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Widowed in 2017

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 51
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

"I know what you are going through" UGH!

Started by Raven2017. Last reply by Alone on Tuesday. 3 Replies

If I hear one more person say "I lost my (mother/father/sister/brother/....), I know exactly what you are going through,"  I think I will scream!  NO!  NO!  You do NOT know exactly what I am going…Continue

I lost my husband May 10th

Started by Malgosia. Last reply by Malgosia on Tuesday. 4 Replies

It's been a hard 3 months and I am searching for support.My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer last year in the spring, had a massive surgery, went through 4 rounds of chemo, had complications…Continue

Please

Started by Mickey Aug 2. 0 Replies

I am not here and it just didn't happen. Please come back please come backkk comee backkk

Fast Forward Button

Started by kellygreenstrat (Colin). Last reply by debs4 Jul 30. 6 Replies

I understand how early I am in this.  I understand that I have years and miles to go before any of this makes sense.  I understand that I am still a long way from rock bottom still.  The more I read…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by HelensRay on July 30, 2017 at 7:42am

My Helen passed away on the 30th June, we were together for 50 years, at the moment  I just can't see a future without her, every day is getting harder to bear.  

Comment by Boo on June 30, 2017 at 6:35pm

Today has been three months.  I had a counseling session yesterday for the first time and she gave me some focus and direction.  I'm a bit calmer now, even though I miss him so.  She recommended a book entitled "Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart -- 100 practical ideas after your husband or wife dies".  I've just read the first entry and liked it.  It's good because each page is an idea, so no long reading for those of us who just can't concentrate well.  The first page is about the difference between grieving and mourning.  

I created a memorial, just got the 8x10 of my sweetie today and framed.   It is easy to talk to him now (when I'm not crying).  The photo sits on top of his cremains.  Four candles are in front (low ones).  It's peaceful and beautiful.  It's on top of a buffet in our great room.

Thanks for listening.  Peace......

Boo

Comment by guilloma on May 3, 2017 at 7:11am

Leeky, it will amaze you how people react to your grief.  They honestly have no idea.  There are whole posts on this site dedicated to the stupid things people say.  My husband passed 14 weeks ago today.  14 very short and 14 very long weeks.  My mother started criticizing me yesterday because I wasn't taking care of my skin.  Apparently I don't look so great right now.  My entire world just fell apart and she's worried about me not wearing sunscreen.  I asked her, "What's the point?  Who's going to care?"  She looked startled and then changed the subject.  I think that she genuinely forgot for a moment and just went into critical-mother mode.  <sigh>  

Comment by Leeky on May 3, 2017 at 6:36am

I still cry multiple times a day.  I commented on that to a very close friend and they seemed surprised.  I was surprised that it came as a surprise.  The love of my life hasn't even been gone a full month.  Someone I spent 34 years with!  Are all of us so easily gotten over?  Does the love and work we filled our entire lives with have so little impact on those we thought we were closest too that they stopped noticing our absence in less than a month?  Will I be forgotten even more quickly than that since he isn't around to miss me?  Or have I just put up such a good front that others thought I was doing better, and my vulnerability was what surprised them?  But if that was the case, why would they be my friend to begin with because in my mind that would make me a very cold-hearted person.  And I'm so very tired of crying.  I have a moment of happiness, a spontaneous burst of laughter and it feels like the old me, the before me.  I was always happy unless something happened to make me sad.  I woke up with a song in my head, just smiling for no reason other than that I loved my life.  I know at some point that my memories of our time together will bring the same joy they used to when he was here and we would reminisce together, but right now they just make me cry.  Anyoone have a happy thought to share?  The best I could come up with was that at least I found this forum where I could ramble my crazy thoughts without worrying that people were going to think I had gone crazy and needed professional help!

Comment by ashleynicole8378 on April 18, 2017 at 10:43am

It's really starting to occur to me how hard solo parenting is and my son turns 2 next month. So still have a long way to go. Went on a little road trip Easter weekend to see my family in North Carolina (We live near Nashville TN) I of course really missed Mark and kept wondering what he'd be doing/saying if he was there. The weather was awesome. He would've loved that. But I also just missed having someone help with the practical things like packing for the trip. I ended up under packing and having to wash some of my son's clothes while we were there because I was so stressed and in a rush trying to get everything ready solo. I drove 4 hours Thursday night, stayed at my mom's, and then drove the remaining 2 hours Friday. I drove those 4 hours without stopping once because my son was sleeping like a rock and I wasn't going to deal with getting him out and waking him up. If Mark was around, he could've hung out in the van making sure Ryan was ok while I ran in to pee somewhere. The drive back on Sunday was worse because we were driving mostly in the middle of the day so Ryan was not happy about being in the car so long. If we took a road trip when Mark was alive, I sometimes sat in the back with Ryan to keep him from being too fussy. Obviously don't have that option anymore. Just little things feel so enormous sometimes. I take medicine every day because I don't have a thyroid. Had to skip taking my medicine today because I'm out because I haven't had the time to make it to the pharmacy between work, a sometimes nasty commute, and solo parenting I feel like I don't have time to breath. When I go grocery shopping, I leave all the dry goods in my van and only put away what absolutely has to be put away right then because it's so hard to get this done with a toddler attached to me. My son was a daddy's boy and Mark was really good at keeping him occupied while I took care of things. I know I probably need to get better at getting things done while my son plays independently, but haven't got to that point yet, partly because I have working mom guilt so bad. I don't feel guilty that I work, but I feel guilty that I work such long hours. This sucks so bad. Anyone else feeling like this?

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 26, 2017 at 2:00pm

So I was at church this morning.  During the mass a gentleman who has always been so very kind to my family started having an episode.  Not really sure what it was, seizure  etc.  This old couple has been very supportive of us since we adopted our 3 boys 13 years ago, and it was upsetting to see him going through an emergency like that. 

The first thought I had was that Vicky was going to be so upset when I tell her about it when I get home.  This is the second time in a week that my mind has blacked out her death.  When the realization hit home it was all I could do not to cause a scene.  I don't think my youngest would have appreciated it.  It is so painful to keep realizing every single facet of my life has changed forever.  I'm constantly surprised by it at every turn.

Comment by guilloma on March 24, 2017 at 8:56am

I am counting the day a success when I continue to breathe.  It seems like such a simple act, breathing, but some moments, it is a feat of pure willpower.

Comment by Angela on March 19, 2017 at 1:28pm

I notice that people have noted they have become time keeper I can fully relate.  It's been two weeks and two days since my fiance passed.  Yesterday I was able to cope with only a few break downs and yet today, every breath I took was a constant reminder of what I had and never will ever again.  I feel all of the stages of grief sometime within seconds of each other but today I am just stuck in a hopeless feeling.  I wish we didn't have these types of groups but coming here is the only place I can feel like others know how it feels.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 8:27am

Oh, every day gets worse.  I'm sure it will be like that for a while.  And no there is nothing that touches that pain.  It helps me coming in here, being among kindred spirits.  It feels better to say things out loud, and it's so heartwarming to have people here holding you up.  I trust things will get better eventually.  In the meantime it is a total freefall in the darkness.

Comment by guilloma on March 8, 2017 at 8:22am

kellygreenstrat, it is the little things that knock us down.  I've cried cleaning out the litter box because that was a chore that my husband took on.  I, too, thought that it would be "one day at a time" but it is really a minute by minute hell.  In some ways, I feel worse now than I did 6 weeks ago.  The pain is so deep, no amount of crying can release it.

 

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