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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Widowed in 2018

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 119
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Introduction-feeling lost

Started by MomoftwinsinCanada. Last reply by sunshinesoon 14 hours ago. 2 Replies

I lost my husband of 12 years on Oct 1st, 2018. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2015, did very well on targeted therapy, worked as a physician full time until April 2018 and became a passionate…Continue

Lost my wife last January

Started by randy61543. Last reply by Lucky yesterday. 1 Reply

My wife and I were married on 09/15/2017. She passed on 01/05/2018. Even though we were only married those few short months, we were together for 10 years. She was the love of my life. We had that…Continue

I don't really know what to say

Started by Kek5772. Last reply by IHaftaBeStrong on Sunday. 5 Replies

Hello my name is Beth,Where does one start when their heart has been broken, when words of comfort do little to stop the tears or calm your rapid breathing.Five months ago my husband of 21 years was…Continue

Husband recently passed

Started by Elizarahana. Last reply by Luv4Z Nov 18. 7 Replies

Not sure if this is how to post. My husband died August 30th from liver cancer. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I don’t know how to deal with this pain. Taking care of my kids feels…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by LP on October 23, 2018 at 11:13pm

This is still so recent and so raw. It is only a matter of weeks. I’m at 9 months  and still feel as if I have had a layer of skin stripped off. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotion, but just keep hold of the idea that you will learn to live with it. There is no “getting over”. I think that we learn to “live around” our grief. But it is important to allow yourself to grieve - to scream, weep, get angry, have pity parties when you need to. The grief waves, as I call them, sneak up on you out of nowhere - I feel like someone has whacked me on the back of the knees with a baseball bat. But I’ve learned to go with it. You should not feel weak when this happens, or beat yourself up about it, or expect to “progress”. And please don’t listen to well-meaning but non-bereaved friends who tell you to “move on”. “Widowland” is unchartered territory for each of us here,  but we help each other muddle  through.

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on October 23, 2018 at 7:20pm

Bonky, you will get there  but understand the pity parties. This is still so new for you. It     just t

akes times and be gentle with yourself.

Comment by Bonky on October 23, 2018 at 7:05pm
I understand completely. My husband died on 9/11/18. I am a teacher and am now terrified at the thought of going back into the classroom. It just doesn’t fit with the whole “new normal” I keep hearing about. I’m definitely in anger right now. We have a senior in high school and a sophomore. There are so many milestones that he is supposed to be here for.  And it seems like the second I start feeling like “ok. I can do this. I have to do this for them “ it seems like something else sucker punches me out of nowhere and I’m right back where I started. 
     I have A LOT of pity parties these days. The thing is I don’t want to. I HATE crying but it sometimes feels like that is all I do. As my daughter said today when we were both complaining of headaches “I think my grief muscles are overworked “.   I just want a one day reprieve but it never comes. 
Comment by NLS2018 on October 23, 2018 at 6:53pm

Hi all, anyone.

I don't know where to even begin. This life I'm living now seems to be in nothing but a whirlwind. 3 months ago I lost my husband, and I almost don't even recognize myself anymore.

I think I've went through almost all of the stages of grief several times over. But this anger stage - I cannot seem to get passed it - UGGH... 

I'm just lost with it all. I know I have to keep living, but the million dollar question is "how"?? 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 5, 2018 at 11:10am

Hope you'll join me in the chat room this Sunday.

http://widowedvillage.org/events/hosted-chat-hour-for-our-new-members

Comment by Tonya on October 2, 2018 at 10:29am

I understand all to well, my BC was my compass now I feel that I’ve lost my way somehow. I keep trying to move in the direction that I think he would have wanted but so unsure of everything that I do. Only 4 months for me.

Comment by shellybean on October 2, 2018 at 7:28am

Nine months today. Trying to work on myself, "moving forward," reclaiming my life... But I'm also so very sad and lost; wandering without direction. I feel like two different people inside my body, trying to cohabitate but unable to make the same decisions. Like a two-headed animal both trying to control the body. 

Comment by riet on September 16, 2018 at 11:35am

Dear camB, I am very sorry for your loss. On such a young age, dead is totally baffling.

My experience is different: In April,  I lost my husband after a longtime illness. But I have the same dream: the whole night I try to text/call him and he doesn't answer.  Or I see him on a road a long distance before me. I call to him, very loud.  I see that he hears me, but he does not turn around and the distance between us gets bigger and bigger. And then he is gone.

After such a dream, I am completely broken.  For me, the mornings are worse as the evenings.

And another coincidence: his favorite tree in our garden is dying. It was a healthy strong conifer, and now he's loosing all color.  This never happened before. The tree does not seem to want to live anymore.

This makes me sad.  My husband liked this tree so much.

I am very well supported.  So many people drop in to see if i'm ok.

But no one and nothing can replace my husband. My best friend and the love of my life.

I was able to empty his wardrobe this week.  I was helped by a neighbor who works in a charity organization.

I kept the clothes he liked  most. I will keep them forever. And that feels good.  

But we should still be together.

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on September 16, 2018 at 11:30am

Hi CamB...I lost my husband unexpectedly as well about 5 mos ago.  Shock grief really is the worst.  You have no time to even process.  One second they are there, the next they aren't.

I have done all the things you have as well.  It just sucks.

Comment by camB on September 16, 2018 at 10:33am

This is my first post on here. I unexpectedly lost my husband on July 8th and he was only 35 years old.

Each day has its highs and lows but this morning just felt really low. I woke up from a dream where I forgot my husband was dead and the whole dream I kept trying to call/text him and just find him. Then I woke up and remembered he is gone.

After that I had a plan to drive his truck around so that the engine and battery doesn't die but this morning it wouldn't start. It sounds silly but I just felt so sad remembering my husband is dead and now his truck is also dead.

The day is slowly getting better as I have had people come over to help with the truck. But I just simply miss my husband...everyday. Sometimes I just am tired of being sad. I do go out with friends and try to have fun but deep down inside I just wish he were with me. 

 

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