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Widowed in 2017

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Members: 19
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

Another week...

Started by VenusBlue. Last reply by guilloma Mar 12. 4 Replies

And yet another week without my dear husband.  This makes six weeks since he passed. This is the worst time keeping ever. So unreal; such a time warp. I'm brought to tears when I have to say my…Continue

In memory of...

Started by ashleynicole8378. Last reply by mcbeth (Mary Beth) Mar 12. 2 Replies

   Been really missing my hubby Mark today, so I've decided to post a little bit about him and who he was. Feel free to add to the discussion with your on In memory of... So here goes. In memory of…Continue

Lost wife on January 20th

Started by Larryh0823. Last reply by Larryh0823 Mar 8. 30 Replies

I lost my wife on January 20th after a quick illness due to colon cancer.  It has been a major roller coaster ride since the day she died.  Until the last 30 seconds of her life I fully believed we…Continue

Fast Forward Button

Started by kellygreenstrat (Colin). Last reply by guilloma Mar 8. 5 Replies

I understand how early I am in this.  I understand that I have years and miles to go before any of this makes sense.  I understand that I am still a long way from rock bottom still.  The more I read…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by ashleynicole8378 on Tuesday

It's really starting to occur to me how hard solo parenting is and my son turns 2 next month. So still have a long way to go. Went on a little road trip Easter weekend to see my family in North Carolina (We live near Nashville TN) I of course really missed Mark and kept wondering what he'd be doing/saying if he was there. The weather was awesome. He would've loved that. But I also just missed having someone help with the practical things like packing for the trip. I ended up under packing and having to wash some of my son's clothes while we were there because I was so stressed and in a rush trying to get everything ready solo. I drove 4 hours Thursday night, stayed at my mom's, and then drove the remaining 2 hours Friday. I drove those 4 hours without stopping once because my son was sleeping like a rock and I wasn't going to deal with getting him out and waking him up. If Mark was around, he could've hung out in the van making sure Ryan was ok while I ran in to pee somewhere. The drive back on Sunday was worse because we were driving mostly in the middle of the day so Ryan was not happy about being in the car so long. If we took a road trip when Mark was alive, I sometimes sat in the back with Ryan to keep him from being too fussy. Obviously don't have that option anymore. Just little things feel so enormous sometimes. I take medicine every day because I don't have a thyroid. Had to skip taking my medicine today because I'm out because I haven't had the time to make it to the pharmacy between work, a sometimes nasty commute, and solo parenting I feel like I don't have time to breath. When I go grocery shopping, I leave all the dry goods in my van and only put away what absolutely has to be put away right then because it's so hard to get this done with a toddler attached to me. My son was a daddy's boy and Mark was really good at keeping him occupied while I took care of things. I know I probably need to get better at getting things done while my son plays independently, but haven't got to that point yet, partly because I have working mom guilt so bad. I don't feel guilty that I work, but I feel guilty that I work such long hours. This sucks so bad. Anyone else feeling like this?

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 26, 2017 at 2:00pm

So I was at church this morning.  During the mass a gentleman who has always been so very kind to my family started having an episode.  Not really sure what it was, seizure  etc.  This old couple has been very supportive of us since we adopted our 3 boys 13 years ago, and it was upsetting to see him going through an emergency like that. 

The first thought I had was that Vicky was going to be so upset when I tell her about it when I get home.  This is the second time in a week that my mind has blacked out her death.  When the realization hit home it was all I could do not to cause a scene.  I don't think my youngest would have appreciated it.  It is so painful to keep realizing every single facet of my life has changed forever.  I'm constantly surprised by it at every turn.

Comment by guilloma on March 24, 2017 at 8:56am

I am counting the day a success when I continue to breathe.  It seems like such a simple act, breathing, but some moments, it is a feat of pure willpower.

Comment by Angela on March 19, 2017 at 1:28pm

I notice that people have noted they have become time keeper I can fully relate.  It's been two weeks and two days since my fiance passed.  Yesterday I was able to cope with only a few break downs and yet today, every breath I took was a constant reminder of what I had and never will ever again.  I feel all of the stages of grief sometime within seconds of each other but today I am just stuck in a hopeless feeling.  I wish we didn't have these types of groups but coming here is the only place I can feel like others know how it feels.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 8:27am

Oh, every day gets worse.  I'm sure it will be like that for a while.  And no there is nothing that touches that pain.  It helps me coming in here, being among kindred spirits.  It feels better to say things out loud, and it's so heartwarming to have people here holding you up.  I trust things will get better eventually.  In the meantime it is a total freefall in the darkness.

Comment by guilloma on March 8, 2017 at 8:22am

kellygreenstrat, it is the little things that knock us down.  I've cried cleaning out the litter box because that was a chore that my husband took on.  I, too, thought that it would be "one day at a time" but it is really a minute by minute hell.  In some ways, I feel worse now than I did 6 weeks ago.  The pain is so deep, no amount of crying can release it.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 3:08am

I hear you Phil, my wife was my "better half".  In fact quite a few people spoke of her as an incredible inspiration.  She taught religious ed. and fought the good fight without a peep of pity.  I'm also finding out that it's not as much one day at a time, but one minute at a time.  I had some extra room in the trash and thought I'd make use of it just now.  I grabbed a bag and headed upstairs.  I was ok throwing out so many medical supplies that were already opened (I'll donate what's left).  When I went into the bathroom and started grabbing things I grabbed her razor blade and thought of her shaving.  I collapsed.  If the dumbest things like that are going to knock me down, I am terrified of the next minute.

Comment by Stripes07 (Phil) on March 7, 2017 at 4:45pm
It's been 2 weeks since the funeral. It just irritates me so that the goods have to go before grumpy people that are so bitter with life. But then again maybe he doesn't want the grumpy one who does. So many things to look forward to and now they won't happen. Not going to someplace we planned to go together, she had such a faith that she made me feel like a heathen and I have a strong faith in god. Don't know what to do other than take each new day as it comes.
Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 5, 2017 at 9:52am

I'm so glad to hear you wouldn't change a thing.  We lived that way knowing her time was limited.  Our 20th wedding anniversary was in November and we planned a trip to Disney (since our honeymoon this would be our 20th trip).  The doctors told us in August that we should go right away.  We didn't.  We kept our plans, loaded the truck (flying was too difficult so we drove 1200 miles) and planned to leave at 2AM.  At 8 oclock that night her nephrostomy tube  (to her kidney) blocked.  we ended up in the emergency room that night and had surgery in the morning.  They kept her 5 days and we spent our 20th in the hospital.  I scrambled to remake the plans to Disney and we left 4 days later.  Not what we planned, but it was everything we hoped for.  In all my time through this I never ever felt regret or wished we had done things differently.  I feel your pain in not knowing how to put the pieces back together.  I trust in God.  It does help me though everyone finds comfort where they can.  She was more a part of me than I was and I struggle to know who I am without her.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on March 5, 2017 at 6:23am

VenusBlue I think I would rather sleep through Sunday mornings. Tom would watch his car shows on TV, I would be checking my email and enjoying a second cup of coffee. We both enjoyed a dark roast coffee and our daughter and gotten her Dad two bags of coffee from The Roasterie in Kansas City. I haven't been able to open either bag yet.

Larry I think right up until the end we are all holding out for one last miracle. I know before we took Tom off the vent my youngest daughter kept asking her Dad to squeeze our hand. I told her that if he did, I would not be able to take him off the vent. After we took it off, he slept ant snored for over 4 hours and I just knew that he was going to pull through and life would be normal again. When he took his last breath I wanted to shake him and scream at him "no  you can't leave me, it isn't suppose to be this way." I wanted to slap the life back into him.

It's funny that I am sitting here talking to a group of people that I do not know, but sharing with you the raw, bleeding part of myself that I will not share with anyone, especially my family. Being strong in B.S.

 

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