It’s just two months since my wife died and almost every place I go I say to myself: “The last time I was here Mary was with me.” Since we did so much together this happens a lot. Usually it’s hard. Every place has a memory. Most are ordinary but some are very special. It seems like this will go on for quite a while. Some places I just can’t go back to yet. Some I don’t know if I ever can.
Mike, I have that same feeling. Its 8 months since I lost Helen and I have those thoughts all the time. Went out with Helen's sister and her husband on Friday evening to a local Indian restaurant and I could remember the first time Helen and I went there in 2001. We traveled a lot but we had some special places. One was in Portugal and I don't know that I will ever go back there. We went there every year for about 8 years, same apartment usually, but I think it could be a disaster for me if I went back so don't think I will chance it. Ray
I'm so sorry, Mike. My husband died four months ago, and I'm the same way. I even do it with tv shows we watched together. The other day I finished the toothpaste in a tube Gilbert bought right before he died, and I burst into tears because he'll never buy that toothpaste again.
Everything is so different and hard. I know, because other widowed people have told me, that in time it feels like a good thing. You'll remember being at those places with Mary and you'll smile and be happy and you'll think about how much fun you had. We may need to wait a while, but we'll get there. Mary and Gilbert would want us to.
Melissa, I understand about something seemingly as small as toothpaste. I still have the tube we took to the hospital, his favorite brand, not mine. I have come to call these things, like the last jar of mustard in the fridge we shared, “little deaths.” Each small thing is one more thing that separates us from our beloved husband or wife. And each little death is so heart wrenching...
Yes we’ll get there, remembering the laughter...
I'm going through it too Mike. Tomorrow will be 5 months since I lost my husband, Chris. I find that I can't watch certain TV shows that we watched together. In May I will be going to the place that we vacationed every year for 15 years, I know it's going to be hard but when Chris first got sick he told me he wanted me to keep going and he'd send me a sign that he was there with me. I have my daughter and granddaughter meeting me there for part of the trip so showing them around will help keep me busy. But I'm sure lots of tears will be shed. I guess we just take it one place and one day at a time.
Isn't it strange the way things now seem in the new world. When I read your reply Denise I just well'ed up and the tears just came. So brave of you to return to your vacation spot Denise and I hope everything goes well. The Chase and Tipping point are off my TV watch list as is a series we have here in the UK called "call the midwife", just too difficult.
I see people commented about the TV shows they watched together. I forgot about that. I’m having trouble with that too. A couple of shows I can watch but most of the ones we watched together I just can’t bring myself to watch without her.
I’m relieved to know that so many are having a hard time going places where we all went as couples. My husband Ralph and I went EVERYwhere together in our city and so many others in FL. One I’ll never be able to return to is St. Augustine...’our’ place for so many years and occasions. But one day soon I must return to the St. Johns River he so loved, both as a tournament fisherman and conservationist. We spent many hours there, fishing and bird watching. It will be my first hurdle, revisiting the river...
Peace to all of us on this sad journey.
It’s been 15 months since my wife passed. It’s the tv shows for the most part.
She loved Frasier, King of Queens, and Every Loves Raymond.
They were (and still are) DVR’d on our bedroom television. She couldn’t sleep without the TV on.
It drove me crazy. She told me she would force herself to stay awake for fear I would turn the TV off.
Of course I would turn it off when heard her snoring. ( she claimed she didn’t snore).
When I turned it off she would wake up and say “what are you doing I was watching that!•