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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2017

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 77
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Sadness

Started by Kimmy. Last reply by Kimmy 8 hours ago. 10 Replies

Hi my husband Owen passed away 10 days ago. His battle with cancer finally ended. This overwhelming sadness is gut wrenching

"I know what you are going through" UGH!

Started by Raven2017. Last reply by BelovedPeach Sep 17. 8 Replies

If I hear one more person say "I lost my (mother/father/sister/brother/....), I know exactly what you are going through,"  I think I will scream!  NO!  NO!  You do NOT know exactly what I am going…Continue

Another week...

Started by VenusBlue. Last reply by Anchor82 Sep 14. 6 Replies

And yet another week without my dear husband.  This makes six weeks since he passed. This is the worst time keeping ever. So unreal; such a time warp. I'm brought to tears when I have to say my…Continue

How am I supposed to even begin to prepare for Christmas?

Started by Tania. Last reply by mls64 (Mike) Sep 13. 2 Replies

The holiday season is lurking - growing closer every day. It's supposed to be a joyous time with family and friends. It's not even Halloween and already items are on display. Christmas in July was…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by InsideLove 22 hours ago

Beth: thank you for confirming what I feel and am learning. Fortunately, God has set me in place with family and friends that I can call on. I also find the Bereavement Hotline from the Dignity Funeral Home, available 24/7, to be outstanding listeners. I usually call them when I've been sobbing for what seems like eternity, even at 11pm. They don't put their "you shoulds" or suggestions on me whatsoever. They listen, they tell me they hear my pain and anguish.

Comment by Beth yesterday
Adoption 1964: Girl, you hit the nail on the head! People do NOT know how to deal with our grief!! I've,tried to educate my friends versus being offended or appsled at their lack of understanding. I never knew till I was here either... sorry to say. As you know, people say "take it one day at a time" whenwhile,we're trying to take it one second at a time!! I hope you find solace within. Hugs! Beth
Comment by Beth yesterday
Inside love: my heart goes out to you..I SO wish I could say it gets better in a week, a month or a year, but I can't. I just hope you have family and friends you can reach out to in your darkest hours. If not.know we're here for you. Hugs!
Comment by InsideLove yesterday

My husband died in the hospital 3 days after his 68th birthday. We knew each other 49 years and were married for 47. I am still not feeling at all myself 2 months later. I cry morning and night mostly. Although on a day like today, went to the bank to change some documents, I sit in the car and just

I am still not feeling at all myself 2 months later. I cry morning and night mostly. Although on a day like today, went to the bank to change some documents, I sit in the car and just sob - it's another signature or piece of paper that makes it real, again and again. So virtually anything can trigger me into sobbing.I've lost 20 pounds and cannot eat more than twice a day. My sleeping is erratic. Sometimes up and down all night. Or sometimes I feel God's grace and mercy and sleep 7, not 2 to 5 hours.

I've lost 20 pounds and cannot eat more than twice a day. Stomach sick quite a lot. My sleeping is erratic. Sometimes up and down all night. Or sometimes I feel God's grace and mercy and sleep 7, not 2 to 5 hours. I cannot watch the same shows on TV that we watched - we were both in love with history and car channels.

I've got a grief counselor I see 1 x a week. ANd then on another day I have a grief support group. It's about a 40 minute drive to the group so I'm waiting to be part of one closer to me on Oct 24th. Both of these relationships are a little help.

I just can't stand the pain I am in - emotionally, mentally, physically with this weight loss.

For today though, with the sun out my plan is to put away the bank papers now and head on for some sunshine. I'm sorry to be part of this group although it's another lifeline I hope.

Comment by HelensRay on October 3, 2017 at 6:30am

Adoption1964, I did mean to contact you last week to pass on this website:  https://www.nosleeplessnights.com/best-over-the-counter-sleep-aids/

this may help with your sleeping issues.  I have sent for some of the Kirkland Aids, but it may be a while as they are being supplied from the US.

I do have a big group of drinking friends (male and female) and we meet on a regular basis and I think that I am pretty lucky in that they are not trying to wrap me up in cotton wool, they also seem tuned to my moods and seem to know when I am having a difficult day.  But I did have a phone call on Sunday from one of Helens best friends and you could feel the guilt dropping from her - she had,nt phoned because she did not know what to say!!  But now having made that call I am sure she will call again.

Comment by adoption1964 on October 3, 2017 at 6:10am

Here I am in month 5 of this loss, I am guessing eventually we stop counting days, weeks and months that our loved one's have passed.  This is still new and raw.  The other day I posted to FB what it was like to be a "widow".  I used the word widow with my friends and explained that we lost more than just a spouse; we lost our hopes and dreams together,  ie: our future of growing old, our emotional intimacy that you only with your spouse; all things that money can't buy.  People who say they are you friends disappear for the fear of not knowing what to say or that they will hurt your feelings.  There are those that want to fix you; what we need is for people to understand and listen to us; we don't need fixed as this is for me to figure out how to move through and forward. I have heard from the best intentioned well meaning people things like this" "well at least you had the years you did with them" you are lucky or how this You are luck you found someone to love some people don't get to find that.  I am supposed to feel better. My post was just to share that I am here, I am a human with feelings; not to get people to feel guilty because they disappeared.  I also stated that in society as a whole we don't understand grief.  The end result was I have had people that disappeared call me and want to go to dinner, spend time with me.  This is not what I wanted them to do.  What I am saying is just listen to the widow's grief from the beginning and don't leave them alone for 5 to 6 months and come back when it is perceived safe.  I think they all felt guilty for leaving me alone.  Not my intent.

Comment by HelensRay on September 27, 2017 at 7:42am

adoption1964, I am sure that there must be something similar, I know that they do sell Kalms in the US. I found the Vantage more effective for me than Kalms but Kalms or similar might work for you, I did try a few different ones before I found the one that worked for me. It will be (have been) Helen and my 48th wedding anniversary in November not a day I am looking forward too. Like you the days following the nights where I don't use help I am finding very very difficult.

Comment by adoption1964 on September 27, 2017 at 7:32am

Hi HelensRay, I live in the US wonder if I can't get those.  I did have a prescription however I couldn't mix it with the anxiety medication which I no longer take.  I don't feel the anxiety nearly as much as just the overwhelming sadness and heartache.  I find it is much worse when I operate on 3 hours of sleep. Thanks for the suggestion.  This widow life is all new to me.  We we in love and loved each so much.  Now 16 years later; here I am.  I kow the people on this site understand.

Comment by HelensRay on September 27, 2017 at 7:24am

Adoption1964, I too have sleeping issues, perhaps getting a little more than 3 hours sleep but probably wake every couple of hours. I do however use some pharmaceutical at least twice a week and I do get a good 8 hours sleep then. I don't use prescription medication but over the counter stuff - I am in the UK and I use:  http://www.chemist.net/medicines-sleeping-aids-sleeping-pills/vanta...

I find that these good 2 nights sleep a week helps me deal with this present crap life and helps me keep a little sane.  I know I can't rely on this sleep indefinitely but it what I have to do at present.

Comment by adoption1964 on September 27, 2017 at 6:58am

I am going into my 5th month of widow head.  It was a hard journey when he was sick and now I have this journey by myself.  I apparently have the plague.  My family and friends are basically non existent.  Going through this alone is no fun.   I can look back and see I have grown in several ways; sometimes I feel like it is day 1 all over again.  We are coming up on the holidays; this was my husband's favorite time of year. I would like to pass over all of them this year thanks.

My new challenge, always has been.  Finding a new sleep pattern.  I am now sleeping one day well and the next day only getting 3 hours sleep; anyone else have this issue. 

 

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