I am wondering about wedding rings. Are you wearing yours? What have you done with your spouse's ring? I am wearing my husband's ring on a chain around my neck. Ever since I put it there, I have wanted to put mine on the chain with it. The single ring on the chain looks like it is missing something. It just seems right to have both there. But I just haven't been able to take mine off yet. I am taking that as a sign that the time isn't right yet. But how do you know when the time is right? The last time I took off a wedding ring, I was getting a divorce from my (now) ex husband and at that time I was DONE with the relationship. In that case, it was liberating to take off the ring. However, I know I am NEVER going to feel that way about this ring and this husband.
There's no hurry, other than the fact that I have lost so much weight since Alan passed away that my ring is rattling and twisting around on my finger and I wish I could take it off because it is uncomfortable and I don't want to invest in re-sizing it. But that isn't urgent, I can deal with that. But every time it twists on my finger, I wonder when I will feel like putting it on that chain around my neck.
I would love to hear people's experiences about this. Thanks.
I proudly wore my wedding band for 25 years. When my wife died last May, I went into mourning. It may sound oddly old-fashioned, but I put all of my brighter, more colorful clothes into storage, sticking to a more somber palette. I even wore a black armband for the first few months, if I had to go out in public wearing a suit or blazer.
I still wanted to wear a wedding band, since in my view, we never stopped being married, but the shiny white gold ring I had worn for so long began to look too bright to me. I searched for alternatives and found a surprising variety of black rings out there, from ceramic to enameled to even ebony. Since I'm pretty active and wanted to not have to worry about damaging the ring, I chose black tungsten -- an extremely hard metal. I got one on eBay (terribly unromantic, I know) for the princely sum of $25! But I think it's perfect. It's the same size, shape and weight as my wedding band, so it feels comforting, but it says something different. After never taking it off for 10 months, there's still not a mark on it.
Strangers sometimes ask me about it; I tell them it's a "widower's ring". That seems to leave people at a loss for words (which is fine with me), but I hope it might help spread the notion that some widowers still view themselves as being committed to their wives, even after death.
As for what I did about my wife's wedding rings -- she was buried wearing them.
But the irony is that our 25th wedding anniversary was on April 13th last year, and I wanted to give her a special ring and ask her to marry me again. I picked out an estate diamond (originally cut in the mid-19th century and then re-cut in the 1950s) and I designed a mount for it and had it cast in white gold, to match her other rings (which are from the 1910s). I gave it to her on our anniversary and asked her to marry me again. I'm glad to say that she said "yes".
Sadly, she died 25 days later.
That ring is on my bedside cabinet, next to pictures of her, reminding me of one of our last happy days together.
When I go, it will be reunited with her.
I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen but had to stop and post this. The wedding band DH had when he died was a replacement of the original. The first one, which was platinum, disappeared 2 years ago when we moved. DH was always taking it off because even then he was getting sicker and losing weight. In August, 2015, we were in Iceland and he suggested getting a sterling silver replacement, which we did. I have that on a chain around my neck.
Well, today I cleared out a cabinet shelf and found one of those little plastic bags of DH's stuff he always packed when we traveled- a few Tums, a few painkillers, a couple of pairs of nail clippers, little brushes for between his teeth... and his platinum wedding band. I cried. That's the one I put on his finger when we married. That one is on the chain now, too, along with a sterling silver charm with his fingerprint. My ring will join them someday. Good thing the chain is platinum, too, which is a very string metal- it's getting loaded down!
Hi Sherry, I'm wearing my husband's ring on a chain around my neck.
My grief counselor asked me a month ago if I had thoughts or plans about removing my rings. I told him that I felt for me... removing the wedding band, will be the acknowledgement that I have fully accepted his death, that our life together, our marriage are over and that I'm truly alone. At this point, his passing has been accepted... His illness was brutal so I find comfort that his horrific journey is over. The end of the marriage.. the end of US and being alone... those are my struggle.
I have to face those head on soon so I had my engagement ring resized two weeks ago and now wear that on my right hand. My wedding band remains on my left hand for now but it looks very lonely there by itself and I have a feeling that I will be moving it to be on the chain with his band in a few months when I make it to the one year mark.
WV12345 - how brave you must be feeling. All that you're doing - thinking about and struggling with the notion that your together-life is really over and you are truly alone. I can't envisage being at this point, so I my heart just bleeds for you and I hope you have the strength to do what you believe you need to do. Just - don't rush it.
My DH passed away in December. We have two small children, 2 and 5. I used to wear his ring and hold it down with my engagement ring and wedding ring. It started to hurt my finger to have my wedding ring up so far so I took his ring and the engagement ring off and put them away. I took my run off while in the shower one night and I came out and I got distracted and didn't notice it wasn't there. I didn't wear it for two days and then looked for it, but didn't find it. I figured it was just my brain not working. the next night my son came in my room with my wedding ring. He told me he had found it among her pretend jewelry and knew he should give it back to me. I thanked him and kissed him and decided it was a good time to put it away and keep it safe so that I can give it to her one day to keep with her real jewelry.
I took mind off two months after he passed. Only because in reality, we are no longer married. "In death, do us part". I still have his ring safely put away. It does not mean I don't still love my late husband. But someday, I will meet someone new and how would that look wearing another man's ring on my finger when we are no longer together. Plus at one point, you have to move on. Just something to think about.
I'm "putting in my two-pennn'orth" as we say here in northern England.
I'm seventy now and though I'm fit, active, apparently healthy and still alive - I can't imagine there could be any male, of whatever age, who would want to hook up with me. Old is old. Friends say I don't look my age - but then, they ARE friends. So wearing my wedding ring and Stuart's is what I will continue to do; and they won't put off any men - because I don't believe there will be any around to BE put off!!!
I will never take my wedding ring off, Morris was the one and only love of my life, and I could care less about any other man. I wear his wedding ring on a chain around my neck because his fingers were so much bigger than mine that I cannot wear his ring on any of my fingers. I'll go through the rest of my life with my furbabies, they are much better company than most humans, anyway. That's my decision and I'm comfortable with it, and that's all I need...to be all right with me.
I'm with you on the fact that my John was my one and only true love and soul mate and there won't be anyone else after him. I also wear his ring on a chain around my neck because when I considered resizing his ring to wear on my finger I felt somehow that would break the circle of the ring and somehow break our neverending love which we vowed to one another when we married. I consider myself still married. I know there are others that see it other ways and that is fine for them but me...I'm a one and done kind of girl...he was my one.
I'll take mine off at some point- the 6-month mark is approaching and that's too soon. Maybe 12-month.
I guess I'm not feeling "single" yet. I'm open to companionship with another good man but DH would be a very tough act to follow and there are so many out there that I wouldn't want to go near with a ten-foot pole. I'm not a bad catch- 64 but in great physical shape, financially solvent, no significant emotional baggage. I love my home and my independence and can't imagine leaving it to move in with someone else or (shudder) having someone else moving in here.
If I meet Mr. Perfect while I'm still wearing my wedding rings I'll just explain. A good man won't be scared away.