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Today I have an overwhelming sadness . Im sure this is not a stranger to anyone on this site. I get so sad all of sudden . I have 4 kids under the age of 12 and they see me crying every day. I try to keep busy but there is only so much I can do before emotions and then fatigue sneak up especially if dealing with accounts and finances and medical and other household “business “ stuff. My in laws kept asking when are you depositing the checks from funeral? And they asked it several times even though I told them Im getting to everything I can when I can. I didn’t think pressure was necessary or nice.  I can get a part of something done then that sadness pit in my stomach hole in my heart aches start to increase then its gets to be too much and I cant see through the thick curtain of tears. I miss my husband so much and this heavy sadness is making each moment difficult right now. Im assuming this just continues on and off and it seems like its a different worse as each day goes by.

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Oh Luz, your position just makes me so sad and I do have tears.  I was so fortunate to have my Helen for 50 years but to lose your love so soon and with so many small children.  I thought my heartache was bad but I just can't imagine how bad is yours. Keeping busy is OK but its not really what you need, its support and love and attention and hugging is what you need.  If you can't get it from the older people you just have to get that love and hugs from your children. Have been on this site a while but when hearing stories like yours I just wish this was not internet but just around the corner so I could help.  All I can I do is send caregiver love and hope you have the strength to face the challenges ahead.  Love Ray

Thank you for your thoughts Ray. 

Luv4Z, six weeks is still very early. Everything you’re feeling is normal.  It’s very hard in the beginning.   If your in-laws are so concerned ask them to come over and help you.  It’s harder with four children plus everything else you have to deal with.  You’re allowed to move slowly and take baby steps.  Don’t let anyone rush you or make you feel guilty.  it may be hard to believe but it will slowly get better.  Everyone moves at their own pace.  Try and get other people to help you. Do what you can when you are able. 

Thank you Carmen513. Love the I think its Brave

You are most welcome .I posted more but I didn't have it quite figured out size,space etc. Basically just wanted to encourage you in this crazy crazy journey.It sucks and it doesn't make any sense at all. The shock and sadness will be less intense as the days turn into weeks,then months. Be good to yourself,kind and gentle (Because its not a given than anyone else will)...You love you!  . It is perfectly normal to hurt like hell,your heart has just broken into a million pieces. Remember all the loving memories,even the silly ones and use it to give you strength and courage to get through another hour ,day,week....True love never  dies.x

It's so very early for you.  Like everyone else has said, now is the time for you to have selective hearing.  Tune out the folks who say or do dumb things.  Most of the time they mean well, however, no one can ever know our sorrow and how it affects us.  

Just keep getting up and getting the basics done.  Everything else can wait on you.  One day you'll feel like doing a little more or you'll want to get "so and so" done.   Be patient with yourself.  Be patient with the grief process.  

Thank you. These last 2 days have been rough. I feel very heavy like a weighted blanket of sadness is over me . Trying to do one foot in front of the other every moment. Was thinking about trying to find a project or hobby to see if would help but on top of everything else figuring out finances medical insurance kids happiness and activity thank you notes I begin to feel fatigue to even think about a hobby. At some point will have to do some kind of work too. Im a speech therapist but I don’t think I can go back to working in hospitals and nursing care right now. Spent too much time at Hospital with husband dealing with aides and nurses and drs that didn’t seem to know what to do half the time. Im also dealing with starting some kind of investigation against Stelera and dr who prescribed as well as reporting drs that gave poor counseling and ed to what was going on. I think doing that brings up emotions didn’t know were there. What the heck to do now? What am I doing? It’s lonely scary and stupid. What the he** is this life? Who are we now??

I understand what you're going through as well as the concern for the checks ...

I had checks gifted at the funeral reception by thoughtful people concerned about our welfare. They were waiting for the checks to be cashed in to avoid it bouncing as the money was available now. When my SIL inquired about them I asked her to take them to my bank along w/a deposit slip from a checkbook. I was surprised we even had checkbooks considering we had only used debit cards - Bob must've ordered them sometime over the years ...

Try to ask for help whenever possible ...

Anger & exhaustion can cause unnecessary snarkiness by clouding judgement on decisions easily taken care of when the opportunity arises. Its hard to remember what resources we have available, but you can help yourself remember by making a list of reliable people offering to help ...

Blessings ...


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