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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 262
Latest Activity: Nov 2

Discussion Forum

Follow up to Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Nov 2. 1 Reply

Well, a week has passed since the two year anniversary of my dear wife’s departure. That day was very difficult. I am Catholic, and so the morning Mass was said in her memory. It was absolutely…Continue

Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa Oct 17. 4 Replies

Well, next week it will be two years since I lost my wife to cancer. There has now been 730 days to think about what happened, what went wrong, and what I could have done differently. I continue to…Continue

Ugh. Dating.

Started by ImTheMarigold. Last reply by alwayssmilemichele Oct 5. 2 Replies

Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being…Continue

I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today

Started by Austin Oct 4. 0 Replies

I discovered this poem and it really radiated with me.Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else too. I Heard Your Voice In The Wind TodayI heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see…Continue

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Comment by underthefarmhouse on November 2, 2016 at 5:45am

Thanks for your support, MarkD and everyone else.  I heard a wonderful song by the band Bastille yesterday, "Good grief".  Made me cry, because they captured it perfectly.  "Every minute of every hour, I miss you, I miss you, I miiss you...What's going to be left of the world when you're not in it, what's going to be left of the world."  Amen to that.  I do have my wonderful stepson to lean on, and that's a blessing. We lean on each other, which is the way it should be. I told him last week that I think his Dad left behind the best part of him, and that was my stepson.  I still feel like a robot watching the humans live their lives, most days, but I'm just trying to let it happen and not worry about my "grief process".  

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on November 1, 2016 at 8:07am

Thank you, runners, walkers, and hikers! I think I might have an idea why strength training inside is not the same as running. I used to do my indoor workouts while Alan was getting ready for work, and he would often pop in to see me working out. I think I miss that. I noticed it this morning. But he never ran with me, so the only thing is that I still often look at my phone after I get out of the shower to see if he texted or called like he used to around that time.

Hiking, on the other hand, is not easy for me. He didn't hike with me either but he was always on my mind and waiting for me when I got home. He and I did a rare hike together in the smokies the day before he died and then the next day I was hiking alone. When I got back to the campsite after my hike he was having chest pains (but wouldn't get them checked out) and then he passed away in the evening. I have gone hiking only once since then and it was hard. It didn't bring me the joy that it used to. I am hoping, though,that it can again one day. I'm trying to think of what hiking goals I could set for myself, sort of a bucket list or way to honor Alan. And one day, when it's not so hard, I'll go back to the Smokies and finish the hike that I had planned for the next day. But that will be a long time down the road. I can't even think of the Smokies and the last place we were together without falling apart. 

Until then, I run because it brings relief.  Thanks for your thoughts, everyone.

PS: Mo I grew up in Idaho and my family still lives there. Love it there.

Comment by Megraf on November 1, 2016 at 7:21am

It's weird, I used to run around 3 miles every other day for the past few years, and up until my husband passed away, I have had no energy to do anything. I have done a few fun runs that I had already been signed up for, and they felt great to get moving again. But I find it very difficult to find that motivation that I had before. I feel like I lost interest in all the things I once loved to do. It's funny that you all mention running though, because it is something that I would love to get back into doing. There is a Turkey Trot that I have been debating on signing up for. It would be nice to run out my frustrations of the past 7 months since Bran passed.

Comment by wyzkyd on November 1, 2016 at 5:11am

Hi Sherry,

I feel ya on the running.  It helps.  I just did a half marathon a couple weeks ago and ran in memory of my husband.  Since finishing the race I haven't kept up with my running as usual and need to find the motivation to continue because I feel better, sleep better, and am healthier.  Getting dark early doesn't help much either.  I have an elliptical but there is something about being outside that does my soul good.  I have two friends who I run with and we are planning a ten miler for 11/27 which is my husband's birthday.  We registered for a virtual turkey trot.  

Comment by country girl on October 31, 2016 at 6:19pm

Comment by country girl on October 31, 2016 at 6:19pm

Our parish Church in a rural farming community is having a Mass on All Souls Day Nov.2nd for  the members of the parish that have passed away since last All Souls Day.  They have asked me to attend but I will have to go alone as our children live to far away to drive down during the week.  And since they will be here this weekend for the Internment of his remains I told them not to come.  So if I'm alone its my fault in a sense,  Not complaining just dreading this week.  I hope when Saturday comes I will be able to part with Paul's remains,. They have been a comfort to me thus far, but I feel it is time. 

Mark like you today has still been one more bad day.  I keep telling myself that it will get better. Old friends still call and check on me 3 or 4 times a week, but this house is so empty now. Talked myself into waiting a bitbefore making my decision to sell the house,  Looked at a lot of posts that made me have second thoughts about rushing into that. I think if one more person well meaning or not tells me time will heal all wounds I may scream.  I may learn to live in this place but time wont make it go away.  I still wear my wedding band and also Paul's. Its a comfort on bad days, and as far as I'm concerned I'm still married. I don't wish to be single or unattached. After 44 years I wouldn't know how to any other way but married.So I will continue to wear my wedding ring for ever. Prayers and hope and love to all.

Comment by daringtoday on October 31, 2016 at 5:18pm

Loren and I ran some together and actually had planned to run the Cooper River Run in Charleston in April. It is the largest 10k in the country. Instead of us having a weekend in Charleston with our friends and running the race, that weekend was his memorial service.

I have hardly run since he died, not that I ran a lot before he died. I  try to work out 3-4-5 times a week at the university fitness center or walk outside, now that the weather is cooler. My stamina has really decreased along with my energy but I do the best I can, if that means 20 minutes on the stationary bike, so be it. Amy

Comment by Mo on October 31, 2016 at 4:36pm

I've always enjoyed walking and hiking. But like you Alexendra, discipline and alot of the joy has gone out the window since Guy died. I was out on a brief hike when he died. Our son was with him, and even though he texted me to come home, I didn't see the text until the next day. When I did get back in from my hike, Guy was still breathing but I could tell that he was dying. He passed very soon after I got home.

Recently though, I've decided that I would like to hike the El Camino de Santiago; it wouldn't be for religious reasons but I think it would be a great experience. So, I am more consistently going out for hikes on the week end. I'm thinking of doing this in about a year from now. Perhaps it will help to become more disciplined. Yesterday I went out, but there were so many fall mushrooms to look at that I didn't get very far!

I've been out on some local hikes that Guy and I used to do together. I haven't quite gotten comfortable hiking by myself though. I live in Idaho, lots of moose around.

Comment by Alexandra on October 31, 2016 at 4:19pm

Hi, I'm  walker, not a runner. At least I was. I walked 2-4 miles almost every day for 15 years. but the day Dave was diagnosed, I stopped! I forced myself to go for a mile a day once a week, but even that was hard. When he died, I just stopped everything. I am still trying to force myself, every day I say I'm going to walk, and yet if I walk a mile, it's a miracle. It does not make me feel better like it used to. It only makes me feel like a responsible person:) When will I ever get back to caring? Kudos to you runners.

I MISS him so much...

Comment by Kim on October 31, 2016 at 4:05pm

Hi Sherry,

I too am a runner and run almost everyday because it feels good to me. It is a stress reliever and I am able to clear my mind for the time that I am running. I know that when I don't run I feel very BLAH. Even the short time that my husband was in the hospital then at home on Hospice I continued to run at least an hour every day because in some odd way it makes things a little more bearable.  When he was at home on Hospice I had one of his sisters come sit with him and I would just go in the basement where I have a workout room where I would run on my treadmill. I did run outdoors once while he was at home on Hospice but as I was running and was 3 miles from home I had a horrible feeling and wondered what the heck I would do if something happened while I was out so I didn't run outdoors again until he passed. He was only home on Hospice for 6 days. I actually have been signing up for half marathons in other states to make myself get out and try to live a little although it hasn't been very "exciting" because a lot of things when going to other places (being a tourist) is really directed at couples which is upsetting to me but I am trying to work through it. This weekend is a run in San Francisco CA - Golden Gate Half Marathon and I will be there for 4 days. I have already purchased a tour package so I don't end up just hiding out in the hotel and being bummed because of being alone. I don't know that any of it helps but it does prevent me from curling up in a ball in the corner at home and just waiting to meet up with my husband again in heaven (that is not living and apparently God is not ready for me yet so I need to honor God and my husband and live some). It is very hard! Well, now that I wrote a book...I don't post very often in here but I read the comments daily.

 

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