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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 223
Latest Activity: 7 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Wedding Rings

Started by lowrsr (Sherry). Last reply by Riley 7 hours ago. 59 Replies

I am wondering about wedding rings. Are you wearing yours? What have you done with your spouse's ring? I am wearing my husband's ring on a chain around my neck. Ever since I put it there, I have…Continue

Birthday

Started by Miket. Last reply by catapan on Sunday. 2 Replies

Sunday is a double whammy day - my wife's birthday and Father's Day. My wife will be gone seven months. I miss her so much. Every year we exchange birthday cards and so I made sure to buy her one and…Continue

My Turn

Started by Miket. Last reply by Miket Jun 12. 6 Replies

I just found this web site. I hope it will help. My wife died in October from a sarcoma cancer in her abdomen. She found out in March 2016, went through chemo with the broken promises of…Continue

How do you turn a 2 person life into a 1 person life?

Started by Riley. Last reply by Susan Jun 12. 21 Replies

Loneliness is eating away at me.  I'm not lonely for other people around me.  I'm lonely for my husband that died.  How do you turn a 2 person life into a one person life?  I sit in this house and…Continue

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Comment by daringtoday on May 1, 2017 at 3:12pm

Alison, thanks for your good wishes. A broken leg is a piece of cake compared to bereavement, honestly. I do miss Loren more keenly -- it is so hard grasping that I will never see him again. I am fortunate that my son is here to help and that my friends have provided a lot of help. Hang in there! Amy

Comment by happylilycat on May 1, 2017 at 1:45pm

Amy, my friend, take good care of yourself and best wishes for quick healing.  When we don't have our SOs to help us out and care for us, it feels terribly lonely. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts to get you through this. 

Alexandra, thank you for the warm wishes.   I am so sorry about the one year anniversary of your husband's death, I will never forget mine, it was awful.  Wishing you some peace during troubled times. 

Comment by Alexandra on May 1, 2017 at 7:23am

Wow, Amy, what a terrible accident! Glad to hear you are taking it in stride and getting better day by day. And Allison, I am wishing you peace, which is often hard to find.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my precious husband's death. Sat. was the real day he died, and I spent the day allowing myself to grieve as much as needed, thinking only of the days leading to his death and my terrible sobbing as I felt his life leave him and his body cool. I'm just grateful I was there and carry no regrets except I wish I would have held him longer:) But Sunday, the calendar date, I spent that day remembering all the wonderful times and the years we had and his quirky smile and his "engineer/scientist" mind and how everything needed an explanation. He was SO smart he could figure anything out. There was so much love, I'm thinking that love will carry me for the rest of  my days. So today, I'm back on track, just trying to make it, alone, but with the knowledge that I was loved greatly and I, in turn, loved greatly. Not easy, but I'm still here and pressing on. Blessings to you all and I hope you know that this group literally saved my life:) Hugs to all, Alexandra

Comment by daringtoday on May 1, 2017 at 7:04am

Hi Allison, I can identify. I've been missing Loren so much over the past week or so -- lots of longing that isn't ever going to be fulfilled. 

I've had an interesting past couple of weeks. On Easter Sunday, I took an ill-advised hop down from a raised garden bed and broke my right leg in several places. I had surgery the next day to immobilize the fractures with plates and screws and came home that Wednesday from the hospital. I can't drive and am non-weight bearing for six more weeks. I'm actually doing okay, making progress every day and trying to be as patient as possible. 

One of the worst parts of the incident was that I had to go to the Emergency Room where Loren died 13 months ago. Fortunately, I didn't get put in the same pod where he died, but I hated being there. There were lots of memories and I was in a lot of pain before the surgery so it was tough. Fortunately, I got transferred to the hospital proper that evening so I got out of the ER. 

Wishing you peace, Allison! Hugs, Amy

Comment by happylilycat on May 1, 2017 at 6:07am

I've been listening to Deathcab for Cutie's "Soul Meets Body".   The line that resonates with me is "If the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too."  Not a very inspiring thought for a rainy, gloomy Monday, but that's where I'm at. Wishing us all a little peace today, I could sure use some. 

Comment by Athena53 on April 26, 2017 at 6:04am

I'm making a second pot of coffee (I earned it) and saying a prayer of thanksgiving right now.

My master BR has a high ceiling that's even higher in the "tray" center- which, of course, is where the smoke detector was installed.  I knew it was gonna be a real mess to replace the battery when it died- which it did in the middle of last night, after I'd arrived home earlier from a trip to Central America.  Annoying "chirp" every 60 seconds.  So, I spent the night in the spare BR.

I have a heavy metal extension ladder that extends far higher than I ever want to climb- dragged it into the BR, extended it so high that I could walk under it, extricated the offending battery.  It still chirped- it's wired into the electrical system.  ;-(  I had to get a flashlight and climb back up to read the orange warning label- "Warning- battery has been removed".  Umm, really?  I couldn't figure out how to insert the new one so I had to drag the ladder downstairs where the ceilings are lower and check one out down there, then drag the ladder back up.  Finally, on the second try, got the battery installed.  (And yes, I DID test to make sure it was a fresh battery first!)

This is not one of those things DH could do- he'd stopped getting up on ladders years ago due to balance problems- but at least he would have been around to call 911 if I'd landed on the floor!  I'm not even sure if I would have wanted DS to try it- he lives 3 hours away but my main concern is that he's the breadwinner for a family of 4 and I don't know if I want HIM on high ladders, either.

All's well that ends well.  I hope that battery lasts a good long time.  I know there are handyman types who would do this for a price and I may have to resort to that as I get older. 

Comment by catapan on April 24, 2017 at 12:49am

I was just thinking, as I was in the shower, that I am going to be pretty good at pretending, today.   

So I said to myself "I am good at pretending, today";  and burst into tears.    Because I'm not.

Comment by catapan on April 21, 2017 at 12:48am

I am breaking out.

Working with my therapist, we talked about my "Eleanor Rigby" notion, the face that I put on (for whom?    For me?)

I've printed out a headshot of me when I was happy and laughing (sitting with Stuart):  I've put it in a pretty preserving jar, labelled "The face that I keep in a jar by the door" and, on the lid "Who is it for?"     

The idea is to remind me that I do NOT have to put up a facade;  that people sincerely want to know how I am and how/if they can help.

And to help me consider:  who IS it for?    Am I protecting myself?    Protecting others from my reality?

I remember a book I had, years ago, as a student, by a guy called John Powell.   The title is "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?" and the corollary inside is - "because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it's all that I have . . . "

I'm re-ordering the book this week.

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on April 20, 2017 at 6:06pm

What a happy "coincidence" Catapan!

happylilycat - I hope Sunday was still a good Easter gathering. Sometimes the dread and anticipation is worse than the actual event. 

Some days I still don't know how I can go on. It still can be so hard. And every now and then, I find myself saying "I don't like it, but I think I am going to make it." I try to hang on to those times, but they are few and far in between.

Comment by Nieta on April 16, 2017 at 4:13am

How wonderful catapan!!!  Now that's what I call a major wink!!!

 

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