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I lost my wife on January 20th after a quick illness due to colon cancer.  It has been a major roller coaster ride since the day she died.  Until the last 30 seconds of her life I fully believed we were on the path of recovery.  Would like to discuss with some of you that are in this very early stage of grief.

Larry

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Kellygreenstrat,  I agree with you.  Some people just try to rush through this just to attempt to get rid of the pain.  Most likely it will come back on him at some point.  I hope things go well for you.

Larry

Mynewlife,  We are close in time.  My wife died one day ahead of your husband.  How are you doing so far?  It seems to me that I am at the point to where I am missing my wife with each passing day.  Luckily for me I have no special occasions coming up for a few months.  So far all I have been through was Valentine's Day which was tough enough by itself.  If you feel up to it I would like to hear so of the details that you went to leading up to the passing of your husband.  I am so sorry that it takes this situation for us to now be talking.

Larry

No preparing for my husband's death.  It was sudden without warning.  I am so sorry for you as I know you're are hurting very badly.  I physically hurt and sometimes I think I can't go on by myself.  I have one son and he is 20 so really still a child.  I'm still trying to get his name off of things, car, camper (which I need to sell), you know what I talking about.  I just can't deal with it right now.  The police just gave me back his phone and I don't want to shut it off but it really is a waste of money to keep it on.  Do I keep the house or sell it?  So many things to go through that I'm not prepared for.  We were married 23 years.  I was going through some papers trying to organize everything I haven't put away since the death and I came across the card he gave me for my birthday.  So I will have to leave the mess and finish another time.  But I know you are dealing with the same things.

Mynewlife,  I am very sorry that you having to go through this at this time.  I know exactly what you are going through.  Right now I am coming up on the 7 week mark (Friday.)  It seems everyday it gets a little bit harder.  My wife had a car in my name so I had to deal with that.  When I bought her that car she wanted us to put it both names on it but I wanted it to be just hers so therefore I had to get it changed.  Will wind up selling it at some point.  Don't need two cars for one person.  My wife's phone is still on.  She still is receiving calls and texts on it daily.  Will turn it off sometime, I guess.  Take your time on the house.  Don't make any snap judgements there.  We met later in life.  We were married for 19 years.  The best period of my life.  As bad as this is I wouldn't trade the time I had with her for anything.  I am 62 and retired to be her caregiver in December.  Never realized the caregiver part would be so short.  We thought I was caring for her on her road back to recovery.  Up until the last 30 seconds I thought recovery was our road.  So no advance warning here either.  May God be with you and help you on this long road until you feel better.

Larry

I lost my husband on January 25.  Day 42 today, 6 weeks exactly.    I am 45 and cannot imagine that I have to spend the next 30 or 40 years without him.  Our 19 year old daughter still lives at home, thank goodness.  She is the only thing keeping me alive at this point.  She feeds me, makes sure that I get out of bed.  It's a struggle.  It helps to be on this site and know that others understand what we are going through.  It is the worst kind of pain.  I hope that everyone finds a moment of peace today.

All I know is this is the most pain I have ever experienced.  My mother lost my dad at age 38 and at age 79 she was showing her wedding photo talking about how my dad was her Clark Gable.  She never stopped grieving.  

I just noticed this discussion but it seems as if I am late to the party. I am fairly new here. Having lost my husband Steve March 2nd, I am just at 8 weeks. We too had faith that we were headed for a recovery right up until a few days before he took his last breath. He made the decision to stop fighting on a Saturday evening, hospice came to get him set up Monday and by Thursday morning he was gone. I am still having a difficult time coming to grips with reality. How could he be gone? We would have been married 24 years in June. I am 60 and we were together all the time. I am struggling with the loss of my soul mate, our plans for our golden years and who I was as 1/2 of us. This early stage of grief is so very difficult and draining. I am filled with despair but am functioning and taking care of what needs to be done. My support system ( friends,family, church family) all want to do something to help. But honestly...there is nothing anyone can do. I just want Steve back. I want us back.

Averysmom,

I am very sorry for your loss.  I know what you are going through because today marks week 14 for me.  We were married for 19 years and I am 62.  As you can see we met later in life.  I know what it is to believe that recovery is the road you are heading down to have it all come crashing down all of a sudden.  We went from the recovery route unto the end in a period of about 30 seconds.  There was no time for good byes, I love you or any of that.  If we are able to communicate some I will be able to enlighten you some as what to expect.  There will be a lot of firsts this year.  Your and his birthday, your wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving and that long Christmas season.  Although the brains realizes what has happened fairly quickly I am told that it takes the heart about 6 months to fully accept this.  Even though I am a few weeks ahead of you, I still have those moments where I think things can be different.  I went to the grocery store today and when I got back home and was coming in the door the thought entered my mind that she would come running down the stairs to tell me she was back.

Larry

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