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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 261
Latest Activity: Jul 26

Discussion Forum

UNBELIEVABLE

Started by Austin. Last reply by Austin Jul 26. 2 Replies

HiI just hit the 2 year mark for my husband--so very hard.I spent a lot of time in the house behind me and out in the yard with the 2 very good gardeners.I really thought we were all friends- so very…Continue

Sole responsibility for your own life and happiness

Started by Tess. Last reply by Tess Jul 4. 8 Replies

I know this many seem an odd discussion, as we are essentially always responsible for our own lives, but it seems to take on a new twist after losing one's spouse. When you share your life with…Continue

The Process

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 29. 2 Replies

I have given more thought to the process my wife and I always went through on decision making - for things small and large.One of the couple has a thought or an idea ... going to a movie, moving,…Continue

Another Trigger

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 16. 7 Replies

I had to write - my wife’s birthday is in a few days and the thought of her not being here rips at my heart. I constantly revisit in my mind her last weeks and days. I have regrets that I could have…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by wyzkyd on November 1, 2016 at 5:11am

Hi Sherry,

I feel ya on the running.  It helps.  I just did a half marathon a couple weeks ago and ran in memory of my husband.  Since finishing the race I haven't kept up with my running as usual and need to find the motivation to continue because I feel better, sleep better, and am healthier.  Getting dark early doesn't help much either.  I have an elliptical but there is something about being outside that does my soul good.  I have two friends who I run with and we are planning a ten miler for 11/27 which is my husband's birthday.  We registered for a virtual turkey trot.  

Comment by country girl on October 31, 2016 at 6:19pm

Comment by country girl on October 31, 2016 at 6:19pm

Our parish Church in a rural farming community is having a Mass on All Souls Day Nov.2nd for  the members of the parish that have passed away since last All Souls Day.  They have asked me to attend but I will have to go alone as our children live to far away to drive down during the week.  And since they will be here this weekend for the Internment of his remains I told them not to come.  So if I'm alone its my fault in a sense,  Not complaining just dreading this week.  I hope when Saturday comes I will be able to part with Paul's remains,. They have been a comfort to me thus far, but I feel it is time. 

Mark like you today has still been one more bad day.  I keep telling myself that it will get better. Old friends still call and check on me 3 or 4 times a week, but this house is so empty now. Talked myself into waiting a bitbefore making my decision to sell the house,  Looked at a lot of posts that made me have second thoughts about rushing into that. I think if one more person well meaning or not tells me time will heal all wounds I may scream.  I may learn to live in this place but time wont make it go away.  I still wear my wedding band and also Paul's. Its a comfort on bad days, and as far as I'm concerned I'm still married. I don't wish to be single or unattached. After 44 years I wouldn't know how to any other way but married.So I will continue to wear my wedding ring for ever. Prayers and hope and love to all.

Comment by daringtoday on October 31, 2016 at 5:18pm

Loren and I ran some together and actually had planned to run the Cooper River Run in Charleston in April. It is the largest 10k in the country. Instead of us having a weekend in Charleston with our friends and running the race, that weekend was his memorial service.

I have hardly run since he died, not that I ran a lot before he died. I  try to work out 3-4-5 times a week at the university fitness center or walk outside, now that the weather is cooler. My stamina has really decreased along with my energy but I do the best I can, if that means 20 minutes on the stationary bike, so be it. Amy

Comment by Mo on October 31, 2016 at 4:36pm

I've always enjoyed walking and hiking. But like you Alexendra, discipline and alot of the joy has gone out the window since Guy died. I was out on a brief hike when he died. Our son was with him, and even though he texted me to come home, I didn't see the text until the next day. When I did get back in from my hike, Guy was still breathing but I could tell that he was dying. He passed very soon after I got home.

Recently though, I've decided that I would like to hike the El Camino de Santiago; it wouldn't be for religious reasons but I think it would be a great experience. So, I am more consistently going out for hikes on the week end. I'm thinking of doing this in about a year from now. Perhaps it will help to become more disciplined. Yesterday I went out, but there were so many fall mushrooms to look at that I didn't get very far!

I've been out on some local hikes that Guy and I used to do together. I haven't quite gotten comfortable hiking by myself though. I live in Idaho, lots of moose around.

Comment by Alexandra on October 31, 2016 at 4:19pm

Hi, I'm  walker, not a runner. At least I was. I walked 2-4 miles almost every day for 15 years. but the day Dave was diagnosed, I stopped! I forced myself to go for a mile a day once a week, but even that was hard. When he died, I just stopped everything. I am still trying to force myself, every day I say I'm going to walk, and yet if I walk a mile, it's a miracle. It does not make me feel better like it used to. It only makes me feel like a responsible person:) When will I ever get back to caring? Kudos to you runners.

I MISS him so much...

Comment by Kim on October 31, 2016 at 4:05pm

Hi Sherry,

I too am a runner and run almost everyday because it feels good to me. It is a stress reliever and I am able to clear my mind for the time that I am running. I know that when I don't run I feel very BLAH. Even the short time that my husband was in the hospital then at home on Hospice I continued to run at least an hour every day because in some odd way it makes things a little more bearable.  When he was at home on Hospice I had one of his sisters come sit with him and I would just go in the basement where I have a workout room where I would run on my treadmill. I did run outdoors once while he was at home on Hospice but as I was running and was 3 miles from home I had a horrible feeling and wondered what the heck I would do if something happened while I was out so I didn't run outdoors again until he passed. He was only home on Hospice for 6 days. I actually have been signing up for half marathons in other states to make myself get out and try to live a little although it hasn't been very "exciting" because a lot of things when going to other places (being a tourist) is really directed at couples which is upsetting to me but I am trying to work through it. This weekend is a run in San Francisco CA - Golden Gate Half Marathon and I will be there for 4 days. I have already purchased a tour package so I don't end up just hiding out in the hotel and being bummed because of being alone. I don't know that any of it helps but it does prevent me from curling up in a ball in the corner at home and just waiting to meet up with my husband again in heaven (that is not living and apparently God is not ready for me yet so I need to honor God and my husband and live some). It is very hard! Well, now that I wrote a book...I don't post very often in here but I read the comments daily.

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on October 31, 2016 at 3:47pm

Are there any runners out there? It seems like on the days when I run, I feel pretty good for a few hours afterward. Other days when I just do some weights indoors I don't feel as good. Of course, it depends on the day. Some days I barely get through the run. Other days I feel good for most of the day after the morning run. It is a small smidgen of hope for me, because aside from the runner's high, I feel pretty miserable most of the time.

Happy Halloween, all.

Comment by Nieta on October 31, 2016 at 1:26pm

I'm glad you liked the picture MarkD.  I snapped that photo while visiting Mt. Pilatus in Lucerne just a couple of weeks ago.  It was part of the Oktoberfest Tour I went on to celebrate our Silver Wedding Anniversary.  Funny thing about that shot is that I don't recall seeing the rainbow when I took the picture.  I was simply taking photos of breathtaking views from the mountain with my Kindle and when I took a closer look, I saw the rainbow.  It's kind of like our loved ones in that we don't see them, but they are there.

I had a good time on that trip and I was definitely hesitant about it because my husband would have absolutely loved it and I would have loved enjoying it with him.  I guess I did in a way - like the rainbow, I simply could not see him, but he was there.

Hi Nance63,

Your "Yay me" comment made me smile because I'm also doing things now that my husband would have ordinarily done.  Thank you for that.

Hi Happylilycat,

There's nothing that says that you must take off your wedding ring - that's your choice.  I personally still wear mine, as well as mu husband's and I don't really have any plans to remove them. I like them and it makes me feel good to wear them.   As for the veil lifting on Halloween and feeling closer to Morris today, I think that's wonderful.  And if that's nutty, well then color me nutty.

Hi wyzkyd,

Firstly, congratulations on your daughter dancing with the company!

I vividly recall not being to go anywhere or see anything without each step and glance feeling like a bullet when my husband first died.  I could say "This too will pass," but that is not entirely accurate.  More on point would be, "this too will evolve." 

Everyone's experience is different but as for me, I still remember, and it is still painful if I focus on it.  On some days/moments it is simply less difficult than others to take another step forward, while you find yourself a little paralyzed on other times or occasions.  There are no rules or manuals on this unique and unchartered journey.  There are similarities in our experiences to be sure, but no two are exactly alike.

Sending everyone a virtual hug and wishing them peace, strength and courage...you've already got the love!

Comment by MarkD on October 31, 2016 at 1:00pm

Hello Happylilycat,

It is great that you feel closer to Morris right now. We are where we are. We do not have to explain ourselves to anybody.

I also am not sure how to make it through the holidays (There are 4 family birthdays between now and December 5, one of those being Amy’s also). The past couple of days have been no fun on their own, so I have no idea how to make it through the next two months. Between Thanksgiving and New Years, Amy and I would normally go to 5 different dinner dances. I have not decided how many I will attend.

Just like you, I am still wearing the wedding band that Amy gave me. I am not ready to take it off and I have no idea when I will be ready (and to tell you the straight up truth, I have debated about wearing Amy’s wedding band also).

The take away from the above items is, “Yes I am a mess”. But as I said above, We are where we are.

Peace, Healing and Hope for all of us today… Mark

 

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