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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 261
Latest Activity: Jul 26

Discussion Forum

UNBELIEVABLE

Started by Austin. Last reply by Austin Jul 26. 2 Replies

HiI just hit the 2 year mark for my husband--so very hard.I spent a lot of time in the house behind me and out in the yard with the 2 very good gardeners.I really thought we were all friends- so very…Continue

Sole responsibility for your own life and happiness

Started by Tess. Last reply by Tess Jul 4. 8 Replies

I know this many seem an odd discussion, as we are essentially always responsible for our own lives, but it seems to take on a new twist after losing one's spouse. When you share your life with…Continue

The Process

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 29. 2 Replies

I have given more thought to the process my wife and I always went through on decision making - for things small and large.One of the couple has a thought or an idea ... going to a movie, moving,…Continue

Another Trigger

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 16. 7 Replies

I had to write - my wife’s birthday is in a few days and the thought of her not being here rips at my heart. I constantly revisit in my mind her last weeks and days. I have regrets that I could have…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by daringtoday on October 17, 2016 at 12:26pm

I just had one of those moments that hit me from out of the blue. I've actually felt pretty good today. I had a good weekend (visited a friend who lives about an hour away overnight and baked bread with my son) and went into the week on a good note. Then, I'm at the gym working out and our favorite song, "Thinking Out Loud," comes over the music system. I usually listen to my own music on my phone, but my wireless earbuds were dead so I was working out without them. I felt totally undone/unmoored/overcome. I was crying on the weight machine I was on, not so anyone would notice, but still. Fortunately, my school is on Fall break so hardly anyone was at the gym. 

One aspect of this journey that is so difficult to manage is these moments that just hit out of the blue. I remembered all the times we slow danced to that song with our friends listening to our favorite bands downtown on the weekend. I know I am making progress and that these moments happen and there is nothing to be done. It just sucks. I would do ANYTHING to be back there, in the innocent glorious past, in Loren's arms, dancing away. But that will never happen again and like all of you, I have to find a way to go on. Amy

Comment by camsmom on October 17, 2016 at 10:27am

It gives me great comfort to know that I am not the only one thinking about the I/we, my/our word choice.

Thank you!

Alexandra- your comment is pretty much how I feel too.

Comment by sappho on October 17, 2016 at 9:35am

I have no intention of removing my wedding ring at any time. In my heart and mind and soul we are still married. Just as much as we were for the 38 years we shared.In my mind, unto death means both our deaths,not just one of us. They are still our children as they were created by both of us.

Comment by Alexandra on October 17, 2016 at 9:31am

Hi All, yes I still have a lot of trouble with "we, my", etc. At first I kept correcting myself and then feeling so sad. Now I just say however it comes out and to hell with it! If it comes out "we" I feel safe and good, if it comes out "my" then I feel sad and sort of confused, like I have to re-process all over again. I liked the title of that poem ~ Yes, indeed, I wish to be removed from this list, the widow list, the lonely list, the "me, not we" list.

Comment by MarkD on October 17, 2016 at 9:29am

I always say our children, our grandchildren, our cars, our house, our bank account our life together...

I also still wear the wedding ring that she gave me (that will be a tough one).

I think that I will change the our to my or mine, but.... not today.....

Mo, I like the poem.

Mark

Comment by Mo on October 17, 2016 at 9:05am

Yes! exactly; is it our house, my children? It still feels so shared, just as anniversaries and other special events in 'our' life together.

Comment by Mo on October 17, 2016 at 9:02am

Hi Mark, sorry that you are having a hard day. Perhaps Mondays are more difficult - we tend to have to face the day without support of friends and family. I find it so much easier when people are around like on the week end.

 Hope your day gets better.

Comment by camsmom on October 17, 2016 at 9:01am

Mo,

Your present  or past tense statement is so understandable. I hesitate when speaking- we or I, my or our- which is the correct word to use?

Comment by MarkD on October 17, 2016 at 8:49am

Today is one of those days.

All morning, I have had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My emotions have been way off key. I am not sure what has set things off today. The weekend was okay. I attended two outings with fellow widows/widowers and we had fun and productive discussions. My daughter and the grandkids came over for dinner last night (we try to eat together as a family at least once a week) and we had a nice visit (my granddaughter, 3 years old, did not get ice cream, because she did not eat any dinner). After dinner my grandkids helped me make my lunch for today (and they made a lunch for themselves also). I talked with my mother (a widow as of February of this year) and a favorite aunt (who is approaching one year as a widow), but they were nice conversations. So… it was an okay…. no a pretty good weekend.

There have been tears today (a couple of times).

As all of us know, this journey is just no fun and it is especially not fun today.

Thanks for listening.

Healing, Blessings, Hope and Peace for all of us, and for all that are hurting…. Mark

Comment by Mo on October 17, 2016 at 8:37am

It's been a rough few days; last Thursday which would have been our anniversary (don't know whether to put that in the present or the past tense, so confusing) was fine, I planned quite a few activities; I've crashed since though and feel catatonic.

 

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