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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 25
Latest Activity: Apr 7

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Comment by Rzh895 on April 7, 2018 at 5:40am

Thank you for sharing, RedWidow. I can't believe how similar our situations seem. It is comforting to know that there is someone else out there who really gets the situation with the spouse with medical and mental issues. Adds a lot of guilt and anger to the equation. Thank you!

Comment by RedWidow on April 6, 2018 at 7:31am

@Rzh895 - I'm right there with you. My husband's cirrhosis wasn't just alcohol-induced. It was fatty alcohol liver disease, too. Plus, he was bipolar and the meds he took for years likely contributed to the liver failure (acute liver failure is listed as a rare side effect). So it was a perfect storm for him. Alcoholism, bipolar, anxiety - we battled these in our marriage. I love him wholeheartedly, but mental health issues create a third party in a marriage. 

I firmly believe that alcohol abuse is a mental health disorder. It is recognized as a disability under our country's charter of rights. But still, his alcohol abuse and lack of self-care caused his liver to fail, caused me to be widowed, caused our kids to lose their dad. And yeah, I am mad at him for that.

Don't misunderstand me - I'm so very sad and devastated that I lost him. But there's a tiny voice inside that whispers to me (and makes me feel incredibly guilty!) "at least he can't hurt you or the kids anymore". How terrible is that. He was a good man, but he struggled with his mental health. Those struggles caused him to act in ways that would push us away in order to subconsciously protect himself from being hurt by us (he always felt he wasn't good enough and that I would "realize that" and leave him). 

I wish I had something to offer you in terms of advice for lessening the anger. All I can do is commiserate and tell you I hear you. I'm walking the same path as you. 

Comment by Rzh895 on April 6, 2018 at 7:12am

My husband of 27 years died two months ago. We had many issues in our marriage, some that I now see related to his drinking that likely caused the cirrhosis of the liver that he died from. I am grieving his loss, but at the same time I am angry with him because it was his own behavior that caused his death.  I'd like to hear from others who are dealing with this and may have found some things that help lessen that anger. 

Comment by nayajivan on April 3, 2018 at 5:04am

The kids r just doing ok..

They r trying to adjust with the loss..

They r not yet opening up and sharing their thoughts..

I am myself not in position to help myself..

Feeling sad that my children have to face such loss..

Comment by familia1 on April 3, 2018 at 4:49am

I'm so sorry for your loss.   It is so difficult to process it all.  Have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other.  How are your children doing?

Comment by RedWidow on April 1, 2018 at 3:43pm

Hello,

I just joined the site, lost my husband on March 3, 2018. He was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease on August 7, 2018, though in retrospect we think he had been sick for much longer, perhaps a few years. My husband was in and out of the hospital for the months following his diagnosis. The final stay was in the ICU for 6 weeks. He fought valiantly to get stronger, I fought hard to get him the transplant he needed to survive. When the doctors finally finally agreed to give him a liver transplant, it was too late. They opened him up to do the transplant the doctors found his small intestine had died. There was nothing more they could do for him.

I'm so hurt and angry and confused. Like all of you, my whole world has been shattered. I am 39, he was just 41. Our children are 10 and 14. I don't know what the future can even hold for me anymore.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 1, 2018 at 3:29pm

Hi Nayajivan, 

My sincerest condolences on the recent loss of your wife Archana ...

Just to let you know, I read there are Meet ups in Mumbai for the widowed when you are feeling up to it which could be weeks, months, etc ...

In the meantime, do come back ...

Blessings ...

Comment by nayajivan on April 1, 2018 at 12:33pm

hi all,

I am Namitabh Kothari from Mumbai - India.

I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.

I would appreciate if we all can talk and support each other in coping with the loss.

Thanks

Comment by Weemunk on March 29, 2018 at 4:57am

Oh my, I am so sorry. Yes that state of shock is like a cloud that surrounds you for awhile. I am at 3 months and I am still feeling some of that, although it is lifting bit by bit.

Comment by familia1 on March 29, 2018 at 2:00am

We lost him a little over 2 weeks ago and I don't have any answers why yet....I feel like I'm in shock

 

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