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Widowed in 2017

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 66
Latest Activity: Sep 18

Discussion Forum

"I know what you are going through" UGH!

Started by Raven2017. Last reply by BelovedPeach Sep 17. 8 Replies

If I hear one more person say "I lost my (mother/father/sister/brother/....), I know exactly what you are going through,"  I think I will scream!  NO!  NO!  You do NOT know exactly what I am going…Continue

Another week...

Started by VenusBlue. Last reply by Anchor82 Sep 14. 6 Replies

And yet another week without my dear husband.  This makes six weeks since he passed. This is the worst time keeping ever. So unreal; such a time warp. I'm brought to tears when I have to say my…Continue

How am I supposed to even begin to prepare for Christmas?

Started by Tania. Last reply by mls64 (Mike) Sep 13. 2 Replies

The holiday season is lurking - growing closer every day. It's supposed to be a joyous time with family and friends. It's not even Halloween and already items are on display. Christmas in July was…Continue

Who am I?

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Gunnerx2 Sep 4. 10 Replies

I seem to be fixated on this thought - who am I?  I honestly don't know.  We were together for my entire adult life.  I don't know what I like to eat, watch on tv, my clothing style, or even my…Continue

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Comment by HelensRay on August 28, 2017 at 1:12pm

Its now 8 weeks since I lost Helen, yesterday was a bad day.  Another one of those "first" days.  It was the best day weather wise since Helen passed and I just got to thinking what we "WE" would have been doing on such a great day.  Its just so hard but again it was good to get the tears out after having been crying the last few days with no tears. Like you Leeky just wanted to spend a few moments appreciating what what we had and can't believe how lucky I was to have Helen in my life.

Comment by Leeky on August 28, 2017 at 12:14pm

It's been 5 months since I lost Lee.  I am doing pretty good most of time, but I've been missing him a lot recently.  He would have loved seeing the solar eclipse, which brought his loss back to me so strongly.  And my birthday is coming up, the first one without him.  He made me my very first birthday cake - as  a twin I never had one of my own.  He made it in a toaster oven and it was just so special.  He made me one every year for 33 years, perfecting it as he went. And when he was in the hospital one year he made the nurse go down and get a cupcake with a candle in it so that I would have a cake on my birthday and then made me another one when he got out.  

Just feeling a little blue and needed to spend a few moments appreciating all the love we shared and what a wonderful man I had in my life.  

Comment by Kat70 on August 26, 2017 at 5:41am

I lost Den July 6. He'd had heart failure for 11 years, but it was a post-surgery infection that got him, because he had no reserves to fight with. But he'd had so many close calls that we always had it in the back of our heads that he could go any time... And all that turned out to mean is that no matter how prepared you think you are, you're never prepared. I miss him terribly, every single moment. 

Comment by HelensRay on July 30, 2017 at 7:42am

My Helen passed away on the 30th June, we were together for 50 years, at the moment  I just can't see a future without her, every day is getting harder to bear.  

Comment by Boo on June 30, 2017 at 6:35pm

Today has been three months.  I had a counseling session yesterday for the first time and she gave me some focus and direction.  I'm a bit calmer now, even though I miss him so.  She recommended a book entitled "Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart -- 100 practical ideas after your husband or wife dies".  I've just read the first entry and liked it.  It's good because each page is an idea, so no long reading for those of us who just can't concentrate well.  The first page is about the difference between grieving and mourning.  

I created a memorial, just got the 8x10 of my sweetie today and framed.   It is easy to talk to him now (when I'm not crying).  The photo sits on top of his cremains.  Four candles are in front (low ones).  It's peaceful and beautiful.  It's on top of a buffet in our great room.

Thanks for listening.  Peace......

Boo

Comment by guilloma on May 3, 2017 at 7:11am

Leeky, it will amaze you how people react to your grief.  They honestly have no idea.  There are whole posts on this site dedicated to the stupid things people say.  My husband passed 14 weeks ago today.  14 very short and 14 very long weeks.  My mother started criticizing me yesterday because I wasn't taking care of my skin.  Apparently I don't look so great right now.  My entire world just fell apart and she's worried about me not wearing sunscreen.  I asked her, "What's the point?  Who's going to care?"  She looked startled and then changed the subject.  I think that she genuinely forgot for a moment and just went into critical-mother mode.  <sigh>  

Comment by Leeky on May 3, 2017 at 6:36am

I still cry multiple times a day.  I commented on that to a very close friend and they seemed surprised.  I was surprised that it came as a surprise.  The love of my life hasn't even been gone a full month.  Someone I spent 34 years with!  Are all of us so easily gotten over?  Does the love and work we filled our entire lives with have so little impact on those we thought we were closest too that they stopped noticing our absence in less than a month?  Will I be forgotten even more quickly than that since he isn't around to miss me?  Or have I just put up such a good front that others thought I was doing better, and my vulnerability was what surprised them?  But if that was the case, why would they be my friend to begin with because in my mind that would make me a very cold-hearted person.  And I'm so very tired of crying.  I have a moment of happiness, a spontaneous burst of laughter and it feels like the old me, the before me.  I was always happy unless something happened to make me sad.  I woke up with a song in my head, just smiling for no reason other than that I loved my life.  I know at some point that my memories of our time together will bring the same joy they used to when he was here and we would reminisce together, but right now they just make me cry.  Anyoone have a happy thought to share?  The best I could come up with was that at least I found this forum where I could ramble my crazy thoughts without worrying that people were going to think I had gone crazy and needed professional help!

Comment by ashleynicole8378 on April 18, 2017 at 10:43am

It's really starting to occur to me how hard solo parenting is and my son turns 2 next month. So still have a long way to go. Went on a little road trip Easter weekend to see my family in North Carolina (We live near Nashville TN) I of course really missed Mark and kept wondering what he'd be doing/saying if he was there. The weather was awesome. He would've loved that. But I also just missed having someone help with the practical things like packing for the trip. I ended up under packing and having to wash some of my son's clothes while we were there because I was so stressed and in a rush trying to get everything ready solo. I drove 4 hours Thursday night, stayed at my mom's, and then drove the remaining 2 hours Friday. I drove those 4 hours without stopping once because my son was sleeping like a rock and I wasn't going to deal with getting him out and waking him up. If Mark was around, he could've hung out in the van making sure Ryan was ok while I ran in to pee somewhere. The drive back on Sunday was worse because we were driving mostly in the middle of the day so Ryan was not happy about being in the car so long. If we took a road trip when Mark was alive, I sometimes sat in the back with Ryan to keep him from being too fussy. Obviously don't have that option anymore. Just little things feel so enormous sometimes. I take medicine every day because I don't have a thyroid. Had to skip taking my medicine today because I'm out because I haven't had the time to make it to the pharmacy between work, a sometimes nasty commute, and solo parenting I feel like I don't have time to breath. When I go grocery shopping, I leave all the dry goods in my van and only put away what absolutely has to be put away right then because it's so hard to get this done with a toddler attached to me. My son was a daddy's boy and Mark was really good at keeping him occupied while I took care of things. I know I probably need to get better at getting things done while my son plays independently, but haven't got to that point yet, partly because I have working mom guilt so bad. I don't feel guilty that I work, but I feel guilty that I work such long hours. This sucks so bad. Anyone else feeling like this?

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 26, 2017 at 2:00pm

So I was at church this morning.  During the mass a gentleman who has always been so very kind to my family started having an episode.  Not really sure what it was, seizure  etc.  This old couple has been very supportive of us since we adopted our 3 boys 13 years ago, and it was upsetting to see him going through an emergency like that. 

The first thought I had was that Vicky was going to be so upset when I tell her about it when I get home.  This is the second time in a week that my mind has blacked out her death.  When the realization hit home it was all I could do not to cause a scene.  I don't think my youngest would have appreciated it.  It is so painful to keep realizing every single facet of my life has changed forever.  I'm constantly surprised by it at every turn.

Comment by guilloma on March 24, 2017 at 8:56am

I am counting the day a success when I continue to breathe.  It seems like such a simple act, breathing, but some moments, it is a feat of pure willpower.

 

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