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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 261
Latest Activity: Jul 26

Discussion Forum

UNBELIEVABLE

Started by Austin. Last reply by Austin Jul 26. 2 Replies

HiI just hit the 2 year mark for my husband--so very hard.I spent a lot of time in the house behind me and out in the yard with the 2 very good gardeners.I really thought we were all friends- so very…Continue

Sole responsibility for your own life and happiness

Started by Tess. Last reply by Tess Jul 4. 8 Replies

I know this many seem an odd discussion, as we are essentially always responsible for our own lives, but it seems to take on a new twist after losing one's spouse. When you share your life with…Continue

The Process

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 29. 2 Replies

I have given more thought to the process my wife and I always went through on decision making - for things small and large.One of the couple has a thought or an idea ... going to a movie, moving,…Continue

Another Trigger

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 16. 7 Replies

I had to write - my wife’s birthday is in a few days and the thought of her not being here rips at my heart. I constantly revisit in my mind her last weeks and days. I have regrets that I could have…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by country girl on July 23, 2018 at 7:12pm

Thanks Lev and Miket. July 26 will be very hard for me with what would have been 

our 46th anniversary on the 29,July. My daughter had planned a 

for me that I wish I could get out of. I know her intentions are well meant 

but....

Some days are harder than others but I know my husband is in 

a better place with no pain . But I am here with a pain 

that has no cure or medication to ease the pain. 

My friends say let your doctor prescribe something 

that will help. I don’t think they make that pill yet. 

Thank you for letting me go on about my pain. May Hod ease yours

Lovingly 

country girl 

Comment by Lev on July 23, 2018 at 5:52pm

Dear Country Girl

I feel for you. I feel with you.

Here is a poem by John O' Donohue that i think speaks to your pain.

On the Death of My Beloved

Though I need to weep your loss,

You dwell in that safe place in my heart,

Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn

Brightening over our lives

Awakening beneath the dark

A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice

Found for me 

A new music

That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze

Quickened in the joy of its being:

You placed smiles like flowers

On the altar of my heart.

Your mind always sparkled

With wonder at things.

Though your days were brief,

Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of my breath

As close to me as I am to myself.

Though I cannot see you with outward eyes,

I know your soul's gaze is upon my face,

Smiling back at me from within everything

To which we brought our best refinement.

Let me not look for you only in memory,

Where I would grow lonely without you.

I want to find you in every presence,

Besides me when beauty brightens,

When kindness glows

And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchards brighten the earth,

Darkest Winter has turned to Spring,

May this dark grief flower with hope

In my every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire me:

To enter each day with a generous heart.

To serve the call of courage and love

Until i see your beautiful face again

In that land where there is no more separation,

Where all tears will be wiped from my mind,

And where I will never lose you again.

***************************************

With love and hugs from South Africa

Lev

Comment by Miket on July 23, 2018 at 3:50pm

Country Girl - I appreciate your challenge with the second anniversary just three days away. My turn comes at the end of October. So many people told me when I lost my wife that things will get better. I don’t recall any of those people losing the love of their life. So yes, the tears flow. Mine too. And no, things really are not better.

I finally got up the courage to give away my wife’s craft supplies. She was an excellent crafter. I donated everything she had to the local catholic school - and then I cried and cried. I feel like I betrayed her and gave away a part of her life. My family told me I did the right thing. And I told my family back that I don’t have the strength to give away her clothes and personal stuff. Crafts are one thing - personal effects are an entirely different situation. I told them they will need to deal with both my stuff and my wife’s stuff when I finally go.

You are right - the second year is definitely more difficult than the first. For me, time does not heal the loss of my wife - my sweetheart, my best friend, my soul mate, my true love ...

Comment by country girl on July 23, 2018 at 11:28am

It has been awhile since I have posted on here. With the second anniversary

of my husbands death just three days away 

the anxiety and dread is so bad today. 

This week has been a tough one with 

so much going on in what little family I have left. 

I don’t know if I believe in spirits other than the Holy Spirit but 

things seem strange the last few days. 

This Anniversary is worse than the first. 

Why? Never knew the human body could produce so many tears 

Comment by sandi on April 7, 2018 at 4:44pm

I am also going on the 2 year mark. My husband was 62 and we were married 43 years.  I miss him every day. He was my world and always made me laugh.  I don't think I have laughed since.  I hope this journey gets better, the silence and lonliness are overwhelming. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

Comment by iunderthefarmhouse on February 21, 2018 at 3:57pm

Dear Racingfan60, I am so sorry for your loss, and your words really struck me. I just passed the 2nd anniversary of my beloved husband's death at the young age of 63, and I too faulted the medical treatment and physicians in Maine that "attended" his decline and fall.  I won't go into the details, but my stepkids wanted me to sue my husband's doctors, nurses and other providers, and finally they wanted me to join in the class action lawsuit against Xarelto. which my husband's doc started him on about 3 weeks prior to his death.  Aren't they lucky to have a stepmom who's also an attorney?  UGH.

My conclusion at the time was, well, I have  a certain amount of time to file any suit I desire to file, and talking about lawsuits right after I lost the love and the light of my life, who truly was my best friend, was not what I wanted or needed to hear.  So, I ignored their words and changed the subject.

Even now, two years later, I think "Money won't bring him back, and all I truly want is to see him, hug and kiss him and spend the rest of my days left on this planet with him. " No one else on Earth has ever been able to make me laugh the way he could.

I'm only just now starting to remember what it's like to laugh.  And anyone who tells me that "you're young, you'll find love again" is still really asking me to punch them in the face.  I have never given in to that desire, but it's fun to think about, and in my little world, there' s no thought-crime.  

My heart bleeds for you, because I too felt numb and ripped off and angry and just completely destroyed by the horrible chain of events that unfolded, leading up to my sweetie's death on 2/17/16.  Please take care or yourself, you are most certainly worth it.  It took me many, many months to finally seek help for my grief and pain.  There's no "right" way to cope with sudden loss, and anything you do that makes you feel even a little bit better is worth pursuing.  I started singing in the supermarket, or walking down the street, and my voice is not bad, so I can make myself feel better and other people, too, for a little while.  

Here's a link to the song that reminds me most of my sweetie, "Stars" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. I can't sing it without crying, which is "forbidden" in the culture in which I was raised.  What a bunch of malarky!  What a voice this woman has!  She should be a superstar!  To me, she is.  Hugs and love to you from me. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml7TmC__eDc&list=RDMl7TmC__eDc

Comment by Mrs. L. on February 21, 2018 at 3:30pm

I am so, so sorry to read about the passing of your husband.  Sounds to me that if the doctor would have intervened in his shortness of breath his passing would not have happened..  I just feel so bad for you.  Where do you go from here? 

Comment by Racingfan60 on February 21, 2018 at 7:20am

My name is Teresa Sewell, I am from Alabama and I am 61 years old on July 27, 2016 my entire life changed for the worse my husband of 25 years passed away suddenly and unexpected after having gone through 2 hip replacements and a total knee replacement without complications he had recently had to go on medical disability he had only drawn 2 SS checks before his death the death certificate says he died from sudden cardiac arrest but my husband never had any type of cardiac problems at all at the time of his death he had just completed 8 weeks of radiation treatment for prostate cancer he died on a Wednesday on the Monday prior to his death we had went back to the doctor's office for blood work to be done to see if the radiation had gotten rid of the prostate cancer he was short of breath at the time but during his radiation treatments he always was telling the doctor of the shortness of breath the doctor said it was cause by the extremely hot weather we were having I told the doctor that was certainly not the cause because for the last month he was inside the house in air conditioning and just going down the hall the the bathroom left him out of breath but the doctor still insisted it was the weather on the Friday following my husband's death on Wednesday the doctor's nurse called me while I was making funeral arrangements for my husband to ask why my husband had not shown up for his appointment I told her in no uncertain terms that he had a  very good reason for not being there because he was dead she immediately went and got the doctor on the phone all he said was how sorry he was I told him that we would have never chosen radiation had we known this would happen I was hesitant to go with radiation but my husband wanted it because my father had prostate cancer and he had used this same doctor and he never had a problem at all but he did not have all the hip replacements the doctor assured me that they could give the radiation with the hip implants with no problems which was a lie everyone I have talked to said my husband died of a pulmonary embolism that I should have had an autopsy performed but I did not think of that. 

Comment by Lev on February 9, 2018 at 8:49am

Dear Fran

 I sent you a birthday card for your beloved.

With love and best wishes.

Lev

Comment by Lev on February 9, 2018 at 8:47am

 

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