came to trust he truly loved me, as I did him. And our faith, living it out, became our true main bond. SO... when he passed I promised myself that I would remember the great attributes he had, that I learned from him. And what we learned as a couple, a true team together, with our blended variables. And with that, I would also have room in my heart to continue to share love..
Meaning to include within a committed relationship if found & time allows. But right now I realize I'm still exhausted from the aftermath of my LH death. Along with now my own aging parents need me close by..
AND maybe a few of our young family members whom are struggling. So I'm not yet up to par to go about dating, as I'd like too. But as I regain composure, and while I focus on priorities, I will take care of myself too... with exercise, self love & gratitude ... And just maybe I will naturally find myself crossing paths with an awesome man that also is filled with love & gratitude). Or Mayb I will be bold... Anyways, I hope I've been able to spill myself out in a gracious way, that can be understood for what I truly mean to express.
sunshine, thanks for that eloquent post. I had a short relationship with a former college classmate last year which ended when he had a stroke that left him with permanent limitations. He's on the other side of the country now, where his family can take care of him, and that part of our relationship is gone for good. So, the fear of losing someone I love holds me back a bit. At this age, it can happen sooner rather than later.