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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 262
Latest Activity: Nov 2

Discussion Forum

Follow up to Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Nov 2. 1 Reply

Well, a week has passed since the two year anniversary of my dear wife’s departure. That day was very difficult. I am Catholic, and so the morning Mass was said in her memory. It was absolutely…Continue

Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Oct 17. 4 Replies

Well, next week it will be two years since I lost my wife to cancer. There has now been 730 days to think about what happened, what went wrong, and what I could have done differently. I continue to…Continue

Ugh. Dating.

Started by ImTheMarigold. Last reply by alwayssmilemichele Oct 5. 2 Replies

Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being…Continue

I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today

Started by Austin Oct 4. 0 Replies

I discovered this poem and it really radiated with me.Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else too. I Heard Your Voice In The Wind TodayI heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Mo on October 26, 2016 at 1:51pm

Intense morning at work today; a large group of people toured the facility where I work. I was asked at the very last minute to summarize some of the work I do in front of everyone. I'm fine speaking and explaining when talking to small groups, but get terribly nervous in front of large groups! Today was no exception. I used to rely on Guy so much to debrief from these difficult experiences. Feeling a bit vulnerable and lonely at the moment.

Mark, so sweet that your co-workers ask you how you are, and also that they told you that they care about you! So genuine, and that always feels uplifting.

Comment by MarkD on October 26, 2016 at 11:40am

Hello Sherry, I am four months out and I cry everyday also, not as much as earlier, but it is an everyday occurrence (sometimes I think that it is cleansing). There are times when the veil lifts, but it does descend again. Our children (see I still say our, and probably will forever... and that is okay), well they are grown and out of the house, so there is a different dynamic at home. At times, at home, the silence is deafening.

I do push myself to be social with folks so that I am not isolated. Dinner and dancing this weekend, which is fun, but I miss my favorite dance partner and I will miss her when I am on the dance floor (I guess that is the good and the bad news). 

The folks on this site have been a godsend for me. Lots of support and lots of blessings

Now for a quick positive story... I work for a manufacturing company, (Info Systems support). I was out on the manufacturing floor earlier this week. One of the operators called me over and asked me how I was doing. I told Monica that some days are okay, some are less okay and some are very less okay (I try not to hide anything and my coworkers know this). Well Monica then told me, "Mark, you know that we all love you". After our conversation, I went on about my tasks. I went back to Monica and I thanked her for what she said. We are given the things that we need, when we need them.There are positive things that happen during this journey, and this is a good thing

Blessings, Peace, Hope and Healing for all of us today… Mark

Comment by moonstone on October 26, 2016 at 11:29am

I found a support group near me called "Single Again."  I've suffered the end of three relationships in five years, but my guy's death rocked me to the core.  I was the only one who was widowed.  We did some exercises that I thought I couldn't participate in, but i got a lot out of it.  I was worried I'd cry, but I needed not be worried, lots of people cried.  That part was hard, then we broke out into groups, and that was interesting.  Then we went to happy hour, and that was fun.  I'm nowhere near ready to "date" but it was fun to get out.

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on October 26, 2016 at 11:00am

Thank you soccermom for the written will idea. I think I will do that to bridge between now and when I can get the will formally updated.

Mo, Alexandra, and everyone - I am still in that very dark place, only one month out from Alan's death. It seems like it will go on forever. Everything reminds me of him and hurts so bad. I miss him so much. All I can do is keep busy so I don't have to think so much. Fortunately, that isn't difficult, with my job and kids and all the other paperwork stuff I have to do. But every time I drive or walk or slow down a bit, it all catches up with me. I still cry every day, multiple times a day. It feels like it will never end. I do the things I have to do and I probably look like I'm doing well, but I feel awful. I assume it will get better, but each minute of each day is so painful it's hard to imagine. It is good to hear from everyone that is going through this. It helps.  

Comment by camsmom on October 26, 2016 at 10:55am

Alexandra,

Thank you for your uplifting post. My husband and I were both healthy and planning on a trip to Italy which will never happen now. However, we had promised each other years ago that we would make the trip even if the other one wasn't around- more of a joke but it's become a reality.

I've been looking at the Road Scholar trips for when I'm ready- maybe next year. I would love to take a walking trip of Italy but I'll have to see if I'm up  for it. Anyone here who's gone on a Road Scholar trip?

Thank goodness for great children! How wonderful that your children appreciate you. I too have a son who is great except for living out-of-state.

Hugs and good thoughts to you.

Comment by WittyBlondeWolverine on October 26, 2016 at 10:43am
Lol, Anna. We are definitely in the same place today. I went with the 'get dressed, but don't shower, ponytail' option. Hugs back.
Comment by Anna on October 26, 2016 at 10:33am
Hi WittyBlondeWolverine,
I had a good day yesterday too; shopping and lunch with a friend. Today, I am still in my pajamas and trying to decide if I have the energy to shower or just get dressed before my boys get home from school. Seems like we are in the same place today. Hugs to you.
Comment by WittyBlondeWolverine on October 26, 2016 at 9:34am
Hi Mo and Anna, I also do the revisiting this time last year. Mostly because he was still alive then and I miss him so very much. We are big Michigan football fans and loved going to then then when he was ill watching on tv. This year I took my girls, but it's not the same. Yesterday I had a good day. I actually laughed at work and was able to talk to one of my patients about losing Rob without totally breaking down. Today, another story completely. I just could not force myself out of bed until well after noon. I am procrastinating about making some phone calls because I just dont feel like it. Trying to pull myself together before my daughter gets home from school. I just want so badly to feel better and I hate this up and down.
Comment by BetsyBlythe on October 26, 2016 at 9:23am

Thanks, Mo. Wow, that's amazing that they caught it for you. I'm sorry for your loss too. It's good to be around people who know what this feels like. 

Comment by Anna on October 26, 2016 at 8:59am
Hi Mo,
Yes I also revisit "this time last year". Sometimes I don't even know why I do that, maybe by revisiting I feel closer to him. Perhaps you too just have the need to feel that connection right now. Life right now is before he died and after, a very definitive line. Thank you for your kind words. I still wish so much that I could have done more for him. His family and our friends often tell me that he would not have lived as long as he did without me and my care and yet I still wish I could have saved him. If love could keep someone alive, he would still be here. This is such a hard journey for all of us. This site helps me immensely by allowing me to communicate with people who truly understand.
 

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