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Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to dinners with his family (I don't have any, and both my parents passed away already), and have tried to go out with my children to do things. but all I see when I go out is husbands and wives together enjoying themselves.  I am happy for them, but the pain is so great because I no longer have someone by my side.  The loneliness is terrible.  I can't bear to look at everyone else without breaking into tears.  How does everyone handle going out and trying to enjoy themselves?  Everyone else is a couple, except for me.  I am everyone's 3rd wheel now.

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Kate

im so sorry you lost your love. It’s really early for you and very raw. It’s normal to feel this. Be kind to yourself and don’t push too hard. I’m ten months on and I have a hard time with couples and social situations. Don’t feel you have to do anything until you feel comfortable aboutitthereisno ‘right’ way to grieve


LP (leslie)


I lost my wife of 30 years in May, still feels like yesterday. I did go to a grief class that did help. Christmas was very tough but we made it through. My son still lives with me. He has been a big help. My daughter only lives do the street so I see her alot also. My family lives out west and her family lives back East. So were all along here in Texas. Staying busy help a lot.  

Good luck and keep your faith 

Hi Kate,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I am also new to the site.  I too lost my husband of 26 years at age 44, around January of last year.  It was very difficult to suddenly only have myself when it had always been "he and I" for everything.  In addition, we had no children so it was truly just me left behind.  I agree with you.  The loneliness is worse when I see other people with someone by their side.   It's also very hard to be at home when it is only me now.


Despite the pain and loneliness, I still made myself go out with friends and family whenever I was asked or invited, just to be part of a group and have other people around, because it was worse to be brooding at home crying over my loss.  One year on, I got used to being single in a group with other couples.  Also the pain doesn't feel as bad when I see other couples and families.  The pain and loneliness may be the same, but perhaps I got used to living with it and accept it better.  It may be very difficult to slog through, but time and distance do help with acceptance of our loss and pain. 

That said, I know everyone grieves differently.  Your loss is still very new and raw.  As LP mentioned, there is no "right" way.  I also agree with Allan_sh, keeping busy does help a lot to get through the day, one foot in front of the other, until we can better digest and accept the pain and loss.

Hang in there!



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