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Widowed in 2017

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 34
Latest Activity: Jun 22

Discussion Forum

Father's Day

Started by Leeky Jun 19. 0 Replies

What a bitter-sweet day.  I look at our children and feel so thankful they had such an amazing man for their father.  And I remember all the times we did things together for Father's Day.  When they…Continue

In memory of...

Started by ashleynicole8378. Last reply by Boo Jun 16. 3 Replies

   Been really missing my hubby Mark today, so I've decided to post a little bit about him and who he was. Feel free to add to the discussion with your on In memory of... So here goes. In memory of…Continue

Who am I?

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Boo Jun 16. 7 Replies

I seem to be fixated on this thought - who am I?  I honestly don't know.  We were together for my entire adult life.  I don't know what I like to eat, watch on tv, my clothing style, or even my…Continue

Lost wife on January 20th

Started by Larryh0823. Last reply by Larryh0823 Apr 28. 32 Replies

I lost my wife on January 20th after a quick illness due to colon cancer.  It has been a major roller coaster ride since the day she died.  Until the last 30 seconds of her life I fully believed we…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by guilloma on May 3, 2017 at 7:11am

Leeky, it will amaze you how people react to your grief.  They honestly have no idea.  There are whole posts on this site dedicated to the stupid things people say.  My husband passed 14 weeks ago today.  14 very short and 14 very long weeks.  My mother started criticizing me yesterday because I wasn't taking care of my skin.  Apparently I don't look so great right now.  My entire world just fell apart and she's worried about me not wearing sunscreen.  I asked her, "What's the point?  Who's going to care?"  She looked startled and then changed the subject.  I think that she genuinely forgot for a moment and just went into critical-mother mode.  <sigh>  

Comment by Leeky on May 3, 2017 at 6:36am

I still cry multiple times a day.  I commented on that to a very close friend and they seemed surprised.  I was surprised that it came as a surprise.  The love of my life hasn't even been gone a full month.  Someone I spent 34 years with!  Are all of us so easily gotten over?  Does the love and work we filled our entire lives with have so little impact on those we thought we were closest too that they stopped noticing our absence in less than a month?  Will I be forgotten even more quickly than that since he isn't around to miss me?  Or have I just put up such a good front that others thought I was doing better, and my vulnerability was what surprised them?  But if that was the case, why would they be my friend to begin with because in my mind that would make me a very cold-hearted person.  And I'm so very tired of crying.  I have a moment of happiness, a spontaneous burst of laughter and it feels like the old me, the before me.  I was always happy unless something happened to make me sad.  I woke up with a song in my head, just smiling for no reason other than that I loved my life.  I know at some point that my memories of our time together will bring the same joy they used to when he was here and we would reminisce together, but right now they just make me cry.  Anyoone have a happy thought to share?  The best I could come up with was that at least I found this forum where I could ramble my crazy thoughts without worrying that people were going to think I had gone crazy and needed professional help!

Comment by ashleynicole8378 on April 18, 2017 at 10:43am

It's really starting to occur to me how hard solo parenting is and my son turns 2 next month. So still have a long way to go. Went on a little road trip Easter weekend to see my family in North Carolina (We live near Nashville TN) I of course really missed Mark and kept wondering what he'd be doing/saying if he was there. The weather was awesome. He would've loved that. But I also just missed having someone help with the practical things like packing for the trip. I ended up under packing and having to wash some of my son's clothes while we were there because I was so stressed and in a rush trying to get everything ready solo. I drove 4 hours Thursday night, stayed at my mom's, and then drove the remaining 2 hours Friday. I drove those 4 hours without stopping once because my son was sleeping like a rock and I wasn't going to deal with getting him out and waking him up. If Mark was around, he could've hung out in the van making sure Ryan was ok while I ran in to pee somewhere. The drive back on Sunday was worse because we were driving mostly in the middle of the day so Ryan was not happy about being in the car so long. If we took a road trip when Mark was alive, I sometimes sat in the back with Ryan to keep him from being too fussy. Obviously don't have that option anymore. Just little things feel so enormous sometimes. I take medicine every day because I don't have a thyroid. Had to skip taking my medicine today because I'm out because I haven't had the time to make it to the pharmacy between work, a sometimes nasty commute, and solo parenting I feel like I don't have time to breath. When I go grocery shopping, I leave all the dry goods in my van and only put away what absolutely has to be put away right then because it's so hard to get this done with a toddler attached to me. My son was a daddy's boy and Mark was really good at keeping him occupied while I took care of things. I know I probably need to get better at getting things done while my son plays independently, but haven't got to that point yet, partly because I have working mom guilt so bad. I don't feel guilty that I work, but I feel guilty that I work such long hours. This sucks so bad. Anyone else feeling like this?

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 26, 2017 at 2:00pm

So I was at church this morning.  During the mass a gentleman who has always been so very kind to my family started having an episode.  Not really sure what it was, seizure  etc.  This old couple has been very supportive of us since we adopted our 3 boys 13 years ago, and it was upsetting to see him going through an emergency like that. 

The first thought I had was that Vicky was going to be so upset when I tell her about it when I get home.  This is the second time in a week that my mind has blacked out her death.  When the realization hit home it was all I could do not to cause a scene.  I don't think my youngest would have appreciated it.  It is so painful to keep realizing every single facet of my life has changed forever.  I'm constantly surprised by it at every turn.

Comment by guilloma on March 24, 2017 at 8:56am

I am counting the day a success when I continue to breathe.  It seems like such a simple act, breathing, but some moments, it is a feat of pure willpower.

Comment by Angela on March 19, 2017 at 1:28pm

I notice that people have noted they have become time keeper I can fully relate.  It's been two weeks and two days since my fiance passed.  Yesterday I was able to cope with only a few break downs and yet today, every breath I took was a constant reminder of what I had and never will ever again.  I feel all of the stages of grief sometime within seconds of each other but today I am just stuck in a hopeless feeling.  I wish we didn't have these types of groups but coming here is the only place I can feel like others know how it feels.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 8:27am

Oh, every day gets worse.  I'm sure it will be like that for a while.  And no there is nothing that touches that pain.  It helps me coming in here, being among kindred spirits.  It feels better to say things out loud, and it's so heartwarming to have people here holding you up.  I trust things will get better eventually.  In the meantime it is a total freefall in the darkness.

Comment by guilloma on March 8, 2017 at 8:22am

kellygreenstrat, it is the little things that knock us down.  I've cried cleaning out the litter box because that was a chore that my husband took on.  I, too, thought that it would be "one day at a time" but it is really a minute by minute hell.  In some ways, I feel worse now than I did 6 weeks ago.  The pain is so deep, no amount of crying can release it.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 3:08am

I hear you Phil, my wife was my "better half".  In fact quite a few people spoke of her as an incredible inspiration.  She taught religious ed. and fought the good fight without a peep of pity.  I'm also finding out that it's not as much one day at a time, but one minute at a time.  I had some extra room in the trash and thought I'd make use of it just now.  I grabbed a bag and headed upstairs.  I was ok throwing out so many medical supplies that were already opened (I'll donate what's left).  When I went into the bathroom and started grabbing things I grabbed her razor blade and thought of her shaving.  I collapsed.  If the dumbest things like that are going to knock me down, I am terrified of the next minute.

Comment by Stripes07 (Phil) on March 7, 2017 at 4:45pm
It's been 2 weeks since the funeral. It just irritates me so that the goods have to go before grumpy people that are so bitter with life. But then again maybe he doesn't want the grumpy one who does. So many things to look forward to and now they won't happen. Not going to someplace we planned to go together, she had such a faith that she made me feel like a heathen and I have a strong faith in god. Don't know what to do other than take each new day as it comes.
 

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