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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 262
Latest Activity: Nov 2

Discussion Forum

Follow up to Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Nov 2. 1 Reply

Well, a week has passed since the two year anniversary of my dear wife’s departure. That day was very difficult. I am Catholic, and so the morning Mass was said in her memory. It was absolutely…Continue

Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Oct 17. 4 Replies

Well, next week it will be two years since I lost my wife to cancer. There has now been 730 days to think about what happened, what went wrong, and what I could have done differently. I continue to…Continue

Ugh. Dating.

Started by ImTheMarigold. Last reply by alwayssmilemichele Oct 5. 2 Replies

Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being…Continue

I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today

Started by Austin Oct 4. 0 Replies

I discovered this poem and it really radiated with me.Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else too. I Heard Your Voice In The Wind TodayI heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see…Continue

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Comment by Alexandra on October 17, 2016 at 5:49pm

Welcome Anna, I hope to be happy again some day too! My beloved Dave died April 30th. I hope the darkest time is behind me but am not sure. I know that not only would Dave want me to be happy, he would expect it. So I'm working to that goal. I have to admit, just when I think I'm making good progress, I sort of sink, and then have to climb up again. What is still hard for me to believe is that people die every day and people are grieving them every day. I feel like I am the only one who could have such a devastating experience. But then I come here and I know I am not alone. I WILL be happy and I hope that for all of us:) but it may be a different kind of happiness.

Comment by Anna on October 17, 2016 at 5:37pm
I am a new member, joined a few days ago. I lost my husband of 22 years in January. We all say that we can do this and I suppose we have no viable alternatives. Often I wonder if I will ever be happy again, right now content would suffice, but happiness someday is a hope I have and yet I can't imagine that I will ever truly be happy again. Any thoughts?
Comment by Kim on October 17, 2016 at 4:30pm

Hi Sappho, I just wanted to say that I agree with you whole-heartedly. I am the same way. I don't plan to remove my wedding right and he is still my husband and will be forever. Now he is my husband who awaits my arrival into heaven someday. I don't post very often in the groups but I read all the comments as they come through my email. I find a lot of useful information in the comments of others. I am not much of a talker when it comes to groups.

Comment by daringtoday on October 17, 2016 at 12:26pm

I just had one of those moments that hit me from out of the blue. I've actually felt pretty good today. I had a good weekend (visited a friend who lives about an hour away overnight and baked bread with my son) and went into the week on a good note. Then, I'm at the gym working out and our favorite song, "Thinking Out Loud," comes over the music system. I usually listen to my own music on my phone, but my wireless earbuds were dead so I was working out without them. I felt totally undone/unmoored/overcome. I was crying on the weight machine I was on, not so anyone would notice, but still. Fortunately, my school is on Fall break so hardly anyone was at the gym. 

One aspect of this journey that is so difficult to manage is these moments that just hit out of the blue. I remembered all the times we slow danced to that song with our friends listening to our favorite bands downtown on the weekend. I know I am making progress and that these moments happen and there is nothing to be done. It just sucks. I would do ANYTHING to be back there, in the innocent glorious past, in Loren's arms, dancing away. But that will never happen again and like all of you, I have to find a way to go on. Amy

Comment by camsmom on October 17, 2016 at 10:27am

It gives me great comfort to know that I am not the only one thinking about the I/we, my/our word choice.

Thank you!

Alexandra- your comment is pretty much how I feel too.

Comment by sappho on October 17, 2016 at 9:35am

I have no intention of removing my wedding ring at any time. In my heart and mind and soul we are still married. Just as much as we were for the 38 years we shared.In my mind, unto death means both our deaths,not just one of us. They are still our children as they were created by both of us.

Comment by Alexandra on October 17, 2016 at 9:31am

Hi All, yes I still have a lot of trouble with "we, my", etc. At first I kept correcting myself and then feeling so sad. Now I just say however it comes out and to hell with it! If it comes out "we" I feel safe and good, if it comes out "my" then I feel sad and sort of confused, like I have to re-process all over again. I liked the title of that poem ~ Yes, indeed, I wish to be removed from this list, the widow list, the lonely list, the "me, not we" list.

Comment by MarkD on October 17, 2016 at 9:29am

I always say our children, our grandchildren, our cars, our house, our bank account our life together...

I also still wear the wedding ring that she gave me (that will be a tough one).

I think that I will change the our to my or mine, but.... not today.....

Mo, I like the poem.

Mark

Comment by Mo on October 17, 2016 at 9:05am

Yes! exactly; is it our house, my children? It still feels so shared, just as anniversaries and other special events in 'our' life together.

Comment by Mo on October 17, 2016 at 9:02am

Hi Mark, sorry that you are having a hard day. Perhaps Mondays are more difficult - we tend to have to face the day without support of friends and family. I find it so much easier when people are around like on the week end.

 Hope your day gets better.

 

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