Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am wondering about wedding rings. Are you wearing yours? What have you done with your spouse's ring? I am wearing my husband's ring on a chain around my neck. Ever since I put it there, I have wanted to put mine on the chain with it. The single ring on the chain looks like it is missing something. It just seems right to have both there. But I just haven't been able to take mine off yet. I am taking that as a sign that the time isn't right yet. But how do you know when the time is right? The last time I took off a wedding ring, I was getting a divorce from my (now) ex husband and at that time I was DONE with the relationship. In that case, it was liberating to take off the ring. However, I know I am NEVER going to feel that way about this ring and this husband. 

There's no hurry, other than the fact that I have lost so much weight since Alan passed away that my ring is rattling and twisting around on my finger and I wish I could take it off because it is uncomfortable and I don't want to invest in re-sizing it. But that isn't urgent, I can deal with that. But every time it twists on my finger, I wonder when I will feel like putting it on that chain around my neck. 

I would love to hear people's experiences about this. Thanks. 

Views: 1216

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Sherry,

I was married for 47 years to the same man and  lost him in May of this year. His wedding band is worn around my neck and mine is still on my finger, where it will remain until my last day.

I was very ill about 5 years ago and lost so much weight, my ring fell off my finger one day. Horrified I might lose it, I wore it around my neck and felt completely naked. As I was on a special program to gain weight, I did not want to have the ring re-sized, but I didn't feel complete until the day it was back on my finger.

I understand how you feel and the only thing I can say is, as with every step of this journey, is give yourself time, and when the time is right you'll know what is best for you. Your heart will tell you....xox

Hi Sherry,

I lost my husband in January. We were married for 12 years (13 in October) and I still wear my ring. I wear my husband's on a chain around my neck along with a "dog tag" with his fingerprint engraved on it (bought it from the funeral home).  I wore his ring on my middle finger with a sizer for about 6 months after he passed and only put it on the chain because the sizer broke and I don't want to resize his ring because in my mind that "breaks the circle of the ring" which was part of what the chaplain spoke of when we were married (the continuous unbroken circle of the ring). Anyway, I don't see that I will ever part with my wedding rings being on my finger because my husband may be gone from the physical world but he is and will always be my husband. He's my once in a lifetime...my one and only...and my forever.

Hope you find your answers.

VR Kim

I had the same issue.  I was wearing his wedding ring on my right middle finger, my anniversary band on my right hand and my wedding/engagement on my left.  They were all very loose and it made me nervous.  Around the same time, I started doing some work around my house (gardening, painting etc) and so I put the rings away while I worked.  That was late June/July and I've never put them on again.  I feel like that's not my life anymore and it doesn't feel right to wear them.  So I don't wear much jewelry at all these days, except earrings.  I have no logical explanation except that it seems right to me.  You will know when it's right.  

Hi Sherry,

Whatever decision you make for yourself is the right one. I've never thought of taking my rings off. Our engagement and marriage brought us such joy- I just don't see a reason to take my rings off.  I still feel love and good thoughts when I look at my rings.

Everyone has their own path in regard to so many things such as rings, clothes, house when dealing with the death of a spouse. You have to do what you're comfortable with doing.

Hugs and good thoughts to you and your family.

Hi Sherry,

I wear my husband's wedding ring, as well as my own and keep them in place with my engagement ring.

I am 2 years, 9 months and a day along in my journey and I am content and comfortable wearing our rings.  Truthfully, I don't really think about taking them off but that's just how I feel.  You should do whatever feels right for you.

I lost about 30 pounds in my first year but put weight on the second year.  I'm trying to feel more comfortable in my own skin, both inside and out and I am addressing each challenge as best as I can with each day and step forward.

I've read some postings that have indicated that they feel like they are moving further away from their husband as time passes, but I don't feel that way.  I am better able to function most of the time and I find it helps to surround myself with friends and to help others.

It is my belief, wish and hope that I will see my husband again at the end of my own journey and I suspect and feel as if he is watching over me when he can, but I digress.  The answer to your question is simply, "Yes, I am still wearing my ring..."

Wishing you peace, strength and all that is beautiful in your life. and journey.

I've worn mine for 12 years and rarely took them off for anything.  It would feel so odd to remove them now.  I'm just not there yet.  I have my husband's wedding band on a leather cord to wear as a necklace and used to wear it everyday.  It's been four months now and I only wear it sometimes now.  He wore a size 13 ring and it was solid platinum so it's quite heavy and bangs around a bit.  Didn't always work well at my job.  Sometimes though when I need to feel close to him I still wear it.  My daughters like when I wear it too.

I do think that is such a unique~to~the~individual/couple type of thing.  I had lost weight and my rings were falling off while washing my hair or the dishes some years ago, so I put them away and wasn't wearing any for years. My husband hadn't worn his for years because he found it troublesome when he was working with his hands. (I have a feeling it had also gotten small as he'd gained weight)  My engagement ring had been catching on things and my wedding band is a very slim one that didn't look right alone. Not very long before my husband's unexpected cardiac arrest, I had taken to wearing an anniversary ring I had, and that I've continued to wear.

Even though I was not happy in my marriage, I am still feeling like a married woman right now. Not like he was the only one for me and we're still married (I believe marriage is until death and my marriage is ended now) but I just identify as a married, unavailable woman and I'd like to still be seen that way, for now.  The time might come that I feel differently and 'safe' to be seen as single, but I don't see that being any time soon.

My husband just passed last week and I was wondering what to do with his ring too. There is no question for me to continue wearing mine. I'd like to get something so I can wear his around my neck. Or at the very least, a very special box that I'd keep in my dresser drawer. Maybe both? 

I too, was married once before and the second I got divorced, I ripped that ring off and sold it. But I will never ever do that with my current ring. My late husband was the love of my life. I can't believe he's really gone.

NikkiL, I am so sorry for your loss, especially in that it was so recently. I am glad you found this place. It took me a long while to find a supportive site. I hope you are able to get support in your life, too!  Maybe a group to attend, which can help with practical questions as well as moral support from others who are in the same situation. 

Thank you Nance, for the supportive comments. I am glad to be here. I started searching for places for support the second my husband entered hospice because it felt like he was gone before he was actually gone. He had gotten so sick, he could no longer communicate. Again, thank you.

Nikki - I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so raw and so soon. I'm glad you found this community so quickly. It took me a month. Many hugs to you.

Thank you Sherry. I'm pretty miserable but keep trying to be busy and find ways to make life fun for us and our children again. 

RSS

© 2017   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service