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Its official I just hate hate hate hate this life without my Helen.  Cancer snatched Helen from me 30th June and I thought I was doing OK, but every day is getting so more wearisome.  I go out, I talk to people, I talk to my 2 sons and I have a laugh and a joke but in those lonesome days and late at night, like now, I just miss her so much. I want her back but know that can't happen, but it dos'nt stop me wanting. 

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Helens Ray,

What you expressed helped me today. Thank you. This stinks!

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss HelensRay, unfortunately we are all with you in this. Sometimes its like you are going thru the motions when going out - just not totally involved. I too lost my everything to cancer. We so want them back, but not with the illness that took them away. Like Mandy said, it stinks, really, really stinks.

Hi HelensRay,  I absolutely am where you are.  I lost my Charlie, also to cancer, Feb. 24, and life just keeps getting more difficult and hopeless.  I'm tired of doing everything large and small by myself.  I miss him like crazy.  I too have family and friends and do limited socializing, go to the gym, etc.,  but all my old ways of coping flat out don't work.  I know your pain and wish there were some way I could help us both.  I hope you can find some peace, even for a few minutes each day.

Have had a strange experience this evening.  Have a had quite a boozy weekend, out last night to a gentleman's evening at the the rugby club, too much to drink and don't really remember getting home.  Back to the rugby club this afternoon, again a bit to much to drink but had a good time.  Got home, made a sandwich and sat down with a small (!?) whiskey.  My mind wandered to Helen and I was transported back to earlier times and it was more like an out of body experience, it was just like Helen and I were there, in Spain, Germany, Portugal - it was really lovely. Then reality broke in, but I did resist it - I was  so happy in such a long time.  Obviously reality has to kick in, but those 5 to 10 minutes were really nice


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