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I saw this article and thought I would post it. I make no judgements one way or the other. I am interested in others peoples’ opinions. 

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/love-dating-after-loss_us_5a7d...

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Replies to This Discussion

Thanks for sharing. I feel we all have been so unlucky. If love finds any of us I sure hope we recognize it and jump in. ❤️ 

Mike, my wife passed away on the 30th June 2017.  A friend of mine Colin who is a couple of years younger than (70) and lives a few doors away from my mother-in-law, lost his wife about a month before I lost Helen.  It appears that he has just recently taken up with a new girlfriend.  My sister-in-law was a bit put out about this, saying she thought that it was far to soon and was generally questioning the "good taste".  My mother-in-law, who is 88 years old quickly rounded on her daughter, saying you have no idea what Colin has been through and is going through, you don't know how hard it is to lose you life partner (father-in-law died 15 years ago).  She went on to tell her it is not for her to judge Colin.  I thought well done Barbara - I am, I think, a long way away from making any such new adjustments but the days are so long on your own and the nights seem longer.  Ray

Nice article.  I am in the camp of not quite there yet, but some day I will likely want to have someone to share time with.  I don't currently see myself getting married again, but who knows.  My father-in-law in a moment of sick humor raised the point that my burial plot has room for 6 people, which means technically I can have 4 more wives since we had no children.  I mentioned it really just gives us more leg room.  

Everyone adjust to change in their own way.  Some people never adjust to change at all.  But regardless change comes.  I definitely agree that I am more of a we person than a me person.  I don't do well alone.  But right now I would be trying to replace Christine not open myself to a new shared experience, and that wouldn't be fair to anyone, so until I am willing to expand myself, I am sticking to myself. 

I kind of look at it this way...I'm 47 years old.  If I stay healthy...I have close to another lifetime to live without John in it.  I have been alone for almost 9 months now.  Some days I cannot imagine ever being with, close to, dating etc somebody else.  But some days I think maybe.  Maybe some day down the road.  I think different people have different needs.  I think some people simply cannot be alone and will need to find at least a companion.  And I think others feel they could never be with anyone else again.  Right now, although lonely sometimes, I personally feel I would be trying to replace John and not be opening myself to a new shared experience like Tony said. And I agree that wouldn't be fair to anyone. So for now I choose to keep working through my own grief and healing and adjusting to this new normal I didn't ask for but am living.  But I do feel, again, that we are here to live life and experience and grow.  And for those able to move on into new healthy relationships- I say awesome for them!

What a lovely story!  I do believe that finding another that has gone through a similar experience and loss would be important for me.  Or at least someone that has a very big heart and can understand that you WILL always love and want to honour  your lost partner.  I hope this couple enjoys each others company and enjoys the time they have - we all know life can change in an instant.  I hope that I can someday find a great friend to spend time with and fall in love with.  I guess I am not counting on it but one can always dream...  However, I am a loooooong way off from looking at any dating sites!

I enjoyed the article Mike. And who doesn't love a good love story.

My opinion is that if we remove our cultural upbringing and influences, dating,indeed marrying again might not be such a big deal. Thank fully Western Culture also accepts that matters of the heart is a choice of the individual ,or at least it should be.Its nice if family and friends are supportive.And sometimes its nice when they just let you be yourself ( whatever shape or form that takes)

At the end of day we all have to live with the choices we make, good ,bad, in between.But they are our choices ,not our friends ,not our family's.

It has been 7 mths since the love of my life left, and I still feel very much in love with him, our past, our future dreams, our memories. ( I am a work in progress)

I do agree though that hearts can love again, expand as the writer said.

For now ,I am focused on flying solo and finding myself and my own space.

Its a full time job,lol.

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