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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 262
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa on Wednesday. 4 Replies

Well, next week it will be two years since I lost my wife to cancer. There has now been 730 days to think about what happened, what went wrong, and what I could have done differently. I continue to…Continue

Ugh. Dating.

Started by ImTheMarigold. Last reply by alwayssmilemichele Oct 5. 2 Replies

Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being…Continue

I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today

Started by Austin Oct 4. 0 Replies

I discovered this poem and it really radiated with me.Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else too. I Heard Your Voice In The Wind TodayI heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tess on October 11, 2018 at 3:46pm

Miket, thank you so much for responding. It is really a comfort when someone on here connects and shares their feelings back. I am so sorry for your upcoming anniversary. It is so heartbreaking when friends and family cease talking about our loved ones, as if they should be eradicated from everyone's memory. I don't know about you, but I frequently talk about my husband and still share stories. I would think that would give permission for them to do the same.

I do hope the Prozac helps for you. I went back into therapy a couple of months ago. I felt like my feet were stuck in quicksand and needed to unload.

I will hang in there, as I hope you will do. Thank you for the prayers. I will send them back. I do a lot of praying these days.

Comment by Miket on October 11, 2018 at 2:34pm

Hi Tess. I can understand how you feel. In a couple of weeks it will be two years since I lost my wife. Pretty much all friends and family don’t talk about my wife anymore or when I mention her I usually get the cold shoulder. I do also appreciate this site because I do realize all those who are in the same boat. And crying? Yes, continues for me every day. Doctor just decided to switch my antidepressant from Lexapro to Prozac because nothing else seems to be helping. Fingers crossed on this. When I see the posts on this website it reassures me that I am not alone in my grief. I hope you continue to hang in there, and know that others like me are praying for you.

Comment by Tess on October 11, 2018 at 2:18pm

I've been feeling crappy today. When I have nothing scheduled for the day, I just can't seem to get my poop together. I've been feeling overly emotional anyway trying to sort out where my life is going.

I took a walk earlier between rainstorms. I intentionally passed a house coming home where an older man was sitting on his porch. He was sitting there when I started my walk, but he didn't see me. I waved to him, he waved back and he told me I needed to get home before the next impending storm. Then a boy about my grandson's age of nine passed me and he actually smiled and said hi which is unusual for kids anyway. Sometimes those little kindnesses bring me to years. I barely got in my door and I was bawling like a baby.

It is hard to know how and where to reach out. That's why I'm thankful for this site. I don't cry to my friends or daughter or let on that some days are a struggle. I don't want to be a blubbering idiot or show weakness, so most people think I am just dandy. The only ones that truly understand are those that have been through it.

My husband and I always had that glass half empty mentality anyway. In my mind, we were realists. Now I no longer have him to commiserate with over the elections, the environment, the lack of humanity. That leaves me with a really empty glass.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Comment by country girl on July 23, 2018 at 7:12pm

Thanks Lev and Miket. July 26 will be very hard for me with what would have been 

our 46th anniversary on the 29,July. My daughter had planned a 

for me that I wish I could get out of. I know her intentions are well meant 

but....

Some days are harder than others but I know my husband is in 

a better place with no pain . But I am here with a pain 

that has no cure or medication to ease the pain. 

My friends say let your doctor prescribe something 

that will help. I don’t think they make that pill yet. 

Thank you for letting me go on about my pain. May Hod ease yours

Lovingly 

country girl 

Comment by Lev on July 23, 2018 at 5:52pm

Dear Country Girl

I feel for you. I feel with you.

Here is a poem by John O' Donohue that i think speaks to your pain.

On the Death of My Beloved

Though I need to weep your loss,

You dwell in that safe place in my heart,

Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn

Brightening over our lives

Awakening beneath the dark

A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice

Found for me 

A new music

That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze

Quickened in the joy of its being:

You placed smiles like flowers

On the altar of my heart.

Your mind always sparkled

With wonder at things.

Though your days were brief,

Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of my breath

As close to me as I am to myself.

Though I cannot see you with outward eyes,

I know your soul's gaze is upon my face,

Smiling back at me from within everything

To which we brought our best refinement.

Let me not look for you only in memory,

Where I would grow lonely without you.

I want to find you in every presence,

Besides me when beauty brightens,

When kindness glows

And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchards brighten the earth,

Darkest Winter has turned to Spring,

May this dark grief flower with hope

In my every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire me:

To enter each day with a generous heart.

To serve the call of courage and love

Until i see your beautiful face again

In that land where there is no more separation,

Where all tears will be wiped from my mind,

And where I will never lose you again.

***************************************

With love and hugs from South Africa

Lev

Comment by Miket on July 23, 2018 at 3:50pm

Country Girl - I appreciate your challenge with the second anniversary just three days away. My turn comes at the end of October. So many people told me when I lost my wife that things will get better. I don’t recall any of those people losing the love of their life. So yes, the tears flow. Mine too. And no, things really are not better.

I finally got up the courage to give away my wife’s craft supplies. She was an excellent crafter. I donated everything she had to the local catholic school - and then I cried and cried. I feel like I betrayed her and gave away a part of her life. My family told me I did the right thing. And I told my family back that I don’t have the strength to give away her clothes and personal stuff. Crafts are one thing - personal effects are an entirely different situation. I told them they will need to deal with both my stuff and my wife’s stuff when I finally go.

You are right - the second year is definitely more difficult than the first. For me, time does not heal the loss of my wife - my sweetheart, my best friend, my soul mate, my true love ...

Comment by country girl on July 23, 2018 at 11:28am

It has been awhile since I have posted on here. With the second anniversary

of my husbands death just three days away 

the anxiety and dread is so bad today. 

This week has been a tough one with 

so much going on in what little family I have left. 

I don’t know if I believe in spirits other than the Holy Spirit but 

things seem strange the last few days. 

This Anniversary is worse than the first. 

Why? Never knew the human body could produce so many tears 

Comment by sandi on April 7, 2018 at 4:44pm

I am also going on the 2 year mark. My husband was 62 and we were married 43 years.  I miss him every day. He was my world and always made me laugh.  I don't think I have laughed since.  I hope this journey gets better, the silence and lonliness are overwhelming. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

Comment by iunderthefarmhouse on February 21, 2018 at 3:57pm

Dear Racingfan60, I am so sorry for your loss, and your words really struck me. I just passed the 2nd anniversary of my beloved husband's death at the young age of 63, and I too faulted the medical treatment and physicians in Maine that "attended" his decline and fall.  I won't go into the details, but my stepkids wanted me to sue my husband's doctors, nurses and other providers, and finally they wanted me to join in the class action lawsuit against Xarelto. which my husband's doc started him on about 3 weeks prior to his death.  Aren't they lucky to have a stepmom who's also an attorney?  UGH.

My conclusion at the time was, well, I have  a certain amount of time to file any suit I desire to file, and talking about lawsuits right after I lost the love and the light of my life, who truly was my best friend, was not what I wanted or needed to hear.  So, I ignored their words and changed the subject.

Even now, two years later, I think "Money won't bring him back, and all I truly want is to see him, hug and kiss him and spend the rest of my days left on this planet with him. " No one else on Earth has ever been able to make me laugh the way he could.

I'm only just now starting to remember what it's like to laugh.  And anyone who tells me that "you're young, you'll find love again" is still really asking me to punch them in the face.  I have never given in to that desire, but it's fun to think about, and in my little world, there' s no thought-crime.  

My heart bleeds for you, because I too felt numb and ripped off and angry and just completely destroyed by the horrible chain of events that unfolded, leading up to my sweetie's death on 2/17/16.  Please take care or yourself, you are most certainly worth it.  It took me many, many months to finally seek help for my grief and pain.  There's no "right" way to cope with sudden loss, and anything you do that makes you feel even a little bit better is worth pursuing.  I started singing in the supermarket, or walking down the street, and my voice is not bad, so I can make myself feel better and other people, too, for a little while.  

Here's a link to the song that reminds me most of my sweetie, "Stars" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. I can't sing it without crying, which is "forbidden" in the culture in which I was raised.  What a bunch of malarky!  What a voice this woman has!  She should be a superstar!  To me, she is.  Hugs and love to you from me. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml7TmC__eDc&list=RDMl7TmC__eDc

Comment by Mrs. L. on February 21, 2018 at 3:30pm

I am so, so sorry to read about the passing of your husband.  Sounds to me that if the doctor would have intervened in his shortness of breath his passing would not have happened..  I just feel so bad for you.  Where do you go from here? 

 

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