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I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in the face, making me realize I'm not even sure who I am . I received a Christmas card from  a nephew addressed to just me, and it set me off in tears. I realized last week that this will be the first New Year since I started dating that I will be alone at midnight, which again set me off. Tonight it hit me that I am no one's wife/spouse  when I was asked the question. I'm sure there will more blank areas that are going to confront me. I'm not sure how well I am handling it because I feel like I'm taking 10 steps back. My boys have been great if I need something done, but they can't pull me out of these feelings. One son thinks I just need to eat more. I eat when I'm hungry. The other thinks I just need to get out all the time. He doesn't realize that the smallest thing can set a memory video off in my mind and turn me into tears. I am praying that things will calm down some after the holidays are over and possibly my emotions will not have total control over my body as they do now. God bless you people here. I was reading posts for a few months before I joined and it has been helpful, although I wish none of us had the reason to be here.  

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Replies to This Discussion

I understand what you are feeling. I lost my husband of 46 years in June. I have cried so much this week. You are right it is the smallest things that bring on the tears.

i have decorated and then wonder why. Missing him just doesn’t ease this week. We will be with family on Christmas and I dread trying to manage the tears.

im look you and hope things are better after the holidays. The cold winter months were never my favorite so it may be time to hibernate.

im wishing you comfort and peace.

I too was 50 years together with my dear husband. We were married for 47 years. Exactly 50 years ago we celebrated our first Christmas together.
I also do not know who I am, who I want to be. All these years we worked together on "We". Now there is no "we" anymore. There is no "he" anymore. Only "me" is still there. But who is "me"?
I do not know. I only know that it is only a poor remnant of the fantastic "we" we were together.

II must continue for my dear children and grandchildren. But the "light" of my life has disappeared.
I hardly dare to think about the future. This Christmas time is difficult. But the time after that will be equally difficult, because "he" is no longer there.
Dear people, I wish you so much love and good. I hope it will all go better for us.

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