Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I lost my beautiful wife Mary after 30 years of marriage on December 23rd. It was our 30th anniversary. She died from Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease. I had never heard of it until she got it. She died at home and I took care of her with a lot of help from hospice, my stepsons and my daughter. It was a rapid decline and it was heartbreaking to witness.
It’s been just over three weeks and I am still in shock. I cry every day and I miss her so much. Everything in the house reminds me of her. I still can’t believe she’s not coming back. Sometimes I don’t know how I get through the day. I put one foot in front of the other but I feel like I’m in a bad dream and can’t wake up.

Views: 214

Replies to This Discussion

Mike I am so sorry. My husband of 47 years went to heaven Aug 28. I’m not one who can yet say it’ll get easier but I have learned it does from many. This is a wonderfully supportive community. I’ve met only people who know the anguish we each feel as we walk along side grief. I’m sorry you’re here. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Mike, I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's really so very hard but it gets less intense as time goes by.   I lost my Jerry suddenly Dec 14.  Today it's been one month.  I am not going to sugar coat anything and say it's better but I can tell you it IS better than it was.  

I still feel like he's going to come home.  Mornings are pretty awful.  The shock is wearing off and reality is setting in.  All in all, it is still better today that it was a month or even a week ago.  Just take it easy and don't expect much of yourself and if you want to cry, then have a good old fashioned cry.  No shame in that and it does help acually.   Wishing you peace Mike.... 

Hi Mike,

I am sorry to hear of your loss of your beautiful Mary. I am sure you both endured and clung to every memory right to the end- and even after. It hurts like no other pain when we lose  our life partner. I felt for days numb, then like a part of me was literally missing, like a limb not there?...I could fake my outside appearance,but inside I felt like someone you would see narrowly escaping from a bomb raid, bloody face,tears,blood, ie a wreck.!

30 years is a lot of time growing,laughing,crying,hugging,talking,celebrating,discussing life together! All those hours,days,nights,birthdays,holidays,family memories weaved together.

My Bobby left (passed on) 6months ago now  ( from Cancer,up and down to finally the disease won. Bobby was 57yrs old, an 80's who loved music,carefree and opinionated! ,but I still remember for quite a few weeks in the beginning thinking " How could he be gone", How can this be done?.

I cried, I ranted, I panicked, cried some more. I felt sick, heartbroken. Some days my bones ached so much with grief and it felt scary wondering when the next wave would smash me up against a rock.

Be gentle and patient with yourself Mike. Breathe moment by moment, til it becomes hour by hour.Cry, talk to Mary, talk to yourself, talk to others. Just talk and be..

. It takes time to mourn. Join a support/grief group, ( as well as this one) stay close to positive friends/family.  ( My God I remember just breathing properly was a big enough task).  Sleep was something, I used to know, but the intensity has eased somewhat,or I am better prepared for the free falling without a ripcord scenario!. I  will miss  my larger than life Bobby,just as you will your beautiful Mary. until the day I die. True Love never dies.

Dear Mike,

i lost my husband, my beloved George, in April 2013. I did not want to go on. I dragged myself to yoga, to writing. I gardened. And it all seeemd so meaningless. But about three Years in (sorry, that long), I felt better. I had made some friends. I’d traveled and seen beautiful places and I wanted to live. Please hang in there for awhile. I told myself my George hadn’t loved me so much for me to give in. Sending love. 

Hi Mike, I hear myself in your email.  Dennis and I were married 30 years also.  I came home from work and found him dead in the shower.  Yes it is totally overwhelming.  It has been 6 months for me.  You have been less than a month and are still in the shocked stage.  You will feel overwhelmed and as if you cannot breath at times.  Yes, we have no choice but to continue with life and move forward.  I wish there were a secret I could give you to get through this. Unfortunately there is none.  Just know that whatever you are feeling is ok.  You are allowed for feel sad, mad and overwhelmed as much as you want.  There are times when I see people walking in a store holding hands and I want to go up to them and beat them up.  How dare they have each other!  There are times when I just stop in the grocery store and cry when I see Cheerios.  All perfectly normal.  One thing I did was I never turned down an invitation - no matter what it was.  I also joined a gym for training classes to make myself get out of the house.  I didn't think it was healthy to sit an hibernate alone - we lived alone so now it is just me.  Do not isolate yourself.  You need friends and family to help you get through.  I still visit the cemetery every Sunday and tell him how my week was (probably the only time I was ever able to talk to him without him interrupting me :)).  Please take care and take it slow.  Allow yourself the healthy process of grieving.  Bless you my friend, you will get through this.  Carol

So sorry for your loss.  Nobody wants to be a member of this group.  You will be in shock for a bit.  I lost my beloved spouse and best friend on March 29, 2017.  He was 49 and had a hemorrhagic brain stem stroke.  He was healthy and it was a shock.  We have a teenaged daughter who is devastated by the loss as well.  Going to therapy helped me to breathe in the first few months and then start to develop other coping mechanisms.  I relate to what everyone has said here.  You feel like you are functioning without a limb and the loss is painful in a way you can't describe and literally takes your breath away.  I will say that so far I haven't felt like I'm moving on, but moving forward.  My daughter and I started scuba lessons together and went on a big trip to the Caribbean over the holidays to get certified and even though a vacation without him was daunting, it was healing to do it.  Take one moment at a time and do not think too far ahead except for the present moment.  So far, memories are a bit painful at times because of the huge hole in my life and for my daughter's loss as well.  Each day still feels like a struggle, but sometimes you feel like you are winning just because you made it through the day.  It is so important to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Whatever you feel is normal, there is no timeline for your feelings.  9 months out is better than the first few months, so you will find ways to move forward and live because you are a survivor, life is short, and hopefully eventually you will find meaning to live and not just go through the motions.  We all know your pain, so please know you are not alone.

Hi Mike. My name is Shirley and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 21 years just under 8 months ago on May 24, 2017. I can honestly say I really don't remember three weeks out. I think the body is still numb and in shock as you mentioned. And I sometimes think that was a good thing only because it allowed me to function at a time when I thought I would no longer be able to function.  My husband, John, fought cancer for 21 months and we also experienced hospice and a rapid decline at the end. I had a senior in HS who graduated two weeks after John passed away so I was maybe thankfully busy with that and John's funeral and I also have a 16 year old daughter.  My husband was only 49 years old. The months after John's passing have been a multitude of ups and downs.  There are times when I feel I am going to be ok and there are times when an overwhelming sadness envelopes me for days.  I can usually feel the days that are going to be hard....it's like a veil that starts right after I get up and get moving in the morning.  I find all I can do is let the grief work its way through and I am sad and I cry and I ask why and it is just a very hard and trying time. But I can also say that I do have happy and good times.  The holidays were hard and the week following was very hard but I feel I am lifting now yet again from that fog and moving forward.  I think grief is so different for every person.  I hope you find a piece of happiness in your days now and continue to find more as time goes on. While I know I will never ever forget John- he was the love of my life- I know I will continue to talk about him and keep his memory alive and try my best to live my life as I know he would want me to.  Were are still here.  And a part of Mary will always live on in you as John will in me and my kids. Please know we are all here for you and do understand. 

I want to thank everyone who replied to my post. I appreciate the encouragement and support. It has helped. It means more coming from people who understand my sadness. I want to say it’s good to know others who are going through this too but I am not glad anyone has to endure this.
I don’t know the expected behavior here. Should I reply to each person individually or can I send a general thank you? Please correct me if I make an unintended mistake.

You reply to one,none or everyone. Its ok whatever way you decide.

 Just remember Mike, you do not have to endure this alone. Emotions can be super sensitive,and unpredictable.

In the early days and weeks, I did a lot of things on auto pilot, caught buses, went to appointments,did food shopping.even went to a friends birthday party in there somewhere. Then id get home and collapse in tears.

Take care, May God always smile upon you and Mary xo

Mike, I'm so sorry you've lost your precious wife, Mary. This will probably be the most difficult thing you'll ever go through in your life....that's what many of us have found. I lost my wonderful husband of 40 years at the end of October, not quite 3 months ago. Reading your first post, you wondered how you got through each day. Then you answered your own question perfectly when you said you "put one foot in front of the other". That is how you do it. Sometimes you may even break it down into an hour - small bites of large pain, each one a victory to have endured. 

I put a little sign on my refrigerator that some wise widow had made her motto: "Just do the next thing". I can usually manage to do that. I find life, once so routine and free-flowing, is now an enormous effort because the "we" I knew so well has been stripped down to a "me" I don't recognize at all. I've done  lots of reading here. It's helpful to know we're not alone in what we think and feel. I truly felt (and still do at times) that I was losing my mind.  This particular "insanity" is a unique grief beyond what was ever imaginable to me before. We haven't lost a dancing partner, we've lost the present and future of our whole melded being, our life's partner.

Yet, there is reason to hope from the words and experiences of the qualified others here that one day, the pain will be diminished, and life's empty cup will fill with meaning and purpose again. I don't know when those days will appear for us; meanwhile, just do the next thing till they come. 

Sorry Mike that you are going through this devastating loss of your wife. I lost my husband Bill December 27th it has been almost 4 weeks. I cry all the time. I cannot believe he's not coming home. I feel your pain and again I'm sorry your going through this.

We get though this the best we can.There are  no rules or guidelines to this journey. We each do what we feel is best for us.

I'm just over 6 yrs out being a widow and I still have my hard days and my softer days are more so than in the beginning  It's not easy but it does get softer with time. A four letter word I sometimes hate and other times love.

Mike you will get there in your own way and in your   own time.             Chat is a good place to be if you just need to vent, rant, talk or what ever. We are all there for you,

RSS

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service