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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2017

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 148
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

Discussion Forum

Has Anyone had any 'Strange' things happen in your house since your spouse passed?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by Gunnerx2 20 hours ago. 6 Replies

Good Morning EveryoneI haven't had much of a chance to post anything recently, but I do read everything. I just had to ask this question. Two days after my Rick passed, December 20, 2017, I was…Continue

ANC service on Feb 28 was beyond words

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Rainy (Misty) Mar 8. 2 Replies

Marty’s Arlington National Cemetery service exceeds words, just as my grief for my missing him every day no words seem to be enough.We had 40+ family and friends in attendance. I hired a photographer…Continue

Making new friends

Started by Mike. Last reply by Mac Mar 3. 12 Replies

I read a lot about people who have a great support group of family and friends. But my wife was my best friend and my family is far away. So my support group is digital, either online or on the…Continue

The last time.

Started by Mike. Last reply by Beak137 Feb 26. 8 Replies

It’s just two months since my wife died and almost every place  I go I say to myself: “The last time I was here Mary was with me.” Since we did so much together this happens  a lot.  Usually it’s…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by riverside on December 23, 2017 at 7:58am

I lost my husband, my soulmate of 40 years of heart attack on Nov 8, while we were vacationing in California.  it was very unexpectedly.  We both retired, just wanted to enjoy life with lots of travelling.  Then, boom, all gone !   I am totally unprepared.  After the initial shock and numbness, reality sinked in.  Every day, every hour, I am struggling, every morning, I wish I would  not wake up, to face another very very sad day.   

Comment by Carmen513 on December 18, 2017 at 4:42pm

Its not Christmas that bothers me, because thats Christs birthday (to me) its every day and long evenings that I miss every fricken day!

Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 17, 2017 at 8:51am

If you need some company on Christmas Day &/or New Years Eve, please join me in the Chat Room.

I'll be hosting the Chat Room on Christmas Day, so if you need a boost before heading off to a family gathering or find yourself alone and want to chat with others out there just like you ... please stop by.  I'll be keeping an eye on the room all day (I'm in the Pacific time zone).

I'll also be hosting a New Years Eve chat from 11pm Eastern time to 12:30am Pacific time.

Dianne in Nevada

Comment by Kimmy on November 9, 2017 at 1:39pm

Hello all its been six weeks since Owen passed away. I've just about finished the paperwork from his estate and have had nothing but help from all those i have had to deal with (i'm in Australia) My councellors have been so helpful in providing me with guidance and support as have friends and family allowing me to grieve and mourn with there full support. Im about to go back to work which will come with its own challenges but i feel im ready to face them. I have read lots of books which provide helpful and informative advice which i have found invaluable as i continue on this awful journey without my wonderful husband by my side. I have a new mantra now which is I AM BECOMING THE PERSON I KNOW I CAN BE rather than getting bogged down in my sadness which i allow myself to have when i have quiet time of an evening. I have found yoga very helpful with centering my thoughts which have a tendancy to all be negative if i allow them so im now using my breathing to help me when i find those destructive thoughts coming back. I have a long way to go and dont look to far ahead just a day at a time and if i get through one day then that is a positive. 

love and hugs

Comment by InsideLove on November 9, 2017 at 12:21pm

NancyD integrate your renewal/revitalization to honor what was, indeed makes sense to me. Beautiful.

Lately, I was thinking about (just planting seeds of thought around this) my husband's contribution to the local community. His favorite organization, which he was getting ready to step off the board at the beginning of 2018, he already bequeathed a financial gift. I want to somehow, carry his legacy forward, so he lives on beyond the gift. Of course, in all practicality, he was generous. It's just somehow I want to make that part of my integration.

I like that word you used NancyD - integration! That's what we are doing. It's not a "new normal" or "new life." Those phrases are cold, old and don't work at all for me. We're integrating the todays and tomorrows with our yesterdays to preserve our love. I think it is possible.

Thanks for the reframing into an easier to accept word - integration. In that way, our love, memories and who we were together with our loved one, stay with us.

Comment by NancyD on November 8, 2017 at 5:23pm

Inside Love:  You are so right about knowing intuitively that the loss of a beloved spouse is not something to "get through".  Where does that idea come from?  I know intuitively too that it is just crazy to think I could "get through" it somehow!  And I don't WANT to "get through it" even if that were possible.  I loved him too much to come out the other side unchanged.  Surely his life and our love are worth not just putting all in the past and pretending they didn't impact me.  I want to honor who he was and what we had and try to move forward in some sort of healthy way, integrating that, allowing myself to be changed by it.  Does that make sense? I don't know what it might look like.  I have to believe it will be possible.  And right now I can only do one day at a time and hold on to that hope.  

Thanks to all the folks here.  Your shares help. 

Comment by needsalife on November 8, 2017 at 7:41am

Today I cried, not for the lost of Greg, but that I have find a family who totally gets it. I'm not feeling so lonely anymore. Today was tears of joy. Thank you

Heck maybe God does have a plan

Comment by InsideLove on November 8, 2017 at 6:43am

needsalife: Truer words we won't find elsewhere or even in most books around grief. 

My husband's death was unexpected and sudden - what was a routine hip surgery on July 17 only brought him 2 weeks home for a truly loving caregiving time as he told me. Then a 911 call on July 31 because he couldn't breathe, the treatments over 28 days failed, and he died on Aug 28. 

I'm a book lover however, I am going slowly with books to help me through this. Most of them have practical tips and ideas to "get through" this. The thing is I know intuitively, this is not something to get through. Not when despite downs, ups, arguments, loving times, we won't ever that that person who made it so, with us again. Ever. If you like books to help you expand the why of only being in a tribe such as we are in here, reluctantly, my favorite is It's OK That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand, by Megan Devine. More than so far 2 other books I read (one given to me by my counselor) our culture is a fix-it culture. We are told we need to "rise above", even sometimes encouraged to "deny" any pain. This mindset makes mostly those believing such stances, feel better while we, the ones living in the grief, can feel belittled, put down, and even shamed.

I thought I had a strong faith and that over the years there have been situations it has served me. But in some cases like now, some of it isn't helpful. For me, I cry at home, at the bank where I have to close his account, at the lawyers where our trust has to end as it was and changed to what will be, with friends who won't talk about him (who knows why because I always do). I just never was good at hiding my feelings so why start now?

This kind of insight in, It's OK, is what got me to this community: "The real cutting edge of growth and development is in hurting with each other. It's in companionship, not correction." That's what I feel here. A connection. A cry from many like me here that say, this will never make any sense. The best I can do is hope and pray for some little space to open up in my grief so that I can live in it with a little less pain. Eventually. Maybe even years from now. I don't know.

Thank you, and all here, for just letting me complain about this unreal pain.

Comment by adoption1964 (Kim) on November 8, 2017 at 5:39am

needsalife:  Very well said.  I can relate to every word.  I read peoples posts and like others I can totally relate to them. God's plan really.  I had my family tell me you are young you will find love again.  Really because that is the last thing I am thinking about.  I married at 37 and was married 15 years.  My husband was 61 and passed of Stage IV Kidney Cancer, I wish cancer on no one.  The feelings you have through the whole process ugh.  I have you find some friends.  It is very hard to find friends that understand us and ones that we want to be around.

Comment by Doug02122014 on November 7, 2017 at 8:06pm
needsalife, (Mindy)

Hey I sent you a friend invite to offer some resources via Widville mail. Let me know if I can help.

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