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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2018

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 178
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

The one year period means nothing

Started by Kris63. Last reply by Kris63 on Monday. 10 Replies

II have checked all the boxes of all the “firsts”. First holidays, birthdays, anniversary of the last family vacation, which I am so grateful for. June 2, 2018 was the day my world burned. May 31,…Continue

New to the Group

Started by kk24. Last reply by kk24 Aug 2. 6 Replies

Hi Everyone,I am new to the group and the site. I lost my wife 12/12/18 to lung cancer. We were together 28 years (over half my life) and I feel so lost without her. We found out in May that she had…Continue

Anxiety/panic attacks

Started by Julie. Last reply by Lisa_says Jun 19. 9 Replies

i have been having panic attacks out of no where. Any advise on this subject? It is not fun at all. JulieContinue

Hard day, Our Anniversary

Started by Mrs Bear. Last reply by Noelene T Jun 2. 5 Replies

Bill died 4/14/18, I must have been on autopilot last year. Our anniversary  is today.  Its hitting me so hard today. I heard 2nd occurrence is bad but I still wasn't prepared.   This day was special…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Dana775 on May 29, 2019 at 9:35am

Justin, So sorry for what you're going through. I would just like to echo what Roxi posted. I lost my wife in December after 32 Years of marriage and different from you, my kids are in their early 20's. Even though they were older being there to support them and to support our other family members and friends is what got me through the early days. Now that they are all doing better and not needing as much support, I am having problems dealing with the loss without that mission each morning of helping them. So I would say your kids being younger they are going to need you for quite a while and spending your time and thoughts comforting and caring for them will help you get through this. The missing and feeling of being lost doesn't go away, but you need to get up each day and care for your kids and they will care for you too. It will take a while but the three of you will work out your new normal. Wishing you all the best and know you are not alone. Dana

Comment by Roxi on May 29, 2019 at 1:34am

Dear Justin i'm very very sorry for your traumatic loss...i imagine how you feel and i can't help you with some advice 'cos i am on this horrible path of grief..i only want to say: stay with your children, you can find courage and comfort taking care of them...be strong for them...hold on, in your children you can find a reason and a way to live a big hug roxi

Comment by Justin on May 27, 2019 at 6:31pm

I lost the love of my life and mother to my children in a car accident Nov 17th, I was driving and lost control. We were only married 6 years, have a son 6yrs old now and a daughter 2yrs old the 29th of May. I cant go a day without feeling completely lost without her. Does it get easier, I dont know, but I'm trying to go on for our kids. I have no support from her parents and some from her siblings, how to survive her loss

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 14, 2019 at 9:52am

Hello! I'm the Widowed Village Administrator and I'll be hosting a chat hour this Friday to answer your questions and introduce you to our chat room. Hope you'll join me.

5pm Pacific; 6pm Mountain; 7pm Central; 8pm Eastern

http://widowedvillage.org/events/hosted-chat-hour-for-our-new-membe...

Comment by Kris63 on March 28, 2019 at 12:25pm

Hi all. I just joined this site. I am sorry we are all here. I lost my husband June 2, and it still feels so raw and unbelievable to me. Sometimes I can’t fathom this is now my life. 

Comment by Roxi on March 26, 2019 at 1:56am

Ciao the book of Joan didion is great...and really helping about the strange feelings i had in the first time of my loss...about the return and no accept the dead of your love...i read it and i breathe a sigh of relief...i'm not so out of mind...even a great writer had this magical thinking...it's a book that can help to see in your mind and recognizin that in front  of the mystery your feelings are not wrong...thank you kjpe ciao roxi

Comment by KJPE on March 25, 2019 at 8:47pm

thanks, Heidi57 for the book suggestion.  I'm sorry you had to fight tears so much on your holiday.  I have a book suggestion too - The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.  It is a memoir of her year that her husband died, and I loved it so much I read it twice in a row, crying periodically with her but also laughing.  It is an awesome book, different from the rest (I too am reading lots of books about loss, mourning, and also have one with wonderful daily thoughts).  I fight tears less often these days.  I cry every time I'm in an airport (something about this triggers my memories & yearings), and I hold my hand to my face which looks like I'm coughing...but guess what, yesterday I peeked around & not a single person was looking at me.  We are not nearly as noticeable as we think we are.  

I'm in my 60s too, and my husband was just about to turn 70 when he died.  I have been furious that he died at what I now think of as such a young age, still very vital and full of life and plans.  I'll friend you, Heidi.

Comment by Heidi57 on March 13, 2019 at 7:14pm

I have a wonderful book by Martha W. Hickman "Healing After a Loss" with daily meditations for working through grief.  I started it on January 1/19.  I cry thru each one but feel a bit better after reading them.  I'm just back from a week with good friends in the sun in Mesa, AZ and I had taken the book with me.  I wanted to share one that spoke to me.  

"....... we'll be having a genuinely wonderful time, freed at last from that continual background music of sadness.  Then we remember, and it feels like dropping through a trapdoor - a much more sudden and upsetting shift than when sadness was our prevailing mood."  

I had gone for this visit because my husband made me promise to visit these friends and with my kids pushing me to go and get some sun (instead of minus 50 with the wind and 3 feet of snow) so off I went. It was yet another first, travelling/flying alone, and while I did it without any glitches I had to fight tears the whole way.  Once there I put on a smiling face with our friends and joined in with their activities but the night of the pot luck and sitting around the fire pit broke me.  My husband and I had so enjoyed sitting around the fire pit in our backyard or when camping and we could sit and talk for hours. Even though I was surrounded by people I felt so alone and had to make my excuses to my friends so I could leave.  I walked back to their mobile home (there are in a mobile home park) crying so hard I could hardly breathe.  Once I settled down for the night I picked up my book and the daily meditation was the one noted above.  It helped me keep my head above water and I didn't beat myself up when I found myself smiling and laughing along.  It was a good week in the sun but also a very long week as there were so many times I felt alone.  

I'm in the group "widowed in 2018" but could also be in the group "born in the '50s in case you want to have someone in their 60's to talk to.  :o)  

Comment by KJPE on January 23, 2019 at 11:52am

I'm glad you posted despite the discrepancy in the group name & your experiences.  Post where your support people are!

Comment by KJPE on January 23, 2019 at 11:43am

Hi Bonky, a 1 day reprieve sounds like heaven...!   Going out of town can provide a reprieve, when you are not surrounded by things & places that constantly remind you of the person you've lost.  Everything in the house reminds me - of all the little daily things that I miss most of all.  The time we hung that picture, or the time we bought that table, or the time we sat on that couch & watched our favorite show .... being out of town can offer a short reprieve.

 

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